Tag: confidence

Held Back – 8th December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The wise sage, somewhat cynical
Knows what to say and when
The optimist, still straight and clinical
Is in trouble with words again

Yet when the time came to inspire
The sage’s words fell short
Because one’s dreams also require
Revision to what has been taught

Maybe the fire inside was unseen
So the sage had to be let go
Not understanding what it would mean
To be held back by what one would know

Inspired by a newsletter from Daivd Elikwu about the dangers of role models and my own experience I am currently revisiting from 2020 with my then role model, George.

2024-12-08

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and happy, though a little tired.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Hangie successfully getting Amy home at 2.30 am this morning after a night out in the city.

The best thing about today was:

I got out to my room to play guitar at three different times today and I can see a little improvement. I also fiddled a little with Ableton, trying and failing to get it to do what I wanted. Need to find some tutorials.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As I’m helping Baipad save up some money to go for a health check, I wanted her to come with me to the hospital to get the information on exactly what she needs, and at the same time, the information I need, as I want to do the same thing too.

This afternoon, I dropped by and though she was reluctant to come because she hates interaction with strangers, I convinced her after she asked if Namhom could come too.

We went around the back way to avoid the highway and they both seemed fairly chirpy.

When we got there, I asked Baipad to ask the security guard for information, but unfortunately, he told us that they are only open Monday to Friday (which surprised me a little).

Oh well, never mind. When we got back, I asked Baipad to find the information online and she duly did.

Even though this was just a little thing today, it is the kind of thing that will boost her confidence in the future.

We were both happy to discover that the price is not as high as we were expecting.

Something I learned today?

I started reading Persepolis this morning and immediately wanted to learn more about the history of Iran.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I rescued Piti when he dashed out of Utopua this morning.

Noey took this picture because this is her last day working at Utopia. She has exams next weekend before heading off to her internship but I will likely see her on those mornings as she’ll pick up coffee first.

The Least Worst – 13th September 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

Wouldn’t it be great to be the least worst
And given pontificated names
Promoted due to the complete lack of options
The last man standing remains

Qualified without merit or skills
Is it possible to win the hearts and minds
Of those who pay your bills
When the sun from your backside blinds?

Today I’m feeling:

Tired. Apparently, I slept before 10 pm last night and then woke up again this morning just before 9 am.

If being so tired is connected with kratom then it’s an easy fix but if it is related to exercise that will be a bit annoying as I need to keep up my energy levels and keep off the fat.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

It not raining this morning, even though I had tempted fate by riding the bike to Utopia.

The best thing about today was:

Getting into a flow state again, like yesterday. I did a fair bit of catching up with reading poetry but only managed to write one fairly average one myself.

After that, though, I got stuck back into writing more lessons and found that time really enjoyable. I imagine myself in the classroom and how some students will react and be inspired or provoked into doing some work.

It doesn’t often end up that way and I realise that I have to tweak things as I go but it all helps fill me with confidence. I think that is half the trick of being a teacher. Faking confidence!

Something I learned today?

I found that I can listen to the AFL games live on my phone. I was checking in on the Port/Hawks game this evening and though it’s not as good as watching, it is a little better than only getting the 15-minute mini-match highlights.

Port got through by the skin of their teeth and were running tired by the end, which is good news as we will play them next week in Sydney.

Despite getting slaughtered by them 6 or 7 weeks ago, I think we have a good chance of making it through to the grand final again this year. Playing the Hawks would’ve been a tougher prospect.

Maybe It’s A Madness – 21st December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Staring at the TV static
Hearing the song of the dishwasher
Hidden messages reveal themselves
To those who listen closer

The stars whisper in the wind
Words that make the shapes
Colours taste of iron and gold
The myth perpetuates

Maybe it’s a madness
But someone must be chosen
As the alien messenger
The guide for the gods

Today I’m feeling:

Definitely tired again and not from lack of sleep.  Still waiting to get over the hump of exhaustion brought on by exercise.  Thankfully just the one class in the morning today and I spent til midday running around to get documents together for my work permit again before heading home and a catch up nap.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nancy again, as I asked if she could get the medical certificate I needed for me again, like she did last time.  Otherwise it means me either waiting around or going back to the city after 6pm and the last time I did that the clinic didn’t even open.  Happily, she agreed.

The best thing about today was:

A third coffee at 22 Grams, after a couple earlier at House. It tasted delicious and spurred me to action to make some easy Quizizz for my classes tomorrow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’ve been trying to push my student Baipad to become more confident and independent but I can see now that she is not yet mature enough and is somewhat comfortable despite her frustrations.

I get it, at 14, we want independence AND everything handed to us on a plate. Sooner or later a rude shock awakens us.

It’s an interesting contrast that she knows girls a similar age as her back in her family village in the mountains and they are already having babies. We both agreed that that is not a good situation to be in but also highlights her somewhat comfortable life at home where a bed and a mobile phone are the main objects of her interest.

Something I learned today?

I still don’t have syphilis! I’m not sure why foreigners need to get tested for this to get a work permit.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I made sure to encourage the students who were putting some effort into their work today. Once they got rolling with it, it was great to see. Some days they make me proud. Tomorrow may be a different story of course, but I’ll take it for today.

I took this picture because this is as Christmassy as we get here in Chiang Rai. This year, despite being two months into winter already, we’re still using aircon for a couple of hours at night.

Bucket Of Life – 11th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s a labour of love, not big dreams
But about what being human means
Sticking a dollar in the cup, passing through
This is all a gift from me to you
And back again, that’s our reflection
Open to each other’s introspection
In for a penny, in for a pound
Let’s pass the bucket of life around

Today I’m feeling:

A good vibe. This morning is not too hot. I lazily prepared for the day by rolling back and forth in bed due to stiffness finally getting up and mosying along to Utopia for a delicious throat-soothing coffee. Art told me about his ride to Doi Ang Chang and it looks like a great ride so I messaged Bruno to plan to go there next weekend.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s dad feeling good enough to come out to Central and eat at the seafood restaurant there, where we treated him for his birthday, Amy’s mum for selling her apartments and Nong Aun (Amy’s brother’s girlfriend) for getting a job as a teacher here.

The best thing about today was:

The first coffee was pretty spot on. Meeting Baipad’s mum, sister and three super cute cats was fun.

The fish speciality at Laem Charoen was delicious for lunch. The afternoon and evening are a relaxing chill-out. It’s been a good day.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My sore throat was getting me down a little at times today but I finally got to rest a little for an hour or so after lunch and it’s improved a little since taking some medicine. I dealt with it by soldiering on and despite feeling a little grumpy I don’t think it showed that much.

Something I learned today?

A theory behind renewed conflict in the Middle East is to cut off oil to China. A terrorist attack is said to be rumoured on US soil that will trigger them into war with Iran.

This whole ridiculous idea seems more likely every day. The US is putting all its pieces into play in preparation. The US is isolating itself more and more from the rest of the world and the rest of the world is looking forward to its downfall.

Whilst people were scoffing at the idea of the end of the Empire last year, this view is now going mainstream.

What’s on my mind right now?

This morning I will go and meet my student Baipad and her mum to introduce myself as her teacher. She lives in our village and since opening up to me about her struggles with being bullied in primary school and her father passing away a few years ago I’ve tried to encourage and support her. As she lives close by I suggested that once a week I can bring her home from school and hopefully introduce her to Amy so she can pick up on some confidence-building skills and keep up her English, which she is pretty good at in general. 

I took this picture this morning because this oversized asparagus-looking plant is so big that I had to wide angle the shot to get it all in the picture. The multiple mini flowers are cute though not the spectacle-worthy of a stalk growth of this size.

Walking Backwards – 4th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Where are you headed, young lady?
Doomed to repeat mistakes
You’re only paying attention
To ones your mother makes
Can’t see what’s in your future
Cos the present hurts so much
You’re endlessly running towards
The first thing you can touch
Holding on to another’s dreams
Thinking that’s where to go
Walking backwards into disasters
Comforting for you to know
Waking up in a hundred years
Realising what you’ve done
Close your eyes one last time
With a peace to be at one

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for a good sleep last night and for our three visiting dogs today – Richie, Leo and Tangmo. A lot of noise and a lot of bad smells.

We got that attitude! – 11th November 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The end of the week felt good. But this morning I felt a little anxious as I push back against having to work next weekend. I worked so hard at CRPAO that I don’t want to fall back into that trap.

In this past month, I have learned that I can be more confident with my skills at teaching. I can feel that I make a good impression on the students and that in general, they are happy to follow what I ask of them.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the many beautiful birds that come to visit our garden. I wasn’t sure there would be any as it seemed there were none when the building was going on. Now there are lots of trees and bushes there are many that come to visit. Even despite our cats, who don’t seem to be smart enough to catch them. Some of the birds are not so spectacular but they are mostly all new to me, being different to those in Australia and the UK.

*The Week That Was – 8th June 1981

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Single of the week: 999 – Obsessed, Vice Squad – Resurrection EP

8th June 1981
Anarchy in the UK on John Walker’s show
JW taking JP’s place

9th June 1981
TOO DRUNK TO FUCK IS IN THE CHARTS AT 36

10th June 1981
Went to rounders
I am great

11th June 1981
A good day
Nothing happened though

12th June 1981
You’ll never believe this but I watched telly

13th June 1981
England 1 – Germany 2
Won 10, Lost 5

14th June 1981
BLOODY HOT

This week’s chart-topper is: Smokey Robinson – Being With You