Tag: time

A Rusty Old Thing – 11th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

It used to be so important
Now it doesn’t mean a thing
The shine has turned to rust
Nostalgia is all it can bring

Never thought it would be forgotten
It’s influence ran so deep
Then it was replaced by another
And now just something to keep

Submitted to Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Timeworn

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty exhausted but happy to relax at home and doing bits and pieces in my room.

(Later) I’m tired but not sleepy, already in bed at 7pm and will do some Thai study, book and comic reading.

Today I’m grateful for:

Old cardboard boxes and, in turn, for online shopping that means we also have them laying around to use to pack on the rare occasions I get online orders through Bandcamp.

I’m also grateful to the guy at the car wash who helped me with the air pump to put air in my pushbike tyres. I was confused because it didn’t seem to work as normal.

The best thing about today was:

Playing guitar after a few days break. I sometimes wish I had learned when I was younger as now my old fingers easily forget and get lost on the strings and for not playing for a couple of days it felt a little like starting again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing significant springs to mind. 

Something I learned today?

Utopia will close for three days next week as they and the Daytripper staff all head up to Phu Chi Fa for a couple of nights camping. What about my coffee!? Actually, it looks like it will be Monday to Wednesday so I should be safe!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I chatted with Noey at Utopia for a while, encouraging her to talk with the farangs that come into the shop because she has never seen snow. Maybe if she can catch a farang he can take her off somewhere to see it!

I rescued P’ti when he escaped from Utopia and held him while he ate some grass and sniffed the air for a while. He seemed satisfied with that for a while before disappearing into the back rooms of the shop.

What’s the weirdest object in your studio/home/office?

Weird? 

Office: A CD that comes in a stone package? 

Home: Two King-size beds in the bedroom?

I don’t know… my weird seems pretty normal to me. I don’t know or much care what other people think.

I took this picture on Saturday at Wat Chaloem in Lampang. A beautiful day for a bit of a hike up this mountain.

Time Tester – 7th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Distilling War and Peace into a 15-second TikTok
Surely something is lost
We’re paying for our own dumbing down
Unable to understand the cost

Did you find a virtue in your scrolling?
Fingertips raw and red
No longer is anyone listening
Because nothing is being said

There’s no glitter to the wisdom past
And thinking has been removed
The truth is further from our experience
And unlikely to be improved

Submitted to MindLoveMiserysMenagerie

Home Workouts Workout — Morning functional strength training

Today I’m feeling:

Awesome. I felt especially good after my short chest and arm exercise this morning.

Today I’m grateful for:

Our car. I say this because I often see old cars around that I would like to own but remember all the trouble I always had with old cars, except for The Rocket, and how unreliable they could be. So that got me thinking about how grateful I am for our little boring Nissan that keeps going despite the daily thrashings I give it.

The best thing about today was:

Getting things done in the garden and cleaning the moss from around the teaching room using the high-pressure hose. I’m really tired already but it provided a great sense of achievement also topped off with mala soup and grill.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I lost my cool as Amy badgered me for help and then started (what felt to me like) talking down to me like I was a kid. We were outside and I kicked a nearby bucket away in frustration, which then, of course, got her upset too.

I almost immediately just found the situation funny but Amy was very upset and gave me the silent treatment whilst I tried to make it up to her.

Something I learned today?

I watched some videos of the recently released City Skylines 2 video game. It looks very good but I could immediately see how much time would need to be sunk into it and it’s time I would rather spend with other things these days.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

My vile deed was losing my cool with Amy and I’m disappointed with myself because it was nothing really. I’m still trying to make it up to her but she hasn’t quite forgiven me yet.

This morning I just had the one grade 7 class and encouraged my students with their reading which is slowly improving. They should be proud of themselves.

Amy took this picture because Tangmo quietly came over as we prepared to eat an early dinner. He sat and waited patiently and occasionally begged for bits of food. After we had finished we walked him to the gate where he now understands it is time to say goodbye and he walked off home.

Noticing The Nuance – 13th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Humbled and heartbroken
Fallen to a knee
Eyes wide open
How could they not be?

Shocked into submission
Suddenly set free
No longer distracted
And starting to see

Hours once dedicated
To you from me
Were blinders to the bronco
From forest to tree

Stars return to brightness
From a distant memory
Noticing the nuance
Analysed by degree

The chaos of our lives
I’m sure we all agree
Turn our attentions
Into nothing but debris

16th May 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Humility

Today I’m feeling:

Run down and sick. I slept through most of yesterday and last night and feel like sleeping more. My sore throat has transformed to a sexy voice as my nose starts running causing me to cough and hack up phlegm. To top it all, I forced myself to eat this morning and more of my busted booth came loose. Really have to get back to the dentist soon. Needless to say, I’m not at school. I should go to the hospital but not looking forward to sitting around for a couple of hours just to get prescribed medicine I can get at the pharmacy.

Today I’m grateful for:

The staff at the hospital that made everything relatively smooth and pain-free. Just a bit of waiting around. A bunch of meds were prescribed all for 200 baht, about 8 Aussie bucks. I don’t not know how much the meds had to do with it but I started feeling a little better after getting back from the hospital.

The best thing about today was:

Still working a little with my students in the afternoon while waiting at the hospital. The work I give to my grade 8s is simple and repetitive just with a different text each week so I don’t actually need to even be there with them. Still, about ten students skipped doing anything, which is a shame.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I went out to Utopia and grabbed coffee but the bike wouldn’t start after and I had to wheel it down the road in the scorching heat, adding to my already-addled brain. After the guy in the shop got it running again I decided just to buy some medicine and go home and rest. Amy came back an hour or so later and berated me for not going to the hospital so here I am, already told it’s at least a one-hour wait. I’m handling it by sniffing, coughing and wondering if I’ll even be well enough to go to school tomorrow.

Something I learned today?

Thailand is introducing a Clean Air Act but has no real solutions to stop the yearly burning by farmers. Just ideas and suggestions. There is support online behind a 28-year-old doctor who is about to die from lung cancer but I can’t imagine anyone in government is going to do anything seriously to stop this annual event that is due to be worse and for longer this year.

What new hobby would I like to try?

It’s not new I guess but I really need to get on and make some music with the equipment I have. The problem is that I would have to drop some of the other things that I already like doing with my time.

No new pictures today so this is from last week. Kam, Amy and Praewa tiktokking for me.

My Witness – 24th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Who is my witness? Who is left alive?
Does anyone remember our struggling to strive?
With no one left to share
Is there anyone left to care?
All the wisdoms found
Buried back in the ground
Words are often repeated
Once the time’s completed
The same mistakes are made
For which the past already paid

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

A bit fried. My head is not quite clear this morning. I’m not unhappy or bothered at the moment, just kinda wondering what’s next.

(Later) The weekend slumber has helped and I feel fighting fit again for a new week. Last week at school with the kids!

Today I’m grateful for:

The non-communicative (grumpy?) guy in the bottle shop next door to Lamp Cafe who said nothing except ‘30 baht’ when I was buying soda water. He never looked up at me or said thank you or goodbye, even though I did. I’m getting used to all sorts of people and grateful that I still feel like this is an enjoyable place for me to be.

The best thing about today was:

The slow get-go that eventually turned into enthusiasm and happiness. It’s hot again but I definitely prefer the less cloudy grey skies. Riding back from Utopia I was considering riding off and around about but perhaps have to wait until next weekend.

Something I learned today?

I watched a fascinating documentary about the collapse of the Bronze Age in the Mediterranean. It makes me interested to travel more. In my imagination, it feels like life hasn’t changed there much over the centuries.

What activities cause me to lose track of time?

As I’m getting older I’m finding more and more that time slips away ever faster. I’m never troubled by boredom anymore and often wish I could be. I’d like time to slow down. Could I stand to give up my comfortable life and possessions for a more meaningful and meagre existence? Do I really want to feel bored again?

Pretty much all activities cause me to lose track of time these days.

Where can I broaden my perspective?

I think this can be anywhere and everywhere. Despite knowing I am opinionated on many things I don’t wish to ever become close-minded about things. I can only make judgements on the things I know and I must admit that I don’t know everything. My perspective is broadened every day with everything I see and do.

Noey took this picture because… I’m not sure why actually, but I think I look pretty good in it.

Witches and Wizards – 14th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s only a small role to be played
No one is more important in the game
Better to choose not to be insulted
By those who wish the rules remain

The witches and wizards will try
To knock you off your shaky feet
Their game is a lonely one
Where they’re happy to have you beat

To feel better at another’s expense
Does not a balanced life bring
And that tiny role that belongs to you
Is the truth that lets you sing

Today I’m feeling:

A little slow to go. Lost in a little canna paranoia. Reflecting on who I am and what I’ve done and what’s left to do. What’s next?

Life is such a boring existence when seen through a focused lens. Everything is dull. There’s nothing new anymore. No wonder left in the world. Most of the time we just busy ourselves to ignore it.

I’d better get busy.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding salad at the Walking Street today. I had Amy’s lasagna for lunch and by the time it got to 5 pm, I knew I needed to eat something else and started craving salad. At first, I couldn’t find my usual favourite stall to buy at, though eventually found another as I was just starting to wonder what else I could eat. Topped with some English Cheddar chips, I could’ve eaten another bowl full.

The best thing about today was:

My head getting back together and realising that I’m okay. At least, I think I’m ok! 

How are people so sure of themselves? Everything they do is trivial and ridiculous. I know this about myself and I’m certain it’s not just me!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I didn’t answer this question yesterday and today I’m leaning towards what I almost wrote yesterday in that I’m running out of time to get all the things done that I would like to do. I’m thinking that I have to stop watching so many YouTube or TV shows. Ironically this thought was triggered by a video I was watching about how our attention spans are so short these days. 

Something I learned today?

Ipswich Town are in first place in the League Championship. They’ve only played two games so far though! Maybe my old team will be back in the big league next year.

Rista sent me this picture because she’s away playing kabaddi in Kanchanaburi and she was smart enough to ask me if she would have to keep up with my classwork. I told her not to worry about it and enjoy herself but to send me pictures. I was surprised and appreciative that she did. She’s a good kid. She separated herself a little from some of her friends who were diverting her attention away from things she has decided she wants to do.

Grasp – 29th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The future is heading faster towards me
Time is running out to get things done
But what exactly is it that I should be doing?
I must be serious but want to have fun

When did I stop enjoying my life?
I can’t remember when I last laughed
Satisfaction always seems beyond my reach
No matter how many times I grasped

Today I’m feeling:

I can’t say it’s been a good day but my feeling has slowly brightened since its beginning at least.

Today I’m grateful for:

The security guard at Central who didn’t move me on from waiting in the car outside the entrance whilst Amy ran in to get lasagna sheets for cooking lunch tomorrow. Thanks, dude. I saw you doing a great job moving barriers for the VIP car owners.

The best thing about today was:

A big sushi dinner in an odd little family cabin space near the city. What it lacked in amenities, atmosphere and Japanesness was made up with good tasting food. Makes me want to go back to Japan though. Nothing beats the real deal.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After Baew and Mee had gone last night I helped Amy clean up the room not realising they had broken a glass and I had just walked barefoot through its remains. Luckily no damage done. Amy and Baew had managed to get through three bottles of wine and they both looked droopy-eyed and worse for wear.

I went in for a shower whilst Amy stayed a bit longer to clean and listen to music. After I finish my shower Amy appears with a bleeding foot, presumably from stepping on some rogue piece of glass. But she’s also annoyed that I didn’t answer her calls from the outside room to come and help. I hadn’t heard her calls as I was in the shower so not much I could really do about that. She didn’t quite see it that way but angrily told me that she was fine. So I went to bed, I was so tired by now. 

In the morning I woke up and Amy wasn’t in bed and didn’t look like she had been. I went around the house and outside and the car was also gone! I called her mum but she hadn’t heard anything. I jumped on the bike and went around to her friend’s houses nearby and around the hospital car park looking for our car but no sign. 

When I got back home the gardeners had arrived adding to the confusion. Stranger still, Amy was in the kitchen doing the washing up.

Asking where she had been I couldn’t get a straight answer but her foot seemed to be fine. 

By now I was starting to feel wound up and angry. I didn’t know what to do. I took some deep breaths and tried to calm myself. 

Often in situations like this I’ve found that just carrying on as normal and not showing any emotion will help so I asked Amy if there was anything she wanted me to do today to which she said no so I said ok, I’m going for coffee.

This first coffee tastes very bitter.

Something I learned today?

I really am badly affected by the lack of sunshine. It gets me down more than it should. I wonder if I don’t get enough sunshine even when it’s sunny because it’s too hot to be outside. 

Anyway, these last two cloudy days have made the temperature more hospitable. I contemplated sitting in the hammock but still working my way up to it, preferring to sit in front of the TV instead for now.

I took this picture because the avocado tree is proving to be a battler after being brutally cut down by our gardeners.

Space Measurer – 7th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Born, as a city born
No random fluke
A memory made it all
Made an engine to get here
To travel through time
No spontaneous abundance
No existence without this

How does the arrow know
In which direction its time does flow?

Endless, insufficient, endless
Easy to discard, to waste
Measured up, down and sideways
Space inside a space

Today I’m feeling:

A little strange. But only because I won’t go to school until the afternoon. I’m envious of people who can wake up and do leisure activities before going to work. I’m a wake-up and work person. I like to get the difficult stuff done first and then fully relax. Right now I’m wound up and ready to go with nothing in particular to do. I’ll happily fill my time but in the back of my mind is that anticipation.

Today I’m grateful for:

A little conversation I had with my student Tonaor after school. She and another student missed my class cos she was off doing something so when I saw her I asked what they were doing. She said it was some training about dealing with depression. I was quite surprised to know that this was on the agenda at school and would like to find out more.
I also asked Tonaor if she thought she was depressed (which is something I wouldn’t have said was obvious with her) and she said sometimes and that the only time she is happy is when she is with her boyfriend. She understands that this feeling could lead to issues later in life and I’m glad she is a little self-aware though at 13 also understands she doesn’t have the skills yet. 
I like conversations like this (though it was mostly through translation), getting beyond superficial and playful talk. Some students feel very comfortable doing that with me which I take as a great compliment.

The best thing about today was:

A three-hour sleep-in with dreams about being on a bus or train. Perhaps a reminder that life is about the journey rather than the destination as I woke up before getting to the end. I was surrounded by people I knew but now can’t figure out who they were. It may have just been representations of people I was at school with or something like that.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy called whilst I was watching the football (see below) as she was just about to catch a ferry home and I would be accompanying her for the duration. Well, that’s fine, I can pause the game and carry on later. About 15 minutes in she realises she is on the wrong ferry, so to make use of the time I went out to the garden and picked some weeds whilst we were talking.
Eventually, she got back to dry land and had to dash off to the bathroom so she said she’d call back. I decided to stay out in the garden though. As the storm that was threatening got blown away, I started watering. Later Amy called back and I did accompany her home and about an hour and a half after starting our call I was able to get back to the football.
Despite leading for most of the game we lost in the last ten minutes and my superstitious mind tells me they lost because Amy interrupted my viewing of it! Of course, I know that’s ridiculous but is something that often crosses my mind. If this didn’t happen then that wouldn’t have happened. From there it goes in ever-decreasing circles. Now I’ve had this thought that also affects the outcome, and then that thought has done the same and on and on. Imagine if we could harness mind power purely for knowledge advancement rather than for ridiculousness.

Something I learned today?

The Swans game was last night and I didn’t even know. I can watch it on replay this evening – woohoo!

(not so much woohoo after watching it!)

What experiences have shaped me as a person?

Er…. all of them? My experience today, this evening, the last five minutes, are all accumulating second by second. Each shaped by the one before into a big mess that forms habits and thoughts that can be identified and hopefully reshaped over time.
I watched an interesting podcast yesterday where comedian Antony Jeselnik said that he was glad he didn’t have his life worked out when he was 17. Everyone he knew who did, ended up in a boring humdrum existence. He said if you’re happy and have everything figured out in your fifties then you can be certain you’ve lived a good life. I kinda feel like that’s me though I’m still uncertain if I have anything figured out. 
So when I see how my students are at school, having fun, playing and generally behaving like children, which is exactly what they are, I guess they will figure things out in their own time too. Who’s to say one form of education is better than another when it comes to the specific realities for these kid’s lives? Being top of the class doesn’t necessarily bring happiness.

I took these pictures because Amy messaged me if I was at school and I sent her these. Is this a school? Every day is playtime for them. They did the work I asked of them though what I ask of them each week diminishes more and more! It’s 2.30 Friday afternoon and the roof fans are just stirring up the hot air that saunters in from outside. It’s relentless and difficult to avoid, sapping energy quicker than a 5-cent battery. I’m fascinated to know where my students might end up in the future.

Breaking Up The Band – 25th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We are a dysfunctional family of four
Carrying our tools across the floor
Ready to give you all from the heart
Before finally ripping ourselves apart

Going from friends to colleagues
We grew along with our intrigues
Soon we melded ourselves into one
Deciding to take the whole world on

The fun stopped one night in the rain
The last note ringing could never explain
A flick of the switch to mark the end
The crowd goodbyes a dearest friend

Dining out on those glories past
Provoked so many questions asked
Time will put in order the truths
The connection made by these four youths

written after reading the Jawbreaker interviews in We Owe You Nothing

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good again. I had better energy and was able to do my warmup in the morning before coffee. The rest of the day has been a steady supply of all right.

Today I’m grateful for:

The beautiful fat dark clouds covering the tops of the mountains this morning after a night of intermittent rain. It looks like it will rain more but I decided to ride my motorbike out for coffee so that I could remember the feeling of being cold (the rain is cold but the air isn’t).

The best thing about today was:

Finally getting to see the Swans win again and with their biggest-ever victory margin as they scored over 200 points against the troubled Eagles. It wasn’t much of a contest but it was better than watching another dire struggle and losing. I managed to beat my shirts into shape getting the ironing done at the same time too. A winning day.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’ve wrenched something in the middle finger middle joint on my right hand and it hurts like hell. I’m not sure when I did it. I did a bit of weeding but I can’t remember feeling anything untoward at the time. It could’ve been when I was hanging, though I don’t recall anything much then either.  Playing an hour of guitar probably hasn’t helped either. I’m going to handle it by going to sleep and hope it feels better in the morning.

Something I learned today?

The biggest winning margin the Swans have had is 171 points, which they equalled today. It’s also the first 200-plus point game by any team since 2011. I don’t think it reflects how good the Swans were but how bad the Eagles were.

What is my favourite form of self-expression?

Is this not the living breathing thinking acting form of myself? If I move, if I open my mouth. My favourite form? Myself as a whole. Take it or leave it.

I took this picture from Facebook because it’s fascinating to see Chiang Rai in 1977 which is when I’d just moved to my grandparents’ house in Dorset. It was also 2 years before Amy was even born. This made me think of everything Amy’s grandmum must have seen change in her lifetime here. Time is fast, time is slow.

Left To Stay – 16th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Time doesn’t have to make sense
In fact, it never will
Every now becomes a then
Forever standing still
A life amounts to nothing much
Just another day today
Gone are the years to come
There’s nothing left to stay

Today I’m feeling:

Aircon worked all night again though I changed the setting so it wasn’t freezing but I still woke up a few times and on top of being worn out, I woke up groggy, already thinking about tomorrow’s sleep-in. However, I got going with some exercise and my body feels good. Hopefully, this first coffee I’m waiting for helps keep my eyes open through my four hours between classes.

Today I’m grateful for:

My poorer students. Sometimes it is more enjoyable to watch them discover something than to watch the ones already up to speed rush to finish first. In my morning class, I was worried about how to fill the time but thankfully many students struggled with the task and we ended up finishing just five minutes early.

The best thing about today was:

I just finished playing guitar for about an hour and enjoyed making a bad racket for no one to hear. My whole day was enjoyable with tiring but fun classes filled with laughter.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I couldn’t stop myself from getting a late afternoon coffee as I was running around after school. I think it kept me going but may also keep me up tonight. I will handle it by sleeping in tomorrow if I wish.

Something I learned today?

I found out that at the end of the month is scout week again plus two days holiday too! What a life.

What is a recent accomplishment I am proud of?

That’s an interesting question. I think my accomplishments may be diminishing in grandeur these days but that is fine. I’ll bite off whatever I can gum. I’m quite proud of myself for my improving Thai skills though I’m still way off from being able to carry out a decent conversation but I was happy for my students to tell me that they appreciated that I spoke a little Thai with them and one student told me my pronunciation was the best of the foreign teachers in the school. It’s a bit of a delicate balance as the schools generally don’t want the foreign teachers speaking Thai but I’ll do whatever I can to help my students understand.

I took this picture because Tokyo is not an excitable puppy anymore but now has a chunky body with a skinny neck and a thin face. She spends her day mostly lazing around like this.

Spit It Out – 14th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s a big ball of metaphors
With cherries, where I sit
Sweet and juicy popping flesh
Surrounds the poisonous pit
Dancing with death
But willing to lead
The softest smash
Reveals the seed
The greatest thing ever seen
A cigarette left unlit
Cyanide on a sunbeam
A perfectly mouthed spit

19th June 2023 – inspired by this post by Makenna Karas

Today I’m feeling:

No aircon last night again so I shoved the fan next to the open window but that stopped sometime during the night to perhaps to a power glitch which had happened a couple of times during the evening. So despite waking up hot at one point I finally got up with my alarm and felt pretty good, less achy than after the weekend, which seems to point to the fact I should exercise on the weekend too. Anyway, I’m sipping my first coffee and ready to go.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding another salad seller today at the market up at the university, which I don’t normally go up to. I was actually looking for the spicy fish seller but happy to find salad instead.

The best thing about today was:

Breezing through the day enjoying teaching, being around and talking and playing with students. I’m enjoying the challenge of keeping my students occupied and happily learning what little they can in each class. I must admit that I feel like I have little time for much else from Tuesday through to Friday.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Apart from running out of time to do more of the things I want, today was all smooth sailing. I am still waiting for Kru Jern to give me parents’ emails for one class but I hate to hassle her as I know everything admin-wise from the whole department gets dumped on her. The only way to deal with it is to wait.

Something I learned today?

I read an article about a lady that deliberately put up a ‘cat found’ poster in New York that had pictures of a possum on it and wanted to see what reaction they would get from people who called the number supplied. I learned that the New Yorkers that did respond were helpful and respectful with not even one saying anything bad about the kind of person that would mistake a possum for a cat. A tiny sliver of hope for humanity.

What is something that I find challenging but worth pursuing?

The thing I find most challenging right now is having the free time to fit in everything I want to do in a day. Exercise, learning Thai, playing guitar, communicating with students, reading books and comics, listening to music…. time runs out every day.

I took this picture because these three funny naughty students were trying to annoy me so I took their pictures and I told them I will send it to their homeroom teacher and they all screamed and sat down. For about five seconds.