I am so happy and grateful for the heat. I was sitting at home last night with no air con and really feeling the hot air against my body. It’s very hot, but it’s ok. It could be even hotter. It could be so cold that I would need lots of clothes. I think I prefer less clothes.

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What can man do more? That is what seemed to me important to know. Is what man has hitherto said all that he could say? Is there nothing in himself he has overlooked? Can he do nothing but repeat himself?

from The Immoralist, André Gide

To-do list

• Practice compliments to everyone/anyone ½
• Gift for teachers ✅
• Start considering next set of lessons

Ah, I need to remind myself about so many things. Today was thrown out first thing in the morning with some instructions to make a two-hour video by the end of the day (with no direction about purpose, reason or detail given).

We mulled it over and considered the idea and as the Thai teachers didn’t really have any more information they too were struggling with exactly what to do.

Later, we were given some topics and I was told I would film the next day. This meant having to figure something out that afternoon as we have training in the morning tomorrow. So I had to get on with it.

After a couple of hours, I had the outline and main ideas in place – though we couldn’t imagine how we could make it stretch to two hours – two hours in which we’re expected to be talking the whole time!?

At the end of the day, the Thai teachers returned and said that now the ideas had changed and it could be an hour or so and include breaks where you would expect the students to talk.

I certainly had the feeling that I had done that two hours of preparation under false pretences and now there was a new (and much easier) direction that my time could have been better used. However, I didn’t really feel that bothered or upset by it. But my mouth engaged before my brain and I complained about all the work I’d done and how I wouldn’t have time to re-do it.

The Thai teachers were somewhat sympathetic and George thought what I’d done could still be used anyway, so no harm done. I agreed and didn’t really think much about how I reacted might have been perceived differently by the Thai teachers (or even George and Dylan) because internally I wasn’t really passionate either way.

George told me as we were leaving that I shouldn’t say things like that and I realised how much more serious it must have seemed to them. I knew George was right and even though I had a chip on my shoulder fighting to protect my fragile ego, I also had an angel telling me I had made a mistake but that it was OK.

I thought about it on and off during the evening and eventually ended up sending a thank you message to George. Looking back I realise that I was just wanting to show my own superiority over them by making them feel bad about changing plans all the time. I’m sure they know already that it is annoying to foreigners and was there anything that I said that improved the situation? No – keeping my mouth shut would have been the best option. The sun will still come up tomorrow – so I don’t need to go to sleep in anger.

Today has been a valuable lesson – but will I remember it?

30th Jul 2024 – Thankfully I did remember it and I’m much better able to cope with situations like this. I’ve even become familiar with the Thai way of working and thinking that I can predict these kinds of things and at times just don’t bother with first instructions, knowing that they will change a little later. It was, indeed, a valuable lesson and I’m grateful to everyone who helped me grow through this time.