I hear voices that don’t make a sound – 14th July 2003

Freaking out in my head again – feel like my brain cells are disappearing – information is leaking away. I seem to spend my time wishing for better days, wasting the ones here and now. I find myself in conversations not knowing what is being talked about – my mind snapped to elsewhere. Everything feels fatigued or full of potential fatigue, stopping me from starting anything. Where is this coming from? Where is it going to end up?

Spoke to Mum on the phone – I didn’t have much to say. Felt like throwing up. Felt like crying. She keeps her life going along.

I feel like my major aim in life should be to try to ensure that Hayden doesn’t go through these feelings – help him overcome this despair – but I can’t even help myself!