Author: shaun tenzenmen

Australasian DIY music specialist and practising poet, amongst other things

Is life too easy? – 28th October 2021

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Is life too easy? Why is it so difficult to be bored these days? I need to be bored to be inventive – to break the cycle of boredom. Wandering around looking for something to do. Perhaps a return to England would help me to be bored again?

Actually, by rights, I should be bored here. I don’t speak the language well, we live in the middle of nowhere, no music scene as such – why am I not bored? Not in the way I used to be at least.

I was thinking about what it would feel like going to shows again – perhaps I would be bored with that now? Been there – done that! I get my doses of youthful energy through my students these days – though I feel sorry for them, unsure of their futures – maybe just as I was unsure of mine at their age. Some of them have a fire inside and I don’t want to see that extinguished and hope I can be a minor kindling for them. Do I care too much?

Yesterday was a long day at Amy’s parents. I tried to drink bee but my stomach feeling sore and I couldn’t make it through the second bottle. Having not drunk for so long I felt light-headed with the first bottle. Amy’s parents provided great food which lasted through lunch to dinner!

Takky and Amy drank and drank and sang and sang karaoke with Amy’s parents. I felt surprise at Amy’s dad being 74 and still drinking through a couple of bottle of Regency. That’s some stamina.

I amused myself on my phone and a couple of bike trips to buy more alcohol for them, including a nice sun-setting ride along the new river path that we’d watched being built from De Lanna a couple of years ago.

Every time I have a holiday from school, I don’t want to go back but also want that routine of getting up and doing something.

Amy is talking more about going to the UK or Australia for extended periods and potentially I could stop working. I’m thinking I would stay in our cafe/teaching room and the local uni students could come and hang out and practice their English with me, just on a casual basis. It could be nice or I could just end up lazy too, and watch TV and read books alone.

Well, let’s see. Read back on this in the future and see where life took.

16th Jul 2025 – Since this time, I’ve continued to work and enjoy it more and more, so that even now, if I had the possibility to stop working, I don’t think that I would. Amy went to Australia for around 18 months but is back now, a bit more settled but due more to circumstance, with both Cap and her Dad being sick. Otherwise, I think that she would be off again.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Amy’s parents for preparing their house and food for my birthday yesterday. Everyone had a good time and it was a good feeling.

Hope for the Hemsleys – 27th October 2021

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Woke up this morning feeling pretty damn good. Perhaps due to the bowl of veggies and potatoes I ate for lunch yesterday? I should be trying to fill up on veggies whenever I can. A lot of food shops here skimp on them.

Hayden woke me this morning to wish me a happy birthday and he seems in a pretty good state of mind too. There’s hope for the Hemsleys yet!

For lunch, we’ll go to Amy’s parents and I may even indulge in a little alcohol and be prepared to write off tomorrow and maybe even Friday too! I still don’t have the taste for it, though a whiskey for these cooler nights might be OK.

We got that attitude! – 24th October 2021

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I am so happy and grateful to try this kratom powder today. I don’t know what to expect. Thanks to Matt, who bought it originally and then sold it to me.

Ah – home alone! I left Amy in the city with Nong Baew and friends, so I can chill at home, fiddle around and do whatever comes to mind!

I’ve been experimenting with this kratom powder that I bought off Matt and will see what kind of effect it has. I haven’t really felt much of anything so far, and anyway, I feel good already. Blasting music on the terrace and dicking around with my blog – as always.

We got that attitude! – 23rd October 2021

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I am so happy and grateful that Tangmo seems to be getting better and more active again. It’s difficult to watch another’s pet get sick and not be sure how much effort they put into taking care of it.

By 9 pm, the night I last wrote, I had a sudden wave of fatigue come over me. I felt that I just needed sleep but still felt reasonable. When my alarm went off in the morning, though it was apparent that it was my time again for my irregular slump and so I went back to sleep. After being woken by a call from Champ, which I was barely able to mumble through, I eventually woke up again around 11 am, ate and went back to sleep until 5 pm.

It wasn’t until Thursday evening I finally felt good again. I’m cautious to push myself with any exercise for the next couple of days – and I was just one day off completing the 30 day ab challenge.

Whistleblower – 19th October 2021

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A truth-teller, honest words
Reality dealer
Things you don’t like to hear
Uncovered, revealed for all
Blown whistler
How could it happen here?
Sentenced, silenced and forgotten
Muddied water
Evidence made to disappear
A memory, a closed chapter
Listed traitor
History rewritten clear
The winners, they are liars
Losing later
And always living in fear

Inspired by Daniel Hale. I feel we should rename ‘whistleblower’ to ‘truth-teller’. I can hear the Minutemen in my head as I read this.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that the gasman comes whenever we call him so that we have gas and I can have omelette for breakfast this morning.

Amy dropped me at school this morning so she can go shopping so I’m practically stuck here. I’ve just been sat in my classroom, reading and writing and keeping my head down so as not to get asked to do anything, though I did knock together another English presentation for classes next semester.

Anyway, having remained successfully without much disturbance, I decided to go for a walk down to House as it’s not too hot and sunny outside. I could kill an hour, listen to podcasts and get some exercise.

As I was eating lunch, I listened briefly to a podcast called Street Wisdom that directs you to pay more attention as you are walking somewhere, much like children stopping and investigating everything they are curious about. As I set about my walk, I noticed lots and lots of different flowers blooming but as cars and footing became more of a concern, I ended up focusing more on smells.

Thailand has some wild, interesting and unusual smells that are sometimes difficult for me to identify. The fresh fruit and veg markets are easily identifiable though, with all sorts of exotic mixes. Outside one tired-looking building, an old man sat playing a guitar, sat at a ubiquitous round concrete table so familiar here. He returned my smile as he slid a barre chord up the neck.

Other buildings are derelict, sometimes overgrown, next to smart new four-car, CCTV’d houses. People seem somewhat proud of their own space but don’t give a shit what may be ont he other side of the fence, where garbage can be thrown if they can get away with it.

I love the new wooden houses that get built here and there, but there are many old ones around still in use too, though poorly maintained. I sometimes envy the people living in them, comfortable in the familiarity of their own mess and junk. It reminds me of my dirty, messy bedroom of my teenage years. A safe haven for me to stay in my stink. If I lived by myself, I’m sure my house would end up like it too. Amy keeps me clean and on my toes.

What a wonderful walk, lost on the way back, though never really lost. Hot and sticky by the time of my return where I sit now writing this.

More Sugar – 18th October 2021

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Little girl, lost in her thoughts
Searching for the why
Struggles on, trapped inside
Whilst the world passes by

No answers, questions repeating
What purpose being?
Everyone else in happiness
Is the illusion she is seeing

Tell yourself, forgive yourself
And be kind to your heart
Get back up on your horse
And every day, just start

The way is forward, moving on
Learning from the past
It’s a cliche, but live each day
As if it was your last

A true story of a girl whose name translates as Sugar
Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Moving On

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our mask supply so we can change them often and try to stay safe.

It felt like a busy weekend but I notice a calmness within me these days. Before, I felt like I have to do this and do that and get it done. I still have things to do but I have a confidence that they will get done and don’t feel any stress to get them out of the way.

Perhaps I know about all the things I have lined up in the future – things that may keep me occupied for another lifetime or two. Yes, I want to start fiddling around with music again – it will happen when the time is right.

Perhaps this pandemic has taught me to slow down a little. Without it, I’m sure I would be busy organising new things to be involved in. A situation such as this is not so bad timing for me. I did a lot and achieved many things up until the pandemic. It’s easy for me to sit back and relax a bit.

I hope that others come out the other side with renewed energy and can pick up where things were in their lives and the state of their societies.

I had a long talk with Oh’s girlfriend Namtan on Friday. She struggles with anxiety and depression, so I told her my story. Something I said hit me quite unexpectedly.

I said that Amy was lucky that the chemicals in her brain were capable of making her positive most of the time. I said to Namtan that we are not like that – we are always questioning things and searching for meaning. It’s just the way we are. And I have accepted that. It’s not an option anymore to try to be something you’re not.

I’ve known this all along but without resolution until recently. Namtan is 28. I told her not to give up. Every day is a struggle but we are capable of digging ourselves out of the mental holes we created until now.

It was nice to be able to offer advice, though I think perhaps I overwhelmed her with too much information.

We talked a lot about books too. She’s a librarian and an avid reader. I think that’s a good start to get on the right track.

I had some stomach bug for most of the weekend and lost a kilogram in weight. Somehow, I managed to push through the abs routine each morning, though. I can see a definite change in my belly fat. I’m actually starting to like the way I look again.

The Week That Was – 21st January 1979

Feed The World – 17th October 2021

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It’s time to cut the lawn again
Pull out all the weeds
Time for regeneration
And sowing hardy seeds

Time to reevaluate everything
To see which way succeeds
Time to return to our nature
On which this family feeds

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to push through these last couple of days of sickness with diarrhoea and still be able to do my abs workout in the morning. I feel like I can see a little difference in my belly fat and shape.