I am so happy and grateful to be able to sit in this teachers room with aircon and share time happily with other teachers.
To-do list
RAK, savour, smile, compliment, positive – these should be priorities ½
Can you connect more? ½
Practice your listening with follow-up questions
Don’t put down other people’s ideas ½
Don’t say anything perceived as negative ½
Today could just as well have been a holiday as George, Dylan and I did no work at all. We spent an hour and a half for coffee in the morning, an hour for lunch and an hour for coffee in the afternoon. Apart from that we watched videos and read articles or listened to podcasts. I felt very much at ease today, compared with earlier in the week.
I need to keep working on these points about savouring, compliments, thinking positively towards myself and others, smiling and RAK. I also want to improve on not saying anything negative in a jokey way. I think I can boil my tasks down to just improving these things each day.
Callen the gallon – those were days alright. Sweaty five-minute warm-up. Sound makes a sound – still Heavy Vegetable swirling around all the time.
Yesterday was filled with so much beauty it was almost too much to bear – it was outstanding green, green, green – Amy not impressed by the photos – “it’s my country – this is normal – this is why I want to see other places.” I get it, of course.
Up into the mountains skidding sliding – bemused villages staring. Akha church ceremony – it was Sunday. It was great – very lovely sounds. Some places so quiet, others cicadas like chainsaws.
Gap teethed stooping old ladies, “okay!”, smokers sitting in shade – pineapple groves – where to go? – is this a road? What are you doing to me Google Maps!? Buddhas everywhere. KwanYin everywhere. Miles and miles and miles – could I see the ocean?
Hours later I’m crispy salmon skinned – Magma CDs – play them one day. Das Damen – Jupiter Eye is upside down – why? Dazzling Kilman – must be close by. *
Cooler – big rain – 30-minute blackout. Oh no – it’s okay. Cold nighttime air, can wrap up warm. What are you gonna talk about? Nothing – it doesn’t matter – enjoy that coffee – keep the cup filled with coffee. Keep your heart filled with joy. Don’t fight it, the struggle is over, everything is changing. Embrace it. Gives thanks. Give love. You’re a lovely human bean.
Fatman report
Weight: 79.9kg Resting heart rate: 53
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that De Lanna is open again so I can sit by the river with a coffee.
*writing this sitting next to my CD collection and perusing in thought
To-do list
Take the weekend with you – smile
Share your positive wishes to others and yourself
Savouring and random acts of kindness
Connect with someone – find out what they like ½
More blog posts ½
I struggled today to be honest. On reflection I think it may be somewhat connected to my sunburn – it is really bad on my arms and it’s not that it is painful or that I feel hot but I think I just got zapped of energy.
I got annoyed with two of the boys doing the filming because they weren’t paying any attention to the work. George rightly pointed out that it’s up to us to create the environment that we want to see but I was too tired and cranky to think about it anymore.
After lunch, I sat and closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing. I felt much better after that and then, funnily, Dylan and George both got tired and sleepy too.
George can come across as quite bossy sometimes though he obviously has the best of intentions. It often rubs me the wrong way and sometimes I’m not confident enough to deal with it in a positive manner. I’m still very insecure about things and feel I have to prove a point. It’s my problem I know
I’ve been writing and reading all these things but still can’t seem to act on it. I don’t ruminate so much on things but a dark mood can be brought on by the smallest slight.
Anyway, I’m putting the tiredness down to the sunburn and the crankiness due to the tiredness. Tomorrow is another day (though the sunburn will still be there).
Sweaty workout with the aircon. Poor Deep Turtle poster, how much longer can it live? – the shelf isn’t straight – the torn poster is straight but torn! Kneeling to write, sweaty workout for five mins, five mins is it enough? My muscles ache so don’t push it. Remember two things today – check Aing’s grammar and… What’s the other thing – my brain is forgetting more easily. Old or painkillers – it’s okay I’m okay. My toenails annoy me for some reason, I want them as short as possible – what are they for? Remnant monkey claws. Books I want to read. Read and read, get lost in those worlds. I think the other thing I want to remember is to do that introductory lesson for English revision. Sitting now, kneeling was uncomfortable, should do at a desk but desk is cluttered. Should write quicker in cursive but even less legible than this, doesn’t matter – tomorrow cursive, see if I remember – thumbs ache – When to study Thai Drops? This task is to empty brain and meditate – maybe should do before my five-minute workout – experiment with schedule. Coffee, sudden thought of coffee at Eat and Sleep. 80.8 kg today, it’s okay but want to stay permanently under 80 kg – exercise – no beer! Books, books, books – stomach okay today – situps – let’s do some. Okay so done empty brain?! Meditate.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to go to Baralee this morning and enjoy the relaxing environment with coffee and friends.
To-do list
Study Drops in the morning
Make your own teacher video for media lesson
Work on Lesson 1 – English review ✅
Call Bronwyn and find out how she is ½
As I was going through my morning routine I realised that I should do the Drops study first so I didn’t end up doing it this morning. That’s ok – things fall into place.
We got given a new video to make on Friday so that kinda threw out some plans but I remembered I had something that I could use from Anuban but the files were at home so I just carried on and finished off a couple of other things and will do the video planning tomorrow instead.
Bronwyn wasn’t online so I just sent her a message.
A relaxing day at work all round. There are a very few students around and that is reminding me that they will all be back at some point and the real challenge is waiting for me. having all this time to prepare though is very handy.
Tomorrow I will be able to include Drops into my routine in the morning and have set my alarm for 5 minutes earlier. It’s light at 5.30 am already, it’s sometimes hard to stay fully asleep until my alarm goes off – especially with the cats wanting to get in and out.
Tomorrow I also will try to talk more with some of the other teachers that I don’t really know well yet. Everyone seems to be getting along and there’s no feeling of ‘them and us’ that I had in Primary or at Anuban. It’s strange! I hope it remains like this.
A long time since writing in this book now a stream of consciousness writing exercise to let out all thoughts smoky air coughing up blood sore throat sweaty after a workout, well a five minute warmup anyway. Fan whirring. Door open ugh smoky air cats all safe no snake sightings. Unfinished jigsaw in front of me I enjoyed a few hours yesterday cats and books great idea for a picture. Pink gym ball I should do some situps no dream to remember right now messages coming on the phone. Meditate which first? meditate or situps many little things waiting to be done middle mass phrase Crayon Shin Chan’s little penis! Why? I don’t know but it made me laugh for a hundred Baht. Coffee! Yes, bad coffee but good caffeine. Smiling faces show teeth. Friends to be made no time to be grumpy how far do my thoughts extend before they run out or slow down. This exercise is slowing down my brain and speed of thinking – is that the purpose? Sit up straight soft seat. Tough hard wood at school. What will the day bring? Either way it will be okay – another day. I enjoy being around nicer people – that’s what I should be – nice – to everyone.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my calm this weekend. It has maintained my happiness when I could have been upset and angry.
To-do list
Listen carefully, practice breathing exercise
Take this happiness to work and bring it home again ✅
In free time at school – clear emails
Convert jpgs to docs – check the first lessons again ✅
Go to immigration ✅
Maintained my happiness throughout the day – and it was a very easy day. We had nothing to do – I wrote some more lessons but very lazily. I was nice to everyone and think I gave off enough of a positive vibe – I could always do better though.
Tonight, Nu, Aing and Mink came over – it’s Mink’s last night here so we bid him farewell. He’s a nice kid – very thoughtful – sometimes too much, so, he reminds me of me quite a lot at that age.
Tomorrow George is really excited that we might video record all the teachers singing ‘Happy’. It will be fun I really have to push myself to be in that frame of mind. Can I do it?
I am so happy and grateful to be sitting by the river this morning for a coffee.
To-do list
Be nice to everyone you meet ½
Stay calm, stay quiet, listen well ½
Practice a mantra ‘it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine’
Find out about teaching options but keep it simple! ✅
Drop by HomePro and check out weights ✅
I started off the day a little quiet and morose and even George’s positivity rubbed me a little the wrong way despite knowing he was right.
By the afternoon though I had turned things around in my head enough to be able to more quickly dismiss negative thoughts. I was polite to everyone I met though I realise I could be upbeat and smiling (even though wearing a mask).
I was calm and quiet though maybe I could have listened better. There Wasn’t really any occasion that necessitated using the mantra today, even though there were a couple of times I could have gotten wound up.
I got home quite energised, chopped up the fallen papaya and drank two beers which, due to the heat and humidity had very little effect. They did contribute to a more relaxed feeling though – getting back to some semi-normality is a welcome relief.
Tomorrow I should smile more and greet people in a more friendly manner. I have an idea of what I’m doing now work-wise so I can relax a little more.
We wake up in the morning fresh and ready to go and by the end of the day, we are covered in dust. The dust of emotions, of work, of stress, of everything.
– Daily Stoic email
Most days disappear too fast. I was busy – busy with what? I set myself small goals and challenges and cross them off at nightfall. The next day, do it again. Wash, rinse, repeat.
I am a machine and the dust gets in. Wash it away, wash this out of my life.
Talking of dust, it hasn’t rained here for 6 months, the land is cracking, grass clings to life but the jungle can still prevail. It doesn’t matter what gets thrown at it.
The sight of a big rat running around hopefully means the snakes are gone for now. Our lazy cats bring us gifts of small lizards and small birds, blood trailed across the kitchen floor.
Each evening we water the plants and trees, the sun red over the mountains, barely penetrating the thick smoke blown down from Myanmar and Laos. This is still the Wild East – laws often meaningless, common moral duties not learned in the chaos of the education systems.
We live in dust, breathe it in, poison for the lungs. But, we live.
A wise man said that you can’t step in the same stream twice, But I find that wet feet soon get caked with sand and grit, that’s very unpleasant, especially between the toes…..
nomeansno
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be able to go outside again. It was weird to be outside again after two weeks at home.
To-do list
Record another TCRAH and finish off upload details ✅
Express your gratitude and happiness to see people ½
Do not judge people ✅
Finish installing Powerpoint ½
Chinese drawing
My first day outside in 2 weeks. It felt a little strange as I was riding to Utopia and this feeling of freedom and being able to go anywhere. It was good to catch up with everyone there – I think I should try and talk more with everyone who works there, maybe they think that I am not that friendly.
Anyway, the air quality sucks so it was back home and indoors again. For some reason, I woke up and got up at six thirty so actually managed to do a few things before even going out for coffee.
At around 10.30 it’s usually too hot and sunny to be outside but with the smoke so thick there’s an apocalyptic colour to the sky and only a vague idea of where the sun is. It was still hot but I took the opportunity to water our suffering plants and trees.
A trip out for lunch and re-stocks at Makro and I got a lot more done in the afternoon.
Back to school tomorrow. I want to try and maintain this good feeling I’ve had for the last two weeks even if having to deal with difficult people. This is my test.
I would like to go and help George with some lesson planning but I have a feeling that the lack of communication last week will end up getting dumped back on me in the morning (I was originally told that I would be able to start preparations back at CRPAO at this time). Oh well – let’s see how it goes and I’ll attempt to think before I speak.
Remember – things you can control and things you can’t control.
Music from Magma, Sir Millard Mulch, Big Grump, Chemicals Made From Dirt, Vulk, El Rass, Les Baxter, Converge, Pile, Djang San, Honeymoon Killers, Monkees, The Misunderstood, Half Man Half Biscuit, Bondage Fruit, Moving Targets, 2227.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and thankful to George and Bee to be good friends we have made in Chiang Rai.
Those who don’t pay attention to their own thoughts and know their own minds are bound to be unfulfilled in life.
Donald Robertson
To-do list
Contemplate your death ½
Upload and record TCRAH ✅
Enjoy teaching today (stay in the moment) ½
WDS spreadsheet
Card for Tian ✅
My belly was giving me trouble today due to the chilli and alcohol mix last night. Despite that, the day passed happily enough. I even managed to ‘meditate’ for 30 minutes. I put the word in quotes as I wasn’t fully able to calm my mind, though I did relax and feel better after it.
In the morning I was quite tense but I think it was the effect of the coffee. Usually, I’m ok but not this morning.
I struggled through making another TCRAH episode but I persevered and did it. I was quite happy with myself.
I did, at various times during the day, remind myself that I may die at any time and I felt a strange feeling in my chest that focused me back in the moment. However, it merely reminded me of all the many things I want to get sorted in my room and I soon started back on that.
Tomorrow I will go and play basketball with Bruno. I hope that it will give me an opportunity for discussion about our views on life and maybe offer each other advice on our lives. Bruno is an emotional Italian and can get overexcited about things. He reminds me of me sometimes.
Whilst hanging with George gives me a positive energy boost he can also be somewhat relentless. Bruno may be a little in the negative direction and it’s not the way I prefer to go. However, it will remind me that the world is about balance.
Oh! I went riding around in the hills and valleys again today and I savoured every minute of it. The cool morning air countered the sun and heat, the sky white with mist and smoke, though thankfully not the thick cancerous smoke that will soon be with us every day until rainy season. Every paradise humans have found required a garbage dump.
I’m surprised I’m energised this morning after a 7 hour drunken sleep, woken somewhere in that time by Indian indigestion. I guess the two coffees kick-started me well enough so as soon as I got back from the cafe I hopped on the bike, no destination in mind.
The locals stare curiously at this white-haired monster screaming through their quiet village daily life but return the big smiles I beam at them. Spread the love. I get stuck behind what may have at one time been a truck but has been mangled into a new form so as to navigate its territory. On the back, two old uncles cling on to the stack of metal merchandise, though one is drunkenly singing and dancing to the traditional Thai folk music blasting from the rigged up PA system. The audio system far more important than the vehicle, which drops bolts and parts to the ground as it bounces around. It’s just turned 10 am.
Finally, I turn off and deeper into the hills through dirt tracks, some familiar, others new to me. Besides the divots and bumps, sleeping dogs must be navigated, their nerve holding much longer than mine.
Eventually, time to turn back, sore butt yet soaring thoughts. For brief moments in time it is wonderful to be alive. Let’s seek them out.
Suitably invigorated I set about the task of finally moving the stack of bricks that has been sitting in the middle of the garden for the past two years. They had become so familiar that they were practically invisible now. Every now and then I would be reminded by the cats sitting atop the stack, surveying the garden, waiting for birds to fly into their mouths.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been in the garden and half the clothing I used to wear has decomposed, my sweat probably had eaten through the fabric. Stacking 12 blocks at a time into the wheelbarrow I soon regretted not having gloves but whatever, time to toughen up these dishwashing hands again.
Nearer the bottom of the stack, I started to notice discarded snakeskins so thought to be a little bit more cautious, particularly as the blocks have 3 deep pockets through them. And finally, in the bottom of the pile, a small shy snake tasting the air with its tongue from within one of the pockets.
I carefully removed all the other blocks, keeping a good eye on the snake in its home. At one point it decided to make a break which gave me chance to capture a photo which I could get an ID for the snake later on Facebook. The snake exchanged one pocket for another as there was nowhere else safe to go, just open spaces around.
I figured I’d give it some time to chuff off on it’s own accord but then realised the nearest place of solitude was in our room where Amy teaches. Not the best option. So it was, pockets facing away I carefully picked up the whole block and chucked it over the fence into the deep scrub and long grass outside. Situation dealt with.
Godspeed….
Through the Facebook group, I discovered the snake was a highly venomous Thai spitting cobra. In our ignorance of its existence until this day our cats and I had been lucky and likewise, today this shy, delicate yet deathly dangerous beast let our relationship end without grief. I just hope our relationship has ended permanently.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful at my ability to bounce back and be positive again. I remember a time a minor thing would play on my mood for many days.
The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times. The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.
Mihaly Csikszentmihali
To-do list
Hang washing ½
Cut grass at front ✅
Record new TCRAH ✅
Write blog entry as if abducted ½
Finalise more details for WDS
A quieter and much more enjoyable day today. Time goes too quickly though. I wrote a different blog entry today but want to explore that idea about feelings of loss of freedom.
Tonight I will savour more about my trip to Japan.
Tomorrow’s lessons are all planned out though I need to be prepared for the unexpected as always. Our daily schedule will be a little different in that we have to take the car for service and Amy can’t drive. We’ve planned ahead though so it should all work out. If anything does go awry then remain calm.
Things I could have done better today was maybe not going for coffee in the morning. I had told Amy I would hang the washing when I came back but she had already done it despite her busted arm. She wasn’t upset at doing it but I missed an opportunity to be helpful. Tomorrow I will try to consider more opportunities for acts of kindness.
I am so happy and grateful to Said for loaning me 100 baht so I could buy coffee.
It is a joy to be hidden…..but disaster not to be found.
DW Winnicott
To-do list
More exam preparation ✅
Typhoon game for revision
Review each hour at night
Think before speaking – do not complain ½
No Facebook at work ✅
Spent free time at work today finishing the final exam questions. That’s me prepared until the end of April.
I challenged myself today with the question – ‘what can you do to surprise your partner?’ After a little thought I realised I should book somewhere nice for us to go for our tenth wedding anniversary. I’m really happy with myself about that. It will be a fantastic time.
My challenge for each hour of today: 6am – stretch, meditate, shower, eat, five points challenge 7am – drove to work, prepared extra worksheets 8am – got coffee and did some reading from Daily Stoic* 9am – worked more on the IEC exam, went to pee many times 10am – continued on exams and got another coffee 11am – finished exam paper and printed, messaged Jim and dropped off 12pm – ate lunch and read some more Daily Stoic 1pm – watched Coursera videos and failed the quiz 2pm – fixed set up in library just in time for the only lesson of the day 3pm – rushed through the lesson, Jim returned exams for updates 4pm – fixed exam papers and dropped off again, drove home 5pm – finished reading A Chinese Life 6pm – watched some TV, and looked at Facebook for the first time 7pm – ate dinner and discussed holiday plans with Amy 8pm – here in bed, writing this and will read next
*What do you remember reading from Daily Stoic today? If you can’t remember then I think I didn’t really take in what I was reading.
Music from Motelli Skronkle, The Chords, Dot.Organ, DMBQ, Isocracy, i.e. crazy, Capillary Action, Ruins, Bukkake Moms, Killing Joke, Butthole Surfers, Sex Pistols, Debt of Nature, The Poles, 17 Pygmies and Sebadoh.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for Art and Utopia. Nice coffee and nice people and easy to get to. Lifesaver for a hangover!
To return to the books one lived in one’s youth is to risk disappointment – in both the books and in oneself when young.
Joseph Epstein
To-do list
Upload TCRAH ✅
Finish writing to Chrissie
Go for a ride around the hills again ✅
Go to the gym
Sort out more in the office ✅
I ran out of energy today. After teaching, which was very enjoyable today, it was about 5.3o pm and I spent a few minutes watching TV and energy just zapped out of me. Oh well, despite my best intentions, going to the gym the day after drinking probably wasn’t the best idea.
Today, Amy was upset by some pictures on an English poster we had bought – they showed ‘cute’ as a white girl and ‘ugly’ as a black person. Pretty fucked up and Amy said that she would complain to the makers.
In the afternoon I shared the picture with the TLC LINE group with the question ‘What is this teaching Thai children?’ I was quite surprised at the acceptance from Mike and Ben (himself black). I think it’s a fairly serious issue but felt like they were countering it because they were either used to it or it never affected them.
I feel proud of myself and Amy because we are prepared to stand up for what we believe to be right and fair. Amy even did it last night with the car park attendant as he called me ‘it’, which I was obviously oblivious to. Then Nancy cut the conversation short by talking about loving everyone and Malcolm piping up with emoji support.
I found the whole conversation very thought-provoking. Mike called me a ‘troublemaker’. I don’t know? Is facing issues causing trouble? I didn’t think I really had to defend my position – the consequences of letting things slide are obvious and some are prepared to leave thinking and doing to others and live the easy life.
It was interesting that Mike and Ben are French and I wonder how this affects their thinking? What an interesting day!
Should I not raise these things as discussion – live the easy life myself? I feel like that is what I want but something in me sees the injustices in the world and that I should say something even if nothing can be changed quickly.
1994ever 