At the vanguard, the pinnacle No longer an unknown fuzz It doesn’t get better than this And then it does
At the peak of the mountain After setting the world on fire Nowhere left to go after this And then someone else goes higher
Supersonic humanitarian jets Speed help to any disaster Always first on the scene Until someone else goes faster
Everything pushed to the limit Achievement no longer a buzz It doesn’t get better than this And then it does
Today I’m feeling:
Rundown and a little bored and unenthused.
Today I’m grateful for:
The Mama noodles, egg, onion and dried protein from Oasis that formed my dinner. All the people involved in making, packaging, buying and selling and delivering these separate ingredients that made into my kitchen, my bowl and then my belly.
The best thing about today was:
I’m not in the best of moods today though purely due to tiredness. I did feel better after eating and did then enjoy reading another Anton Chekov story ‘Ariadne’ which at one point describes that deep emotional love of connection with another body that one must savour completely. I also got absorbed in another chapter of Affluenza in the evening too.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I couldn’t force myself up and out of bed this morning. I ate a weed gummy a couple of hours before going to bed last night and was maybe feeling the lingering effects of that. Consequently, I was late to get to school, which shouldn’t really be a problem this week though.
I went for coffee and struggled through adding more blog entries before heading back home and lazily watching some videos and finally hopping into bed with all cats present. I quickly fell asleep but also quickly woke up again which surprised me. I was still tired but suddenly I was no longer sleepy.
I could feel myself getting grumpy during Amy’s calling at dinner time. She was a little emotional about missing our cats and was also a little drunk and talkative. She happily talked whilst I prepared my food and ate it and I’m glad I didn’t let my own emotions take over and cut our conversation short. I felt a little better by the time we said good night.
Something I learned today?
Apparently, cats get whisker stress if their food bowls are too deep and bend their whiskers whilst eating. I watched our cats eat this afternoon and our bowls are good for them. This was information in a video about things to do to keep your cats happy. We pretty much do them all and our cats exhibit the behaviour of happy cats.
What was the highlight of this week?
Undoubtedly it was walking up to Khun Korn waterfall and jumping into the water. This week has been relatively quiet so this was an easy choice.
I took this picture because Tigger is so happy in this house. He has so many spots he enjoys lying, sleeping or rolling around. Today I had to give him another shampoo clean to help with his skin problem and afterwards he went straight out into the sun but was already rolling around in the dust and leaves.
Opinions formed around the scantest of facts Reinforce the feeling to sit back and relax Delegated control to the seats of power Surveilled to submission from the tallest tower
Freedom enforced with lies told twice Stock up on guns is the latest advice The hole keeps growing for the empire to fall Where democracy now means nothing at all
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and energetic
Today I’m grateful for:
This Chinese New Year peanut brittle I bought at Makro. It’s slightly crystallised from being in the fridge and is crunchy. I’ve eaten a whole tub today so I’ll be way over any normal sugar quota. My mum used to love peanut brittle, though had to stop eating it because of her teeth and dentures but I never liked it much back then.
The best thing about today was:
Having a list of household tasks to complete and getting them all done. No reading, writing or blogging today, though I did get in a bit of guitar.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The price of a cup of coffee has gone up at Utopia. What can I do? Buy less peanut brittle I guess.
Something I learned today?
I feel like I didn’t learn very much today! Or nothing particular that I didn’t already know or have an opinion on. One thing I remember from a couple of days ago was a comment about how the ‘international media ‘ as the West understands only covers about 15% of the world’s population. Hmmm…
What are three things I am grateful for today?
The fan that has been cooling me all day now that it’s humid again. Bandcamp for having so much great music out there to discover. Today I found Focusrights who are awesome! The hair bleach that I received from online shopping and had burned my hair a crispy yellow shade to disguise all the white.
I took this picture because it’s hot already and the cats are losing hair and staying cool by rolling onto their backs.
Don’t be angry with me I know you don’t see it But I’m trying to steer you In the right direction I know you’re upset Your fun was curtailed But I’m trying to guide you Towards self-correction
You’ll see it one day Long after I’m gone It will be you With wise words to pass on
Dr Arnon for giving me medicine and cleaning spray for Tigger’s skin problem without me having to take him in. Putting the spray on today though I can see one of the wounds on his head is big and deep, with the scab coming away. I just hope the antibiotics stop him from getting infected and it can heal quickly, otherwise, it will be another trip back for Tig.
The best thing about today was:
The very cold reception I got from my class of truants from yesterday and then as they slowly understood the work they needed to do and then have to read for me and as they did it, sometimes laughing at their mistakes and finally showing some pride at their ability to do it. They are smart kids just choosing not to be.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
This morning the students were kept late at assembly and straggled into class with many things on their minds except studying. This class (1/6) has broken up into little groups that distract themselves constantly so that today no one was listening. Frustrated, I just let them leave, considering other ways or things I can teach them. Speaking with their head student though she said it’s like that in every other class too. I have a plan for tomorrow but after that… I don’t know. I do hope we get better levels of students next year or I will have to continue dumbing things down even further.
And, on top of that, the reason they were kept late was that they were being told about next week which, I just found out, is scout week! Another whole week of no classes! Any possible momentum to get going after sports week, lost again!
Something I learned today?
Luckily the thing I was trying to remember yesterday was brought back to mind today as it was whilst I was listening to the End On End podcast talking about the Autoclave record and the track Hotspur. One of the hosts mentioned that Hotspur was the name of a character in a Shakespeare play (I forget which) and just word Hotspur reminds me of one of Rik Mayall’s outrageous characters in the Black Adder. I hope to find some books of Shakespeares’ plays with cliff notes to help me understand it all. I have one on the shelf already but it’s not really at the top of the pile yet.
What is something I want to do for myself in the coming year? Lose fat.
I took this picture because it’s not often that Tigger is close to Cap or Kim.
You’re either winning or learning Embrace the struggle and pain Push through your muscles burning Get back up and do it again
Title appropriated from Robert Greene’s Daily Laws
Today I’m feeling:
Happy, relaxed and a little sore in my right side chest from when I came off the bike yesterday
Today I’m grateful for:
My aching body reminding me that I am still alive, reminding me of days past when wounds and pain were a part of everyday adventure.
The best thing about today was:
Having a long conversation in LINE with my student Mee after she told me she doesn’t know why she is alive. I talked about a lot of different things with her such as the dichotomy of control and methods of improving self-talk but the thing she really took to was different things to do to distract herself from spiralling out of control with negative thoughts. I told her about the FutureMe website and she immediately went off and her future self an email. It will give her a spark, something to live for, just to receive her own email after she has forgotten about it.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Waking up in the night to the sound of one of our cats throwing up. I was just hoping it wasn’t on my donna but when I woke up unfortunately it was. Amy’s doona was still hanging from last night as well as the week’s clothes but there was nothing else for it except to wash my doona and hang it over my drying clothes and hoping everything would get a chance to dry. It did.
Something I learned today?
The beginning of the Jam’s Start is ripped off from the Beatles’ Taxman, a song I don’t think I’ve ever heard before until today.
If you could have 2 wishes, what would they be?
Wishes again? Ok, let’s play.
I have the power to grant people two wishes.
Any wish anyone makes can have no negative outcome for anyone or anything now or in the future.
I took this picture because I have to shampoo Tigger to try and clean up his skin from a fungal infection. But as soon as I’ve finished he, smartly, goes out into the sun but then rolls around in the stones which is how he gets the infection in the first place.
The drudgery of the day-to-day Took our childlike sense away No longer dwarfed by all around Bored with all the knowledge found
No longer novel and mysterious Everything became so serious Less scared of what’s seen and heard Memories need to be shaken and stirred
The eyes of children opened wide Light pouring in deep down inside Inspiration to seek the sublime A world in which you can redefine
The battle against conformity requires you to adhere to another kind of conformity.
Dana Kletter, from Manchild 5
Today I’m feeling: Happy and positive though a little tired due to the lack of sleep from recent nights. Today I’m grateful for: The school director thanking us teachers for our hard work and effort at his school. Even if it was just a vague excuse for a meeting arranged by TLC as pats on each other’s backs, I still appreciate that he said these things. Most of the time we feel quite unrecognised and underappreciated. Of course, no pay rise, no bonus, and no Christmas gifts for us! Oh well, my coffee schedule messed up by the meeting I took the opportunity to invite David to House for a quick Kickstarter brew. The best thing about today was: My unruly class of kids in 1/7. Before it started I took Goy aside and asked how she felt about my class. She’s a quiet and top-grade productive student and I don’t get chance to talk with her much. She said she liked the class but when prompted said that it was too easy. I know this and apologised to her but she understood that I have many low-skilled students to manage. I asked her about her classmates and she said they were very annoying and make it difficult to concentrate. Obviously, I agreed and I thanked her for her thoughts. I was glad that she was happy with me as a teacher at least. Back in class, the kids wandered in lazily and mostly in high spirits. The two that I kicked out on Tuesday sheepishly laid low in their seats but I made an effort to try and engage Nong Aoi though she insisted she couldn’t write because her hand was hurting. I tried to make it fun by writing with my other hand which she tried for about ten seconds before giving up. With my left hand I write ‘Aoi ❤️ ?’ and Saipan and Rista got excited and said ‘Geno’. So I got a little embarrassed but it gave me an idea. I quickly got to a break point with some writing and hooked up the speaker and searched YouTube for Dexys ‘Geno’ and started playing it. Many kids got up to dance including Aoi and she had a big smile on her face. It was good to see. I settled them all back down with a promise to play it again at the end of the class. After a while, Aoi asked to escort another student who was feeling sick to the bathroom, however, a few minutes later she turned up with four boys, one of which was Geno. They stuck around for a while but got bored waiting until the end of class. When it did come I played Geno again and other excited dancing kids asked for a couple of other songs and that’s how it ended. I love these kids, one moment crazy upset, the next crazy happy. Just like every other human you ever met. What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? Last night I found a scratch on Kim Chi that looked pretty serious. Amy was concerned and we talked about whether and when to take her to the vet. It was already 9.30 and I was ready to sleep. We decided not to go then but spent the next couple of hours trying to clean the wound and watching her, putting on a collar to stop her licking and discussing what to do today. As we give her a special medicine for her leukaemia, we don’t generally give her any other medicine from the vet so as not to mix them. She seemed ok this morning and ate without a problem, just annoyed at having her collar on. I called Amy later from school and she’d cleaned up Kim’s room again and decided to keep her there to keep her out of any more trouble. When I got home though she seemed to be more uncomfortable with the wound, which is right on her empty ballbag and was weeping a little cloudy fluid. We quickly decided we should take her to the vet which meant a 2-hour round trip and not a relaxing evening at home. But this is what we do for those we love and so I enjoyed the drive, the traffic, the vets and everything else. I could’ve been annoyed at this loss of free time but I turned it into positive time. The vet advised to bring her again tomorrow which throws out some other plans but this is the way we have to roll. Something I learned today? Talking to David over a coffee he told me new things about South Africa that I didn’t know. There are maybe 11 tribal groups in South Africa, all with slightly different cultures. Since the end of the apartheid, the ANC has ruled non-stop but corruption is rife and although overt racism has gone it still exists in more subtle ways. The government is seemingly directed by rich bankers and billionaires ensuring their money keeps rolling in. David said he has come across many more South Africans in Thailand recently as folks are getting out to seek a better future, something which is not possible for the majority. Of course, it’s far more complicated but the underlying immorality and inhumanity are obvious. Perhaps inhumanity is actually the default of humans. Humanity is only something achieved in small doses. Which aspects do you think makes a person unique? It’s late already and I would like to write more about this but it also seems obvious that the answer would be ‘every aspect’. There’s no getting around the fact that everyone is unique.
I took this picture because, on a valley bike ride with Bruno, he recommended stopping at this fish restaurant for me to check out. We had a small quick meal and chatted overlooking the fish pond. It was only about 2pm and the owners/staff were lazing around one of the tables. Bruno seemed to think they were high or perhaps they were just in that chilled laid back zone of rural northern Thailand. We were also greeted by an assortment of shaggy dogs and scrawny cats, happily playing, hunting, snacking and snoozing. Lazy days at the fish pond restaurant on a road off the beaten track. A ‘local’ fish pond restaurant for ’local’ people.
Burned fresh paths into a new century Got fat on food and dollar bills Growth was built upon an enemy And so those enemies sought new skills And as stagnation sets the tone Cooperation re-emerged as the norm Gathered together they progressed alone Leaving behind those with poor form
One who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; one who does not ask a question remains a fool forever.
various attributions
Today I’m feeling: Satisfied and quiet. Today I’m grateful for: Discovering a cool new band called Ad Interim as they approached me about putting out some vinyl. It rocks pretty good and I’m keen but unsure how to make it work. The best thing about today was: Speaking briefly with Ckin in KL as she is sending me up some of my old stock that Kimi had there. Coincidentally I had heard the Malaysian accent already that morning as two teachers (I guess) were in Utopia. I was hoping to get to KL later this month for Parthiban’s show and to catch up with him and Ckin but I don’t have enough free time. Daily thought Do you believe in a higher power? I think the answer is no. I do understand the concept though as it helps people let go of certain bad habits and behaviours. The fact that I am not in control of everything is fine for me. I don’t need to assign that task to a higher power. If you had the power to change one law, what would it be and why? In Thailand, it would be the removal of the lese-majeste law. It is a law that is too easily abused by powerful people. It serves no real purpose except to frighten and scare people. It seems like a backwards way of going about making people support their country.
I took this picture because our cats are hiding themselves away from all the fireworks and explosions for Loy Kratong. It’s unusual to see Kim and Cap in solidarity.
Princess Amy, she’s so lazy She will never become the queen Made her teacher really crazy Because she lives inside a dream
Princess Amy still never learns But all her friends are growing They are all taking their turns Off to bright futures going
Will the princess ever see The wisdom of work instead? Will the princess ever be Able to get out of her bed?
a poem for one of my students
The laws that govern circumstances are abolished by new circumstances.
Napoleon
Today I’m feeling: Happy Today I’m grateful for: Amy’s parents bringing me food again. I was out at the time, at Daytripper, doing more lesson preparation and dropped by the market to pick up some dinner. A stall was selling pla duk foo which I hadn’t seen there before so I grabbed that and some bananas. When I got home I saw that Amy’s parents had left some food and when I checked the bag it was pla duk foo and bananas! I’ve got a lot of eating to do! The best thing about today was: Reading some random text from a teaching English book and being able to add an idea to make my lessons more interesting for my students next semester. Doesn’t sound too exciting I know but I was inspired enough to update all my lessons immediately. Another thing was coming across a KLS video from 2016 that was fantastic to see and got my little brain running again about organising a tour for them here. I think it would go really well. I need to start looking into this more. If you started a sports team, what would the colours and mascot be? I suppose I might pick blue after my childhood soccer passion for Ipswich Town and Italy. The red and white of Sydney Swans would perhaps remind too much of Arsenal. As for a mascot, I don’t know. I must admit I would not be a good person to make these decisions as I consider them to be irrelevant though I understand their purpose, it’s just not something I’m interested in.
I took this picture because I was surprised to find Kim here on Amy’s pillow. I also find it cute to see cats sleep in this position. In fact it makes me envious. Unfortunately, rockets from the funeral next door sent her off hiding behind the bed again soon after I took this.
She’s the one, happily jumping in the mud She’s got a little bit of crazy running through her blood One fifty on the highway, three up on their bikes She’s gonna live her life just the way she likes Into the wind, any speck of caution thrown Maybe she’ll be gone before she’s fully grown But she’s lived a life more complete than all of us Left the chains for freedom and didn’t make a fuss
The most important thing about art is to work. Nothing else matters except sitting down every day and trying.
Steven Pressfield
Today I’m feeling: Happy Today I’m grateful for: Finding a cheap power adapter after losing mine somewhere. I’d prefer the real thing but will make do with a less expensive one for now. The best thing about today was: Watching a video of my crazy student, Nong Aoi, diving into a huge puddle of water after a storm and to the delight of all her friends. I keep watching the video because it makes me laugh so much and it’s great to see her and her friends so happy
I took this picture because the cats had been scared of the storm and wanted to be close by to feel safe and to be ready when I get up to feed them.
Multiplied and divided Grow, grow, let’s go Take over full control Double what you sow Stuck in the blood The economy of fire Divide and multiply Punished by desire Spaces filled by ashes Opportunity comes a-knocking The tumour is a-rolling Pumped by hearts a-rocking Starve the common driver Temper evolution from within Back in white counts The cancer starts to thin
The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering.
Carl Jung
Today I’m grateful for: Seeing Amy happy and dancing around her apartment in Sydney as she was enjoying her Sunday knowing she can do whatever she wants. The best thing about today was: Sydney Swans making it through to the grand final this year even if it was by the slimmest of margins and the tension was immense.
I took this picture because Pi-Ti is my weekend coffee cat, the king of the cafe at Utopia.
The trees are listening, they hear your tears Wept on your journies through a thousand fears The fight never-ending, til its bitterness arrives Waiting in the woods, a world no one survives
The cosmic fate of humanity is somewhat mysterious, but we should act ‘as if’ what we do matters. This belief will then become a self-fulfilling prophecy, leading to a good life.
Jules Evans paraphrasing Roosevelt
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have little Kim come and sleep on me and next to me last night along with Cap sleeping next to my pillow. I’m not sure what brought on Kim’s sudden affection. She seems very happy.
