As the book opens, princesses are yawning Dead-eyed dogs trudge homeward Bamboo whistles in the wind Lulling all with the promise of reprieve Here at the edges of time The world diverges for those to clash Mad deviations keep the wheels greased For those dogs forever fighting The red sky denied, turns blue Filled with the joyful and forlorn Intermissions inspire reflection About the dogs that stalk the dark
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and better than yesterday.
Today I’m grateful for:
The Thai teachers around me who were helpful and also amusing. Despite having to ‘work’ all weekend it was interesting enough and time passed by quickly thanks to the pleasant atmosphere.
The best thing about today was:
Finding out about some cool features of some of the tools we were learning today, enough to make me consider paying the small fee to access them. They would help enhance my classes a little.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? Not having enough time at home to get all the chores that should have been completed on time. How did I handle it? By doing them, but not on time. It’s not the biggest issue but it means leaving wet washing outside overnight.
Also, I wasn’t able to shampoo Tigger again and he really needs it. I hope to do that on Tuesday afternoon if nothing else comes up.
Although these things are not really in my control I don’t consider them to be that important that they are giving me too much stress. There was a time when I would’ve let these things bother me more.
Something I learned today?
From reading an online post I found out that perhaps Hanoi is comparable to Chiang Mai and HCMC to Bangkok. Armed with that information I think I would prefer northern Vietnam to the south. Not that I wouldn’t want to check it all out for myself.
The writer described Hanoi as more of a collection of villages that have become joined and it is still quick and easy to get out into the mountains and jungles.
How do my thoughts and emotions impact my daily life?
My thoughts need to counter my emotions so I can stay in control. I get better at this though that may be due to avoiding people rather than actual improvement in control!
I took this picture because I knew there weren’t going to be many other chances to take photos today. I dropped into Utopia for my coffee, drinking it quickly but enjoying it immensely. Art gave me a new blend today that was light but zingy.
A bridge is beckoning And she’s holding the rope Talk of a reckoning Now unable to cope Don’t take that flight Out of selfish pride Step up to the fight Your future undenied The love you never felt Maybe on its way Fold the hand dealt Here to stand and stay
Today I’m feeling:
Happy in myself, a little stressed for others.
Today I’m grateful for:
The kind psychiatrist that talked with me and Baitoey about her problems and ideas to help her. Baitoey scored very poorly on her psychiatric evaluation and I didn’t realise quite how bad she is feeling. The psychiatrist was nice, calm and helpful though and asked me to come back with Baitoey if she doesn’t want her parents to come next time.
The best thing about today was:
I had an enjoyable time walking around school and watching different sports events that many of my students are involved in. There was a really good atmosphere, and everyone was having fun.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
When I got to the hospital with Baitoey it was just as they closed the department for lunch for an hour. Instead of just sitting there I decided to head to TLC to pick up my work permit documents and swing by Oasis to pick up food for dinner. When I got to TLC there was no one there but I messaged and waited for a bit and eventually, Nancy appeared with my documents. I jokingly asked if the application money was there too and was shocked when she said that TLC would reimburse the fee this year! Cool! Baitoey waited patiently in the car and then we headed to Oasis but when we got there it was shut! Damn, I was looking forward to their food too! Oh well, never mind. We got back to the hospital in time just as they reopened again.
Something I learned today?
Old mate Dean Crowe is playing in a band called Potential and will tour New Zealand and catch up with Kieran and Chrissie there. I want to go to NZ again!
What would I like to savour or enjoy more often this year?
I’d like to enjoy better health and having more energy. To savour doesn’t really come into it because savouring can come at odd times, sometimes unexpectedly.
Art and I took these pictures on Saturday because as I was taking the picture of P’ti he was taking the picture of me.
With an easy week last week, no classes on Monday as it was Teachers’ Day and lots of kids skipping school on Friday as it was Chinese New Year made for a nice relaxing lead into the weekend.
On Saturday morning I couldn’t quite decide if I was motivated enough to do anything but eventually, I forced myself out after riding my pushbike to Utopia and back and washing Amy’s doona, which one of our cats had thrown up on. It took all day and several goes in the machine to get it clean and spun, it’s heavy when full of water and stops the machine sometimes and by the evening I gave up and hung it out wet.
So at around 10.30 am I dropped a vial of acid and headed out on little Fino, magical mystery motorbike, with a plan to finally find the way to Mae Chan through the mountains to see how easy it is to avoid the checkpoint. I already knew it wasn’t easy but I’d never actually completed a round trip.
The last time I tried was at the end of the rainy season and that was when I got covered in lots of mud. This time the dirt tracks were flattened rock hard and further on, became a dusty powder.
With a little detour I found the route and as the acid kicked in I felt a wonderous bond with the earth. The valleys of jungle descending to rice fields and streams shone in the golden light and deep blue sky.
On this outward journey, I noted several side roads that looked interesting and thought to investigate on the return. At the end of the valleys, an old village of weather-worn farmers and cute kids and then soon to my destination. It had taken much less time than I expected so those side roads were ripe for investigation.
Up along ridges, riding through pineapple fields, high gradient, still damp earth tracks that I wondered if I could cruise back down without overheating the brakes, off into the forest, where I opted for the new path rather than the familiar, ending up I-don’t-know-where but just kept going because all roads lead to somewhere (most of the time!).
After an hour I hit some paved road and another village of old people and cute kids. As I sat at a junction, one way saying ‘the way out’ but the other way begging me along, an old man with red teeth, high on betelnut maybe, came forward and I asked if I could go on ‘the way in’ and he waved me on with a belly laugh.
And the way in was more beautiful valleys, one after the other.
A beam of light in the distance caught my eye and through a small field, another valley shone as golden hour approached I rode on until I woke up a farmer in his shack, who quickly put on some pants and wandered out to the path. I apologised for making him get dressed as his beautiful dogs came to play. He suggested there was no way out if I kept going and this time I deferred to his judgement and turned back, chuckling at the apparent serenity of this farmer’s life and wondering of the stories he would tell about this stupid farang riding his little bike deep into the middle of nowhere.
And so I went on, reasonably confident I was heading somewhere and new beautiful valleys appeared around every corner, even though they all look the same. It’s amazing to imagine all these places exist and are not just photographs in National Geographic.
Riding between two rice fields I suddenly hit some smashed-up concrete blocks that would have been dumped here in the mud during the rainy season to provide some grip. Now they were embedded in the solid ground and crumbling with each tyre that hit them. Unfortunately, I hit one at the wrong angle and it sent my front wheel off into the powdered earth and keeling over to a sudden stop, throwing me off in front, and perhaps I jumped a little too in an effort to get away from this heavy machine that could land on my leg.
I tumbled forward, hitting my chest on the ground and twisted onto my back where I then also hit my head on the hard earth and came to a stop. I looked at the sky from my new bed of dust, blinked, and mentally surveyed my body, triggering memories of times previous when I’d hit my head or an object had hit it, with that loud stinging ping. I picked up my arms to readjust my glasses and started laughing! Then I slowly and gingerly got up.
As I twisted onto my side I felt a pain in the right side of my chest and my thumb where some skin had come off. Not too bad, considering! I picked up Fino, who had survived completely intact and soldiered on with some laboured breathing as the excitement of events still rattled my body.
On and on until finally back to paved road again and eventually the main road. But still, in the golden hour that lasts from about 3pm to 5.30pm depending on where you are, I went on to investigate PB Valley – some kind of resort with a pretty lake and waterside restaurant. It looked well-maintained but hard to tell if it was being used. There was no one around and a lone security guard sat in the shade away from the gate and motioned me to just go ahead. I wondered who would come all this way to stay here. There didn’t look like there was enough entertainment within the resort and apart from an elephant camp a few kilometres away there’s not much else around.
Eventually, I weaved my way home, waving to various kids and shouting hello and I wondered about the possibilities of doing something for these kids. I have these big ideas at times like this but never feel the push to investigate more, perhaps scared of overcommitting and knowing that these kids need more than just irregular fun visitors.
Finally home and evaluating my injuries after a good shower, I think I’ll be ok. Though as I’m writing this two days later I’m contemplating a checkup at the hospital. I think if I do have a cracked rib though there’s nothing that can be done.
Saturday night I woke up to more cat-sick sounds and a quiet Sunday saw me washing my doona and hoping that at least one of them would be dry by evening.
This week at school is Sports Day (Sports Four Days!) so no classes til Friday and I’m guessing lots of kids will skip that day too. I’ll just have to walk around a couple of events each morning before heading off for coffee and home. Sabai Sabai!
My old student Baitoey contacted me as she heard that I took Boss to the hospital on Friday and she wants to do the same, so I will help her this week too. I’m a little worried that I may get some flack for helping these kids but feel duty-bound to offer help in any way I can. The more kids I speak to, the more I see that they need emotional support. Some can manage themselves but others are really struggling and when they say they don’t want to live anymore then I have to do something.
That’s the end of this book but surely not the end of the story.
The man with the winning smile Wins a front-page reward His shiny teeth are squeaky clean But he speaks like a machine And everyone got bored
The man stands above the crowd Surveys the plebs around A swinging dick and shiny head But a nightly empty bed With no friends to be found
Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed and chilled. Cancelled riding over to see Matt as I feel lazy and want to enjoy my home for another day. May go to Daytripper later but I thought that yesterday and ended up not getting there.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nut and Bruno again, this time bringing me food because they are going away for a week. A whole banoffee. I need to work these calories off!
The best thing about today was:
Walking in our driveway in the dark and looking at the clear night sky and the brightest nearest stars. I do this most nights and feel how inconsequential I am in the bigger scheme. I’m smaller than an ant. An atom or even less.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I had minimal interactions with people today and nothing went wrong at home. I have spent 95% of the day in my head where I had full (?) control. Maybe I couldn’t control my laziness today and I handled that with a delicious nap.
Something I learned today?
I learned that I can use ChatGPT to write lesson plans! But I will investigate more as I want to come up with more fun ideas for the classroom.
What are your top two favourite apps or websites?
Website is definitely Bandcamp as I use it to host promote and sell the tenzenmen catalogue. It’s easy to use as a seller and as a buyer and researcher.
As for an app, apart from this one (Day One) at the moment, it is probably Substack as it collects interesting newsletters for me to read when I’m free, rather than clogging up my inbox.
Art took this picture because he used it to post to Facebook to show Utopia is open. I don’t like myself in this picture though. I’d like to cut off my sagging chin!
She’s the one, happily jumping in the mud She’s got a little bit of crazy running through her blood One fifty on the highway, three up on their bikes She’s gonna live her life just the way she likes Into the wind, any speck of caution thrown Maybe she’ll be gone before she’s fully grown But she’s lived a life more complete than all of us Left the chains for freedom and didn’t make a fuss
The most important thing about art is to work. Nothing else matters except sitting down every day and trying.
Steven Pressfield
Today I’m feeling: Happy Today I’m grateful for: Finding a cheap power adapter after losing mine somewhere. I’d prefer the real thing but will make do with a less expensive one for now. The best thing about today was: Watching a video of my crazy student, Nong Aoi, diving into a huge puddle of water after a storm and to the delight of all her friends. I keep watching the video because it makes me laugh so much and it’s great to see her and her friends so happy
I took this picture because the cats had been scared of the storm and wanted to be close by to feel safe and to be ready when I get up to feed them.
Rich in dreams but poor in reality Abundance has removed all the limits Stepping outside all the comfort Where days become hours become minutes
Soft, decadent, bored with what’s owned Kept alive with constant shocks The warrior plays the long game And keeps the ship far from the rocks
Renew, and prepare for the peasant’s war Retrench and practice key strengths Recognise all enemies come from within And what exactly is being fought against
Inspired (and borrowed) from Robert Greene 14th May 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango
I want to know you’re there, but I want to be alone.
Virginia Woolf
Today I’m grateful for: Being reminded of the quality of Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina whilst watching the old BBC TV series, marvelling at the old TV production style and the seeming absurdities of Russian aristocratic life. It reminds me of times of my youth when I would have cringed to see anything like this on tv and even now I don’t think I could enjoy it without having read the book first. The best thing about today was: Was waking up throughout the night to find Kim Chi in various places on the bed. I disturbed her a few times but she happily rearranged herself each time.
I took this picture because I was quite impressed by my student’s drawing skills. Her name is Apple.
You gotta be on it to be in it You gotta lose sometimes to win it To be on it – at the top of your game Winging it is just not the same
As long as I’m alive, I will continue to try to understand more because the work of the heart is never done.
Muhammad Ali
Today I’m grateful for: The perfect temperature. I haven’t had aircon on all day and spent some time outside in the hammock before the rain came then doing some pot plant reorganising. The best thing about today was: A general sense of calm and enjoying the slow speed of the day. I lazed and I also got things done. Everything was important and everything could have waited. Time slowed down.
I took this picture because it stood out to me as a simple and meaningful piece of art. I found it on Facebook and don’t know who the artist is.
Eyes agog at AMOLED screens of trusting fakes Ears alert to every chime, bell and whistle *They spit weird dilatory rants and pithy takes Or burp up half-digested chunks of newsfeed gristle*
*from That Guy From The Internet’s ‘This is a newsletter’ newsletter. Love these two phrases.
Reason must lead the way no matter what good fortune comes along.
Ryan Holiday, Daily Stoic
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I have managed to survive the last eight days on very little money and especially to Art for allowing me to have daily coffee on credit!
This constant need for certainty Is the greatest disease you may face Creative power comes from negative capability Mysteries are to endure and even embrace
Paraphrased, but almost word for word, Robert Greene talking about Keats.
The need for certainty is the greatest disease the mind faces.
Robert Greene
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for Art to go book shopping in Chiang Mai for me and get me five music-related books. I’ll keep them at Utopia.
Another groundhog day, back here at 22 Grams, though maybe Dylan will drop by this morning. I got some things done that I wanted to yesterday and figuring out more things for classes next semester. My morning workouts really got my body feeling good but then I seem to be sitting for most of the rest of the time. I think I’ll do some more walking on the weekend.
Throw the ball into the air See what can go wrong Now we’ve got ourselves a game Make it up as you go along
That one doesn’t work Let’s think of a better one 10 points for creativity Even if it doesn’t last long
Experimentation makes the rules Cultures develop this way No one is better than another And who am I to say?
What a journey this life is! Dependent entirely, on things unseen.
James Baldwin
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be friends with Nong Art, who helped me order kratom online this morning, accidentally finding a cheaper option!
Chilled out yesterday, as the car service got delayed until next week and the so-called storm just produced clouds and a light cool rain for most of the afternoon and evening. Lovely just to hang with the cats, reading and watching TV.
I also roasted some veggies for a decent hit of carbs. I munched on the mushrooms and felt good, listening to Cardiacs at full volume but didn’t cross over into psychedelia. Never mind.
I feel great this morning, after a long, deep sleep. I think today will be more of the same relaxing.
Follow the North Star A guide towards a future Adapt to ever-changing skies A night grows darker Before it lightens again Come and go like the moon Like the wind, like the clouds But the air is always there Never seen, but always there
Struggle in the quicksand and you only sink deeper.
Eric Barker
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to see a beautiful crescent moon and a bright Mars in the dark morning sky, bordered by the trees of our wonderful garden. Wow.
Quoting the Dispossessed
A scientist can pretend that his work isn’t himself, it’s merely the impersonal truth. An artist can’t hide behind the truth. He can’t hide anywhere.
I took note of this quote last year when I was reading Ursula Le Guin’s ‘The Dispossessed’ as it obviously struck a chord. And re-reading it, it still strikes a chord but I’m struggling to define it. Is it true? An artist can’t hide behind the truth? A scientist, I understand, doesn’t have to care that 1 = 1 and 2 = 2. An artist, even if faking it, still shows their truth. Or can a really good artist actually hide?
Perhaps I took note of this considering myself as an artist? Today, I’m doubtful, but whatever. I’m putting this out into the world as an artistic skill (good or bad depending on your opinion) but my tablet is a search for truth. I cannot hide. But what of the fiction writer – they are artists. They could write about unspeakable acts that they would never dare carry out. Are they hiding, or are they still showing a truth?
I don’t know. And I wish my friend Steve was here to dig into this deeper. It is exactly the kind of topic that we would love to discuss long into the nights and early into the mornings. Although things seemed murkier then, they somehow also seemed clearer.
Yesterday, got home feeling good. Had a really great class with the grade 8 TED-Ed students that had me feeling very upbeat. I made it into my room for more keyboard experimentation and a little guitar playing before Amy called me in as it was time for termite attack mode.
We poured about eight litres of the killing liquid into the hole and it all disappeared. I’m thinking that down there, they must have eaten through the concrete foundations and so it’s possible the liquid is getting soaked into the earth. It’s likely that the termites will be back again at some point, no matter what we do.
After that, I was just chilling and munching on Amy’s yummy tarts that she had made. I also started to feel some minor dread at her not being here. I have made some plans in my mind about how the days will be from next week but they could all go to hell in a handbasket quite easily once it comes down to actually implementing them. I guess I’m also preparing for that possibility too. Just relax into it. Things will be ok.
A good morning this morning. Cold and a beautiful crescent moon in the sky, with a crocodile-looking cloud right on the mountains on the horizon.
During my abs workout, I noticed a tightness in my thighs from the previous day’s leg workout and it all feels good. Working towards that target of ongoing good health.
I started my first class just by watching funny cat videos, which most students ignored cos they were looking at their phones – but it made me feel happy and calm. Subsequently, the class went well. Though they are not the best at English, at least they gave it their best. 2/9 continues to impress me and it’s got me thinking about if I teach them next year, then what the hell can I do with them? They are so good that they test me.
What’s your philosophy on celebrating birthdays as an adult? How do you celebrate yours?
I don’t really think about birthdays and any celebration is minor and usually involves just going for a nice meal somewhere. I don’t feel any kind of excitement around celebratory days. For me, they are just another day.
I don’t mind celebrating other people’s special days and I would be in trouble if I didn’t partake in our wedding anniversaries! But again, these celebrations generally revolve around food and getting a nice meal somewhere.
