Wound tight and stomach knotted Endless thoughts, head is reeling Darker schemes are being plotted No single road seems appealing A roundabout, eyes are blurring Sleep offers no more respite Each waking moment reoccuring A falling dream from a great height A catch-22, a spinning top Dante’s rings, ever decreasing A perpetuum mobile, never stop Piled on top and never ceasing
8th August 2021 – I stuck this poem into an AI story generator and it came back with this:
A cloud of gas, an oil well, and then one day, well no, I’m not going to say it again I can’ I can’t wait to share some music with you guys. I’m still working on it, – the best soundtrack I’ve ever heard. That’s it, folks, that’s the end of this sentence, no? Okay, here’s a short one: I think I might have died. Maybe. When I did, my body was on . … I guess that is a word. – no. Okay. You know what? That is it for this one; I’ll give you a minute. Sorry. How many minutes, anyway? I don’t know, maybe two. What was the last song that you listened to ? … You might notice that in all this time no one has been to my room. No one’s been in my bed. So far, the only person I have had to talk to is you. Sorry, sorry, this is going a bit fast, okay?
Since Kim came back from the vet she has been fairly content to be stuck in her one room paradise. The room is bigger than my own! We take her out on a leash each day but she doesn’t like it and just sits sniffing the air. She is getting more keen to dash out whenever we open the sliding screen door and occasionally I will let her roam close by and try not to let her run off.
This time I failed! She quickly jumped up the wall and onto the roof for a look around the trees, where she used to pull little birds out of their nests. I ran around the other side to the step ladder and poked my head up. Luckily she was curious enough to see my head in such an odd place and crept out from the cover of the leaves (can’t really camouflage orange!) and came to investigate whereupon I quickly scooped her up and back into the safety of her room.
It’s sad that she can’t be allowed outside but as she is still a rebellious fighting teenager cat we can’t risk her hurting herself with her weak and compromised body. We are trying a special medicine that has helped some cats fight back against leukaemia but there’s no real guarantee that it will work.
And as always, we get all 3 cats home for a few weeks before another gets sick and has to go and stay with the vet for a while. This time it’s Tigger, who has suffered kidney problems over the last few years. He was looking uncomfortable and stopped eating and the vet found he had high counts of something or other in his blood. He’s on a saline drip until that stabilises again.
That seed of doubt emplanted Nagging at the back of my mind Ask myself ‘is it within my control?’ Or am I seeing blind Never sure if a problem caused Sensitive to others feeling I believe there’s nothing wrong In the ways I have been dealing Sometimes I cannot guess Reactions to an innocent word Doubt whispers into my ears Making sure it’s heard
When love has gone wrong Run off to dark spaces Desperately clinging to hope Remembering those embraces Butterflied chest and tears And seething like a viper In the car for 20 hours Wearing an adult diaper A last romantic gesture To mend your broken heart May push away with vigour Forever to be apart Don’t laugh at their madness When Eros too was your sniper At one time or another We’ve all worn the diaper
Inspired by We Learn Nothing by Tim Kreider, recalling bad reactions to broken hearts
You’re a fat cat hiding But you can’t really hide You’re belly is sticking out Of the box on either side Climbing up on the shelf With the picture as your screen Your paw hanging over the edge So you can still be seen Let’s play this game longer I know you want to dash outside But everyone is watching Everyone knows where you hide
The less ideas you get, the more friends you’ll have But the more friends you have, the more ideas you’ll get This is a strange dilemma for me to deal with And I haven’t found the best way to balance it yet
The first line is lifted from the ‘Abe – Wrong for the Right Reasons’ by Glenn Dakin
Push through the air thicker than glue Where is it we are going to? Let’s get Teh Tarik (to-day oh) Can you park right outside the show? One thousand degrees in the hall Now time to eat, let’s make a call Pile on to the bikes (o-kay oh) Get ABC from your favourite stall Sweaty brow, to slow things now, so Walk like a Malaysian Not so quick to take a trick, just Walk like a Malaysian
Hit the dog, hit him hard, make him pay That’s the lesson every dogging day Hit the boy, hit him hard, he never learns The lesson for him is that anger burns Hit the bottle, hit it hard, that’s your sword But understanding is based around reward Hit the road, hit it hard, there’s no return You lost them all, none shall learn
Is manufacturing an enemy The right way to finding peace? Other powers must be countered As their influences increase Not content to share the riches Unprepared to let release There’s always money in warfare So the war must never cease
Count our blessings we still have choices But stand beside those without voices It’s not my body that suffers these pains And I will support those with purer aims Bootstrap pulling without boots Kept downtrodden at the roots I should walk a mile in your shoes To understand there’s nothing to lose Top dogs shout down ‘try your best’ Knowing you’ll never catch up the rest When your choice is to eat shit or die It’s everyone’s business to question why Suffer a life for god and king Does not a satisfied nation bring I should plough the fields in your shoes To understand the ways you choose