Waking up for each morning’s graces I analyse my thoughts from twenty paces Before a single movement, I’m off to the races Paralysed with the fear of my many faces OCD has me trapped within its embraces I’m one of the doctor’s strangest cases
Written for the Chimeric Poetry Scavenger Hunt: Write a Quadrille as a Monorhyme. This poem is written from the perspective of an old girlfriend of mine who suffered seriously from OCD, so much so that she couldn’t move her body when she woke, as her brain tried to work out the order that she needed to move her muscles in to get out of bed. I’m pretty sure I borrowed the second line from someone but can’t remember who.
Today’s Daily Stoic poem:
Respect The Past But Be Open To The Future
The pioneers are not our masters But they surely are our guide They make excellent forecasters Take the future in your stride
The dream is dead, since the sixties Turned to the seventies, nice and sleazy Endless wars processed the hippies and pixies Economic vandals left a peace uneasy
Was it in our name, the forever fight for peace? Did we ever question what’s going on here? The grabs for land then returned for lease The struggle for survival, a punishment severe
Can the decks be cleared with genocide? The algorithms are running the numbers There’s no longer a place to hide And we’re left holding only clunkers
Sign away our lives with disappearing ink Fingers crossed and handshakes informal Accustomed to shit we no longer smell the stink This is the new normal – abnormal
Uncertain yet. I slept for about ten hours and could’ve slept more, too. I’m still coughing but it doesn’t feel so much like there’s a hole in my chest.
I’m looking forward to the end of the day already.
(Later) I was a little ill-prepared for my first class, grade 11s doing presentations, as the lesson I had could be completed quickly.
As this class is fairly lazy, though they didn’t care and spent the rest of the time playing games or sleeping. I did go around engaging them in brief conversations, though.
The next class were grade 11 too and we did my Scams lesson and it went well and I was particularly happy with Sugus who seems to have been trying harder over the last few weeks. She has improved her English and I made sure to tell her and encourage her.
I dashed off for coffee and caught up with reading at lunchtime before heading back to help the students with the play, cancelling my afternoon grade 8 class.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
Having the freedom to cancel a class and accept the invitation from the students to help them with their play.
I’m not sure what the teacher in charge really thought about it but she was only there briefly anyway.
The best thing about today was:
Watching my second grade 11 class set to the task that I set them for the final hour of the lesson. They all got to it quickly and would ask me for help and advice when they needed it.
I guess these kids have matured to the point where they just need pointing in the right direction now.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I ended up leaving school later than normal and sent a message to Amy that I’d be running late and she then reminded me that she was going out for dinner, so that I would have to find my own food.
This meant spending some of what little money I had left this month. What could I do? I have to eat!
Something I learned today?
The last day the students will come to school is the 27th of September. That’s just four more weeks! Time to wind down!
Whilst helping with the play, I discovered that my old student Achang potentially has OCD. There was a part in the play where he should grab another student’s arm but he was really reluctant to do it.
I thought that it was a cultural thing or just shyness but the other students told me that he will always go and wash his hands and that he has a problem.
He is also supposed to be acting like a smooth-talking player but is lacking confidence in being able to pull it off.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I spent an extra hour helping with the play and gave them as much as I could, considering that they have to perform it in the next few days.
They were all very appreciative at the end of the afternoon, though and that made me feel good.
I took this picture of Guitar, Lin and Poppy as they perform this cheerleader routine at the beginning of their play.
There’s comfort in repetition There’s comfort in repetition There’s comfort in repetition Never making a decision
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to find the rope for Tangmo to play with again. Hidden in the grass. I found it when I went to find Kim Chi who had jumped over the fence to play with the cow. The cow chased her back and she appeared on top of the hedge when I called her.
I’m pretty damn good at nothing Much at all Jack of all trades with no Trades to ever call
Everything must be in the right place Line it up, symmetrical and straight The sequence is so important too Each placement
Line it up, make it perfect Symmetrical and straight Dust it, dust it, dust it Now do you feel great?
Took you all day To make your muscles move Counting each one in sequence Got it wrong, start again Start again from the beginning
18th Oct 2024 – Feeling sorry for myself after a wild year in 2001. The crossed-out attempt at poetry was about my then-new (or soon-to-be) girlfriend, Lorraine, who suffered from severe OCD.
I see her sometimes lost Unclear, wandering, isolated Searching for something far away Blind to solutions near
Sometimes forceful and defiant Determination found then forgotten Slowly slips away and meanders Back to new avenues for exploration
What’s in that head of yours That pulls you apart so deeply And stops you from finding The light so obvious inside?
18th Oct 2024 – Written about Lorraine, an attractive co-worker who I pursued, eventually becoming on-again, off-again partners. I saw a kindred spirit of someone with mental health issues.