Author: shaun tenzenmen

Australasian DIY music specialist and practising poet, amongst other things

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #51 – 15th August 2020

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Music from KIV Orchestra, Rolling Stones, The Malibus, Uz Jsme Doma, YUP, Buildings, Hard Ons, The Who, Lines, Tera Melos, Lashio Thein Aung, That Fucking Tank, Unsane, Teardrop Explodes, Rancid and Wyxz.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my yoghurt, muesli and Toblerone breakfast. Healthy body, healthy mind.

To-do list

  • Awards again
  • Compliments ½
  • Record TCRAH ✅
  • Blog post ✅

It’s the 19th of August today. I’ve been occupied and happy in general but also a little blurred at the edges. As I mentioned before I haven’t been thinking about thinking so much and have mostly been getting on with living and doing.

Occasionally I trip up and forget some of the things I’ve learned recently and sometimes beat myself up too much over it. This is usually relatively brief though.

I really enjoy being in class with the kids even to the point of joining other classes. Sometimes I still feel frustrated with the system here and the kids always playing with their phones in class. This is going to have serious consequences for those kids in the future. Well, at least it will be interesting to see how things turn out.

Amy went out on Sunday night and met Miche and her friend and that really cheered Amy up. She was happy to find some people she could relax with and just talk stupid girl stuff with. She’s not so comfortable with her old friends who now live completely different lifestyles to her. I know she is still frustrated here in general though.

Tomorrow we go into the hills to do some activities at another school. It should be a fun day and at least we get away to a different environment. Change is as good as a rest.

I think you’ve noticed that I don’t want to be a bad guy anymore – 14th August 2020

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Mid-August – up-and-down. Nice dreams last night but can’t remember at all now.

Yesterday went well. Today has six hours teaching but I hope it will be fun – it’s Friday so it should be okay.

Kimchi is with me protecting me at the door. Take journal back inside because I haven’t been writing it. Don’t really know why.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my busy Friday teaching for 6 hours. It makes me happy to see kids learning.

Go back to sleep, I didn’t say anything – 13th August 2020

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Slept a lot yesterday – did not feel good. Do I feel good today? I’m not sure yet. Still tired and feel lazy and a little lacking in self-confidence.

Am I tired because of my lack of self-confidence or is my lack of self-confidence making me tired? Over exercise? Overthinking?

Be quiet today if you can – say things that you mean and nothing else.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I can understand when I am not feeling well and know that I will feel better again soon.

We got that attitude! – 11th August 2020

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Still can’t remember date – 10th maybe. Woke up tired – enjoying all the things I do when I’m awake so want to stay up and do them!

Started re-watching Homicide – great show. Good classes yesterday. Still happy with the way things are. Need to get back to my proper journal.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my friend Ellen in Nanning. I have known her for more than 12 years now and she can help me find students in China.

We got that attitude! – 10th August 2020

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Brain dump – not sure date – two-day break from routine – hard to maintain on weekend but I really should try to do it. Stop with tramadol. Tramadol has helped me stop drinking – now stop taking it.

Good weekend come and gone – don’t be sad because today will be great. Rob Whitham in my dream – it was interesting – I wanted to stay in it but can’t remember what happened now. Oh, cats so cute this morning.

Life is very good – I hope we can keep it this way for a good long time. We are so lucky.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my masks to help protect me from viruses. I’m getting used to wearing one now.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #50 – 7th August 2020

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Music from The All Seeing Hand, Rolling Stones, Bongwater, Blurt, Shield Your Eyes, Cat Power, Josiane Rey, Rhino 39, The Fall, Cause for Effect, XTC, Moody Blues, Racebannon, Heavy Vegetable, Sir Millard Mulch, Big Block 454, Steve Harley and the Cockney Rebel, Ruins, Scrid and Christmas.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have been teaching all morning. I think the students are enjoying my lessons and I am really happy with them.

We got that attitude! – 6th August 2020

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I am so happy and grateful for enjoying being at school and even a little disappointed that I’m not teaching today. But that is good too. Tomorrow I have to teach a lot!

To-do list

  • Awards x3
  • Compliments x3
  • Listen….speak (if necessary)

Now it’s the 15th of August and this journal has gone by the wayside for no real good reason that I can discern. It feels like it’s a time issue. Now that I am teaching on a more proper schedule maybe things feel a little more secure. I’ve not had or made time to think too much about things so some of the habits I’ve been trying to forge haven’t quite stuck yet – such as the awards.

I do find myself reminding myself about complimenting and I have been doing well with morning routines. One thing of concern is that though I have mostly been feeling extremely happy there have been a couple of occasions that I have felt extremely down too. I can think of specific incidents that caused that feeling but frustrated that I understand that they are minor and not in my control but I’ve been unable to control my own reaction and behaviour.

The plus on this is that I am well aware of my feelings and though I might tell myself that living is pointless, I know that these feelings will pass soon enough – and they always do.

I’ve moved this journal back to the bedroom in the hope I will write more often again – even if the entries are briefer. I know doing this practice is helpful.