Sun’s Coming Out

In my, day of reckoning
The executioner will stand tall
Before he pulls the lever
To let my body fall
The storm will drop to a distance
And leave my justice in doubt
A hooded figure will step forward
And raise a vociferous shout
Too late to save me from my fate
In front of all the town
At least they will remember me
As the sun came beating down

Geezers and Lads

Wolf whistle! The girl walks by
Pop in the pub for four or five
Me – I can drink ten
Well? Go on then
I’m so hard, I’m so cool
If I want – I’ll call you a fool
If I want? What do I want?
And who’s fucking who?
I treat girls right
I fuck all night
Well I can fuck all day
Oh..Okay

Pum-de-dum

On the fortieth day of Christmas
My love fell in a hole
At first she was so tiny
And now she stands so cold
The tarmac covered up the sun
Pum-de-dum-de-dum-de-dum
Luckily nothing was going on
I went home and wrote this song 

Bad Breath

Bad breath stinks
Bad breath stinks
Bad breath stinks
Curry, prunes, wheat and beans
Fart, fart, fart, fart – please
Bad breath stinks
Bad breath stinks

Actress

The neon mirror glows like an aura
Men muscle in before the performance is over
As you adjust your set, she adjusts her face
A performance so full that you could embrace

My Idea

That was my idea
I had it first
Mine was good
But yours is worse
I’m better I am great
You’re just out of date
I’m better I am great
You’re just two years too late

If God

If God was a girl
It would be a different world
If God was a clown
No one would feel down
If God was a ruler     
He’d keep us straight
If God was God
He’d be my mate

Meths

Where’s your spirit?…hic
I think I’m gonna be … beeurrgh
Just passed my meths exam
Drunk all that I can    
Lost the use of my hands
Too much abuse and too many sins
Meths makes me happy
Meths keeps me sane
Meths makes a meal
of my methylated brains      

Gee,  Whiz

Sped past the happy crowds
Just to be by your side
Wanna be the first to congratulate you
So happy that you died
Gee, thanks