After a couple of days of feeling like I wanted (or was going) to die – today I actually feel great to be alive!
Hayden lost his first top front tooth today! I think it freaked him out a little! He was in a very good mood after that happened!
Freaking out in my head again – feel like my brain cells are disappearing – information is leaking away. I seem to spend my time wishing for better days, wasting the ones here and now. I find myself in conversations not knowing what is being talked about – my mind snapped to elsewhere. Everything feels fatigued or full of potential fatigue, stopping me from starting anything. Where is this coming from? Where is it going to end up?
Spoke to Mum on the phone – I didn’t have much to say. Felt like throwing up. Felt like crying. She keeps her life going along.
I feel like my major aim in life should be to try to ensure that Hayden doesn’t go through these feelings – help him overcome this despair – but I can’t even help myself!
Things plod along. A million thoughts, feelings and ideas are born and then pass away and at the end of a day, there seems little to write. Practising smiling. Learning to talk. Want to get back into the world again.