Tag: Baipad

Start To Finish – 4th May 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Ever since time begun
– You were nothing and no one
– – Born from dirt and sun
– – – This is the beginning

– – – There’s nothing to be done
– – You’re nothing and no one
– There’s nothing to come
This is the end

Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge – Helpless

Today I’m feeling:

Quiet and confused but more settled throughout the day.

Today I’m grateful for:

The end of the holidays!

As often happens I end up deleting lots of things that keep me updated with news from around the world. This time I’ve deleted a lot of subscriptions to reports from the USA or geopolitics that generally involves the USA.  It’s sad and frustrating to watch the wild thrashes of a beast in its death throes so I’m putting out of my sight.

The best thing about today was:

I went out to get some sodas and dropped in to see if Baipad was back home now, which she was and I chatted with her for a few minutes.  

She seemed ok and was glad to be back from her Grandmum’s though as soon as she was back her cat knocked her phone to the floor and broke it!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Yesterday’s roller coaster of emotions ended on a sour note, as even though Amy had eventually been happy and grateful and affectionate towards me I couldn’t shake the rest of the bad feelings out and when, as she often does, she drunkenly came to me for sex I calmly said that I wasn’t interested tonight and was annoyed at the fact this only usually happens when she is drunk.  When I’m rebutted in my approaches at other times I will laugh it off and wait for another day.

To be approached when drunk feels insulting to me.  I know I shouldn’t feel like this but it had been a long day for me and I was nowhere near in a loving mood.

And Amy took great umbrage at this and stormed off slamming doors and going to the other bedroom.  I left it for a while and came and asked her back into our bedroom and cuddled her til we both slept.

Although there were no hostilities this morning Amy didn’t want to communicate and so I was as pleasant as I could be and left her to it.  We continued the day quietly without talking further about what happened in particular.  I feel OK but could also feel better.

Something I learned today?

Sydney Swans are top of the table in the AFL after beating GWS and Geelong losing to Melbourne.  It’s a bit of a surprise, to be honest.  The media rarely focus much on the Swans as they have just been a consistent team without flash or bravado and they (the media) focuses on the Melbourne teams for gossip and rivalry.

And Ipswich Town have won their last game of the season to make it back into the Premier League next year.  Wow!

And then double wow, stumbling across a video podcast of interviews with Ipswich legends from my youth.  I watched one episode today with George Burley.  Amazing.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I took some candy for Team Utopia.

Innocent Times – 29th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

Dreams inspire as the sun descends
Holding hands in innocent times
Where we’re going all depends
On things decided in our primes

Memories inspire as winter ends
When once we had innocent lives
One by one we murdered our friends
And never caught for our crimes

Submitted to No Theme Thursday picture prompt and NaPoMo
24th Nov 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – crime

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good so far.  Setting my alarm for 15 minutes earlier each morning in preparation for my return to work next week.  I have a slight twinge in my left lower back from too much sitting around for the last couple of days and probably aggravated by the tree moving yesterday.  I got back to exercising today too.

Today I’m grateful for:

Our pumpkin!  The pumpkin that both Amy and I took care of to try and get it to a size and maturity that was edible, ended up in our spaghetti dish for lunch and it was great.  Well done everyone!

The best thing about today was:

Cleaning out my inbox.  It accumulates quickly and I don’t get a chance to follow up everything as I would like.  I will need to get on top of this when I start working again next week.  Get my priorities sorted again.

I’ve already started clearing out my YouTube Watch Later list by either watching in full or watching a little and deciding it’s not that important.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I decided to sort out a hotel room for myself for this coming Sunday in Bangkok.  Nampan sent me a link to one near the venue and through Google Maps it linked to an Agoda booking where it said the cost was just 419 baht.  Nice.  It also said that if I downloaded the Agoda app I would get a 10% discount, so I did.

However, once downloading and going through the same process the total became something like 600 baht!  So I went back to the original Agoda page and went to the checkout and the actual total was about 550 baht in the end!

Well, it’s still cheap enough.  Never trust the price of anything you see online.  Everything is a subtle scam.

Something I learned today?

When I got home from Utopia at around lunchtime (I was there so long cleaning out my inbox) I was happy to find that Amy had ironed all my shirts!  I gave her a big kiss but it was already too hot to hug for long.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Baipad messaged me after a few days of quiet and she mentioned that she was expecting a delivery to her house in the next couple of days but is still stuck out at her grandma’s.

I suggested that she contact a neighbour or her friend Butter to pay and collect it if and when they call, or failing that she could call me and I could sort it out for her.

I’m starting to see that she has not been raised, or pursued herself, with a mind to think about how to get things done.  Perhaps she’s spoiled a bit and I think the issue between her and her mum is that her mum doesn’t see any maturity in Baipad’s behaviour and actions at home, so she continues to treat her as a child that needs taking care of.

I suggested that she show her mum who she is and what she wants in her life and her mum might start treating her differently.

It reminded me of the time I asked Hayden who he was and how much he struggled with that question.  Many of us do.

Did you do something difficult or challenging today?

A couple of days ago I watched a video about a tongue exercise and I’ve been trying to do it once or twice a day.  It’s simply rubbing your tongue between your teeth and lips/cheek in a circular motion, first one way and then the other, 25 times.

It sounds easy, and it’s not really difficult but I soon started to notice how useless my muscles involved in this exercise are, particularly my neck.

I will keep practising and hope that it helps a little with my neck problems.

I took this picture because Tigger was chilling on the terrace in the late afternoon, perhaps waiting for a storm that never came.

Burning Man – 22nd April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Some things are indefensible
We all make mistakes
The idea is to learn and grow
No matter what it takes

When genocide repeats itself
What was the fight for?
When the persecuted rain down
Their own hypocritical war

When destruction becomes immoral
What must a soldier do?
Take a big bite of courage
To get the message through

Propaganda no longer hides
The truth of all this killing
To turn a buck for a belief
In a society no longer willing

Today I’m feeling:

Good, after forcing myself up and to exercise. I really wanted to sleep more so I’m happy with myself and my motivation.

Today I’m grateful for:

The local hospital and Dr Poom, my medicine dispenser.  I was able to get straight in today with barely 5 minutes wait, despite it being very busy.  I also asked about information for my students who are struggling and what to recommend them if and when they go to the hospital.

It occurred to me today that after Baipad tried to overdose on paracetamol all the hospital were concerned about was her kidney health.  It seems like maybe no one even asked her why she did it!

Anyway, the info from Dr Poom was useful as they have a child psychiatrist there and psychotherapists too.

The best thing about today was:

My energy levels being great for most of the day due to that morning exercise.  I felt energetic and inspired through all of the day and though I wasn’t doing much strenuous work since the morning I just kept going from one thing to another.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As mentioned a couple of weeks ago there has been a change to access the full replay of the AFL matches online and whilst I was able to access it with a VPN last time, today it didn’t work and I was getting wound up by it while trying to figure out a way around it.  Eventually I just had to resign myself to watching the 15 minute mini-match highlights.  Disappointing but all I can do is shout at the clouds.

Something I learned today?

I learned that it is costing the USA 200 million dollars an hour to keep the genocide rolling in Palestine.  Or as the USA likes to call it, defending Israel.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent pep messages to Anchan and Baipad this morning.  I also chatted a little with my other students, Freya, Winter and Wipping.

I beeped at the annoying BMW in front of me that failed to move at the traffic lights, meaning that we all missed it and couldn’t go anywhere.  I was frustrated for a minute.

Did you do something difficult or challenging today?

I picked up the guitar again today and it sucked!  But I persevered even whilst continuing to suck.  I need to change the strings too.  They sound dull – much like my playing!  Never mind.  I won’t be deterred.

I took this picture because this was the view from our dinner table on Saturday, looking over the Mae Khong to Laos.

Friday Antidote – 18th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Making Monday Friday
Smile through gritted teeth
The best day of the week
Comes down to belief

No day is hump day
Every one a joy
Waiting for the weekend
A folly to employ

So savour every minute
Life only starts when you begin it

Submitted to dVerse – Friday and FOWC with Fandango — Antidote
23rd Jun 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge – folly

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty inspired after a good sleep.

The crying cats woke me up to feed them at 8.30 so I got up and did that but knew I wanted more sleep.  Back in bed and I eventually got up at around 11.30.  Hooray for a good long sleep!

I think I ended up sleeping at around 2am last night as I was reading comics til 1am and then listening to the Henry and Heidi podcast about Rollins Band.

Today I’m grateful for:

A guy called Pran.  He is Baipad’s mum’s boyfriend and he got in touch with me today because he wants to understand more about Baipad because they may end up all living together.

Baipad put us in touch and was ok for me to tell him everything.  I kinda understand why she doesn’t want to tell him directly.  Baipad seems to like him so I hope he is a trustworthy and good guy.

The best thing about today was:

Getting back to some guitar practice. This holiday has been on and off for me, not wanting to go out into the oven of my room in the afternoons.  But today I told myself to get back to it.  It was a struggle to play and I know that it just needs more practice and that the more I do, the better I will get.

I also told myself that I need to get back into exercise too.  I downloaded a new app to try out for motivation and will start tomorrow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing wildly out of control.  I accepted that I woke up late and was even happy about it as I got enough good rest.  

At various times throughout the day Amy would order me to do something and I was in the mood to acquiesce without complaint.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

With Baipad’s approval I told Pran everything that I knew about Baipad’s experience and also gave my suggestions as to what might help her.  I also told him that I understood Baipad’s mum too.

Anchan said that she wanted to go to a friends house and bake.  I told her to stop thinking and get going.  Later on she told me that she had a good time.

Momo took this picture last week because I asked her to. With me is Baitong – a funny favourite of mine.

Splinters – 17th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

With the few words I write
There’s just a chance you might
Catch a splinter of me
To guess my personality

But to draw conclusions
From these brief allusions
Would only go to show
How little we both know

Yet every little simple rhyme
Pieced together over time
Forms a picture in your mind
Tell me what it is you find

Today I’m feeling:

Average.  Not good or bad, a little tired but not unenthusiastic.  A little bored and out of sync.  Missing routine and unable to manufacture my own.

(I got lazy for the rest of the day, savouring reading, eating and watching TV)

Today I’m grateful for:

(The idea that the cream puff guy usually sells at the market, which inspired me to get out of the house in search of him. He wasn’t there but I was still glad to get out.)

The best thing about today was:

(Being lazy and not caring!)

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

(See above)

Something I learned today?

(At the time, the English thought that though Australians were strong they were not brave and cut out to be soldier material, during the fighting in Gallipoli during the First World War.  I found this odd as Australians still celebrate the bravery of the soldiers there. History can be shaped in any way necessary.)

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

(Continuing support for Anchan and Baipad, though I’m starting to feel a little helpless. They both must feel terrible.)

When do I feel most connected to others?

I feel weirdly connected with everyone that I know as if I saw them again after many years then nothing would have changed.  This might be a problem as obviously everything has changed in that time.

It’s one of the reasons that I don’t contact people often (I’m quite happy by myself) though I do recognise that others won’t feel the same way.

I’m most connected with my students these days, again understanding that they are not connected with me in the same way. Talking and playing with students is when I feel most connected.

Summer Of Love – 16th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We are the fantastic freaks
Gathering at the capital of forever
At the dawn of a new age
A human be-in together

We’re on a great freak forward
No longer just smart monkeys
We’ll purify the planet
Of the garbage people junkies

Pandora’s box now opened
Enlightenment impending
Mindful of the messages
These altered states are sending

Inspired by the comic story Storming Heaven in 2000AD Prog 2002 – artwork by Frazer Irving.

Today I’m feeling:

Surprisingly awake even getting up before my alarm.

(Later) Today has just disappeared.  It’s 6pm and I haven’t really done much.  I miss my routine of work days.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s parents wishing us well for the Thai New Year.

The best thing about today was:

Cutting down all that unread email and not feeling stressed about my lesson planning.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

We tried to drive down through SanKong after lunch but the last of the long weekend water revellers jammed up traffic and after being stuck for about 15 minutes I decided to drive back out the way that we came in.

Something I learned today?

A series of studies in cognitive neuroscience found that our brains are ‘programmed’ to learn more from people we like — and less from those we dislike.

This makes sense but we must also be open to the lessons of those that we don’t like – especially if they treat us badly.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I downloaded some CBT for kids books in the hope that I can find some useful strategies, in particular, for Baipad but for any students (and myself).  Could maybe even turn them into lessons.

Fatman report

When Peace Is Treason – 15th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 18 Comments

This is our genocide so that makes it ok
We’re making money and making them pay
Never been the good guys, why start now
Doublespeak makes us believable somehow



Accepting that our morals are better than yours
Peace is treason in this world of wars
If you don’t agree then we’ll have to kill you

And when we need an enemy, you know, it’s still you



Blessed are we with the God-given guns

Bombs with the power of multiple suns

No longer left with any place to hide

Welcome to our wonderful genocide

22nd Jan 2026 – What’s Going On? – peace – New poems were asked for but as this is still going on (and slowly being forgotten) I think it needs to be said again.

Today I’m feeling:

A little slow to get going this morning but now I’m coffeed up and lesson planning so my brain is engaged.  Kinda don’t want to stop except I need to eat something!

Today I’m grateful for:

The weird Chinese tea that tasted like medicine but successfully cooled my mouth at the mala soup restaurant.

The best thing about today was:

Starting with a bang and feeling good winding down from around lunchtime until nighttime!  I could’ve gotten more done but things will get done at the right time.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Baipad told me that she was hoping her mum would be sympathetic and understand how depressed she was after taking an overdose but whilst in the hospital she asked “Why don’t you just die?”  Jesus Christ.  I didn’t know what to say except that ‘I’m sorry’

Something I learned today?

Tibet is actually called Xizang.  Not even the locals have ever called it Tibet.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

After Baipad told me what her mum said I consoled her and advised her to tell the doctor as much information as she can about her situation and feelings.  She’s a little shy and scared to talk about this, preferring to hold it all in but it’s obvious that this is having a negative effect.

We dropped a case of beer to Goleng and thanked him for taking care of Amy last night after she drank too quickly and threw up around 7pm and passed out soon after!  Despite that she said she had a great time and everyone was laughing with her this morning.

I took this picture because today was the last day for splashing water for Songkran.

Through Confusion – 13th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

Sometimes I wonder what I’m looking for
Why there’s no handle for this door?
What glimmers from the forest floor?
Confused by all these questions

A calm demeanour to maintain
Despite the urge to not remain
Too tired and weary to explain
Confused by all the answers

But I own myself, I’m not for sale
Despite the loss, I cannot fail
Collecting thoughts to fairytale
Confused by all the stories

I went from green to red to green
Saw many things I’ve never seen
I’ve become what I’ve always been
Learning through all this confusion

Written for Ovi Poetry Challenge – maintenance, WDYS #233, Writer’s Workshop Prompts – sale and dVerse – green. Also submitted to NaPoMo.

Today I’m feeling:

A little bleary.  Coffee hasn’t done its magic.

A disappointing practice of guitar has got me down and now the blaring PA system of the neighbours celebrating Songkran is annoying me.  I just want quiet – to think, to read.  It was fun to see the children preparing to start splashing everyone this morning though.

The skies are clearer than the last few weeks, there’s some breeze and the temperature quite bearable.  Only one thing for us to do today – shopping.

Today I’m grateful for:

Art giving me a free cake for Songkran today.

Also, Amy wanting to go to Big C and allowing me to drop a couple of things in the trolley that I wanted.  

She also paid for Swenson’s ice cream for our dessert – which was great and all but nothing on LungChom’s ice cream.

Needless to say, I’m putting on weight this month.

The best thing about today was:

Finding a baby cow at the front door!

We both heard some mooing outside our living room window but it sounded to me as if it was in the field at the back.  A few minutes later we heard it at the front, though thought it was still coming from the field next door.

A second time though and we went to investigate to find the little cutie confused on how to get back to its mum that was calling from the field next door.

We were eventually able to usher it out and back where it immediately got to suckling and security.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Both Baipad and Anchan have been out of contact for a couple of days.  

There’s nothing to be done, I just hope that they are both doing ok for now.

Something I learned today?

I found a very funny comedian on YouTube called Dan Rath.  He’s from Sydney too.

What’s a question I’ve been pondering lately?

I have been thinking a little about what is next?  Am I just going to keep on documenting my life up until this point without really adding anything further to it?  Am I done?  

I am weirdly happy and satisfied though.  

Or am I just old, tired and lazy?  

Pondering questions raises more questions.

I took this picture because we take pictures of our visitors.

Big Bad Wolves – 10th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

She,
little
fighting girl
walking the woods,
The big bad wolves ripped her pretty dress,
All her dreams now become a nightmare,
She skirts around
the pain deep
inside
her.

He
runs wild,
teeth and snarl,
with big bad wolves,
Egged on and eager, salivating so,
ripping at her pretty dress, her cries
echo into
the darkness
of his
soul.

Inspired after reading Yassy’s poem, the form is apparently a tetracyt. Also submitted to NaPoMo.

Today I’m feeling:

A little stressed with my morning coffee and trying to get my brain in gear with the lesson planning.  It’s kicking in slowly and I’m familiar with this stage of progress when I have many, many ideas floating around and can’t keep up with them.  The rest of the day has been up and down.

Today I’m grateful for:

Momo making it to lunch today, after she messaged me yesterday that she may not be able to make it.  With Popo and Baitong we had a good catch-up over pizza and I’m happy to hear their English improvements since we last met.

The best thing about today was:

Firstly, not having to pay anything for my dental appointment and then trying the pharmacy at Central and finding 50mg tramadol for only 45 baht.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Baipad messaged me this morning telling me that she was in the hospital as she attempted to overdose (which I presume must have been last night).

I didn’t get much more information from her so I’m not sure what brought this on.  It suggests something happened out in her family village which is a bit of a worry as she mentioned bad things happening to her there before.

In the evening Anchan messaged me that she too was also in the hospital but for her it was for stomach ulcers, brought on by the stress of her family situation, no doubt.

She also told me that she and her brother also inherited the heart problem that killed her father a couple of years ago.

Something I learned today?

This morning we found that a tile from our roof got blown off in the storm last night.  Amy learned that trying to get someone to come and fix it is a complete pain in the ass.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Trying to keep on encouraging Baipad and Anchan through their difficulties.

Treating Popo, Momo and Baitong to a pizza lunch and then playing along with their TikTok videos.  It was great to catch up with them, three of my favourite students.

I took this picture because how could I refuse my favourite students asking to make TikTok videos in the shopping mall in front of passing shoppers.

Turn Off The Lights – 8th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

I’ll play a song for you, in this empty room
Spill my heart for no one else to hear
And when I reach the end of my tune
I’ll turn off the lights and disappear

The memory of my words will stay
Reverberating around these cold walls
And when you wander by one day
You will hear the whisper of my calls

“Be careful what you wish for
When hope blinds you to the signs
Forgetting that less means more
Living the curse of interesting times”

Submitted to No Theme Thursday and NaPoMo

Today I’m feeling:

A little slow to get going this morning as I turned off my alarm to sleep an extra hour. 

Starting to think about getting lessons in order and writing new ones for my new classes. It’s giving me some good background anxiety but I trust myself to be able to pull everything together.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finally being able to book flights to Bangkok and back in May to see Arwith and the bands I’ve been working with.

The best thing about today was:

Eating mala sticks this evening.  A simple thing but we haven’t done that for a long while.  

It was hot enough, even at 8pm, to sweat when sitting still so eating those spicy sticks didn’t really make much difference!

Something I learned today?

Booking AirAsia flights on the website was giving me trouble but using the app on my phone worked instantly.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Staying in touch with Anchan to try and help her through this time.

Talking with Baipad about dealing with her mental health issues.