Tag: dVerse

Beaten Heart – 24th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 14 Comments

And so it must be repeated…

…when the cat scratches at the door wanting to be let in
come, come

And so it must be repeated…

…when screeches of missiles fly overhead
run, run

And so it must be repeated…

…when Mama’s voice soothes the frayed edges
there, there

And so it must be repeated…

…when the fringe comes to the centre
win, win

And so it must be repeated…

…when the image of the devil is hailed as a hero
praise, praise

And so it must be repeated…

…when all the signs of dying breaths disappear
gone, gone

And so it must be repeated…

…when the locks are bolted after sunset
tight, tight

And so it must be repeated…

…when shiny ribbons emerge from the dust
curiouser and curiouser

And so it must be repeated…

…when the tide rises to overwhelm the bloodied sands
rush, rush

And so it must be repeated…

…when the swarm of flies search for new flesh
buzz buzz

And so it must be repeated…

…when the ghoulish fiends build castles on the haunted beach
higher and higher

And so it must be repeated…

…when the night breaks so does the heart
beat

beat

beat

Shared with dVerse Poetics: Of Mantras, Repetita Juvant and The Sunday Whirl Wordle 676 and inspired by this post at Sunra Rainz

Today I’m feeling:

I got myself up and running at 6.10 having already woken up a little earlier yet again!

Last night I made a little mistake as we received a message from school with our new timetables and I had a look at mine and was a little frustrated.

Firstly, I have been given 25 hours again, whilst David got 22 and George only 20! Then I noticed that I have two seven-hour days on Monday and Friday! Finally, I have been given 4 separate one-hour classes throughout the week, which annoys me as my planning is usually for 2-hour lessons. With only one hour, it will usually only end up with about 30 minutes teaching time at most.

Funnily enough, one of my students Jee, messaged me saying that she was disappointed that I would only teach her for two hours a week again and I mentioned that I was frustrated too, for the reasons above. She replied, ‘That’s not fair!’ But I said to her, ‘Yeah, but it will likely change anyway,’ and considered that things are not set in stone just yet.

Unfortunately, it couldn’t stop my brain working overtime for a while as I was trying to sleep and I was playing out scenarios about what to do and say.

By morning, though, I had let it all go and just figured to get on with things and accept them. For now, at least.

After a long, happy, hot day, I was starting to feel flaky as I was driving home. I could easily have slept until tomorrow even though it was only 2.30 pm, but I knew that wasn’t going to be possible.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Baitoey, an old student of mine who I will teach again this semester, who helped me get things sorted to create a new LINE group for her class. This class has 48 students and is certainly going to be a challenge to keep them all engaged.

Kru Ning also helped me out, as she is the homeroom teacher for them, too. It’s good to have a reasonably competent ally when dealing with a big class like this.

The best thing about today was:

Catching up with all the students again. I got so wrapped up in talking with them that I didn’t even make it to my first coffee until after 10 am!

They all seemed happy to be back at school again and to see their friends. I was certainly happy as kids came to talk and play all throughout the day.

Kwang also turned up to see her friends before she switched schools. I gave her a hug and told her that I would miss her. She said ‘how much’ and I told her, just a little bit.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy told me in the morning that Nong Oh’s mum passed away today and that she wants to go and help at the temple today and tomorrow. This means there’s little chance of rest for me before we do the three-hour drive to Chiang Mai on Saturday morning.

Our third funeral this month. What can we do? I am grateful to still be alive and healthy to have these problems.

Something I learned today?

I found out that sports day is at the end of November, for a couple of days and for most of the month leading up to it, we will have 50-minute periods instead of our usual one hour.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Driving Amy and Baew to the temple after school this evening. There’s not much that I can do to help here, so I was quite relieved when Amy suggested I bring a book.

I took this picture because we are not the only ones making a home here.

A Light Sentence – 18th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 18 Comments

Until the end of my days
I’m fighting to finish this life sentence

It may be 25 years or longer
The key is here somewhere

It’s solitary confinement
No escaping the prison of my mind

Resigned to my fate
The end of the tunnel

Shared with dVerse Quadrille #210 – light

Today I’m feeling:

A little underwhelmed, though everything has been just fine.

I think this is my third day on half a sertraline, and I haven’t had tramadol for a couple of days, too. I’m trying to get by just on kratom and see how it goes.

My butt was sore yesterday from too much sitting and my neck is sore today from not sleeping in the best position last night.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Discovering an old letter from Roger Miller of Mission of Burma! I don’t remember ever writing to them! I have some treasures hidden in my piles of old stuff and looking forward to rediscovering them!

The best thing about today was:

Getting up when I couldn’t stop my brain spinning, as I was drifting into an afternoon nap. It forced me to get up and go look for some photos in my room and then get distracted whilst there and finish off another book of poem updates that had me thinking hard to figure out when they were written and who/what they were about.

In the process of doing that, I found a few other things that were interesting and that I will add to the blog over the weekend.

I am a little conscious of the fact that I am spending a lot of time going back over my past and not generating any particularly memorable moments right now! But I feel ok with that at the moment. I’ll get bored at some point and go and do something else for a while, I’m sure.

Something I learned today?

Amy was telling me why she liked a particular Thai TV show at the moment, because the presenter is standing against injustices carried out by monks. This is very unusual, she said. It gives me hope that Thailand is slowly changing and hope that Amy will be a little bit more positive towards her country.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

In reading through other people’s poetry, I tried to find something positive to say wherever I could.

I took this picture because these two flowers look like buttons to be pushed, but best not to!

String Along – 5th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

Bow the theory
Draw the threads
Sub concatenation
Monochord spreads
Ribbon weaver
Filament ropes
A ripping yarn
DNA microscopes

– A Cross-wired rhyme

Close the curtain
Tie the laces
A carabiner
Belt and braces
Trussed and twined
Strewn and hung
A dangled cord
Highly strung

Shared with dVerse Quadrille 209 – string

Today I’m feeling:

Good again, though I still have a sticky throat. I’m back at the ENT at Sriburin hospital. Let’s see what they say this time.

No big plans for today. Hope to read, write, play guitar and listen to music when I get home again.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Everyone at the hospital again. A quite quick turnaround with the result of getting some different medicines.

They shoved the camera in my mouth again and things looked better than last time. Though, because it doesn’t feel any better, it means the sticky phlegm is below the voice box and isn’t visible now.

The best thing about today was:

Not worrying about too much of anything. Although I got out of the hospital by 11 and picked up Amy from her eyelash shop, we then had to go to a couple of banks to transfer a wad of cash and they were both very busy.

Then, stopping off for some food for lunch, it ended up being 2 pm by the time we got back, so I didn’t get much reading in or go out to my room to play guitar.

But that’s ok. I’m feel fine with it.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When we woke up this morning, Amy came back from the kitchen and said that the baby cow had been stuck in the garden all night last night!

I went and said hello. He’s not afraid of me now and I walked him to near the gate where he stopped to pee. When I opened the gate, Tangmo ran in and was bemused to see the cow there and started barking and running around. I told him to calm down and he started marking territory. He’s so jealous of anyone and anything being around us! The cow chased him a bit and I went back inside for a shower.

I didn’t want to lead the cow out because I couldn’t see his mum nearby and didn’t want him to go wandering off. At least he’s safe in our garden.

When I came out again, the cowman came by and called the baby over and Tangmo went off, too, maybe to make sure that he left.

Something I learned today?

I watched a video about a video game that made me laugh a lot. It is called Squirrel With a Gun and it looked hilarious.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I got Noey to talk with Amy this morning about opportunities for her to go to Australia next year.

I offered to take Baipad to practice riding the motorbike some more too. She’s not thrilled because she is lazy and still lacks confidence. I will try to keep pushing her through her defences.

I took this picture because he’s a cutie!

Close To Home – 4th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 23 Comments

When the light pours out of me*
I will be there as your guide
A whisper from your guardian angel
To counter the devils at your side

Here is the lie of the land*
I’ll shield you from these rocky shores
Vigilant against the swelling tide
Forever knocking at your doors

When the light pours out of me
Together we shall roam
When the sunsets on the horizon
You are always close to home

Shared with WDYS #256 picture prompt and dVerse OLN #371
*paraphrased from Magazine.

oday I’m feeling:

Good, though I was enjoying a dream when my alarm went off. Picked up coffees at Utopia before heading to school. I’ll hang here for a couple of hours before going home. Get some more reading and writing done.

I’ll start thinking about new lessons next week.

Back at home, I had a snooze before heading to my room for more blog updating and a little guitar playing. Then back inside to prepare for Nut and Bruno arriving for dinner.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Nut bringing some beautifully baked bread for us. I was so hungry that I wanted to eat it immediately but didn’t want to spoil my appetite for dinner.

The best thing about today was:

Chatting with Bruno and catching up on things. I was pretty tired but never bored, and stimulated with talk about music, culture and books, amongst other gossip-type stuff.

Something I learned today?

Kru Tang sent us the plan for next week and then the week following is a holiday.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I tightened up the bolts on all the chair legs before Nut and Bruno arrived. I felt recently that some of our chairs were getting a little unstable when sat on.

A Reconciliation – 23rd September 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 18 Comments

How to make something happen, how
To meet what’s left for me head-on
It’s a long road travelled upon
So what dreams of the future now?

I ran so fast to get ahead
After all the rushing around
I’ve found my feet stuck to the ground
How to make something happen, how

Can I learn from my past mistakes
Blindly followed the loudest voices
Crossroads offer too many choices
So what dreams of the future now?

How to make something happen, how
To reconcile the debris of all that’s gone?
So what dreams of the future now?

A reflection on getting older and wondering what might be next. I’m reasonably happy with my life and feel a little lack of ambition. This could be the folly of comfort but I’m tired too.
Shared with dVerse Poetry Form: Villonnet and Poets and Storytellers United – dreams and also for a course at AllPoetry.com
17th Dec 2024 – Published at Edge of Humanity

Today I’m feeling:

A little better again this morning. It was good to see more kids around school and I’ve managed to get out a little bit for a coffee kick start.

I sent a message to Kru Mai at around 10 am to see what was going on and was told that I could find 2/7 and help them out with cleaning.

So I went back to school but it was an hour and a half before I found them and they were just sitting and waiting in the canteen.

I helped out a little here and there as I was walking around but it was very disorganised and chaotic, though some of the motivated kids were doing a lot of work.

I found Jet and asked her what her class was supposed to be doing in the afternoon and her reply (as was everyone’s) was just ‘cleaning’. Whatever that might entail. She said she will probably ‘jump’, meaning skipping out of school and I laughed and said ‘same!’

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Having options for other coffee shops now that House won’t be available for a while.

I tried Hobby this morning but the coffee is not to my taste, really and also expensive at 70 baht.

In the afternoon, I went to 22 Grams, where at least I know the coffee is great but that is also 70 baht too.

Maybe I will try a couple of other places this week just to see what else is out there.

The best thing about today was:

Getting into a real flow again this afternoon whilst at 22 Grams. I caught up on a lot of reading and a bit of writing and also worked out some other ideas for publishing poetry on Instagram and Substack.

I ended up spending almost 4 hours there and was in a good mood, so I thought to drop back by school on the way home just to check in with what was going on.

However, literally as I crossed the road to my car a huge storm rained down and traffic slowed as rain flooded the roads, possibly as most of the drainage was still blocked from mud.

I decided to skip school, though it took me a fair while to get back home as the rain pelted down all the way.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’d thought that I would pick some things up from Makro on the way home too but the rain put the kibosh on that.

Not to worry, if the rest of the week goes like today, there should still be opportunity to do a little shop one afternoon.

Something I learned today?

I learned a little bit about setting up Substack to publish and then also started investigating the Buy Me A Coffee app, though I struggled to figure out how to add the widget or embed it on my pages so far.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I ended up giving Film my copy of Childhood’s End today. I hope he can enjoy it and get something out of it.

Praewa took this picture because she wanted to take photos of me helping to clean, which was a good idea just in case I got asked if I had helped at all!

A Lull; A Crisis – 14th September 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 19 Comments

A Lull

Lulled into obedience
Cocooned in a routine
Lulling in a language
The soft belly fattened
Lulled back to sleep
A thief’s hand in the pocket
A lull in the fighting
Fresh-faced provincial naivety


A Crisis

Always in need of a crisis
To keep putting up prices
Push the thorn in deeper
Make this pain a keeper
Today was another bad day
Another breath stolen away
A cake built from glitter and guns
Towards the battle runs


A Lull; A Crisis

Lulled into obedience, always in need of a crisis
Cocooned in a routine to keep putting up prices
Lulling in a language, push the thorn in deeper
The soft belly fattened make this pain a keeper
Lulled back to sleep, today was another bad day
A thief’s hand in the pocket, another breath stolen away
A lull in the fighting, a cake built from glitter and guns
Fresh-faced provincial naivety towards the battle runs

6th Jun 2025 – Shared with dVerse OLN #385

Today I’m feeling:

Lazy again. The dark grey sky has returned with a light, constant rain. Even though I woke up and got up at 7 to feed the cats, I went back to bed and, after reading for a while, dozed a little too.

As I was driving out for coffee this morning, I was thinking about how I generally only feel motivated when I have to go to work. When I have some pressure to be doing one thing, then I’m really motivated to do another thing! This feeling is making me concerned about actual retirement. I have to figure out a way to be motivated when there is nothing else to do!

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy getting us motivated and out of the house. At about 11.30, she said that we should get some old clothes together and donate them to people who need them at the moment. Lots of people are donating food but so much of it is getting thrown away as it is going off before it can be distributed.

It is a little heartening to see how people are pulling together to help each other and even to watch some folks laughing as they clean up the mud around their houses.

Others are not so happy, though. I dropped by House on the way into the city. Gui wasn’t there – he decided to stay in a hotel – so I talked a little with his mum (as best I could anyway) and she showed me inside the shop, which is a disaster, as is their front room, kitchen and bathroom, the back garden and even the parking area.

His mum couldn’t be sure how long before they could get everything sorted and the shop open again. Maybe even up to three months. I think Gui might just give up. Others who are renting their shops will be facing the same questions.

Tokyo heard me talking to Gui’s mum and barked from the safety of the terrace above the kitchen. She soon ran down and through all the mud to jump up at me as I had a snack waiting for her. She is oblivious to what is going on around her.

The best thing about today was:

Getting up and about and not just lying down at home reading or watching TV. I was also informed that school won’t open again until Thursday at the earliest, though that may change as I heard that clean-up had already started.

After seeing some of the damage in the area today, though, I can understand why it’s not just a matter of the school but also of the affected students, too.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Driving around the city and particularly the area near my school brought home the amount of damage that folks there are dealing with. All the roads are a mess of garbage and mud. Animals are loose, fields are empty and flattened and even some walls were knocked down or foundations for poles and fences so soft that they have keeled over.

We felt very subdued by it all and even though people are pulling together there’s a sort of bewilderment in the air. About 80% of shops are closed, whether they are affected by the water or not. The economy was already struggling and this is another setback to recovery.

Something I learned today?

Brisbane scraped through their final with the Giants and I listened to it live on the radio though as I wasn’t particularly invested in either I was also doing other things until the final ten minutes or so.

That means Brisbane will play Geelong and Sydney will play Port. Could end up being a Sydney Geelong grand final again and it will bring back memories of getting absolutely smashed by them in the grand final two or three years ago, whenever it was.

Well, we have to get there first and I will listen live a little more intently on Friday for sure.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Donating a lot of clothes and pillows was appreciated by the folks doing the organising of the distribution. I hope that they end up getting to people who really need them. There may be a few villagers who end up with ni-hao! And SpeechOdd t-shirts that were too big for me.

Thinker’s Tableau – 7th September 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 16 Comments

An audience quiet
Digests careful words
Rapt in attention
Honesty demands
A thoughtful response
Worthy of the room

To conjure reply
And beg discussion
Once contemplated
Wind blows back and forth
To bend and not break
Careful and controlled

To think and wonder
Share our differences
Arrive at conclusions
Agreed to or not
Left to meditate
Played well for pleasure

Shared with No Theme Thursday (attached picture prompt) and dVerse MTB – tableau
16th Dec 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – meditate

Today I’m feeling:

Quite well rested, waking up at nine this morning, though I think I may have slept after midnight as I was into reading comics.

Health:

Physical: 7 Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Selling a couple of items online after a quick post on Bandcamp and Facebook and then getting some more of the HighxVoltage/Speech Odd LPs out to HV and Heaven and Hell in Bangkok. Days like this make me feel more connected.

The best thing about today was:

Finding a couple of cool Thai bands through a random discovery on Facebook, contacting the record label and the guy there saying that he thought tenzenmen was cool. It’s nice to get some positive feedback.

And despite thinking just a couple of days ago I can’t afford to be getting involved with any more releases yet, today I’m wondering if I can be part of these band’s upcoming output. Sigh!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I ran out of steam this afternoon as I primarily went to my room to write and play guitar but got stuck into packing up all the orders and requests for merch. By the time I picked up the guitar, I couldn’t stick with it for more than ten minutes and then when I sat down to write, I couldn’t find much inspiration.

That’s fine, though. Tomorrow is another day and I will get some writing done then.

Something I learned today?

The local post office is only open from 9 am until noon but at least it opens those hours on Sunday, too now.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I swept up the leaves in the entertainment area of my own volition.

I cleaned up the rat!

I cleaned up the litter trays at Amy’s request.

The Infection – 6th September 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Let’s get serious
This is no time to sleep
Now we’re in business
Gulp the air in deep
Let’s get serious
This is no drum circle of friends
Roar out your heart
As if your life depends
Laugh until it hurts
And all that’s broken mends
Let’s get serious

A fold poem variation inspired by the folks I used to see in the park every Saturday morning when I took my son to swimming class. I forget their group’s name but they were essentially a Laughter Club and would stand in a circle and force themselves to laugh loudly. Submitted to dVerse’s Poetics: Just for Laughs prompt.

Today I’m feeling:

A little blurry but a little better again. I still have phlegm stuck in my throat but it’s not as intense as before. I’m starting to get back to normal.

It was also good to get back to school today and get me off my lazy ass and into the maelstrom of kid craziness.

(Later) By the end of the day, I’m feeling almost back to normal and motivated again. Hooray!

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Still being motivated enough when I got home to get out into my room and get some stuff sorted, though I ran out of energy before I could play any guitar.

The best thing about today was:

Enjoying all my classes today, made more entertaining by there being fewer students and being able to spend more time interacting.

It probably helped that everyone was in a good mood, as we all only had one day of school this week.

I also think that I will try to copy the format of today’s lessons, as they were relatively simple compared with some that I try to teach.

Something I learned today?

Hawthorn smashed the Bulldogs tonight, so both Geelong and Hawthorn are looking good right now. The Swans game is tomorrow and I am nervous and excited. It’s going to be a tough task to win the Premiership this year.

Spin Sorrow – 5th September 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 12 Comments

Spin your sorrow into strength
Weave new words of wisdom
From your free-spun mind

Deny spider thoughts at length
A lost control decision
Loosened the threads that bind

Put back together the unravelled
With stories around the campfire
And a beaten-up guitar

A quadrille (44 words) for dVerse Quadrille #207 – spin and first line inspired and paraphrased from this poem ‘Losing my grip’ by Carol Anne

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired and still with a croaky throat. I don’t feel as sick as I did at the beginning of the week, though. I didn’t sleep so well as my hips were aching again. If it’s not my neck, then it’s my hips!

Maybe I’ve been lying down too much this week, though and need to get back to moving again.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Receiving some of the things I ordered online today. Cat food, granola and kratom.

The best thing about today was:

I was happy to find out today that Amy’s health check turned out well. I should get mine done, too; they have a special price deal until the end of the year.

Also for receiving an overseas vinyl order, plus possible distro to Germany and Japan. I need to get back into my room and packing stuff to ship.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The plan was to go to Big C after running Amy around at the hospital so that I could get some more Duocets at the pharmacy there, but the doctor wasn’t due there for another three hours.

They told me that he’ll be there all day tomorrow, though, so at least I can pick them up then. I’m down to the last one.

Something I learned today?

Big C is stocking the yoghurt I like now, so if Makro runs out, I can try there too.

I took this picture because these seed pods are pretty unusual to me and stood out in the driveway.

Fairlight Falls – 1st September 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

Fairlight falls down
side-poured through silver
trunks dripping gold

Soft feet crinkle steps
along a path hidden
under the crispy cakes

The third of March,
we two are three,
Mother and son

One foot forward,
a thought not repeated
on this path trodden once

Soft, bright and smooth
hands held in safety;
the comfort of a paw

Knowing no place to go
into the autumn stride
compelled towards the light

My first attempt at a triversen (as discussed at dVerse) using the No Theme Thursday picture attached as a prompt

Today I’m feeling:

A little better after coffee but this morning I didn’t want to get up and covered my head with a pillow to block the light and noise from Cap scratching at the door to be fed. I was slow to get up and felt like a zombie trudging around the house.

My eyes still ache and there is a weird feeling at the bottom of my throat. Whenever I tilt my head back, I’m automatically forced to cough. I want to feel normal again!

Health:

Physical: 6
Mental: 6

Today I’m grateful for:

A little five-minute ride around the back of our house on the way back from coffee this morning.

Even though I know the roads well enough, they always look different each time I go there. Stuff grows so quickly and at the same time can be removed quickly too.

The best thing about today was:

A documentary about Rhodesia/Zimbabwe gave me some more information about the history there, after reading about it in the Decline and Fall of the British Empire.

The traveller who made the documentary also followed on into South Africa and it was interesting to note that it seemed to be safer in Zimbabwe, which I was a little surprised by.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I slept for three hours after lunch today. This was better than yesterday at least, when I slept for two hours before lunch.

Something I learned today?

Ipswich have their first point of the season after a one-all draw against Fulham yesterday.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

As I was riding around this morning, Amy called me to pick up some tomatoes. I was nowhere near the market by that time but I went back and spent ten baht!

I took this screenshot from a video sent to me on Friday morning, from three students who were off doing something and couldn’t come to class. All they said in the video was ‘We love you, teacher Shaun!’ Aww.   This is Toey and Air.