Circles – 31st July 2021

Wound tight and stomach knotted
Endless thoughts, head is reeling
Darker schemes are being plotted
No single road seems appealing
A roundabout, eyes are blurring
Sleep offers no more respite
Each waking moment reoccuring
A falling dream from a great height
A catch-22, a spinning top
Dante’s rings, ever decreasing
A perpetuum mobile, never stop
Piled on top and never ceasing

8th August 2021 – I stuck this poem into an AI story generator and it came back with this:

A cloud of gas, an oil well, and then one day, well no, I’m not going to say it again I can’
I can’t wait to share some music with you guys. I’m still working on it, – the best soundtrack I’ve ever heard. That’s it, folks, that’s the end of this sentence, no? Okay, here’s a short one: I think I might have died. Maybe. When I did, my body was on . … I guess that is a word. – no. Okay. You know what? That is it for this one; I’ll give you a minute. Sorry. How many minutes, anyway? I don’t know, maybe two. What was the last song that you listened to ?
… You might notice that in all this time no one has been to my room. No one’s been in my bed. So far, the only person I have had to talk to is you. Sorry, sorry, this is going a bit fast, okay?

Time, time, time to escape – 30th July 2021

Since Kim came back from the vet she has been fairly content to be stuck in her one room paradise. The room is bigger than my own! We take her out on a leash each day but she doesn’t like it and just sits sniffing the air. She is getting more keen to dash out whenever we open the sliding screen door and occasionally I will let her roam close by and try not to let her run off.

This time I failed! She quickly jumped up the wall and onto the roof for a look around the trees, where she used to pull little birds out of their nests. I ran around the other side to the step ladder and poked my head up. Luckily she was curious enough to see my head in such an odd place and crept out from the cover of the leaves (can’t really camouflage orange!) and came to investigate whereupon I quickly scooped her up and back into the safety of her room.

It’s sad that she can’t be allowed outside but as she is still a rebellious fighting teenager cat we can’t risk her hurting herself with her weak and compromised body. We are trying a special medicine that has helped some cats fight back against leukaemia but there’s no real guarantee that it will work.

And as always, we get all 3 cats home for a few weeks before another gets sick and has to go and stay with the vet for a while. This time it’s Tigger, who has suffered kidney problems over the last few years. He was looking uncomfortable and stopped eating and the vet found he had high counts of something or other in his blood. He’s on a saline drip until that stabilises again.

We do love our cats.

Nagging Whispers – 29th July 2021

That seed of doubt emplanted
Nagging at the back of my mind
Ask myself ‘is it within my control?’
Or am I seeing blind
Never sure if a problem caused
Sensitive to others feeling
I believe there’s nothing wrong
In the ways I have been dealing
Sometimes I cannot guess
Reactions to an innocent word
Doubt whispers into my ears
Making sure it’s heard

Diaper – 27th July 2021

When love has gone wrong
Run off to dark spaces
Desperately clinging to hope
Remembering those embraces
Butterflied chest and tears
And seething like a viper
In the car for 20 hours
Wearing an adult diaper
A last romantic gesture
To mend your broken heart
May push away with vigour
Forever to be apart
Don’t laugh at their madness
When Eros too was your sniper
At one time or another
We’ve all worn the diaper

Inspired by We Learn Nothing by Tim Kreider, recalling bad reactions to broken hearts

Fat Cat – 26th July 2021

You’re a fat cat hiding
But you can’t really hide
You’re belly is sticking out
Of the box on either side
Climbing up on the shelf
With the picture as your screen
Your paw hanging over the edge
So you can still be seen
Let’s play this game longer
I know you want to dash outside
But everyone is watching
Everyone knows where you hide

The Balance – 25th July 2021

The less ideas you get, the more friends you’ll have
But the more friends you have, the more ideas you’ll get
This is a strange dilemma for me to deal with
And I haven’t found the best way to balance it yet

The first line is lifted from the ‘Abe – Wrong for the Right Reasons’ by Glenn Dakin

Walk Like a Malaysian – 24th July 2021

Push through the air thicker than glue
Where is it we are going to?
Let’s get Teh Tarik (to-day oh)
Can you park right outside the show?
One thousand degrees in the hall
Now time to eat, let’s make a call
Pile on to the bikes (o-kay oh)
Get ABC from your favourite stall
Sweaty brow, to slow things now, so
Walk like a Malaysian
Not so quick to take a trick, just
Walk like a Malaysian

Shoes – 21st July 2021

Count our blessings we still have choices
But stand beside those without voices
It’s not my body that suffers these pains
And I will support those with purer aims
Bootstrap pulling without boots
Kept downtrodden at the roots
I should walk a mile in your shoes
To understand there’s nothing to lose
Top dogs shout down ‘try your best’
Knowing you’ll never catch up the rest
When your choice is to eat shit or die
It’s everyone’s business to question why
Suffer a life for god and king
Does not a satisfied nation bring
I should plough the fields in your shoes
To understand the ways you choose