Motives change at the back of the queue The fire increases at those pushing through I look at the river, it makes no complaint The body’s poisoned with poor restraint
After awakening, that’s where time goes Screams subside, the mind now knows Mutant thoughts will be misunderstood It’s another birth, another childhood
Inspired by a Daily Stoic email about waiting and the story of James Stockdale. The Killing Joke song The Wait popped into my head, so I looked up the lyrics (below) and as you can see, I appropriated half of each line to make a new write.
The Wait – Killing Joke
Motives changing, day to day The fire increases, mass decay I look at the river, white foam floats down The body’s poisoned, got to sit tight
After awakening, the silence grows Screams subside, distortion shows Mutant thoughts of bad-mouthed news It’s just another birth of distorted views
Today’s Daily Stoic poem:
Dealing With Haters
When another hates you What business is it of yours? If their word deflates you It’s a losing game to even scores
Exhausted despite a long sleep. I don’t feel good after arguing with Amy last night. Amy also doesn’t remember some of the things we discussed last night but just remembers that she’s upset.
She forgot part of our plan this morning for taking Cap to the vet and heading to get the truck first. It was annoying to me as it triggered another argument last night and yet was forgotten by the morning.
I feel dumb even writing this down.
I should be more patient, more forgiving, more understanding. I should be better than this and I don’t know why I behave the way I do sometimes.
As I was drifting off to sleep last night I was reminded of what I told Baipad when she was having problems with her mum, that we ‘save our worst behaviour for the people we love the most.’ I want to change that.
Today I’m grateful for:
My job and this school, today organising a great graduation event (at least after all the boring parts were completed anyway) for grade 9s and 12s, some of whom we won’t be seeing again.
I could feel that the students were in a celebratory mood but also with a slight tinge of sadness as life will change for them all in the next couple of months, whether moving on to university, high school or a job.
The best thing about today was:
Definitely the atmosphere in the school. It was a relaxed party time for everyone.
I had a lot of fun with some of my monkey students and couldn’t believe what time it was when I thought about leaving. A few kids were also keen to introduce me to their parents.
Days like this make the grind worthwhile.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Only a couple of minor and inconsequential things that were easily dealt with.
Something I learned today?
Starbucks is having to lay off workers as the company is being boycotted for its support of Israel. Good.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I took Amy (and Cap) to pick up her truck and she will take Cap to the vet. Between us, at some point today, one of us needs to pick up her mum from the hospital and take her back home.
If I’m available then I will do it, no problem. However, as today is the M3 and M6 graduation ceremony I don’t know exactly what times I will be able to get out.
What moment from today do I want to remember?
I want to revel in the happiness that my grade 9 students were feeling for completing their first three years of high school.
It hasn’t been easy for them or us as teachers as they were particularly affected by pandemic restrictions and having to study online for much of their first semester together. It took them longer to bond and get into the swing of studying once back in the classroom.
I can still remember them and their immaturity, slowly changing into young men and women, slowly figuring out their places in their world. It’s a fabulous feeling and I really enjoy watching it.
Some photos will help me remember too.
I took this picture because Sarah is the funniest monkey. She was a problem to deal with in grade 7 but she found her way and can still have fun but also learn some things too.
A bit more lively than yesterday though I still fancy an afternoon nap. I’ve been the driver for the family today, to Chiang Saen, Mae Sai and Mae Chan.
Today I’m grateful for:
The candy seller at the market, where I found the candies that the stall has outside school and obviously at a better price. Whilst I picked out a few different bags she offered various others to try and taste. I was lucky that Amy found the noodles and mala sauce she wanted in this shop too so I snuck all my stuff in there for her to pay.
The best thing about today was:
Driving around, which made me think that I haven’t been up around the Chiang Saen, Chiang Khong area yet (on the motorbike) and it would be good for a nice laid-back ride sometime.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Whilst I was in my room playing guitar I was surprised to hear the sound of rain on the roof. I didn’t think too much of it though it was kind of unusual to have rain at this time of day, this time of year. But then I heard banging and the shade outside my window had fallen down and was now slamming against the wall. The rain had gotten heavier and suddenly the wind had picked up. Next came rumbles of thunder and everything got stronger. I went outside and Amy screamed as the roof on the entertainment area started banging again where it was broken in the summer storms last year. I ran to the garage and emptied the wheelbarrow already full of water from the leaking drain and found a bucket to put in the shed to catch the leaking in there too, though both of these were relatively useless in rain this heavy.
Something I learned today?
Amy has been watching these YouTube videos of two Korean boys travelling around Thailand and today I saw some pretty nice places in Isaan that they were visiting. It would be good to go there one day though I feel a lot of places in Thailand look the same everywhere. Jungles, rice fields, mountains, rivers and beaches. I’m still quite smitten with it all though.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Driving the family around wherever they directed me and even though sometimes they confused me with their directions, I carried on without complaint.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 7. Be Grateful. Say thank you to everyone and everything “Thank you for this beautiful day.” “Thank you for your email.” “Thank you for being there for me.”
The longer I keep practising being grateful the more I’ve realised there is to be grateful for. Sometimes I struggle to find something new to be grateful for, especially if I haven’t been doing much but I usually come up with something. I’m not sure how many years I’ve been doing it now but I think I started sometime in 2020 and managed to do it pretty much every day since.
I’ve mentioned in the past that Thai people don’t often say thank you in a shopping situation and it’s quite a cultural norm. I can’t help myself though, it’s just ingrained since childhood to say please and thank you.
I took this picture because these kitties, along with two more inside, were surveying the surrounds from this second-floor vantage point as I pulled up at Utopia this morning.
Little Shi was making his own plans Putting his destiny in his own hands From the fields to the city streets Amongst the learned he competes
In the trees, he’d monkey around Exploring the minutiae of life he found Every little step that he was taking Expanded the world he was making
And while those around studied well They learned little that he could tell He found a different meaning to success Found his own way to progress
The things his father had been denied Would not stop this little dragon’s rise As the littlest kid he stood above Remaining humble and sharing love
Until to the mountain, he climbed alone All the horizons became his home
Inspired by a true story in Zachary Mexico’s China Underground 16th Nov 2024 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers United
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and positive though starting to flake a little now it’s lunchtime. My first class was a little chaotic and frustrating but hopefully the afternoon classes will be more uplifting.
Today I’m grateful for:
Having a bag of candy again that I can gift to random students when I feel like it. Am I the Candyman? A little bribery goes a long way.
The best thing about today was:
Being able to control myself when pushed to the edge of my patience several times.
It helps that I like the kids so much and they make me laugh a lot but sometimes I wish I was just teaching the more mature students. Sometimes I feel embarrassed for myself, wondering what other teachers might think if they came into the classroom when children are noisy and not paying attention.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I wanted to go to the hospital on the way back home but the traffic was busy and getting out of the hospital with a car now is a pain in the ass since the U-turn has been closed off because everyone was using it to skip the traffic lights. I was too tired to bother coming back out on the motorbike so will try again tomorrow when I can leave school a little earlier and hopefully, there’s a little less traffic.
Something I learned today?
Jerry Lewis made a controversial film called The Day The Clown Cried in 1972 and it was never released and has been hidden away ever since.
A couple of years before he died he agreed that it could be released but only after he and those that were critical of the ideas in the movie had probably died too. So then it was decided to be released in June 2024. The movie’s story sounds interesting and thought-provoking. I wonder what it will be like.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
As my grade 8 students were reading the text I gave them I let them try to pronounce the difficult words and gave them positive feedback when they got them right.
I followed up with Paen that she was feeling ok as I didn’t see her on Friday and she didn’t reply to my messages since then. She said she was sick but I’m not sure if something happened with Praew that has upset her.
I was going to punish Program for being late to class without communicating with me but I decided to show him that that was my intention, but this time I will not punish him though he must remember to let me know why he is going to be late.
Remember that this is the kid who ended up sitting in my class before doing nothing because he had picked up another student’s bag and lost his own…. I have since noticed that despite his clownish behaviour he is pretty good at English.
Tonaor randomly messaged me for advice about a logo design for her online store, which is the first I’d heard of it but I’m not too surprised.
Kids of 13 or 14 are getting smart about making money using the internet these days. I was happily surprised that she asked me for advice though.
This was not in my class but I took this picture as an example of a typical classroom lesson environment. To be fair, everyone had finished their work but there was no sitting quietly reading a book until the bell goes. These are my old grade 7 and 8 students, now in grade 9. There’s Phoom, Chok, Jackie and… fuck, I’ve forgotten the other boy’s name though I can picture his face quite clearly.
When I was a ghost, my eyes were never met Unknown, unspoken, unseen, unheard There I stood, three monkies wiser Until hearing the whisper of the magic word
A name on a page, a name in lights Is that me, is this real? Does a grain of sand on life’s beach Really understand what the ocean might feel?
You can see me and I can feel you Alone but never lonely, loneliness lost Spaces filled with words and chatter To balance it all comes at a cost
Tides are changing, shores are filling Days and nights are both illuminating The stories brought here remind me Of the sandcastles we’re all creating
Better than yesterday though still not quite awake, I feel. I had fun with all the kids at the flag ceremony this morning but need this first coffee for my first class.
Today I’m grateful for:
All the people who handled the parcel of records that got delivered safe and sound to me today from Turkey.
The best thing about today was:
Spending time and effort with one one-on-one reading with my grade 8 students. Both yesterday and today’s classes are a challenge and I think it is beneficial to spend even just five minutes one one-on-one as often as possible. I can only do this with about 6 or 7 students per one two-hour class though.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My final class of grade 7s was disrupted somewhat as one student told me that a few of them were supposed to go for football practice. I told them that they could go when they finished their work but unfortunately they struggled with the work and then as it rolled past the time they asked to leave they struggled with their attitude. Many students ended up 20 minutes late for their vans as I wouldn’t let them go unless they at least attempted the work.
The kids don’t know how to help themselves and the other classmates that understand are reluctant to help now as their kindness has worn thin. The students that slacked last semester will struggle this semester as I ask them to think more about their own ideas, beliefs and feelings. Things that they can’t ask the answers from other students.
I managed to remain mostly patient throughout all this. Mostly.
Something I learned today?
I just realised that the candy I’m eating right now have little tidbits of information on them and so I just learned that crocodiles can’t stick their tongues out. Fairly useless information for 99.5% of people on Earth but there we are. I learned that today.
If I could change one thing about my life, what would it be?
I can imagine that this would be something ridiculous like not having to sleep or being able to party without hangovers! Or not die until I’m ready!
Or that I still had youthful boundless energy.
If I could change one thing about my life I would have done it already.
Which side of the bed do you sleep on?
It seems that I am always the one closest to the door so that if anyone ever breaks in to try and kill us they will go for me first. I don’t know if this is a subliminal thing on Amy’s behalf or why that makes her comfortable but it doesn’t bother me. I can sleep on any side of any bed so long as it is comfortable.
Right now we each sleep in the middle of our own King-sized beds which is both ridiculous and amazing.
I took this picture because this old boy was waiting for me to finish exercising so he could eat. Tigger wasn’t far away either. I didn’t feed them as Amy wants to do it ‘her way’ which I know is just to get their affections! I noticed that by this evening both cats are no longer looking at me with expectation but at Amy instead!
Conditioned to live up to the image imposed Wasting time searching for perfection Society’s dictates are not as supposed So stand tall to issue a rejection
Blow away the prejudice clouds One’s own nature is found only in fact Forget about the opinions of crowds Practice how to think and act
Words are as powerful as bricks Their poison remembered forever Fall not to the devilish tricks Of the twisted dogmas made clever
Heal the wounds held within Another’s reality can no longer touch Getting even is considered a sin And never accomplishes much
No questions asked, assumptions arise Understand and be understood The best is the one who always tries And whatever the result, it’s good
Super tired. I’m not quite ready for an early start and return to school tomorrow yet. But, that’s my new reality so it’s going to happen whether I’m ready or not.
Today I have to clean up my man cave and move back in. Amy will be happy to have me out of the house!
Today I’m grateful for:
My working desk that almost fell apart as I was trying to move it out of the house. It did break in a couple of places but there are enough bits holding everything in place that it can still be safely used.
The best thing about today was:
The satisfaction of scrubbing the floor of my man cave clean and getting it looking almost new again.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
It seems there’s a problem with my stereo that keeps muting the sound at what seems like random times. Also none of the USB ports were working on my computer after the move. I’m dealing with it by trying again tomorrow as I’ve run out of energy this evening already.
Something I learned today?
Israel’s bombing of Gaza has killed 35 UN workers helping refugees, destroyed 20 UN buildings, bombed the safe spaces they advised Gazans to go and it looks like they’ve also killed 50 Israelis that were recent hostages. It looks like they wish to completely wipeout Palestine and that will probably draw others into a bigger war.
And at the same time as the USA is arming and protecting Israel, Americans are busy killing each other in their own cities.
Can this world find any peace?
How do I utilize my strengths on a daily basis?
Patience is the main strength that I get to utilise every day. Monday to Friday at school and then back at home with Amy for the rest of the time. I don’t mean to imply that I need to be patient all the time but that it will be tested at various times during the day.
I took this picture because the pandan has really grown over the last month and outside our back door now smells delicious!
Living happily as hunters Roaming around with a herd Someone planted a seed And no one said a word Toiling away ever harder For a minimal return There’s no going back now We will never unlearn Now our tribes grew bigger Each and everyone breaking backs And then foul weather ensures You’ll never again relax An arrogant virus we are Thinking to tame this land We made ourselves slaves Without it ever being planned
Today I’m feeling:
Good, all day. My annoying students were annoying but didn’t annoy me. Annoying adults didn’t annoy me and annoying technical problems didn’t annoy me. I feel satisfaction today.
Today I’m grateful for:
My eyesight and the fact that I didn’t go blind from the gunk that hurt my eyes last night.
The best thing about today was:
Nothing stands out above anything else really. These are the best kinds of days and I would like more of them!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I feel stuck for words today. Everything has gone well today and that doesn’t mean that everything went the way I wanted but that anything that didn’t I could mentally accept and not let it bother me. As my air con didn’t work last night I still slept ok but didn’t feel so refreshed when I woke up in the 29-degree bedroom. Abs exercise soon woke me up. I was so into what I was doing in class this morning that I forgot it was only for one hour, thinking that we had one more to go! Considering my skin felt like it was burning and was actually blistering by the time I got home I didn’t even really think about it throughout most of the day.
Something I learned today?
Good days sometimes creep up on you unawares.
What is the greatest life lesson I’ve learned?
Patience. When I was younger I was patient with some things and then wildly impatient with others. As I’ve gotten older I have managed to get almost everything I might have been impatient for before under control. It is hard to teach patience to children. They are not designed to comprehend it yet.
I took this picture because this is the tree/plant that has covered me with its sap that is now burning my skin everywhere. An uncomfortable night last night as the aircon stopped working again and the two fans I was using were next to useless in keeping me cool, even whilst sucking in cooler air from outside.
It was in the trees, in the air Its meaning was never clear Both here and over there Sometimes hidden in fear It was simple, it was strong It would never disappear Sometimes right and other times wrong Especially after having a beer Often spoken, sometimes just thought It influences its sphere Sometimes learned, sometimes taught Or born right now and here Never met a deer with no eyes They always seem to appear Born in imagination, in surprise Boom! – an idea!
The universe is what it is, not what I choose that it should be.
Bertrand Russell
Today I’m feeling: Content, relaxed Today I’m grateful for: The staff at the hospital that administered (paperwork and execution) Amy’s second rabies shot. Hopefully her wounds heal well and there are no repercussions. The best thing about today was: Today has been consistent and modestly good, from a bit of exercise, listening to an interesting podcast about the Slits, good coffees, a fun first class, taking Amy to the hospital, then lunch at Oasis, more good coffee, a fun second class, then to the movies to watch the second Avatar movie which, whilst not a great movie was better than I expected. What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? I had to run around for, and with, Amy a lot today and couldn’t spend my usual time writing and reading at House which I look forward to. Rather than feeling grudgful I tried to savour and did end up enjoying the whole day. Something I learned today? I mostly learned this last week whilst listening to Jello Biafra interview Dominic Davi on his Renegade Roundtable podcast, though I finished listening this morning. Dominic had had a stroke fairly recently and described the experience and aftereffects of it. I’d been thinking about it on and off over the weekend especially as I am now in the age demographic more likely to experience this. This morning I was reminded again about the BE FAST acronym. Balance, Eyes, Face and then the other things I forget but I reckon you’d recognise it with those at least. This is all well and good to assist someone else but I’d be worried if it was happening to me and I was by myself or unable to communicate with others around me as Dominic described. He was helped quickly be others recognising the signs. Well, this is useful knowledge at least though I hope it is knowledge that will go unused. Describe something you learned from your mother. I’ve written about this before but I think I learned patience, hard work, solitude and don’t-give-a-fuck-what-others-think attitude from my mum.
I took this picture because I gave my students in 1/7 a spelling test and with prep and repetition took about one and a half hours to complete but it was actually a lot of fun and I think the kids even found it a little amusing, some of them doing better than either they or I expected. This is also the only picture I took today!
The concept of greatness entails being noble, wanting to be by oneself, being able to be different, standing alone and having to live independently.
Nietzsche
Today I’m feeling: Ok, mellow enough Today I’m grateful for: Nong Nam and Nong Aoi for testing my patience today. I asked them to do something in class and they refused so I asked them to leave, to which they immediately complied. It was a little comical but it was good that they just left. Better for everyone. The best thing about today was: I got home early again and went off for a bike ride with Bruno and we actually ended up at the place we intended for once. When we got there there was a big building and a sign for the area: ‘Non-Hunting Area’. It was the end of the road and we were kind of interested to walk up the mountain a bit behind the building. It seemed we disturbed the people ‘working’ there as the five or six dogs they had came running and barking. I have no idea what these people do there and I’m pretty sure we woke most of them up! After a few minutes, the dogs settled down and we talked with ‘the boss’ for a bit, who suggested coming in the morning time when it’s more pretty. The dogs started sniffing and licking around us and had now become very curious and friendly. They were well-kept and beautiful. It was a quick and nice ride all-in-all, through the valley and to the edge of the mountain. Another little part of the area explored. What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? Last night I slept very poorly though it was mostly a case of being uncomfortable and tossing and turning through the night the result of which had me expecting to feel very tired today. To try to ward this off though I stood in front of the bathroom mirror and told myself I was feeling good and I would feel good all day. I knew I had two classes and planned to go for a ride in the afternoon, which I could have easily blown off if I wanted to rest but somehow today I felt a little more motivated and wanted to try to overcome this recent lethargy. Something I learned today? I learned from Bruno what a tapioca tree looks like and that under each tree can be a great number of large tubers from which a few different things can be made. When I was little my mum used to make tapioca pudding for me and for some reason as Bruno was talking about these tubers I was imagining them to be full of tapioca pearls which simply fell out of it. I realised my stupidity once I saw a picture of a cut tuber though! Duh! Apparently, they are easy to grow and of course, as soon as we rode around a bit we saw them everywhere.
I took this picture because I had had enough of two of my students who were rude and disrespectful to me in class (see above) so I told them to get out. I was upset with them but I wasn’t in a bad mood and I laughed even more when another student (Jet) handed this drawing to me.
I am not what I seem I have masks to protect you from me I stay alone in my house And it will this way forever be
I am simply understood Because I am a mirror in my ways Yet you should not trust my deeds Or my thoughts that reflect your plays
I hide from you my darkness My skies of purple shadow As you ascend yourself to Heaven It’s down to Hell that I go
Your steps are taken with caution Whilst my madness removes my care There’s direction to your movement But I feel it’s not going anywhere
My friend, you are not my friend But how shall I make you understand? My path is not your path Yet together we walk hand in hand
Inspired by a Khalil Gibran parable, with the last four lines lifted word for word. I found this short parable very affecting and particularly relevant to my thoughts on friendship.
25th Mar 2024 – Submitted to WDYS with the above picture prompt
I am so happy and grateful to Oasis restaurant for making yummy vegan food in Chiang Rai.
Tired this morning. When I got home yesterday, I brought my washing in, ironed 11 shirts, watered the garden and fed the cats. It was about 7pm by the time I sat down and relaxed. The woes of being a working house-husband! I also somehow got a cactus needle stuck in my foot, which would wake me in the night if rubbed the wrong way on the sheet and further worsened by having music on too loud in the living room, so when I woke up, I would listen and it took a while to nod off again.
Pompam from 2/10 tested positive for Covid yesterday, so hope it hasn’t spread in the classroom – though I want to catch it now – before the holiday.
