Tag: happiness

The Brave Soldier – 4th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The Brave Soldier

No amount of wishing
No amount of tears
Will bring you back to me
I have no choice
I must face my fears
Moving on soldierly

The Soldier Brave

I always told myself that
It was you and me against the world
But in reality, it was only me
We stood together
Until we fell apart
Now I must soldier on, bravely

Today I’m feeling:

Feeling ok. I’m not convinced enough to say feeling good yet. As Amy feels recently, it’s difficult to have fun, to laugh, to smile, and to feel good.

Today I’m grateful for:

Not falling through the roof when I got up there again to try and reset the damage from last night’s storm. The wind was so strong again that one of our trees now bends in a different direction. Just as I’m writing this tonight’s storm has arrived though just rain at the moment, no wind to test the roof. We need to pay someone to come up with a better solution in the future.

The best thing about today was:

I’ve been enjoying the Bad Friends podcast on YouTube and getting into its rhythm of humour. It feels like a little celebrity gossip show and the hosts get annoyed at superficial first-world problems. It’s making me smile enough to remind me what it is like to make light of your own problems no matter how big or small.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I fell into a deep afternoon nap for more than an hour and I’m worried that I will be up late again tonight, force myself up early again tomorrow and then be tired again in the afternoon and the cycle continues. Still, this is tomorrow’s problem.

Something I learned today?

I watched some videos of folks reviewing the latest AFL video game. It looks ok though I don’t think it would be something I would play these days. Even with all this free time for the last few weeks I only played for a couple of days and that’s it. The thought of playing is interesting but the reality, not so much.

What does happiness mean to me?

Just now I was playing guitar as best I could ( which is terrible, but I don’t care) to Volcano Suns ‘Room With A View’ and singing along as loud as I could. I felt pretty happy in that moment.

I took this picture because I was greeted by these guys as I opened the gate this morning.

Done – 21st March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

In the time it took to read this line
A million things could’ve been done
I’m feeling fine, searching for the perfect rhyme
Though perhaps this isn’t the one

Did you do the things you always wanted to?
Or just work away the days
I guess it’s true we never think things through
And time is the crime that never pays

Today I’m feeling:

Good but a little tired due to sleeping late. Walked to Utopia as a counter to having an afternoon nap, coming to try their new Affagato which has got my heart racing. Contemplating what to do if I go home or to walk on to Daytripper but then what to do there…

Today I’m grateful for:

My crappy old earphones that allowed me to listen to a podcast as I walked around in the heat. Am I the old man that prefers to listen to people talking about music rather than listening to music?

The best thing about today was:

In the afternoon, after walking back home and having a shower I felt inspired to read and got hungry so ate my salad before calling Amy at cat feeding time.

Still with some energy, I did a bit of watering as dusk settled in.

As I went to close the gate I was still not satisfied and decided to pull up the vines that grow behind our driveway’s tall grass. Pulling them out is a great feeling and I didn’t really notice the humidity, the grass cuts on my fingers and my itchy skin until Tangmo came along and distracted me and we played with his rope which he happily brought back each time I threw it.

In total darkness now I got back inside and had my third shower for the day.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

A message came through for teachers to spend the next week or so crammed in the big hall doing lesson plans. I reckon we’ll be able to drift out pretty quickly but still, it’s not a thrilling prospect, especially as I’m already doing lots of work around my lessons.

Oh well, I have a plan to do the flashcard glueing whilst I’m there rather than do it at home. That’s a good use of the time for me at least. I’ll get my head around everything else and it will be ok.

Something I learned today?

A study produced by Ipsos in Paris found that the Chinese are overwhelmingly the happiest people of the 32 countries questioned. Of course, it’s just one study and people are quick to bring up other studies as counterarguments but there seem to be more and more of these kinds of positive happiness studies of China appearing.

What is the most beautiful place I’ve ever visited?

I’ve seen some beautiful places in Australia, China, Japan, Thailand, Malaysia and pretty much most places I’ve been.

But sometimes there are simple places that stand out not just because of their beauty, which may be seen at any time of year or over the years and decades; places that brought a euphoria with them that might never be repeated, the smells and sounds nostalgic indicators, the people those moments may have been shared with.

Riding a pushbike through Branksome Chine, a hidden pond in the English countryside discovered one summer evening, the rocks off the path in the bush down to Middle Harbour discovered during a lunch break with TLJ, in an artists warehouse anticipating bands to perform.

I took this picture because I’d noticed these flowers on the weekend as I rode home. As I was walking today I had time to stop and grab this shot.

I Found What I Was Looking For – 26th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Are you too, still searching
Looking to bring love to you?
All the honey-kissed lips
And healing fingertips
Those dreams never came true

I struggled and questioned
Unsure of each step taken
Then I realised
One day surprised
From my dreams, I am awaken

My search now over
And my advice pro bono
Trust in your yearning
Never stop learning
Until you know what you don’t know

Something put that damn U2 song in my head so I started playing with some of its words, and made one up to fit. The limerick was accidental and appropriate.

The only external reality that matters is the misery of the human condition.

John Calder, The Philosophy of Samuel Beckett

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my younger self for at least keeping some diaries. I was never fastidious about it but it’s amazing to look back at what I was doing and thinking.

Today is moving deliciously slowly. I feel very contented. I forced myself up at seven and after feeding the cats put on my trainers and walked up to and around the back of the uni. 10,000 steps all done by 8.30am and I earned myself a blister and a hole in the sock on my left foot.

A couple of Utopia coffees and a few more pages read, I settled in for a fantastic couple of hours watching Sydney beat Geelong and Buddy getting his 1000th goal. Awesome.

Kim came for cuddles and is now lying close by, muscles twitching in her sleep. Talked with Amy a lot. She is very happy after a night out with her new friend Peter (who wishes he was more than a friend but I think Amy can keep him under control). She’s also getting close to her Brazilian roommate, Claudia, who also has a strong independent streak. So she is meeting good people and having a good time.

I am here and quietly contented too. Looking back at old diary entries, it seems to me that this is what I had been looking for, so no wonder I am happy. Of course, Amy and I miss each other and almost everyone she talks to doesn’t understand how we can be apart the way that we are, but it doesn’t really feel that we are that far apart.

I can see that about twenty years ago I was way too wrapped up inside my head and whilst I can still get like that, I have been able to get it under control with much more success recently.

Memorial – 21st March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

We remember you in your brief outing
Though not so many kind words were spoke
But your existence did give others context
As we remember the words of this dead joke

Inspired by the story of a stool, Adam, on which sit comedians in a comedy club. The stool ponders the death of a joke onstage. From the fun ‘Everything Is Alive‘ podcast.

If we only wanted to be happy, it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, and that is almost always difficult, since we think them happier than they are.

Baron de Montesquieu

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that the strawberry sellers were still there yesterday. I got two big bags for 40 baht.

I enjoyed a lazy day yesterday and skipped most of the things I normally do. I did start out well, though, and cut all the grass under the trees and stopped when the petrol ran out. Enjoyed a couple of coffees at Utopia and then relaxed until lunch time, watching the Swans first game of the AFL season against GWS, and that was a very enjoyable win.

Sport is a funny thing. I think, as a man, I can admire the players’ skills and energy, wishing it was something that I could actually do in other life circumstances. Playing AFL at school would’ve been cool, though, as with my school soccer career, I don’t think I would have actually been as good as I thought I was. AFL is such a great game though. I can still recall watching it and not understanding it at all and a little of that nostalgic lack has gone now that I can discern the overall picture of the game. I still try to tap that naive feeling when I can, though.

After lunch I kicked back with YouTube and Netflix until the day was gone, feeling somewhat tired and unenthusiastic. I caught up on some email reading this morning and considered one that restated what many email/blogs etc I read discuss. It was about ways to be happy and it occurs to me that whilst these are good reminders from time to time, we might actually be happy already and yet somehow trick ourselves into thinking we can be even happier. When does the realisation come and we can stop trying? Nothing is ever perfect and when it is, we don’t actually want it to be. I don’t think there are many people who are truly contented. But I am trying to tell myself that that is what I am, even though my brain juice decides to fuck me up now and then.

The Week That Was – 6th May 1979

Mica Friction – 30th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A bowling ball
Heading toward the pins
A 7-10 split
Let’s see who wins
Internal asymmetrical block
Influencing spins
Dry board mica friction
Analysed, winner grins

We got some blowback afterwards, but so what? We won.

Brad Blakeman, Republican operative

28 Sep 2022 – Most quotes I find are affirmations of a sort, but this one is a reminder of how corrupt people can be, doing anything to win.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the cat massage Kim gave me this morning when I went to see her in her room. Then we rubbed noses and cuddled until she got distracted and ran off.

A busy time coming up and my head is full of things. Good things though. Not feeling stressed about anything except for maybe overloading myself with too much. Nothing serious though – I just have so much I want to do in a day and it doesn’t really matter if I don’t get to do them.

I went to Central to look for a diary but couldn’t find anything suitable, so opeted to get another notebooks that I didn’t really need but felt compelled to buy after having made the effort to go there.

The omicron covid variant is dirsupting Amy’s thoughts about travelling and may change her plans. I think if she doesn’t go in January then she won’t be able to go until after my next visa is completed. I think she’ll make a decision in the next couple of weeks, carefully watching the numbers and decisions Australia makes about travel.

I’m about to rush back to school for a quick meeting with some selected grade 8 students to do some extra work on producing TED-Ed presentations in the future. Let’s see how it goes. I will go sit in the school cafe later and write some more. Right now – let’s see if I can spit outa poem for today!

Back again. Met with the students. It is painfully obvious the difference between those in M2/9 and those in M2/10 and M2/11. Those in M2/9 have confidence and feel that they can do things. The others – not so much but I really hope they don’t quit out of fear of failure. It’s a great opportunity for them to learn and grow, work with new students and make new friends.

I know sometimes, when I was that age, I would just give up. I know how they must feel. I also know that I would have benefited by changing my mindset and giving it a go. I’ll try my best to keep encouraging them.

I had hoped that Champ would be here to help reassure them and kicking myself a little by not explaining things clearly enough. Hindsight. That’s why I sent out a message of encouragement with a Thai translation. I hope I can keep up the momentum I’m feeling and don’t get dragged down by the setbacks.

What is difficult about being your age?

I’m half-jokingly thinking to myself that it sucks that I have the confidence (and lack of caring about the outcome) to talk to anyone now. Especially to pretty girls. Why I couldn’t do it when I was younger is annoying to think about! But it’s not really a difficulty of my current age.

The only thing that really sticks out is the obvious one of aching body parts. Constant sore neck, tender shoulder blades, sore wrists, and painful left foot. As I never really exercised much when I was younger, my muscles have all learned bad habits that may be difficult to reverse now. As with my initial thoughts, perhaps all I’m really feeling is regret – something that I consciously try to avoid or not consider.

At whatever age we are, we probably all want to be 5 years old again, without many a care in the world. So perhaps that is what is difficult – the inability to be a 5-year-old. Seeing things with a greater sense of wonder. It seems to require a greater effort to achieve that as you age.

I am a serious person these days. I’m happy like that. I can’t not care about things, so sometimes that is a little difficult to accept.

OK so he thinks he’s a human sometimes, I forgive everything when I look into his eyes – 17th June 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This lovely pup belongs to some workers at our school. He has a broken back and has to drag his back legs along the ground. He also can’t control his pee and poo. But he’s a happy dog still. The owner seemed to indicate it was himself who ran over the dog to cause its broken back, though we may have missed something in translation. Either way, he seems to be taking reasonable care of him now. His coat is clean and healthy at least.

I would still like to buy him some wheels though.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for these lovely plants in our teacher’s room. They give a great feeling of welcoming and sharing and comfort.

9th Aug 2022 – picture now lost to time (digital lack of care!)

Brain dump

Mid-June, mid-year already, all plans changed but life remains mostly the same. Hüsker Dü – I Will Never Forget You – I don’t know why. Why Hüsker Dü – why do I know all these obscure songs that no one is really interested in these days? Never mind – it’s my life.

Cooler days – wet days, rain. Sticky still – first mini exercise in days got blood flowing, heart rate up, under 80 kg. Can I stay? Get rid of belly fat – still too much. Get a belly like Bruno but that guy has so much nervous energy.

Yesterday was amusing. Life Of Brian reference into Life Of George. Critique of religion. Reluctant Messiah. What is the truth? Does it even matter? JFK. UFO. Three-letter acronyms describe our world. Stupid world? Maybe.

To-do list

  • Compliment – silent wishes – smile ½
  • Learn more Thai ✅
  • Time for zines after teaching? ✅
  • Exercise in the morning/meditate later ✅
  • Practice listening – show curiosity and interest ½

Another day, another 1000 baht. At school, I managed to finish reading one of my books, learn more Thai and felt pretty chilled. I was holding some tension though so that I couldn’t quite savour the moment. That’s ok though. Despite being chilled it was (or felt) productive.

I even managed to start and finish my mini-zine for Aing, just in time for her birthday. I’ll try and do Nu’s over the next day or two. Pretty happy that I was able to incorporate something more creative in my day today.

Also – I just remembered – near the end of the work day a couple of bits of news came through. First, one of my videos got lost in a hard drive crash and will have to be recorded again in the morning. Under difficult circumstances, this could have been a chance of causing a negative reaction for me but now it will at least make tomorrow a little more interesting.

After that, there was some online discussion about having to work six days a week – again, could have had the potential for a negative reaction, but I was so involved in my book and wanting to finish it that I didn’t let it distract or bother me. At the moment it’s just talk and things change so much from day to day that it’s not even worth thinking about anyway.

We got that attitude! – 31st May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

I am so happy and grateful that I got up early and decided to go for a ride. Despite bad sunburn, I went to some amazing places and saw so many beautiful things that filled me with such joy. So happy!

To-do list

  • Get up early and go! ✅
  • Get some more June blog posts prepared
  • More reading
  • Try the long meditation again
  • Jigsaw and Inner Engineering½

The get-up-and-go went exactly to plan and I was hoping that I would get back before it got too hot. Unfortunately, I didn’t get back until around 4pm and am burnt crispy, suffering burning pains on my arms and knees. The ride was incredible though.

My thoughts were filled with joy and I was savouring the moment so strongly I thought I might cry. I smiled and laughed at everyone I saw as I ran out of sealed roads and discovered many 10-house hill tribe villages as I went higher and higher. I joked with myself that I got tired of seeing so much beauty.

I’m so happy to have done this ride today. Tomorrow I hope I’m not in too much pain!