The newest members of the colony stretch fresh legs from soft white larvae, the infant.
All labour for the greater good, standing guard around the brood and queen, the participant.
One emerges bent, antennae lost, still striving to belong within the swarm, the mutant.
Wisdom threads through every caste, from weavers to the tireless leaf-cutters, the consultant.
Before the magistrates’ mandibles stands a trembling plea for mercy, the defendant.
Declared unfit, cast from the nest, it wanders through the undergrowth— the immigrant.
Today’s Daily Stoic poem:
Frenemies
Nothing worse than a wolf befriending sheep But remember that you’ve been the wolf too When the bad friend was worthwhile to keep That’s when the frenemy became you
Pretty good again. Got up and exercised and am now out for coffee.
A couple of days ago when I was moving the tree I got bitten by an ant on the inside of my little finger and now it is distractingly itchy. Because of the location it’s not easy to get a nice satisfying scratch on it and it’s super annoying.
Today I’m grateful for:
Art lending me a backpack that I can use on Sunday to go to Bangkok. I also found out that Monday is a national holiday so I don’t have to worry about not being back in time to start work!
Also, a sneaky little doze whilst listening to video discussions on YouTube whilst Amy did the watering and washed the car!
The best thing about today was:
Watching more of Three Body. I’m loving the slow pace of it. It seems each April holiday is marked by watching some TV series or other whilst avoiding the heat. A couple of years back it was Narcos.
I think last year though I ended up playing Xbox more than watching TV and I actually had planned to do that this year but in the end just didn’t bother.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I was on a roll and in the zone whilst sipping coffee this morning, first reading, then inspired, then writing. But I started to feel a little dizzy and knew I needed to come home and eat. Otherwise, I would have loved to have stayed longer and written more.
Tomorrow I won’t have so much free time as we will be running around most of the day doing things for Grandmum’s 100-day ritual.
Something I learned today?
Israel’s prime minister Netanyahu is likely to have an arrest warrant for war crimes issued by the International Criminal Court. Whilst it is likely just a symbolic gesture and he would unlikely ever be arrested at least it shows the world stands against him.
Russian president Putin also has an arrest warrant issued by the ICC but that was instigated by USA propaganda and that is all falling apart.
The world is starting to rise against the genocide perpetuated by Israel on the Palestinians and supported by the USA war machine.
Also, last night I watched a video from Thai Talk with Paddy and he was presenting 12 things that he didn’t like about Thailand. Whilst many other farangs agreed with some or all of his points there were others that I couldn’t believe just how self-righteous they were.
I don’t understand how you can say someone’s opinion is wrong. You don’t have to agree but you must be smart enough to at least counter their opinion. These days people don’t bother to do that just believing that they are right.
I don’t know why this particular video and comments stood out to me, maybe it’s been accumulating for a while. I will cut out this view of negativity as much as I can because it is just a waste of time and energy.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Noey and Natalie were in Utopia whilst I was there this morning and they were preparing for a presentation. I wished them luck.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
I did as much of the exercises as I could this morning though I am weak in certain (most) areas. 3 sets of 60 lunges had to be cut down to 3 sets of 40 and 3 by one minute of static Superman I just held for as long as I could. But I didn’t skip or give up.
I took this picture because I’m hoping this tree can survive the move from pot to ground.
Great and ready to go. Up at 6am to head out with Bruno on a long ass bike ride that I’m following him along on. Right now, after 8 hours on and off we’re in the middle of some mountains waiting to go up to see a temple perched right at the top of a craggy cliff.
Today I’m grateful for:
The guy who came to help us use the petrol pump outside a village in the mountains. We didn’t need his help and he was just curious about is but we appreciated him anyways.
The best thing about today was:
Stopping in a pretty well-kept mountain village somewhere between Chiang Mai and Lampang and enjoying a coffee in an old wooden cafe overlooking a small community square where kids were playing.
(Later) We opted for going up to Wat Chaloem before it was too late and I’m glad we did. It was an expensive entry for foreigners but compared with anywhere else in the world I found it good value. After a van ride and an exhausting walk up steep steps the views from the top were incredible. When I saw the mountain in the distance as we were riding towards it through the valley, I couldn’t believe that there was a temple up there and then I was up there looking back down.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Bruno was a little frustrated with me and how slow I was riding but I just wanted to enjoy the journey for as long as possible. His personality has him racing everywhere. Well, he is the way he is and I am the way I am.
To be honest I haven’t felt quite so comfortable riding my bike since coming off it last year. That was only a minor incident but it was a good reminder of how easy and quickly an accident can happen. I’m way more cautious going around corners now especially when there is gravel on the road.
Something I learned today?
I learned a lot about the roads through the mountains around Chiang Mai and Lampang and the villages nestled within. I learned a little more about myself and about Bruno.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
At one of the lookout points we chatted with a Russian couple that live in Chiang Mai.
We deliberately stopped at a nice village cafe and I bought some expensive coffee honey from them to give them a boost.
I petted several dogs including a beauty at the temple that had a reddened eye and only three legs. It was very affectionate.
When was the last time I felt overwhelmed?
From memory that was when I was working at Woolworths and having to deal with my asshole boss. I’m sure he may have been a good boss for the company but that’s the kind of person I despise. Someone who puts the corporation ahead of people is not to be trusted!
Anyway, that situation badly affected me as it was tied in with physical pain from overwork along with depression and (apparently) PTSD. I was supremely grateful to get out of that situation as I felt myself going out of control.
I took lots of beautiful photos today but chose this picture because this is what I was faced with when I went to brush my teeth. This is Thailand, this is jungle country.
It all started as a lark Making fun of those deserving It bites as much as a bark A record worth preserving
Upsetting difficult targets Crooks hiding in plain sight Questioning illegal profits Someone serving the people right
A freedom of expression Something democracy holds dear Suddenly under suppression For making a crime more clear
Unafraid to twist the knife Further for all to see At this risk of his own life And the right to remain free
A legacy built by crooks Hiding behind shirts and ties An ever-constant cooking of books And truths in fuzzy disguise
Though when money starts tasting sour A problem must be burned Friendly gangsters hold the power That the people want returned
A David and Goliath fight When many Davids band together And shank with all their might To topple corruption forever
Inspired by the firebombing of investigative YouTuber Jordan Shank’s (friendlyjordies) house and the corruption within the New South Wales government.
Today I’m feeling:
Tired, possibly getting sick. After visiting the psych last week we decided to try cutting down on my sertraline. I did that on Wednesday, taking just half a tablet. Then on Thursday I forgot to take it at all and didn’t sleep well that night due to my student being killed.
On Friday, yesterday, I took half again but was so tired I got into bed at around 8pm.
This morning I took half and started to feel dizzy in the morning. I know dizziness is a withdrawal symptom but with the possibility of getting sick too and not being able to relax this weekend, I don’t think I can deal with it back at school on Monday.
Today I’m grateful for:
The lunch provided at the hotel today which was more delicious than expected. Usually, there’s nothing I can eat at these kinds of functions and I would’ve happily gone without food but luckily there were two fish dishes, both of which were spicy. One had a dressing of red onions, lemongrass, ginger and chilli and I hoped it would knock the potential of this sickness out of me.
The best thing about today was:
Learning some new programs and applications that I can use for presentations. Despite only Thai being spoken all day it was simple to follow and interesting enough for me. At points, I was also able to catch up with some online reading as I waited for others to catch up.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The main thing out of my control today is tiredness and the feeling of getting sick. I will handle it by going to sleep early again tonight.
Something I learned today?
Scientists have been able to splice genes in certain breeds of mosquitos so that they will become sterile and die out over a period of time. The question being asked now is whether to introduce it into the wild and what possible consequences could arise from it.
Where do I feel most at ease?
Despite smelling of cat pee right now I’m very obviously most at ease in my home. I love it.
I took this picture because I started using honey in my tea as we ran out of sugar. The honey I bought is pretty old and doesn’t quite dissolve properly anymore so this is what I find after leaving my mug in the sink overnight.
Once again, I was told I was free That I could be whatever I wanted to be So I told of the things inside my head That had filled me full of existential dread
Then I found that so many people didn’t agree I was called out and threatened constantly I never thought just because of words I said Made people so upset they’d want me dead
I realised freedom does not mean free What’s freedom to you is not so for me A common line must be towed instead If you wish to lie in a settled bed
But is it possible for us to agree That opposition is the end of you and me We don’t need to succumb to lies we’re fed Together we can travel the road ahead
Productive if only for household chores. Not sure I’ll be able to stay awake this afternoon.
Today I’m grateful for:
An afternoon cappuccino to keep me awake through the day but hopefully not so much that I can’t sleep tonight. I went out to Daytripper to enjoy it and watch the Kishore Mahbubani online course videos about US-China relations.
The best thing about today was:
A sense of achievement from sweeping up leaves, cutting back some climbing vines, preparing for cleaning off the roof, washing bedclothes, cleaning Kim’s room and getting everything ready for her to spend her nights in here again. I enjoyed doing it all.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’m here in Kim’s room writing this and I can see that the fuckin’ ants are out of control. I wonder if this is why the doesn’t like to sit directly on the floor. I sprayed ant killer in one corner of the room where I could see them coming and going but there must be many different colonies here all vying for their pieces of territory and the pull of Kim’s food bowl.
Kim is sitting watching me and wondering what the hell is going on.
Something I learned today?
The US voted no at the UN to make food a human right. They voted no to the Convention of Rights for Persons with Disabilities. No to the Convention on the Rights of the Child and against the resolution ‘combatting Nazism and contemporary forms of racism.’ The US sure likes to be different.
What emotion am I feeling right now?
Lethargy as my body winds down from the activities of the day. My mind though is still busy but that will soon wind down too. I also have a feeling of anticipation looking forward to jumping into bed with fresh clean sheets. My body is already experiencing the sensation, I’m looking forward to it that much.
I took this picture because new sheets, new sleeps. Almost summer.
When the rain comes Little creations invade my home Blocking up my chimney And forcing me alone Forming an army here And constantly on the attack Crawling all over me And turning my tissue black
When the phantoms come knocking at your door Is when you forget what you’re fighting for When modern society has you paralysed Is when your violence makes no one surprised When the ghosts and devils now created Are apparently let loose unabated When it’s impossible to live free from stress Is when you begin to more enjoy your mess When the threat of losing all value you hold Is just a pretence to be following what you’re told When life is lived in constant threat and fear Is how you know that the deceivers are here
No one is smart enough to be wrong about everything.
Ken Wilber
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for ant spray. I don’t like to kill things but those little bastards get into everything. I just want them to go away.
There’s a gospel of prosperity With riches as reward Fall into the algorithm Or risk to be ignored Click, like and share This message was meant for you Fall into the matrix Now dawns a new age anew
I’ve had a long shower And I’m snuggled up with a book I can hear strange noises outside But can’t be bothered to look
I’m about to fall asleep The room is dark and black That’s when the screaming starts And when I know she’s back
She turns on all the lights And dances around the room Jumping up onto the bed I hope she finishes soon
She makes me laugh and makes me mad I’ll always love her to bits But right now I need to sleep And she’s really giving me the shits
Amy has turned much of our garden into a cactus oasis, not helped much by the long rainy season this year though. It was today I noticed that this delicate cactus was being held up by this tall ants nest, originally a stick in the ground. Ants will rule the world. They are also back in our kitchen building a small nest by the back door again.
Our neighbour’s dog, Tangmo, always enjoys coming to play but tends to go a bit nuts when he sees Kim Chi, who is usually behind a screen door inside her room. Today though, we’d just let her out when he decided to come visit and after a bit of chasing around the situation above occurred.
We worry that Tangmo could easily bite Kim Chi badly as he’s so much bigger and his barking and jumping around make her scared but usually, Kim will be the one chasing him away. Don’t fuck with our cats. Tangmo just seems to want to play but isn’t quite sure of the correct cat etiquette.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for LungChom and their delicious ice cream that I ate two bowls of last night in a state of overindulgence.
Feel good today after forcing myself to do my minimal daily exercise on the weekend (this morning is rest day so I did yoga instead). I also ate two bowls of ice cream last night – which were freaking delicious but perhaps a bit too much!
Oh stayed over last night, though I was in bed by then and didn’t see her this morning either. Amy is giving her a bread-baking tutorial. Amy also did a pre-order for her cinnamon buns and got inundated with requests, so much that she will be baking for three days instead of the planned one.
I listened to day 3 of the gratitude course this morning, which gave me two very important reminders. ‘I dismiss any thoughts that entertain feelings of comparison’ and ‘I embrace my journey because it is uniquely designed just for me.’ I think these constant habits of mine are slowly having the desired positive effect, though I am not particularly challenged these days, or at least I feel as if I’m not, which could also be because of these habits.
The semester is winding down now and I’m feeling pretty relaxed. I hope that students return next semester, as I don’t have anything else planned if we continue online and I also want to start my experiment with 2/9.
Last week I was getting a bit frustrated with my guitar playing but yesterday I got back into the flow, teaching me that it’s ok to relax, take a break if necessary and try again at another time. But it is not acceptable to give up.
I’m also working up the free time and courage to get back into learning the keyboard and music software and thinking about making songs again. I know I can do it but I’m also aware of what a time sink it will be.
Amy is still constantly frustrated with the situation in Thailand and I have to try and deflect or point out our positives so that it doesn’t get her too depressed. I am attempting to deal with the situation here stoically and I am happy to tell Amy that I am ok living anywhere in the world with her.
When she’s drunk, she will chide me with ‘you love it here, you can stay’ and whilst I wouldn’t say I love it here anymore than anywhere else, I am happily aware of how easy my life is compared to the UK and Australia. Even so, I will give it up if it makes Amy happier with herself and her situation.
“There’s food in the distance, sir” “Send some troops surveying Send up the pheromone signal Our army is obeying”
Through hell and high water The march has begun Survival of the greatest An army that acts as one
Carrying the corpses Of competing insect species Food for the family nest Of cockroaches and leeches
“Let’s move the camp inside The rain is about to come” No problem for the army Of ants that act as one
The human sprays noxious Chemicals to kill our eggs “Gather together everyone And bite him on the legs
Together we can take him down That nasty human scum We just got to stick together Our army of ants as one”
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my back roller/stretcher that helps me loosen up after a day of laying down or sitting at a desk.
Here we are at the end of this book. About 18 months. A lot has happened in that time, for sure. Looking back to a year ago though, even though much has happened, not so much has changed. People are still protesting the government and monarchy and are still hopeful for change.
The last few months have felt a little downward in trajectory in general but perhaps that is a result of me reading more news about Thailand and also US-China relations. It seems like everyone feels in a similar way – blow everyone else off the face of the earth so I can enjoy the world to myself.
In other ways I am generally feeling positive though, heartened by the fact of still having many options available for mine and Amy’s future. The population will be pacified once it can travel again, ourselves included.
