Fragment I

There’s a pink gunge oozing down the shore,
across the pebbled beach
into the Sellafield radioactive waters.
Daring to swim around the bobbing turd bouys,
it’s here I dreamt I killed my father
whilst skipping stones.

Fragment II

Silhouette soldiers are pounding along the back lane,
vague shadows I see from my bedroom window.
Is this the end of the world already?
My father dead, I’m hyper aware of mortality
for a 4-year-old.

Fragment III

It was dark when I woke up
on the back seat of the car.
Alone and scared with no idea where I was,
I must’ve fallen asleep on the way,
and thinking it was the next day already
I was confused as to why it was dark.
A nice couple in a nearby house heard my screams,
chastising my mum and her boyfriend
who had been drinking in the pub.

Fragment IV

After her boyfriend cheated one time too many
we moved away and every time
a new man came into Mum’s life
I asked her when she was going to get married.
I wanted a brother.
It’s only now I realise I wanted a father.

Fragment V

I watched my mother just soldier on
giving me all the love she could afford
and as things got less complicated for her
they went the other way for me.
My own fault,
that’s another handful of stories and confessions.