Good, once I got moving. Since a recent iPhone update, my alarm only seems to vibrate, no light and no volume. Usually, it’s enough to wake me but this morning Amy heard it vibrating and wearily shouted at me to get up! I guess I was tired!
As I’d been waking up before my alarm for the last week or so, my brain was probably thinking that it couldn’t be time to get up yet.
Some tough exercise this morning and in my half awake state I struggled keeping my balance at times. The positive effects from it have carried me through, though and I feel good.
Health:
Physical: 8 Mental: 8
Today I’m grateful for:
Dutchie sending me the photos that I asked him for, which he took this morning. As we were waiting for the flag ceremony, we were talking about fashion, and Achang showed up wearing a denim jacket. I told them that denim jackets are kind of a 70s/80s style for me and not really in fashion.
I asked him if I could try it on and he let me whilst Dutchie took some pictures. I said that it’s a little too big for Achang and he told me that it actually belongs to his sister.
I thought I looked quite good in it.
The best thing about today was:
Soldiering through a slow workday, where only having to work three hours feels quite tiring, as there is too much downtime. I managed to stick it out until clock-out time by sitting in the cafe. I saw lots of my students walk by outside and Noah was excited to tell me that she and Lin have been chosen to help with the visiting overseas students next month.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Recently, I have been less interested in reading poetry. I think I have been overwhelmed with so much to read on prompt blogs and it’s burned me out. It always feels like a chore to analyse someone else’s work in the hope that they return the favour. It’s the ‘like-for-like’ mentality of social media.
Of course, I want my work to be noticed. I think some of it is good and worthy. But to trawl through another 40 poems about the seasons or the moon is a burden I’m getting tired of.
I need to refine my search a bit and perhaps find new places to submit my work where it might get some more exposure. Looking around, though, there are a million poets of all shapes and flavours, all looking for the same thing. I’ll just keep on writing anyway and do appreciate the people who do take the time and interest to read and respond.
Something I learned today?
In an odd coincidence, whilst I was talking with my grade 12s today, Alyn hung up a phone call from a name I recognised as a Facebook friend of mine but I had recently been wondering who it was, as they were using a different name.
She told me that it was her brother and that made me even more curious. It turns out that her brother is my old grade 9 student Achang!
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I received a message back from Anchan this morning, just stating that she is unhappy and I wasn’t really able to offer her any consolation. I reminded her that she told me that her aunt was coming in the next couple of days and that she was hoping for things to get better. I haven’t heard back again, though.
Noey sent me this picture from Utopia this morning because she will fly back to Bangkok, having finished her university life. I had been there earlier and hoped to bump into her before she left, but it wasn’t to be. I told her that I thought that she would be back someday anyway.
The wise sage, somewhat cynical Knows what to say and when The optimist, still straight and clinical Is in trouble with words again
Yet when the time came to inspire The sage’s words fell short Because one’s dreams also require Revision to what has been taught
Maybe the fire inside was unseen So the sage had to be let go Not understanding what it would mean To be held back by what one would know
Inspired by a newsletter from Daivd Elikwu about the dangers of role models and my own experience I am currently revisiting from 2020 with my then role model, George.
2024-12-08
Today I’m feeling:
Positive and happy, though a little tired.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
Hangie successfully getting Amy home at 2.30 am this morning after a night out in the city.
The best thing about today was:
I got out to my room to play guitar at three different times today and I can see a little improvement. I also fiddled a little with Ableton, trying and failing to get it to do what I wanted. Need to find some tutorials.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As I’m helping Baipad save up some money to go for a health check, I wanted her to come with me to the hospital to get the information on exactly what she needs, and at the same time, the information I need, as I want to do the same thing too.
This afternoon, I dropped by and though she was reluctant to come because she hates interaction with strangers, I convinced her after she asked if Namhom could come too.
We went around the back way to avoid the highway and they both seemed fairly chirpy.
When we got there, I asked Baipad to ask the security guard for information, but unfortunately, he told us that they are only open Monday to Friday (which surprised me a little).
Oh well, never mind. When we got back, I asked Baipad to find the information online and she duly did.
Even though this was just a little thing today, it is the kind of thing that will boost her confidence in the future.
We were both happy to discover that the price is not as high as we were expecting.
Something I learned today?
I started reading Persepolis this morning and immediately wanted to learn more about the history of Iran.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I rescued Piti when he dashed out of Utopua this morning.
Noey took this picture because this is her last day working at Utopia. She has exams next weekend before heading off to her internship but I will likely see her on those mornings as she’ll pick up coffee first.
Good again, though I still have a sticky throat. I’m back at the ENT at Sriburin hospital. Let’s see what they say this time.
No big plans for today. Hope to read, write, play guitar and listen to music when I get home again.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
Everyone at the hospital again. A quite quick turnaround with the result of getting some different medicines.
They shoved the camera in my mouth again and things looked better than last time. Though, because it doesn’t feel any better, it means the sticky phlegm is below the voice box and isn’t visible now.
The best thing about today was:
Not worrying about too much of anything. Although I got out of the hospital by 11 and picked up Amy from her eyelash shop, we then had to go to a couple of banks to transfer a wad of cash and they were both very busy.
Then, stopping off for some food for lunch, it ended up being 2 pm by the time we got back, so I didn’t get much reading in or go out to my room to play guitar.
But that’s ok. I’m feel fine with it.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
When we woke up this morning, Amy came back from the kitchen and said that the baby cow had been stuck in the garden all night last night!
I went and said hello. He’s not afraid of me now and I walked him to near the gate where he stopped to pee. When I opened the gate, Tangmo ran in and was bemused to see the cow there and started barking and running around. I told him to calm down and he started marking territory. He’s so jealous of anyone and anything being around us! The cow chased him a bit and I went back inside for a shower.
I didn’t want to lead the cow out because I couldn’t see his mum nearby and didn’t want him to go wandering off. At least he’s safe in our garden.
When I came out again, the cowman came by and called the baby over and Tangmo went off, too, maybe to make sure that he left.
Something I learned today?
I watched a video about a video game that made me laugh a lot. It is called Squirrel With a Gun and it looked hilarious.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I got Noey to talk with Amy this morning about opportunities for her to go to Australia next year.
I offered to take Baipad to practice riding the motorbike some more too. She’s not thrilled because she is lazy and still lacks confidence. I will try to keep pushing her through her defences.
Not too bad today, at least in the morning. I got up at a reasonable time, partly in preparation for going back to school tomorrow at the normal time.
I spent a few hours at Utopia reading and writing and could get myself into the flow for that which felt good.
By afternoon, though I ran out of energy and napped and have been lazy and run down since. I hope that feeling doesn’t carry over to tomorrow.
Health:
Physical: 6 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
Noey being back from overseas and bringing me a couple of small gifts and making my coffee today. It was good to see her again and it sounded like she had a great time on her travels.
The best thing about today was:
Hmm – today felt like a day of two halves, the first with energy and positivity and whilst I still felt positive later, my lack of energy was disappointing. So nothing in particular stands out to me today.
Something I learned today?
I made my first poetry Instagram post today and will start learning more about it and give it a go to try and get some more eyes on my writing somehow. With no friends or followers added yet, though I have had zero views in 8 hours!
I also updated my MacBook and iPhone, which now means that I can mirror the iPhone and write directly from my keyboard into this app. This makes writing a lot easier and I would only have been able to do it before by paying for the premium option.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
By following students on Instagram, I found out that today is Rista’s birthday and so I sent her birthday wishes. She’s a nice, lively kid and I like her a lot.
Your opinion of me, it could hurt You can only teach if I wish to learn Keep kicking it along in the dirt Your opinion of me is not my concern
To take offence is to give offence An ever-decreasing circle of pain I’ll not give you satisfaction at my expense Or even bother to explain
First attempt at an 8-line poem about what offends me. Nothing offends me, not personally.
Today I’m feeling:
Lazy. I didn’t intend to. Though I didn’t have any other intention either.
My energy has returned but motivation has gone missing. Part of this is due to knowing that I will have lots of spare time this coming week.
Today I’m grateful for:
The freedom to be lazy today.
The best thing about today was:
Clearing a bunch of videos out of my ‘watch later’ queue.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Everything was in my control, I just made the laziest choices!
Something I learned today?
I finished watching the Idles documentary and enjoyed it a lot. I like their music but usually only in small doses. I can appreciate their appeal as genuine human beings and that makes me like them more.
I took this picture because I wanted to send it to Noey. I told her that Utopia is boys only now (now that there are no female staff). Save also said that she had told him that she wanted to stay in the USA, so I messaged her to find herself a boyfriend while she’s there.
Pretty good, more than most of my recent Saturday mornings.
Today I’m grateful for:
Cap scratching at the door after he heard my alarm. I was going to get more sleep, but I got up for him and decided to exercise. I want to try to get out of my five-day routine and into a seven-day routine instead.
The best thing about today was:
Finding our little birdies had hatched. At first, when I went out to look in the nest, it looked like the eggs had been broken and the liquid inside had spilled out.
I told Amy to come and look with a sad face and shaking my head, but when she came, suddenly these two little beaks appeared, open to the sky though they were still too young to make any noise.
I had noticed earlier in the day that both the mum and dad had been around at the nest, so it seemed that they had just been born, maybe even just within the hour.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy’s parent’s gutter specialists came today and said they can fix our gutter easily, quickly and for the same price as the last builder that fucked it up.
They said that it was obvious that the guy didn’t know what he was doing so Amy and I both felt vindicated on the shit that we’ve been giving him online. Amy also noticed that he’d removed many of his old posts and thought perhaps we weren’t the only people that he had ripped off.
Either way, we hope to have proper gutters back on Wednesday.
Something I learned today?
Art at Utopia video called with Noey, who is in the USA, whilst I was drinking my coffee this morning. She is on some kind of working holiday during her semester break.
She said that she is eating pizza every day and misses rice! The only coffee she has now is black drip coffee and at the place she works, some kind of amusement park, a cup is $4.22 and hardly anyone buys it!
It’s a good experience for her and she looks like she is enjoying herself. It is also a reminder for me that most of the USA is ok, normal and people are generally getting on with their lives.
Egged out, we must survive Enthusiastic push to thrive Finally, no one gets out alive That’s the way we all go
Early birds catch the worms The voice inside us turns In turn, the worm learns That that’s the way we all go
One day, in a different way Here tomorrow, gone today Even the early bird will say That’s the way we all go
Paraphrased and plagiarised (in the nicest possible way) from various majestic Cardiacs songs. Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge 47
Today I’m feeling:
Good again though that 6 am alarm was tough. It had to be done though. My leg workout was too much, supposed to be 3 x 64 reps of lunges but I could only manage 40 by which time my skinny thigh muscles wanted to explode. But 40 is better than none.
Today I’m grateful for:
Matt, who kindly donated me some magic mushroom capsules as he tried them but didn’t enjoy the experience.
The best thing about today was:
Enjoying a whole day out of home even though I could’ve just gone to school, signed in and come home again. I had planned to do this anyway but it was made even more desirable because when I was leaving this morning Auntie Sue told me that the electricity would be off today as they are moving the lines to the new poles. Great – no reason to come home early.
After signing in I spent the morning reading and writing at House whilst enjoying three coffees and even getting another lesson done for the classes on Presentations.
After that, I dropped by Central to buy a gift for Funfai as it is her birthday today and she told me she would be playing tennis at 4 pm. I got her a notebook, pencil case and pen. I also got the same for Anchan.
For the afternoon I went to see Matt as planned and we talked for a couple of hours catching up on each other’s lives. He also showed me his guitar setup and pedals, all of which sound fantastic but not within my price range or even within my time limitations for being feasible.
I left at around 4 pm to head to the tennis courts though I could see in the distance very dark clouds and the wind started picking up dramatically. Baipad messaged me that it was storming in our village as, after cancelling bike riding yesterday due to a storm, we had rearranged for today at 5 pm.
I got to the tennis courts and there weren’t many people around and the wind was already making it difficult for those there. No sign of Funfai so I messaged her and she told me that her lesson had been cancelled. Ah well, no worries. I used the opportunity to go and clock out of school which I haven’t bothered to do so far this week.
As I drove back home it started to rain though nothing storm-like. It had already blown through by the looks of things. I figured Baipad wouldn’t want to ride and a wet road would have made it more difficult for her too, so I thought I’d drop by and see if I could chat with her a little more in-depth.
As I passed by our soi it was still blocked with electricity people running around so I assumed the power was still off at home too. Amy also called and said that she couldn’t get home earlier when she tried as the road was blocked then too.
So I hung out at Baipad’s for an hour and did get her to open up a little more and whilst not confronting any of her issues, started to get her to think about them a bit more.
She feels comfortable to talk with me though she still lacks the maturity to know how to express herself. I can report though that she is not happy with herself and does want to change, she just doesn’t know how and I can feel that her mum doesn’t know how to teach or show her either. Her mum obviously has her own struggles.
Anyway, I’ll try my best to support, motivate and teach her some skills that can bring up her confidence. It’s all valuable reminders for me too.
I came home around 6 pm and it has been raining most of the time since, 3 hours now, with a comfortable temperature again, which I, and most probably everyone, is grateful for.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got my new teaching schedule today. It has changed a little bit from what I was expecting, with me being given 24 hours instead of the 22 that the other teachers get. I’m not going to complain though.
I like being in the classroom, with the kids so another couple of hours is fine and it might also encourage me to stay each day and sign out like they want me to!
After arriving home I found that our internet wasn’t working, probably due to the work going on with the poles in our soi. I hope that our provider knows about this work, but I can also easily imagine that they don’t. At least I can still hotspot and connect with my phone tonight and we’ll be out most of the day tomorrow.
Something I learned today?
Both Jet and Praewa sent me messages today because they got their study schedules and they were upset that I won’t be teaching them this year.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
Any of the minor challenges that I’ve mentioned above didn’t feel that difficult at all (except the lunges) and my state of mind was good enough to accept everything as it came.
I took this picture of the Utopia FB post and sent it to Noey. She wanted to know where I was because she hadn’t seen me today. I should be there on Sunday though.
What kind of artist were you when you were young?
When I was about 5 or 6 I always got told off for drawing castles instead of writing. I tried to compromise by writing something that allowed me to also draw a castle!
In my teens, I got deep into punk iconology, cut-up style and sloganeering. I made many posters like this, including a huge one that I submitted for an art assignment. I also painted a picture of a faceless punk in a three-piece suit, crucified on a cross.
My forays into the artistic world ended up more around words but also into producing booklets, fanzines and posters. I don’t have the creative drive anymore to do this, perhaps hampered by a lack of time due to other endeavours such as writing.
Did you paint, colour with crayons, build things with blocks?
Painting and colouring yes but I had an aversion to building things. Other kids had Meccano but I could never figure out what to make with it. Similarly, with Lego, it seemed like too much effort to make a shitty version of a house or something like that. My imagination didn’t run in that direction.
What kind of creative acts did you enjoy?
When the punk ideology hit, the ‘anyone can do it’ attitude, I wanted desperately to be the singer in a band and so set about writing lyrics. This was from about aged 11.
A little later this also turned into writing brief poetic thoughts of which I was constantly churning out.
I always enjoyed doing that though somewhere along the way in my 20s, I stopped writing those until I started again in 2020 when I remembered how much I enjoyed it and got back to doing it again.
When did you write your first poem?
I guess it would have been in 1984 when I was 15 or 16 though I probably had some before that, written for an English class. The earliest things that I held onto were from 1984.
What was it about?
Poems from that time were about petty thoughts and trivialities of a schoolboy’s life. It turned serious though as depression sunk in and the future looked bleak. Back then though I could write about any little thing that sparked my interest. It was fun.
How did you come to poetry?
As described above, through writing lyrics. I still consider what I write mostly as being lyrics rather than poetry.
Pretty good again. Got up and exercised and am now out for coffee.
A couple of days ago when I was moving the tree I got bitten by an ant on the inside of my little finger and now it is distractingly itchy. Because of the location it’s not easy to get a nice satisfying scratch on it and it’s super annoying.
Today I’m grateful for:
Art lending me a backpack that I can use on Sunday to go to Bangkok. I also found out that Monday is a national holiday so I don’t have to worry about not being back in time to start work!
Also, a sneaky little doze whilst listening to video discussions on YouTube whilst Amy did the watering and washed the car!
The best thing about today was:
Watching more of Three Body. I’m loving the slow pace of it. It seems each April holiday is marked by watching some TV series or other whilst avoiding the heat. A couple of years back it was Narcos.
I think last year though I ended up playing Xbox more than watching TV and I actually had planned to do that this year but in the end just didn’t bother.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I was on a roll and in the zone whilst sipping coffee this morning, first reading, then inspired, then writing. But I started to feel a little dizzy and knew I needed to come home and eat. Otherwise, I would have loved to have stayed longer and written more.
Tomorrow I won’t have so much free time as we will be running around most of the day doing things for Grandmum’s 100-day ritual.
Something I learned today?
Israel’s prime minister Netanyahu is likely to have an arrest warrant for war crimes issued by the International Criminal Court. Whilst it is likely just a symbolic gesture and he would unlikely ever be arrested at least it shows the world stands against him.
Russian president Putin also has an arrest warrant issued by the ICC but that was instigated by USA propaganda and that is all falling apart.
The world is starting to rise against the genocide perpetuated by Israel on the Palestinians and supported by the USA war machine.
Also, last night I watched a video from Thai Talk with Paddy and he was presenting 12 things that he didn’t like about Thailand. Whilst many other farangs agreed with some or all of his points there were others that I couldn’t believe just how self-righteous they were.
I don’t understand how you can say someone’s opinion is wrong. You don’t have to agree but you must be smart enough to at least counter their opinion. These days people don’t bother to do that just believing that they are right.
I don’t know why this particular video and comments stood out to me, maybe it’s been accumulating for a while. I will cut out this view of negativity as much as I can because it is just a waste of time and energy.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Noey and Natalie were in Utopia whilst I was there this morning and they were preparing for a presentation. I wished them luck.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
I did as much of the exercises as I could this morning though I am weak in certain (most) areas. 3 sets of 60 lunges had to be cut down to 3 sets of 40 and 3 by one minute of static Superman I just held for as long as I could. But I didn’t skip or give up.
I took this picture because I’m hoping this tree can survive the move from pot to ground.
It’s an undisputed fact that we all consume and breathe lots of microplastics, and we have done for our whole lives. The average person probably takes in 100,000 particles of microplastic annually.
Microplastics are suspected of being dangerous in just about every way you can imagine, damaging our internal organs, poisoning us with leached chemicals, breaking down our cell walls, and causing countless diseases. A vast body of research has been published investigating these concerns.
There’s still no evidence that any of these happen. More data is always needed. More study. More investigation. And when there is evidence of microplastic interaction with living tissue — which there is, certain plastics can and do have detectable biological effects, there’s so far never been any evidence that it’s harmful.
Will you go without? Though it makes no difference To save the planet
Late start again after very good sleep. Aided by canna oil. Exercised, which sucked and was good too.
Today I’m grateful for:
Noey sending me a message at 11.30 am wondering where I was! It’s nice to feel missed sometimes, even if it is just by the baristas in your favourite coffee shop!
The best thing about today was:
Another storm blowing in this afternoon whilst I was in my room.
Two days in a row now, I got to hear the big splats of rain falling on the tin roof above the ceiling and to hear the wind banging all sorts of things around just outside.
Strangely, it hasn’t rained in the city at all whilst we’ve been lucky enough to not need to water these two days.
Something I learned today?
From a report issued by the US-based International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights:
“The breadth of the U.S. violations of the ICCPR is overwhelming. The committee found breaches of the treaty in nearly every aspect of life in the United States. We (the United States) should heed the committee’s recommendations and demand that our federal, state and local governments in the U.S. comply with our human rights obligations.”
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
In general, my exercise wasn’t too bad today, except for 3 by one-and-a-half minutes of bicycle kicks. I could do thirty, take a break and then do 15 more but that was it. I’m happy to adapt the exercises to my skill and strength level so that I don’t give up but can keep going.
How do I handle disagreements or conflicts?
Disagreements I am generally ok with, but when it comes to conflict I don’t deal very well. I’d rather walk along and forget about it.
I’ve never really cared what other people think but in the past would try to argue my point. These days I don’t feel the need. People believe the things that they want to.
I’m open to a lot of different ideas but still obviously have my own beliefs about things. Entering into conflict over these things seems a waste of time. Most people don’t want to listen to something that they don’t believe. And for many things that applies to me too.
When was the last time I felt exceptionally strong or brave?
I’ve been looking at this one for a few days already and can’t think of anything. Perhaps others looking from the outside might have considered some of my actions at one time or another as strong or brave but to me, they were just normal.
Even so, there’s no standout moment of bravery rescuing someone drowning or pulling people out of a car crash. Nothing so exciting.
What’s an aspect of my culture that I love?
This is a weird one to answer because just what is my culture? I carry traits from growing up in England, from the middle of my life in Australia and now with some influence from six years in Thailand.
Culture can be great when you are young, something to bond and identify with, but the more you experience and can take the opportunity to travel you begin to see that beyond culture we are all basically the same.
Is culture manipulated by us ourselves to keep us divided?
The aspects of my cultures that I love are that they have given me grit, taught me when to run and when to walk and taught me acceptance. And when I write that all down I realise that my mum taught me all that. Mums are culture.
I took this picture because when I arrived at Utopia, Noey told me that she had just sent me a message. I sat down and read it. It said “Where is Shaun?” and so I replied with this photo.
I’m pouring rainbows down on you Until your cup is filled You’ll overflow with a love so true It can never be killed All your seeds will bear fruit In fields never to be tilled Joy spread deep from the root A life spent fulfilled
Pretty good after a long sleep from the day of travelling yesterday. Should be a relaxing day ahead.
Today I’m grateful for:
Aircon. I don’t know how many times I’ve said this but today was freaking unbearable outside between 10am (when I woke up) and around 6pm. Even just going to the kitchen or bathroom was a chore. It’s going to be hotter this coming week too!
The best thing about today was:
I didn’t do much to speak of today though when the sun did finally relent I enjoyed watering the parched earth in the garden.
Something I learned today?
Charles Cunningham Boycott (12 March 1832 – 19 June 1897) was an English land agent whose ostracism by his local community in Ireland gave the English language the term boycott.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I gave Art and Noey some gifts of candy that I picked up at the market in Chiang Saen yesterday.
What’s a recent realization I’ve had about myself?
I’m starting to BE old. I’m not in need of thrills or excitement so much these days.
I think I realised this when I think about travelling overseas. When I think about going somewhere with Amy I’m not so interested in planning things to do and where to go.
When I see people in places on YouTube videos I think that might be nice to go and see but I’ve just seen it pretty well. I would be taking the same photos every other traveller has taken. I feel like I may not be able to savour it deep into my soul like I might have done before. I’m much more amenable to just getting on a tour bus and letting others deal with logistics.
Having said that I’m still interested in organising a tour for a band around Southeast Asia and dealing with the stress of that, perhaps because the shows would give me the drive and inspiration I’d need.
Perhaps this is not a great realisation but has crossed my mind more recently.
Amy took this picture because this princess was enjoying our (relatively) expensive prawns yesterday.
1994ever 