“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.” – Andre Gide
Nibbling ears, chewing cheeks
I’m a rat destroying the weak
The lazy old men in rocking chairs
Some in their coffins after I’ve nibbled their hair
I am the rat eating the rich
I’m not fussy about what or which
Try to catch me but I won’t be caught
Not in the rat traps you have bought
You’ll never catch me whatever you do
Don’t bother trying or I’ll destroy you
22nd May 2023 – Never let the syllable count get in the way of what wants to be said!
Record of the week: Youth Brigade – Sound and Fury
9th January 1984
Did virtually next to nothing. Managed some maths homework. Not looking forward to tomorrow much as we’re starting school again. Reading and playing darts mainly.
10th January 1984
School again. Went to Wimborne at 7. Got some fags. Went to Simon’s – no one there. Saw Thoms. Met Jim and Ches at Ches’s place. His grandad didn’t like the look of me. Went to Safeways and talked. Lee came along. Dynamo packed in so had to ride back home with no lights getting off every time a car came along. Got back at 10.20.
11th January 1984
School was pretty naff today. Had it’s good points I suppose. Justin said we can’t practice at the place Simon said cos it’s booked up again. Maybe at Herbert Carter or round here somewhere. I couldn’t get hold of Paul about 21st gig. Andy trying to get a coach to Taunton for the Subhumans Feb 4th.
12th January 1984
Thinking about someone called Liz Jameson (?). Me and Vince scrounged another 41p today – spending all our money tomorrow.
Just had a disconcerting call from Paul about Andy. Apparently he reckons I can’t sing and is saying things behind my back. Paul isn’t doing Damaged with him anymore. He’s starting another and wants me to help.
13th January 1984
Not much happened today. Relieved there’s no school tomorrow. Me and Vince spent our money. I’ve got to save as much as possible for 21st. Cat’s pissing around in here at the moment. No practice Sunday. Getting Youth Brigade tomorrow.
14th January 1984
Played football against Purbeck – drew 2-2. Had a laugh on the coach. Went to Poole and got pretty bored. Saw Rupert. Bought the Youth Brigade LP – fuckin’ brilliant. Finishing crucifixion painting. Not a lot else happening at the moment.
15th January 1984
Sharon, Mungo and Kim came up and wanted me to go round to see them – piss off. Woke up 12.30. Had a bath. Played Youth Brigade LP. Trying to get both tape recorders to record but they won’t. Good film on tonight – The Carey Treatment, 2nd part of Battlestar Galactica with Satan in it.
This is one the bible got wrong
If there wasn’t a bible I couldn’t write this song
If there were no lies, if there were no rules
If there were no politics, if there were no schools
The world would be bliss and I would shut up
An eye for an eye – we’re all gonna die
21st May 2023 – Is ‘an eye for an eye’ from the bible? I thought it was but I was reading Sapiens by Yuval Noah Hariri yesterday where he mentions Hammurabi and the laws of the time (1770 BC or thereabouts) and I guess they were parts of societal rules of the time that were passed on down.
Is ‘an eye for an eye’ good? Things have obviously changed over time so which is right?
Records of the week: Violators – Live Fast Die Young, Red Alert – We’ve Got The Power, Plastmatics – New Hope For The Wretched
2nd January 1984
Group meeting at Justin’s – everyone got on alright I think. Me and Baldie had to get bus back to Wimborne cos Simon didn’t know he was supposed to take me back. It’s pissing down at the moment. Waiting for something exciting to happen.
30th Apr 2023 – Baldie was Gareth Balderson. I’d forgotten that he was in Simon’s year at school and a friend of his. In a few year’s time, he would be someone I would score hash off and he introduced me to the wonders of listening to Gong whilst stoned. Simon Bradbury was a couple of years older than Justin and me and was a loveable skinhead despite looking mean but I guess that is part of their fashion.
3rd January 1984
Cat’s feeling a bit lonely at the moment. I think I’ll cheer him up later. Grange Hill has started again. Been reading most of the day. Midnight Cowboy is on tonight. We’re in the middle of a power cut at the moment. I’ve just finished reading The Dark as well – ironic. Started Time Enough For Love.
4th January 1984
Apparently the cat has had an accident – he’s got a bad tail. Cat’s been looking pretty bad all day. Just finishing letter to Zoe at the mo’. Something happened today but I can’t remember what. Should have a practice on Sunday.
5th January 1984
There’s not a lot happening at the moment. I’m about to watch CHiPs. Justin doesn’t seem to know about a practice but wants everyone to come over. Andy wants to practice but wants to see the Subhumans on Saturday night in Andover. I might go with him.
6th January 1984
Got a new mattress today – thank god. Justin reckons there is no practice so it looks like it’ll have to be next Sunday. Should be able to go and see Subhumans now it Andy’s going. Not a lot else has been happening (as last Friday)
7th January 1984
Went to Poole in the afternoon again. Met Simon and Justin – had a laugh. Got back and found out Andy had called about the Subhumans. So, I couldn’t go. Found out there’s a gig on the 21st. Youth Brigade LP has come but didn’t buy it. Rosemary’s Baby and Don’t Go To Sleep were on – good.
8th January 1984
Got up 12. Reading most of the time. Went out and climbed trees. The Goodies was on. Andy called and said sorry but it wasn’t any good according to him. Been playing darts as well. Getting bored watching James Bond at the moment.
Singles of 83
Conflict – To A Nation Of Animal Lovers
Conflict – The Serenade Is Dead
All-Time Single
Theatre of Hate – Legion/Original Sin
LPs of 83
MDC – Millions of Dead Cops
VA – Son of Oi!
Kraut – An Adjustment To Society
Black Flag – Everything Went Black
VA – Rat Music For Rat People
All-Time LP
Black Flag – Damaged
Tracks of 83
MDC – American Achievements
Newtown Neurotics/Attila – Mindless Violence/Andy’s A Corporatist
Red Alert – Industrial Slide
Social Distortion – Moral Threat
Conflict – Berkshire Cunt
All-Time Track
Theatre of Hate – Legion
Gigs of 83
Subhumans/Self Abuse/Parasites – 11th June
Endangered Species/Paradox – 12th June
Butcher/Confessions of Sin/Admass/Shock To The System/Self Abuse – 18th June
Cult Maniax/Screaming Dead/Butcher/Self Abuse – 26th Nov
Killer bee stings me
Rash comes up very nasty
Going to town but I’m going crazy
Sit back and die, too lazy
Nasty me, lazy crazy
20th May 2023 – I’ve only ever been stung by bees one time as I was walking off the paths in the woods at the common near home. I knew almost every inch of the woods, paths, bracken and streams. I didn’t notice these bees though and I don’t know if I did anything to upset them without knowing but I suddenly noticed them buzzing around and then felt two stings on my arms under my shirt which I immediately ripped off. My white school shirt. Why do I remember that detail? Anyway, it wasn’t a pleasant experience and possibly inspired this poem. I’ve since been bitten and stung by a host of other nasties but no more bees or wasps so far.
Records of the week: Minor Threat – Out of Step, MDC – Multi Death Corporations, Social Distortion – Mommy’s Little Monster
26th December 1983
Woke up 8 – Couldn’t sleep. Feeling terrible – bad gut. Watching Bugs Bunny at the moment. Going to Lorna’s soon. Nice relaxing day. Sharon, Ken, Mungo and Kim were there as well. Got slightly tipsy – so to speak.
27th December 1983
Woke up 9. Listening to Minor Threat and Social Distortion – not done much really. Got a box to put my LPs in. Been thinking mostly – about this and that. Finished reading The Fog – good.
28th December 1983
Carrie’s on tonight. Met Muz down at Gaunts – bought some fags. Not been doing much again. Reading my Naff Guide. Eddie Waring is ill. Rupert and Sue came over – they gave me some talc.
29th December 1983
Went to Poole with Mum. Can’t go to see Zoe – no busses. Got photocopying of the group done. Bought 3 books – Psychlone, The Satanist and Time Enough For Love. Zoe called – had to explain I couldn’t see her. Anarchy in the UK isn’t No. 1 in the Festive 50. (Blue Monday). Started reading The Dark.
30th December 1983
Not much happening today. Watching Battlestar Galactica at the moment. Got a pair of slippers – at last. Trying to arrange meeting – should be on Monday at Justin’s. Cat’s here at the moment. There’s nothing else to fill this space up.
31st December 1983
Went in the afternoon to Poole. Put another £2 on the Youth Brigade LP. Saw the Frantix EP £2.49. Doesn’t look much but it’s probably good. Got a bottle of Merrydown which I’m slurping now. Theatre of Blood is on tonight – it’s good.
1st January 1984
Cat slept with me last night. I got a bit drunk last night. Woke up at 12 again. Went out on the common for a laugh. Was reading most of the day. Not a lot else happened. Had a game of poker with Mum, Granny and Grandad.
25th December 1983
Well, it’s Christmas. The cat slept with me. Forgot to make my mum a cup of tea – was so tired as I didn’t get to sleep til 2.
Had 2 and a half bottles of Merrydown so was very merry all day.
Zoe called me and talked for one and a half hours.
Cat slept with me again.
Social Distortion – Mommy’s Little Monster
Minor Threat – Out of Step
MDC – Multi Death Corporations
Menstrual Cycles – Skin/Punx
26th December 1983
See next diary
28th December 1983
Carrie’s on
Forward Engagements
6th January 1984 – Subhumans/Self Abuse/(maybe us)
SATAN’S CHILDREN SONGS
Lyrics:
BE DAMNED
DECAY
ENTER THE PIT
POLYTECHNIC SONG
IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW MANY REAGANS YOU SHOOT
YOU”RE THE DEVIL NOW
DOGSHIT DANGER
GAS MASK DANCE
BAUHAUS
SATAN’S CHILDREN
ABBATOIRS
GOD AND LIGHT
DICKHEADS ANONYMOUS
DULCE ET DECORUM EST
HALLSBALLS
Music and Lyrics:
DOCTOR MARTEN BOOTS
POLYTECHNIC SONG
LOUIE LOUIE
SATAN’S CHILDREN
ABBATOIRS
Practices: 1
21 Dec 1983
Jan 83 – Simon sacked from Species
Jun 83 – Species split
Me, Justin, Simon got together and the idea born – Violent Rubbish
Justin’s friend Paul Reid said he may be interested in playing guitar
Aug 83 – Justin, Simon, Paul and Rick had a practice while I was on holiday.
Sep 83 – Kenty persuaded Paul to leave
2nd Butcher gig at Capones – got Andy to be our guitarist
Oct 83 – Had a practice at Herbert Carter
Nov 83 – Tried to play at Cult Maniax gig – Andy had diabetes attack – changed name to Satan’s Children
Dec 83 – Gig planned with Subhumans and Self Abuse – Jan
Cliff may be joining
28th Jul 2024 – Mum and me in my bedroom at Forest Cottage. I’m not sure why Mum let me graffiti the walls but I did, and my friends did, along with some painting and various other decorations. The writing on the right was WASTED which was my imaginary band at the time.
Her old Sony Trinitron was how I remember watching TV in those days. I think she had upgraded to a newer Sony Trinitron, happy with the quality. Those things used to last and the rate of improvement of technology was much slower then.
My room wasn’t much wider than this. My single bed fit perfectly across the width and the length was perhaps a little shorter than two bed lengths.
The three-piece suit was an Oxfam buy that was a bit of a fuck you to the traditional punk clothing that everyone was wearing and also helped me get lifts to Poole when hitchhiking there.
28th Jul 2024 – Sometime around October, I had bleached my hair and a week before the Christmas holiday started I got the sides cut to give me a nice wide blonde mohawk. The school were having none of it though and suspended me from school unless it was off or dyed black. So much for the Christmas spirit! Fucking school!
I thought that my Mum wouldn’t be that bothered about me missing the last few days of school but I was wrong and she insisted that I do something about it. So I got most of it cut and the tuft at the front I had to cover in boot polish until the end of the week. Ugh.
This picture was taken in the dining room where my grandparents would spend their time, the chair behind us belonged to our dog, Jenny, a springer spaniel that my mum overfed over time and eventually was unable to lift herself up there.
