Tag: cats

Garage Renegades – 28th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A society of no use, no one else wanted to play
Inspired to produce new anthems for today
From the garage born, out onto the snowy roads
Teenagers once forlorn gathers and explodes

Alienated and rejected, the world begins shaking
Many more infected by songs the kids were making
Playtime is over, the child juggles live grenades
Better run for cover, here come the renegades

Inspired by a passage in the book ‘SNFU – …What No One Else Wanted To Say’ about Canadian punk legends SNFU.

Today I’m feeling:

Like it’s a catch-up day. Exhausted and blurry-eyed as I sit with my first coffee for which Amy has joined me before she goes to look after her grandmum for the day. Her family are off to Phan to offer prayers and blesses to their uncle in the hope that it can help them sell his land. Amy was quite relieved to not have to go and perhaps her mum understands that Amy is not interested in partaking in these events too.

Today I’m grateful for:

The man washing my bike for a couple of bucks. It hasn’t been washed for six months or so and some of the mud will be glued to the engine casing. 

In the time it took me to look down at my phone and write this, it started raining somewhat negating the effects of the cleaning but whatever.

The best thing about today was:

Playing guitar for a couple of hours. It’s been a dull grey day and I kinda dozed for a couple of hours listening to podcasts and music. I couldn’t move because Tigger was happily sleeping on me and I didn’t want to disturb him. Baew and Mee came over for dinner and told of their troubles living back here with their family and their intention to go back to Bangkok. I enjoyed food with them but was itching to play guitar so left them to it. I found a few more Damned songs that I should be able to play along to.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’ve run out of money early this month so already eating into the visa money in the bank which doesn’t matter now except I need to move it back into our high interest account. I’ll have to wait to get paid to do that.

Something I learned today?

Inconsequential and irrelevant to pretty much everything but I never knew that Ted Leo used to play in Citizen’s Arrest and Chisel. I read his interview in Punk Planet and really connected with what he said, much more than many of the other interviewees in the book. I’ll check out Chisel and his solo stuff when I get time.

What is one thing I wish I could tell my future self?

These were the good times. You’re glad you moved your body more often and prepared yourself for the fragile years.

(All these entries are me telling my future self something. My future self will understand.)

I took this picture because P’ti was looking handsome and content in Utopia this morning.

The Super-Tramp – 22nd July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Wisdom, so obvious once read
It makes so much sense
Several times heard it said
Forgotten to one’s expense

Cliches are cliches because
Experiences made them true
Turn what one’s thinking of
Into something one can do

Travel along the world in wonder
It’s there for all to see
Love the skies one’s living under
Being as one should be

inspired by an article about W.H. Davies

Today I’m feeling:

Woke up before my alarm with a sore neck but feeling set to go. We went to the city and ran around from here to there as Amy thought about what to buy next and we both got hungry and grumpy by about 11, in search of food we could agree to eat together. I ended up with a small satisfying fish burger from a stall near Sammakhi school, and Amy, krapao from another stall. Crisis averted.

Today I’m grateful for:

The gloves I bought a couple of months ago for use in the garden as today I could quickly pull out the grass growing around the ‘accidental’ cactuses growing in our concrete pot. Easy. Nearly all our concrete pots have things accidentally growing in them. Just things we throw out from the kitchen and one day sprout again.

The best thing about today was:

A big dinner with Nut and Bruno this evening. I was getting tired but then I realised that we’d been eating and talking for three hours already. Three pretty cats came scrounging for food, two heavily pregnant, one of them tiny and no more than six months old itself.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When Amy saw me pulling grass and weeds up around the garden she suddenly decided that I could help her move some things for her home dinner party tomorrow. My plan was to go and play some guitar. Never mind. Amy wanted the sofa from Kim’s room moved into the classroom. I didn’t like being in Kim’s room again and have avoided it since April. We need to get everything out from there that reminds me of Kim. At the time, and even now, I feel on the verge of tears. It’s getting better and easier every day but it still cuts.

Something I learned today?

As mentioned above I found a shop where I can buy a cheap easy fish burger in the city in the future if I so desire.

I took this picture because our old boy is still cute and despite looking wise, we know different.

A Page Perfect – 16th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Perfect, unspoiled and clean
Yet only in imperfections
May the true art be seen

Here writ large, words spilled
To taint the page
Until it may be filled

Thoughts inspired, pour out pure
So much of myself
Of mess, of which I’m sure

Inspired by this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

Exhausted but Amy has me up and running around again. It’s ok. It’s 1pm and it feels like I’ve done about 8 hours already. That feeling is good sometimes. Still plenty of day left.

Today I’m grateful for:

The salted caramel popcorn Amy brought back from Australia. It’s pretty good, not too sweet. There’s also a pack of chocolate-drizzled popcorn here to look forward to too.

The best thing about today was:

Pretty much everything I guess. The time has gone so quickly despite what I wrote earlier. I guess I’m trying to squeeze in the things I normally do when I’m here by myself along with all the things that I’m now doing with Amy too. I’m kinda looking forward to going to school tomorrow because I only have one class so will be able to spend time with my best friend, coffee, all morning.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The neighbour’s kids all came and played with me yesterday whilst I was picking weeds out in the driveway. They even came with me into the entertainment area when I was hanging from the gym rings. Of course, the boys wanted a go too so I lifted them up and they grabbed on and they screamed for me to help them as they lost their grip. Today, uninvited, they came right up on our terrace whilst Amy was trying to sleep so I quietly went out and tried to keep them entertained but that lasted all of about ten seconds. After entertaining them again for a few minutes I managed to usher them away and came back inside to find Amy reluctantly awake. She wasn’t grumpy about it though. As I watched things on TV and Amy read, they snuck back and around the side of the house and started tapping on the window. Amy said not to engage with them and after a while, they got bored and went off on other adventures. I don’t mind the kids at all but our cats hate them and always run off and hide somewhere. I don’t want them coming back every day thinking they can do as they please here.

Something I learned today?

China just tested a new high-speed train that can reach 453 km/h! This could make a train trip from Beijing to Shanghai just 2 and a half hours. That’s pretty wild. I just hope that one of these things never crashes!

What is something I’ve been wanting to try, but haven’t yet?

Hmm…I think that probably the obvious choice for me now is to travel to Vietnam, Cambodia and Indonesia. This was one of the reasons for us to be located in Thailand, ease of travel in Asia. Somehow at the moment, I’m a little afraid to travel again though. I feel like I’ve lost that mojo a little. My life has been so comfortable here that I can just enjoy everything without going anywhere.

I took this picture because being a cat (with a caring owner ) has got to be the best life.
Fatman report

Echo Chamber – 9th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The walls may be far away
But as words reverberate uninterrupted
The room collapses around my ears
Til their meaning becomes corrupted

Today I’m feeling:

I didn’t know how I felt this morning but by the afternoon I didn’t feel good. I feel sick without having any symptoms. I have low energy and motivation which seems to be a theme on weekends. I know I’m a little down after thinking about how Amy may not settle down here again but I feel like there’s something else going on. Dodgy guts aren’t helping things either.

Today I’m grateful for:

All the people who make things happen in order for me to order cat food from my phone and have it delivered to my house a couple of days later. As I was unpacking it I consider what a technological marvel this is that those born this century will take for granted. The global supply chain should be celebrated and not used for political machinations. It’s a great example of humans working together. It reminds me of the Bill Hicks line, if we can shoot rockets from far away and have them fly into specific windows to kill supposed terrorists, why can’t we use that technology to shoot food into hungry people’s mouths? Indeed.

The best thing about today was:

Unmotivated days like today don’t provide any high points but I did get a little satisfaction from pulling out weeds around the cactuses. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

One thing that may be affecting my mood is that last night as I was contemplating going to bed I saw a transaction come through for 4000 baht which was for my podcast hosting that I had planned to cancel by sending myself a reminder last month. The reminder didn’t work. I cancelled the account immediately but don’t get refunded anything. An expensive lesson. At least it didn’t happen at the end of the last month and fuck up my bank account for my visa. So I’m trying to spin it as a good thing though it’s not quite working I must admit.

Something I learned today?

I just went out to shut the gate and could see the shadow of a cat under the car so went to see who it was. It wasn’t our boys because they were both inside eating. As I bent down to look underneath I saw it climb up into the engine area and disappear! I always thought the engine was completely shielded from the ground but apparently not. I went inside to get the torch and key. I couldn’t see any obvious animal-looking thing inside and I started the engine to scare it out though maybe it had already decided to dash off before that. I wonder if it was the cat I saw this morning and if I had actually brought it home from somewhere! Seems unlikely but I hope my car doesn’t become an unsuspecting cat taxi.

What’s unique about where I live?

The unique thing about where I live is me.  I’m the odd one out. This is quiet jungle village life in a non-English-speaking tropical country and there’s a wild-haired white-skinned punk here. This nail has not been hammered down yet.

I took this picture because I had just let Tigger out the back door and remembered that Tangmo might still be at the front door so I went to check and found this visitor instead. She ran away in Tigger’s direction which wasn’t the wisest choice but she soon figured out an escape. She looked healthy and had beautiful swirling colour whilst slinking away. Never seen her before.

Small Town Arkansas – 3rd July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

We don’t dream, we don’t ask for much
We live next door to our best friends
There’s nothing the community doesn’t touch 
We’re twenty years behind the trends

God gave us this blessing to enjoy
And thanks must be given by our deeds
The twisted roots may often annoy
But among them are nurtured the seeds

Marrying a best friend’s brother
Swelling further our congregation
Expelling all that worships the other 
And questions their role and station

We’re white, right and pious
Our satisfaction is easily met
Nothing evil will get by us
In God’s way, we’ve all been set

inspired after reading an interview with The Gossip in Punk Planet magazine
20th Nov 2024 – Shared with Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Nurturing

Today I’m feeling:

A little bit more upbeat than yesterday, thankfully. I feel like I’m going to succumb to an afternoon nap right now though (at 1 p.m.). 
(Later) Somehow I managed to stay awake and I’m pretty happy about that. I should sleep okay tonight.
I feel a little lazy and uninspired but also very comfortable in my lovely home.

Today I’m grateful for:

The salad seller at the market. I bought two, one with 3 small prawns and another with avocado. I mixed them both up along with sesame seeds and a packet of English Cheddar chips that I’d bought a stack of from Makro. Stirred through with two blasts of creamy salad dressing that made for a fine-filling fancy.

The best thing about today was:

Getting back into the guitar lessons on my app. Since I bought premium access more than a year ago it allowed me to play any song on the app which I’d been doing. I figured I was pretty much stuck on the lessons too but I have steadily improved enough to give them a good go. Slowly slowly.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Both our bathroom sinks are leaking again and I was hoping Amy’s mum’s plumber could come and sort them out but they advised me to figure out all the different things that needed doing in the house so he could come and do it all in one go rather than back and forth, which makes sense but also means no one will come until Amy is back and has checked everything that she wants done.

In the meantime, I took apart and cleaned all the pipes under my sink and shoved it all back tightly together but it needs proper sealing at the wall.

Something I learned today?

Messaging Aing today to see if she could come up from Bangkok to visit later this month she told me of her struggles since she has been back there. All her hopes and dreams have been shattered through no real fault of her own though she probably realises that she would have been better off saying no to certain things at some point. She wants to come back to Chiang Rai and I hope she can find a way in the future.

What have I been savouring lately?

Mostly writing and updating this blog. Every old entry I add feels like a ticking off of a box of the longest-ever to-do list. I’m adding diary and poetry entries from 1984 and it’s triggering lots of things. Currently, there is also a big gap of entries from around 1997 until 2004 which doesn’t have much written down but sure played a big part in my life. A time when I was living and loving with a lot less thinking.

I took this picture because for a while I couldn’t find Tigger. Sometime during the afternoon I went to sit at my computer and found his fat butt poking from behind the screen. I’ve never seen him up here before. What are you doing fat cat?

Food Fight – 18th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A starving cycle, a luxury trap
The fight for food for generations
These are anxious times to live
Constantly making preparations
Adapted gut, adopted aches
Too late to repair our mistakes

Today I’m feeling:

Fairly positive and upbeat. I enjoyed being around the students this morning though still left at 10am as there was nothing specific for me to do. But everyone is in a fairly good and relaxed mood, teachers and students both.

Today I’m grateful for:

The second 20 baht shop I went to that had some cheap nasty leather gloves that I want to use to pull up the grass around the cactuses as the gardeners will just smash all the little hidden ones with the cutter. I don’t feel comfortable asking them to pull out the grass first even though that’s kinda what I’m paying them for. It’s a little annoying task I can do to help the cactuses grow and make me feel good. The gloves are badly made and uncomfortable on the pinky finger but they’ll stop me from getting spiked I hope!

The best thing about today was:

Pretty much everything was enjoyable today. I feel quite happy. I’m still a little guarded when I write that as I still feel that I have no right to be happy.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In our teacher’s room today we were introduced to Ren, a new university student teacher on placement. Kru Mai said he likes to cross-dress and cosplay. George started saying why do we get these strange or ugly student teachers and why not get some hotties instead and then Kru Mai talked about another one (female) starting this week that was cute. I bit my tongue and left.
I know it’s just gossipy shit talk but George is often saying things like that. I used to play along and I’m not averse to working with attractive people but it’s usually the weird and unattractive ones who have the best personalities and are more enjoyable to work with.
It’s not nice to complain about the lack of beauty in our co-workers and if it’s not sincere then it’s a bad joke.

Something I learned today?

I watched a short documentary about kids speed-cubing, solving Rubic cubes as quickly as possible. Not life-changing but a little interesting. I’m still more impressed by the young Chinese boy who solved 3 cubes whilst juggling them, in under six minutes. When I see crazy feats like that I wonder what more meaningful achievements lie ahead for people like that, or if they expended all their brain power on this inconsequential feat.

What is a decision I need to make?

I can’t decide what to write. Right now, it’s a decision about whether to read a little or just go to sleep.

I took these pictures because this is about as close as these decade-old companions ever get to each other. Still putting my Kim Chi love into these two so taking lots of pictures of them.

A letter to future Hayden (sent 18th May 2022)

Dear Future Hayden,

You just finished your work orientation and I just started back at school. We’re both moving forward with this next step and who knows where will be by the time we read this. It’s exciting.

I don’t know too much about the kind of work you will be doing but it does sound as if it will be rewarding and fulfilling, along with frustrating and difficult as all work can be. I hope you are enjoying it and getting back some of the good karma that you are putting out there. I don’t believe in karma as an external thing, in that it actually comes back to you from outside yourself. I think it is internal. Helping other people just makes you feel good and more positive about all the things going on around you. What do you think?

When we receive this letter it gives us chance to look back and reflect on the last 12 months. For better or worse, here we are.

Love
Dad

Hands Cave – 16th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Can you say hello for ten thousand years?
Can you see these words in twelve thousand and twenty-three?
What does it mean when the writing is on the wall?
Leaving one’s mark for the whole world to see
Were your dreams as big as mine today?
Staring at a sky only minutely adjusted
It’s a blink of an eye for those held on high
And in whose words were once trusted

Today I’m feeling:

A little dizzy and unsure which way things will go. So I’ll push myself in the direction of happiness as best I can.

Today I’m grateful for:

The two bloggers who click on the like button to almost every single thing I post. I’m reminded about this today as I had a quick look at their posts too and liked a few back.

The best thing about today was:

Getting home before midday after going to school, hanging around, having coffees and going grocery shopping. Taking advantage of this chill week before getting into the classroom.
Also seeing Mee, Yok and Petch at school again as they didn’t come yesterday. We were all happy to see each other again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing except minor inconveniences that were acceptable to my current state of mind.

Something I learned today?

I saw a nice story about Taiwanese and HKers travelling to a mainland Chinese city to celebrate a local south china festival of which I forget the details but the point is that despite all the supposed tensions between these places the average people in the street just want to get on with their lives.

I took this picture because I spied this visitor after coming home. I’m chasing other cats out from our place now as I don’t want them disturbing the harmony for our two boys.

Random Access – 8th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am a stupid computer
An unsteady machine
Each morning rebooted
Memory wiped clean
I make the truth
Out of evaluations
Processing external data
From multiple sensations
I am a dumb animal
Programmed to suffer
Reset in sleep mode
Emptying my buffer

Today I’m feeling:

I woke up before my alarm, my brain already switching on and into work mode. It was also 30 degrees at 6.30 am and the fan wasn’t doing enough to keep me cool. Now, I’m a little tired, though my mind is active and busy planning for this coming story.

Today I’m grateful for:

Chatting online with a teacher from last semester that left for a new school to get a better salary. She was always nice to me and approachable for a chat. We wished each other well.

The best thing about today was:

Figuring out I could watch the Swans replays through the computer but connected to the TV. Now I can watch us lose in widescreen.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I was informed today that I will be a homeroom teacher’s assistant this semester and given a little idea of what might be required of me. This may disrupt my morning coffee plans but I’ll wait and see next week. It is likely that actually I won’t be required to do much or anything. Either way, I’ll make the best of it. I want to do my best.

Something I learned today?

I found out various things today so it seems I did learn some bits and pieces (see above). I also just received an email from Sharon answering my question about when our grandparents passed away. As I’m trying to piece together various parts of my past it helps put a little bit of order back into the chaos of memory.

What three things do I need to accomplish this week?

I need to get my body clock back in sync with work hours.
I need to knock out as many lesson plans as I can for my classes.
I need to get as much information as I can about timetables, homeroom teachers and getting information sent out to my student’s parents to help me.

I took this picture because the cats are melting into the floor.

It’s been a while away from writing in this book. I’m not too worried about that as I’ve been adding a lot more on the app instead but it is nicer to write with a pen. There’s nothing much to add that can’t be found written already.
Today is the return to school, though it appears mostly this week will be clock-in, hang around and go home. I’ll spend some time at House doing some lesson planning though I’m a bit cautious as I’m not sure how my new versions of my plans are going to work until I actually start in the class. Whatever, I’ll figure it out.
This morning I found out I’ve been assigned to M 1/7 as an assistant homeroom teacher and as Kru Wave described the duties to me I thought to myself, ‘That’s probably not going to happen.’ It all sounds good in theory but kids are not going to listen to me, even if they understand.
One good bit of news is that the M1 (grade 7) classes only have 28 students which is a small improvement.
I’m sweating like a motherfucker as I write this and starting to smudge the page.
Well, here we are again.

No Path To Power – 22nd April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s just another Jarrow Crusade
Ignored by those in power
Backed by a whole class of people
Whose life has gone sour

The change will slowly come
Too late for those affected
The masses’ message manipulated
Ignored and rejected

The power is not with good people
Whose members swell the ranks
But held by the precious few
Who own the guns and tanks

As your protest heads down the street
Always remember your way home
Before that’s taken from you too
And you’re left to seethe alone

You’re either with us or against us
Left conquered when divided
Along the path of least resistance
Your own future will be decided

Today I’m feeling:

A little more positive today. I’m liking that I can’t remember what day it is but that will all change soon.

Today I’m grateful for:

Electricity. After 4 hours without it last night I thought it wasn’t too bad but then realised I was still able to use my phone and iPad as they still had charge. If they had run out I don’t think I would’ve been so happy.

The best thing about today was:

Almost finishing the flashcard sorting. I could’ve finished it but as I find this kind of task enjoyable I want to stretch it out one more day. Next, I have to integrate their use into my lessons and hopefully, the students find them useful.

(I couldn’t resist and finished them off so now the island in the dining room is relatively clear again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

First thing this morning I stepped on Amy’s thin folding mattress on the floor and under my foot was wet. Argh! It felt like a full bladder of piss had been dispensed. I picked it up and hung it outside in the sun, having to also take the rug too as it had seeped through to that as well. Good morning!

Something I learned today?

In some street interviews, many young Chinese people assumed America has high-speed rail because it’s America so they must have it.

Write about a memorable experience from this past week.

The coming of the rain and the destructive storms. The rain was good, the destruction not.

I took this picture because this was the result of the storm last night. I threw some more breeze blocks up there and climbed up and tried to get the sheet back in place but that wasn’t possible. Even though it was only 10 am everything up on the roof was already burning hot. I was also nervous up there as there was a lot of flex in the frame in the middle of the roof. I did my best and placed the six blocks strategically but I think it still may not be enough if the wind really whips through again.

Once Around The Sun – 20th April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It would’ve been your birthday
You would’ve got my call
Wishing you more happiness
No matter how small
I guess it still is your birthday
You’re just not here to see
I miss you more each year
And one day it will be me

Mum would’ve been 88 years old today.

Today I’m feeling:

Similar to yesterday, though a little tired due to not sleeping until about 2am but still trying to wake up early. I’m trying to get up at 8 am but didn’t make it until 9 this morning.

Today I’m grateful for:

Surprise messages from my students Nam and Anchan, Anchan asking me for advice on love.  Unsure if I’m the best to be asking for advice I think I said it well.

She asked:”Do you think age affects love? For example, there is a kid in middle school. And the person he talks to or likes is in college. Do you think it’s possible?”

I took her meaning to be that it is her in middle school (she is 13) and is interested in someone older (maybe 18 or 19).

“Yes, I think age affects love.

As we get older and have more experiences we get a better understanding of it’s meaning. But only if we learn from our mistakes and don’t keep repeating them.

We learn what deep unconditional love means. We also learn the difference between love and sex.

At your age, you are curious about both, love and sex. I advise you to be cautious. Learn about the person you are interested in before committing your heart or your body to someone.

You are smart and more mature than others of your age. This makes you attractive to older boys. But without experience, it may also be easy for them to manipulate you into doing something you may regret. So, take it slow. You have lots of time, more than you realise.”

The best thing about today was:

A storm! Finally! After almost hitting 40 degrees again, the afternoon skies darkened though it still seemed likely this would be another apparition. Then came the wind and eventually peals of thunder rolled over the mountains bringing precious rain.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The storm picked up and the tall cactus fell over in its pot. The wind was now going sideways and the roof over the entertainment area rattled its objection until finally part of it ripped free clapping against itself as loud as the thunder. I ran to it and tried to hold it down when the wind switched around and blew it flat again but my weak fingers were no match for the power of the storm. As I was grabbing at it my fingers slammed against the metal frame and cold water poured down my arms in the channel my grip was making in the roof. After a couple of minutes of the roof ripping out of my hands, I found a breeze block and pushed it on the frame and part of the roof that was still secure. How was I going to get it on the roof to hold it down though? There was a tiny gap about my finger’s width, if I pulled the roof down again and then I could inch the block over slowly. This took a couple of attempts and it finally seemed to be working. The wind was also dissipating and I caught my breath investigating further damage. The papaya tree was uprooted again, this time in a different direction than last year’s uprooting. The garage gutter reminded me of its dodgy joins leaking over everything in the shed but that was not so unexpected. As the rain trailed off the thunder continued rattling the windows of the house and I came indoors shivering wet, pants completely soaked, covered in leaves and bleeding at the wrist. I did, however, feel invigorated, much like the visit to the waterfall. I took a shower and threw my wet clothes in the washing machine.

Something I learned today?

The proposed 300 baht arrival tax in Thailand has been delayed because wants the money but has been trying to get the airlines to do the work. Rightly, they said it was impossible. Next, the idea was for the hotels to do it. Rightly, they told them to shove it!

What is something I am grateful to have learned recently?

I have been reminded of the tragic lesson of death. I don’t feel grateful for its tap on the shoulder right now but perhaps I will in the future.


I took this picture because P’ti was looking all relaxed and handsome here, as ever, by the door at Utopia. He is fascinated with what is through the window. At what is only briefly accessible. P’ti is about the same age as Kim Chi and we once brought Kim here on the way to the vet where they met each other for a moment. I hope P’ti lives a long life and brings more happiness to the world he inhabits.