Tag: poem

Old Punks – 16th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Rolling around the floor
In a holy communion
Brothers in legs and arms are we
Ecstatic violence
In joint participation
All for one and all shall be free

United we stood
Until we made our divisions
And our power would no longer be
Nostalgia now remains
A past to reminisce
Something that belonged to you and me

21st Jun 2024 – Submmited to Word of the Day Challenge

Don’t ask me what’s next, tell me what’s next!

The alternative is to draw the map instead of reading it.

Seth Godin

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for a surprise holiday today. And the last two days of the week are sports days, so no teaching!

Fatman report

Submitted myself to a relaxing, lazy day. Aing and company left this morning and I bumped into them at Utopia, where they invited me to go with them to Singha Park. My initial instinct was to say ‘no’ but I forced myself to say ‘yes’ and that made them very happy.

I came home and got myself ready but just before they were due to pick me up, they sent a message that one of the family who was with them had a fever, so they had to go to the hospital to get tested, so the plan was cancelled. I had my time given back to me and enjoyed it immensely.

Valentine’s Dream – 15th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

On the eve of Valentine’s Day
When she woke from a comfortable sleep
She had dreamed a dream of killing him
An ex that had never gone deep

Then she started to question herself
As this feeling disturbed her so
What was the meaning of this dream?
Was what she wanted to know

Why are my insides twisted into knots? Am I in control here or is my anxiety?

Who is in control here? What principles are guiding me?

Ryan Holiday, Daily Stoic

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my house where I can have guests here without any real problems. Everything is here for them.

Busy and lazy days since last writing. Yesterday I took the day off work, calling in sick and I actually was sick on Sunday night after eating the last of my potato bake that had obviously gone off! I threw it up and felt much better but went to sleep very soon after.

Monday, Valentine’s Day, was graduation day for Fern, Aing, Gus, Nu and Mink. I met Mink in the early afternoon and remember how much I like him because he is always thoughtful. I asked him what he’d been doing in Bangkok and he said he had just quit his first job because every day he would go to work and end up asking himself ‘what am I doing here?’ I told that will probably happen many times in his life. At least he’s smart enough to figure out how to make changes.

I bumped into Fern at Utopia but we didn’t get chance to meet again and she flew home to Hat Yai in the evening. I spent most of the time with Aing’s brother and friend and then the rest of the family arrived with Now. Aing showed up after about an hour and many photographs were taken.

I could feel the general celebration in the air though it still confuses me a little. The student’s courses had all finished over a year ago – that to me is the time to celebrate – and I’m sure they all did at that time too. But for this event, families travel all over the country just to be here for a couple of hours as their kids receive their pieces of paper. Someone in Aing’s family had made matching T-shirts for everyone to wear. They had a picture of Aing’s face and then some text along the lines of ‘tuition fees = 25,000 – what she told her parents = 37,000’. Well played!

At school today, hence writing here in my down time. I’m definitely not as motivated to write here when I’m at home, which tells me where I would rather be! This morning, I taught 2/9 the lesson I put together about sexual abuse and they all understood the message but the girls were more thoughtful and mature about the topic, whilst the boys were still a little embarrassed about anything to do with sex.

It was interesting that afterwards some of the students talked about others who had committed suicide after being shamed and another who, just that weekend, had been asked by a friend to send nude pics and then sent her an unwanted dick pic. She asked me for advice about what to do. I told her that she could tell him that it is not the type of behaviour that a friend would do, especially unsolicited.

I found out that sports day is this Thursday and Friday and at lunch time I found out that tomorrow is a holiday. So – no more teaching for the week! It also seems to be only three weeks until the kids finish and there’s also a couple of days with no classes in there somewhere too.

I’m curious if I will be recontracted here next semester. I hope so but I can also see that the class sizes are making it difficult to keep everyone engaged. I might have to do some research on how to keep classes like that busy somehow. Or just submit myself to teaching little in each class.

Breakfast Time In Heaven – 14th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Sliding open the doors
A comforting cool coats
My bare arms
The sun, still hidden
Begins painting the horizon
Dewy leaves tickle my toes

A patient cat stretches
Before balancing on my shoulders
Soft meows multiply
As others join in chorus
Good morning boys and girl

It’s breakfast time in heaven
Miracles every day
The bowls are full of food
And water never-ending
Eat, drink, sleep and play

Any man that takes money two ways would take it three ways.

Mrs Douglas, Stranger In A Strange Land by Robert Heinlein

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be part of Aing’s graduation ceremony today and to meet some of her family. And to meet Gus, Nu and Mink over these last few days.

Cornfield – 13th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We broke down the fence
It couldn’t hold us back
Stomped around the cornfield
As if under some attack

Stamping our feet in furrows
Over the husks, we run
We knew we’d later be in trouble
But it was so much damn fun

We screamed for each other
As the leaves flapped our faces
Circling in wide loops
Running made-up races

Finally, we were exhausted
And we settled down to rest
Summer with my friends
In a cornfield is the best

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, can become great.

Mark Twain

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Nong Fern to bring me lots of snacks from Hat Yai.

Game Over – 7th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Sat in slumber with a bent neck
Focused on the flashing lights
Like waiting for the three sevens to appear
Many hours passed the only movement, eyes

And twitching thumbs
Manipulating an avatar
Somewhat to my will
Game over for body
Game over for brain

The creaks and aches remind me
Reality is only virtually the same

The ones who thrive long term are those who understand the real world is a never ending chain of absurdity, confusions, messy relationships and imperfect people.

Morgan Housel

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for this delicious-smelling skin cream that I bought 2 or 3 years ago and use sparingly. Today is not special but it smells special now.

Yesterday sure was excellently relaxing. I even played some Forza Horizon on Xbox which was really enjoyable. I didn’t even make it to my room, so didn’t push myself to play keyboard or guitar. Still don’t feel drawn to that room and I’m not sure why. Perhaps I’m more drawn to it when Amy is here in the house. I don’t mean in a ‘get away’ kind of way but with the house empty, I can sprawl around inside. Maybe I should bring everything inside. That would be a pain in the ass but also a reasonable option. I may as well make the house mine while I can.

Yesterday’s weather was interesting. A storm forecast for Saturday brought rain and a little thunder but nothing out of the ordinary. Sunday morning was still cloudy but warmer. Around 4pm, I called and talked with Amy and it started raining again and then I noticed it getting louder but it wasn’t heavy rain but big chunks of ice, some almost golf ball-sized. All the cats ran to hide and I showed Amy the chunks of ice which she had never seen in Chiang Rai before. Before we’d finished talking, suddenly the sun came out. Weird and cool.

This week is Scout Week at school and in typical Thai style, our coordinator advised us that there was nothing for us to do with our students and that we should go to Primary and help there. When I went there I was told we have to help in Mathayom. So, this week, nothing to do! My students are already messaging me at 9 am, saying they are totally bored.

I’m sitting in the cafe next door and Dylan is at home, so I figure I might just come and show my face in the mornings and then go home again!

The Rules – 6th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Throw the ball into the air
See what can go wrong
Now we’ve got ourselves a game
Make it up as you go along

That one doesn’t work
Let’s think of a better one
10 points for creativity
Even if it doesn’t last long

Experimentation makes the rules
Cultures develop this way
No one is better than another
And who am I to say?

What a journey this life is! Dependent entirely, on things unseen.

James Baldwin

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be friends with Nong Art, who helped me order kratom online this morning, accidentally finding a cheaper option!

Chilled out yesterday, as the car service got delayed until next week and the so-called storm just produced clouds and a light cool rain for most of the afternoon and evening. Lovely just to hang with the cats, reading and watching TV.

I also roasted some veggies for a decent hit of carbs. I munched on the mushrooms and felt good, listening to Cardiacs at full volume but didn’t cross over into psychedelia. Never mind.

I feel great this morning, after a long, deep sleep. I think today will be more of the same relaxing.

The Whys – 5th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There was a wisdom to the air
A confidence contained in words
A charismatic character
Striding forth with bellows
Seen from the side
Seen straight ahead
Backwards or upside down
Never questioned, the whys
– I questioned the wise
Found lacking and falling short
Unveiled, revealed to me
It matters not, what you see
This is just a matter for me

When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.

bell hooks

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy got offered both jobs and took the 2nd one as it allows her to travel in February before starting in March. Excellent.

Straight Line – 4th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Going straight isn’t always the best
Sometimes you gotta bend to pass the test
Life is not linear, the path may be curved
You made it here by the way you swerved

As the crow flies sure is so fast
But the lesson, maybe, does not last
If you don’t adapt, you can break
That’s a mistake you don’t want to make

What exists, exists so that it can be lost and become precious.

Lisel Mueller

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy is going for two job interviews already! She hasn’t even been in Australia for a week yet.

Last night I had a couple of spoonfuls of kratom powder and got really dug into creating some music, though I ran out of time to play guitar. It was only later, when I was feeding the cats and talking with Amy, that I realised how hungry I was and I was even feeling a little nauseous as I was eating some salmon I had bought.

After watching some TV, I was feeling tired and had a shower and couldn’t even read much before falling to sleep and it was a deep, long one. I don’t remember waking up at all. I’ve started using a sleep app, though I don’t have a watch for monitoinrg and the app told me my sleep was only 69% quality, so I’m a little doubtful how well it is actually working.

Amy has two job interviews lined up today, which is crazy. She hasn’t even been there a week! Fern also advised her about a position available where she works too.

My morning classes were excellent. I tested 2/9 (grade 8) with a really difficult text and they were so happy and shocked when I told them it was for a grade 12 level. I was teaching them not to be scared of difficult-looking things and that their skill level is very good.

I’ll take it easy for my last class in the afternoon and then have to psych myself up for the weekend. Vacuuming and washing need to be squeezed in along with all the cat and garden maintenance. Also have to take the car for service, which will give me the opportunity to walk a bit until it’s ready.

Artificial Womb – 3rd February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

New concepts for conception
A baby-making contraption
A warehouse full of wires
Tubes of blood suppliers

A matrix of growing babies
A new world full of maybes
Birth is an open door
Special delivery from the store

Is nine months an optimal time?
Perhaps twelve for extra spine
Let’s bake these babies longer
And make them so much stronger

An artificial womb, a real fear?
Where next to go from here?
Mixing up all DNA data
To make the future so much smarter

I hope in my lifetime to see the first human being created without pain.

Aria Babu, on Artificial Wombs

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to meet Matt yesterday and get a surprise gift which was very kind and generous.

Time goes quickly, whether at home or work. I should remind myself that time quickly goes when I’m having fun, so I should be happy with that.

Last night, after getting home, I fiddled about with the things I fiddle about with and then enjoyed watching some comedy. I wanted to watch a movie but within a couple of minutes, I was put off by the acting, so I checked IMDB for reviews and read that the story was ok but that the bad acting spoiled it all so I decided to give it a miss.

Had a good sleep that I would’ve enjoyed for longer if I could but got up and did an arm workout. As I was eating breakfast, I saw someone walk past our window, which, weirdly, didn’t surprise me as much as I thought it would! I quickly realised that it was just Amy’s mum and she had come early, as grandmum wanted to go to the temple for her birthday today.

This morning’s classes were fun and I was very heartened to hear from students that next week, when they all have to do Red Cross activities, they all said that it was a waste of time and that they would prefer to be studying instead. Apparently, we (the high school teachers) are supposed to be going to Primary to help out there. I would rather be teaching!

Sitting in House for the rest of the afternoon. Looking at writing prompts and the first one is about obstacles. I don’t feel that I have any obstacles, really. But I want to imagine myself having an obstacle to overcome and how to go about it. Actually, I don’t want to imagine myself, but to write a story about someone else having that problem to overcome. I need to get my imagination back in gear again. My creative side.

I’ve enjoyed messing around with the keyboard to create mini-tunes, so want to continue developing that side of my personality. When talking to Matt yesterday, he said that he hadn’t been recording anything of the modular music he’d been creating and I was considering saying to him to record some and give it to me to manipulate more, but then I remembered that I had self-committed to remixing all the Senyawa stems last year but only ended up doing three. So, really, I would probably feel better motivated by doing it all myself from scratch – that would feel like more of an investment to me.

Anyway, obstacles. As I sit and write, I can think of many minor obstacles that I could consider. They just don’t seem significant. They feel like they will just naturally be overcome. I’ve learned to sit back and reflect on things more and problems (obstacles) tend to just naturally disappear. The importance we place on many thing just aren’t really what they seem.

Revenge Bedtime Procrastination – 2nd February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Working stiff, time is sucked away
Beer o’clock, a chance to play
Reclaim the day, sleep when you’re dead
Tomorrow’s here with a throbbing head

Power through with a mindful meditation
Revenge bedtime procrastination
An ever-decreasing circle of frustration
Revenge bedtime procrastination

The office runs, so take a rest
Getting paid to sleep is the best
Pretty soon it’s time to go again
Waiting for the whistle of 5pm

16 more hours without destination
Revenge bedtime procrastination
Chase away time with dedication
Revenge bedtime procrastination

When you’re young, dumb and energetic, your greatest asset is that you’re young, dumb and energetic.

Cole Schafer

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy arrived in Australia safe and sound. It was good to see her in our old house last night.

17th August 2023 – Amy’s old friend Anna and her husband still live in our old Chatswood apartment and offer us space to stay if we ever need it and I still receive bits and pieces of mail there so I can use it as an Aussie address still if necessary.

Damn, those kids were noisy in class and I can see that for some, they are not interested to study. So, I’ll just continue to focus on the ones who are trying their best. The sad thing is that the ones not interested could actually do the work. It’s not difficult. There are just too many damn kids in the class.

Anyway, I kept it as fun as possible and everything was OK. I floated around for the afternoon, pretty much just waiting until 4pm to go home.

I couldn’t tell if Amy’s parents had come and watered, so I did it again, which was pleasant and relaxing. I made it to my room but didn’t do much on Ableton and the keyboard; instead, I got sucked into the guitar, which has fallen off the last few weeks, so my fingers are a little soft. I played until they hurt too much to carry on.

In the middle of this, Amy called from our old home, where Anna and Big Boy now live and Amy felt so happy to recall all our memories from there. She was already excitedly talking about new plans. I’m glad she’s feeling good, though I can (and she can) already feel how expensive everything is. 100 dollar taxi from the airport!

(Later) Just the one class today, which was fine, though the kids were a little restless. It was still fun. I got my pay cheque today, which I’ve been hanging for and not just have to wait for it to clear.

I went over to Matt’s and he surprised me with a huge bottle of wee tincture, some dried wee and some mushrooms. Awesome! A pity I have to take the car for service on Saturday morning but maybe I can take a dose when I get home.

Matt and I talked a lot about getting older and being happy not to be surrounded by friends for friendship’s sake. We’re happy with ourselves.

Do you still have a deep dark secret?

I don’t think I do. There are perhaps certain things that I wouldn’t tell certain people but ultimately, there’s nothing really so secret in my life. There are things I’ve done that I’m not so proud of but they are all in the context of growth and development. In the end, I hope to put down everything here (in this blog) and some things may upset certain people if they ever saw them but they are generally intended without judgment and just a record of events and feelings of those moments.

I don’t think I’ve ever had any kind of dark secret.