I want to see the grief expressed Hear the kind words manifest Let me celebrate the life I led To become immortal now I’m dead
You don’t need to shed those tears I got to enjoy so many years But being gone is a long, long time Don’t forget me and what was mine
What wishes made, to have been said Or ones wished retracted instead Look on my legacy for what it’s worth You’ll soon join me too, returned to earth
You and me, will all be forgot Ladies and gentlemen, that’s your lot!
Inspired by reading others’ poems about grief at dVerse this week and the idea of wanting to know how others feel about you once you are gone, much like my teenage student, who, after attempting suicide, said that she wanted to see her mother’s reaction once she was gone! 12th Feb 2026 – Shared with Reena’s Xploration #417 10th Apr 2026 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers #222 – Legacies
Today I’m feeling:
Tired and a little sick with a sore throat. I slept for almost twelve hours and crawled back in again at around 11 am, after a couple of coffees.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy told me that she was talking to a village auntie (the cowman’s wife) over the fence this morning and asked if I was teaching at CRPAO. Amy said yes and the auntie said that her son is in grade 8 and that even though I don’t teach him, she has heard that I’m a good and kind teacher.
That was nice to hear.
The best thing about today was:
Eating some nice food at Bruno and Nut’s place this evening. Even though I was feeling a little tired and sick, I enjoyed eating, talking and listening with them.
Something I learned today?
I watched an interesting video about a new DAW in development called Blockhead. Even though I don’t even use the DAWs that I have, I would still be interested in the idea of playing with them one day.
Tired still, though I didn’t sleep until after 1 am, partly because of my afternoon nap but also because I was playing a game on my phone.
When I stopped playing and saw that it was 1.20 am, I immediately deleted the game! I can’t be using up so much time like that.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy being back and cooking or buying food for me. I’m short of money again and trying not to spend anything. It will be like this for a couple more months at least. Hang in here, Shaun!
The best thing about today was:
Getting out to my room and thinking about adding old pictures to the blog, which I did a few of today, along with some more old emails and looking through other bits and pieces of writing that I have.
I also listened to a few albums of stuff that I had downloaded, including the old Fusion live tapes. I was perhaps inspired by listening to Per Purpose as I was driving today.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I didn’t watch any TV today. But this was on purpose, as I didn’t want to find out the result of the Swans game before being able to watch the mini-match tomorrow.
I did end up watching the movie Inside Out in the evening though as Amy had recommended it and it was enjoyable and I’m curious about the second one and if it could be useful for my students.
Lots of other things were out of my control today but I never let myself get out of control.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I drove Amy and me around the city so we could eat and visit Mum. Amy loves being a backseat driver and I generally just let it slide, joking today, asking if she would talk to a taxi driver like that. She said I’m not a taxi driver and ‘I can talk to my husband any way I like’ and then, jokingly, gently slapped my face. I guess I’m special!
I took this picture because I spotted this new growth as I was opening the gate.
Tired still and not particularly excited for my classes, knowing that many students will be missing for various reasons, disrupting my plans.
I got up ok this morning but feel a lack of energy and my eyes are a little blurry still.
Onwards we must go!
Today I’m grateful for:
A bit of a chilled, busy day due to circumstances described below. I’m still pretty tired at the end of the day but was expecting to feel much more exhausted after six hours in class, then dashing home and soon out again to the airport to pick up Amy. I’m looking forward to sleep but also feeling satisfied with the day.
The best thing about today was:
Falling into the rhythm of the day with only 14 out of 35 students turning up for my first class. The rest were mostly off doing projects and special meetings.
As the class was due to do presentations, this has to be delayed until next week. I figured I’d try to do some pronunciation work with the few students in attendance and settled on a 90-question Quiz about the pronunciation of past tense ‘-ed’ verbs.
At the start, everyone was quite competitive but with so many questions, once they started to understand the rules for this grammar point, they all started deliberately choosing the wrong answers to wind me up.
Suitably satisfied I stopped the quiz halfway and let the kids relax for the rest of the time.
And so it went on, in my next class, about 8 or 10 students were off doing something (which luckily I heard about yesterday and had prepared for) and I did a really simple reading, translation and quiz with the predominantly J-Biz program students.
I even managed to dash off to House for a quick coffee and writing catch-up before my final class with grade 8s and a tough reading challenge for them. I was pleasantly surprised at how well they handled it. Not with the quality of their reading but the fact that they’ve become accustomed with doing what I ask and feel comfortable that I will assist them. It’s a win as far as I’m concerned. If they can’t improve their English, at least their attitude to difficult tasks will improve.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’ve been a little frustrated with waiting on covers for the SpeechOdd/High Voltage split 12”, which Parthiban arranged with Talib in KL. Talib has been out of contact for a few weeks now and I’m sitting on a stack of currently unsellable vinyl until I get these covers.
There’s not much I can do and Parthiban is also frustrated and decided not to work with Talib again. Hopefully, the situation resolves soon.
Something I learned today?
I read an interesting piece about how Buenos Aires was richer and more culturally advanced than any other American city in the early 1900s until the Great Depression, followed by a series of political missteps, which saw it lose its status. There was even a phrase, ‘To wish to be as rich as an Argentinian!’
Review your acts, Good and bad.
Even after my long day of classes, I dropped in on Kru David’s grade 9 class and helped Nicha, Yurin and Tankoon to understand what was required. It felt good to help them and they showed their appreciation with their thanks.
I took this picture because Freya didn’t understand why I was saying ‘Sadako’ when she was fixing her hair, so I put the picture up on the screen and made her stand there too.
Symbolism in deeper reds Canvas colour capture spreads Abstract yet educated Rhythmic patterns illustrated Leaving be the ugly things Elevate what this beauty brings The fusion of knowledge
Spiritual movement college Aims towards enlightenment Grittily honest experiment Evoking the scarlet sage
Dancing eyes across the page And so the paintings change view Now that the painting changed you Creativity in meditation Invitation to interpretation Nearer to the stormy sea Goes the light blue nursery
Animal instincts of segregation
Wisdom rises beyond illumination Hanging our pictures on these walls In the museum, how history falls Risen to rhyme and rearranged Look at me now, times have changed In search of happiness and beauty No submission to customs of duty Greedy and grim, not another one
Death and frenzy have all been done Ever since, and so it will be Raise the tools to stave off misery Vanquish fear with canvas maze Inspired to passion with its praise Spun out a web of dream delight Hanging on the deeper reds tonight
Submitted to dVerse and inspired by the attached painting by Alma Thomas and information found about her work.
My regular weekend tired, though I got up early to drop Amy off at the airport as she heads to Udon Thani via Bangkok to meet Jess.
Then Baipad messaged me that Jan will come and meet her at The Black House this morning and wanted to arrange with me to transport her there.
No problem, though I’m looking forward to getting home later and playing some guitar, reading, writing and listening to some music.
I’m hungry already, too and it’s not quite registered yet that I have to figure out what I’m going to eat today and the rest of this week, with my regular chef being away!
Today I’m grateful for:
The drink lady at Baan Dam who complimented me on my Thai. And then Jess also complimented me when I was able to answer her questions, though usually in English. She was at least impressed that I understood her.
The best thing about today was:
Seeing the look of happiness on Baipad’s face when she saw Jan again. They haven’t seen each other since March and though they chat a bit online, I could see how happy they were to just be able to gossip with each other about their lives. One thing I really noticed was that they barely looked at their phones the whole time that they were together.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Just as I was sat comfortably in bed, Cap came to the door asking to be let in, which I did and then Amy video-called and I started talking with her, Jess and Jess’s relatives. Cap jumped up onto bed and then proceeded to piss all over it. Motherfucker!
I hung up the call grabbed the sheet off the bed and ran it to the washing machine, coming back with a cut lemon and some paper towels. After cleaning up as best I could I called Amy back and was feeling a bit annoyed, at one moment feeling relaxed and the next having to deal with this.
Amy was happily drunk and laughed it off but I wasn’t in the mood. She could feel that and we said good night. I’ve switched all the bed linen to Amy’s bed and will sleep there tonight.
I’m dog tired, but my adrenaline is up now. I’ll calm down soon.
Something I learned today?
When I asked one of my grade 12 students what they could do to practice speaking English when there was no one around they said that the practice with ChatGPT. Not a bad idea.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I talked a little with Freya today and tried to pep her up as she is understandably still feeling down about what happened yesterday.
I took this picture at Baan Dam because these cute bugs would probably make Amy itch. They were everywhere!
The crab said to the albatross “Can you take me from here?” “Where do you wish to go?” Asked the albatross “Anywhere away from these sad rocks, To the skies!” The albatross said “Hop in” And opened wide his mouth Enjoying a difficult meal
A little better with my hip, though it kept me tossing and turning all night last night and so when it was light this morning, I just got up. It was only 7am but I felt better for moving.
I had to deal with an army of ants biting my feet in the kitchen as they were retreating inside from the rain overnight. Sadly for them, they are all dead now!
I started doing some weeding before heading off for coffee. I don’t know why. I just saw one and then kept going.
As I was about to get on the bike, the neighbour told me that they will concrete our drives today and so I can park over the road at Auntie’s, where there is lots of space. Everything should be finished soon, making our road much easier to traverse.
As our gardeners were due this morning, I asked Amy to cancel them but they insisted on coming. I guess they need money and know that we are reliable to pay them.
Today I’m grateful for:
The gardeners again. I’m glad that they came in the end as our grass is cut nice and short again making it less likely for snakes to travel through. From my quick inspection it seems that they didn’t manage to destroy any cactuses this time too.
The best thing about today was:
Tangmo coming to visit us a couple of times. After coffee in the morning and grabbing some Swenson’s ice cream, picking up Amy and coming home I’ve done a lot of TV watching and hip resting.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The pain in my hip is out of my control and there’s not much I can do about it. I’m hoping a bit more recovery tonight, otherwise I’ll have to go and waste some time at the hospital.
Something I learned today?
The Swans won this week, smashing the Kangaroos by 79 points. Not a difficult opponent but good to get another win after the small loses over the last two weeks.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I met Nong Kratae at Utopia this morning and she asked me if I would come and help her once a month, as her high school-aged students need more information about IELTS study.
I told her that I could come along one time and see what it is that I might be able to offer.
I took this picture because Piti was doing his best sexy pose this morning.
My lizard eye spies surprise Sideways sly spy in the skies Explain a name, much the same A play for fame explains the game
To beat the heat or face defeat You gotta cheat the play complete I did the do in watching you So talk me through the dimmest view
Before there’s more along the floor See what I see, saw what I saw Split decision at the supervision I got television with precision-vision I got an eye on you
Not as tired as I usually am by Friday which is pleasing. I’ve already done my morning classes again and they went pretty well. Just my lively grade 8s to go and then off home again.
Today I’m grateful for:
The last drips and drops of my pay cheque that allow me to buy my yoghurt, that should tide me over until next month.
I don’t have enough money to pay for Amy’s birthday dinner now and have to figure out a way to get the credit card out of her wallet on the night without her noticing!
The best thing about today was:
The many interactions with students again, mostly mine but also a few new ones that wanted to talk.
Days like this make all the effort I put in feel worthwhile. I feel like any little small interaction is helping these kids in some way.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I have a sore spot right on the end of my tailbone. I’ve had it before and maybe it was at the same time last year. It feels like dry skin that has maybe split. It could be from spending more time sitting on hard wooden chairs or from doing more exercise at this time of year. I’m not sure. It’s more annoying than painful.
After my first class, I walked past the classroom where George was with the grade 11s that I also teach. The kids were mostly sprawled out across the floor asleep and George sat at his desk engrossed in his phone.
Well…. That’s not a great look in my book but whatever. It seems most of the Thai teachers don’t care either. But I feel at least a little bit responsible for giving these kids as much as I can, whether they would prefer to sleep or not!
Something I learned today?
China just found a cure for Type 2 diabetes and the USA wants to stop their citizens from getting access to treatment by blocking US scientists from working with Chinese Pharmaceuticals.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
Aida was looking a bit down again today and she said that she has a falling out with a couple of her friends in the class. I encouraged her to not overthink things and that it may already be ok again by next week.
I can feel that she thinks quite deeply about things and maybe focuses too much on the negative.
I took this picture because these fruits (or nuts) caught my eye as I got out of my car after a quick lunch coffee.
Contented and happy. It’s the end of the day now, and it feels like it’s been a big, long week. I think it may only be the second full five-day week of teaching I’ve done in the first 7 weeks of this semester so far!
But, it was a day with three different but interesting classes that I enjoyed a lot. The first was with grade 11s, where they are putting together presentations, and I taught them about using grammar checkers and ChatGPT to spice up their content (and hopefully, they don’t get smart enough to use it to write their presentations in full!) I was actually surprised no one in the class knew how to use it already.
They all went through their presentations again, and though they are mostly still ranging from awful to average (with a couple of very good ones) we are going through it slowly and adding, improving and practicing and I’m hoping that they can feel that they are slowly improving over the course of the semester.
After that, I did the Thai Ghosts lesson with the Hospitality/Japanese grade 11s, and they were all quite interested and keen on it, though I was happy to acquiesce to their demand to finish off the work as homework so that we could all get out for lunch a little earlier. I had to go to the bank, too and could sneak in an extra coffee at House whilst out.
So, after the morning disappeared in a flash, it was on to my grade 8s, where all they had to do was a 30-question online quiz based on the 6 texts they’d written and previously answered comprehension questions on. I told them that they couldn’t finish until they got more than 75%.
I can remember writing about this last year and the fact that the lazy kids who forget their books are going to get caught out as they won’t have what they need to refer to.
This year, the class did much better, and it was really enjoyable helping those that are struggling with the English and showing them how to find the answers. I could feel them getting all serious as it was starting to dawn on them that when they’ve just been copying answers before, they haven’t developed the skills to find them for themselves.
I directed them through their books, giving them clues on where and how to find the answers, and they were all quite proud of themselves by the end. It made us all happy.
Once home, I’ve just sat in front of the TV trying to unwind. I’m tired but not sleepy yet. As I’m writing this, though, I’m reminded of just what a good day it has been.
Today I’m grateful for:
Finding old videos of Ipswich Town from the 70s and 80s on YouTube and feeling all nostalgic about those days of watching football on TV with a picture quality worse than 360p.
It’s interesting to read some of the comments of others who were around at that time too and how much respect Ipswich got for their achievements, even from fans of other teams.
The best thing about today was:
Pretty much as written above. Very enjoyable.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In my last class my student Ten has finally fallen out of favour with almost everyone after his closest friends have deserted himself, realising that he just treats them like shit. They talked with me about him today, and they are struggling with it because they try to help him and encourage him, but Ten gives nothing back.
I can see clearly that he is compensating for his lack of ability to learn and develop social skills, and I can also see that my behaviour at times would have been similar.
He sulked around the classroom, not really attempting the work, and I decided to let him stay that way while I was helping others. I asked him a few times to get started, but he just slouched off elsewhere until I found him again staring into space.
Finally, I translated for him, ‘Pick yourself up. Look at how hard students like Nut and Namsai are trying to understand. You can do this too.’
After about 80% of the students had finished and I started letting them go, I found Ten in the next classroom with Ploy, KanomBang and Namsai helping him, showing him what I had just shown them. I joined in, and we all encouraged him, and by the en,d he managed to pass and felt a little better about himself.
He’s learning some big lessons right now, and it will take him a while to recover. It will be interesting to watch.
Something I learned today?
Kru David told me that Thailand ranks something like 140th in the world for education. I joked that there are not many more than 140 countries! It’s sad for these kids but good for me. I’m trying my best, and I have my own expectations, but in general, the expectations of the school won’t be that high.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
As last week, I dropped into Kru David’s least favourite class to teach (but with some of my favourite kids) and helped Nicha and Fah to try to get to grips with what was trying to be taught, which was alliteration in poetry. They both looked perplexed and wanted to give up but were happy to let me try and explain to them so that they could at least get something from it.
Whilst I was writing something to help Nicha, she was playful and brought her eyeball up to mine and then her nose to mine and laughed and said to Fah something along the lines of ‘I almost kissed the teacher!’ I ignored it and brought her back to the writing, but it was a little weird, I guess.
I have no problem being mildly affectionate with my students in a fatherly way and Nicha could still pass for a primary student as she is so small, skinny and still a little immature in her behaviour. But afterwards, I was thinking how I would react if she had pecked me on the lips!
I know some of these kids are testing things with me because they feel comfortable and safe to do so, but there is also a line that has to be drawn.
Anyway, Nicha and Fah went to Kru David with the bare amount of understanding but at least now had the confidence to do so, instead of running out of the class as they had been doing in past weeks.
Pretty good, more than most of my recent Saturday mornings.
Today I’m grateful for:
Cap scratching at the door after he heard my alarm. I was going to get more sleep, but I got up for him and decided to exercise. I want to try to get out of my five-day routine and into a seven-day routine instead.
The best thing about today was:
Finding our little birdies had hatched. At first, when I went out to look in the nest, it looked like the eggs had been broken and the liquid inside had spilled out.
I told Amy to come and look with a sad face and shaking my head, but when she came, suddenly these two little beaks appeared, open to the sky though they were still too young to make any noise.
I had noticed earlier in the day that both the mum and dad had been around at the nest, so it seemed that they had just been born, maybe even just within the hour.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy’s parent’s gutter specialists came today and said they can fix our gutter easily, quickly and for the same price as the last builder that fucked it up.
They said that it was obvious that the guy didn’t know what he was doing so Amy and I both felt vindicated on the shit that we’ve been giving him online. Amy also noticed that he’d removed many of his old posts and thought perhaps we weren’t the only people that he had ripped off.
Either way, we hope to have proper gutters back on Wednesday.
Something I learned today?
Art at Utopia video called with Noey, who is in the USA, whilst I was drinking my coffee this morning. She is on some kind of working holiday during her semester break.
She said that she is eating pizza every day and misses rice! The only coffee she has now is black drip coffee and at the place she works, some kind of amusement park, a cup is $4.22 and hardly anyone buys it!
It’s a good experience for her and she looks like she is enjoying herself. It is also a reminder for me that most of the USA is ok, normal and people are generally getting on with their lives.
Tired but kept running by knowing that it’s the end of the week. Six hours of hot and humid teaching even with brief respites in the aircon have been completely draining.
I’m home now and will make myself a salad soon.
I took three of the magic mushroom pills that I got from Matt and can feel a sense of pleasure rising in me and will watch some comedy to wind down the evening.
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru Den, (I’m not sure if that’s her name actually) who lent me her Bluetooth speaker for my second class. I gave her a frangipani flower in return. I’d gotten it from a student earlier, who had put it behind my ear.
The best thing about today was:
Getting some good feedback on some of my recent poems. I didn’t get a chance to write anything new today but whereas I used to be about a week behind in posting poetry I’m now a month ahead. I’m enjoying writing and learning different forms and playing with it a little more.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I snuck up on Nong Fah and stuck a wet finger in her ear as she was lying down looking at her phone in a classroom. She went off in a huff and Jet said that she had PMS and had been moody all day (although she was fine in the morning when I saw her).
Knowing that it is best not to do anything more I played a bit with some other students but saw Fah dabbing her eyes with a tissue and looking really upset. I watched her from a distance and wondered at the loss of emotional control that many females get once a month. I can never really understand what that must feel like.
I caught her eye before I left for my own class and tried to express my sympathy with her.
Almost instantly on arriving at my own class, I could see that KanomBang was grumpy with me and her friends tried to explain that she too had PMS. “That thing…..girls….once a month…” I love it when the kids realise that they successfully communicated something in their second language.
Anyway, KB soon picked herself up a little bit and was ok.
It’s so weird to see the bewilderment on these kids’ faces when they go through this. Like ‘Why the fuck am I feeling like this and can’t change it?’
After I got home I messaged a mini heart to Fah and said that I was sorry she was upset in the classroom. She too, had recovered herself a little by then and was happy to chat a little. I told her I was sorry I snuck a wet finger in her ear and she laughed and said she was sorry that she behaved the way she did, which I, of course, told her there was no need to apologise.
As an aside, interestingly my super smart grade 8 student Film questioned me in class why I treated boys and girls differently, something that he had picked up on perhaps when the ‘couple’ in the class were ‘fighting’ with each other. I say ‘fighting’ because it is really just puppy love quarrel-play – nothing serious.
The kids listening were very interested when I replied that I treat girls differently because of the way I can see they are treated in Thai society and that boys are seen as superior and are spoiled more. This got them talking a lot and whilst the girls agreed in general they said that their own families treated them like princesses.
It was an interesting idea to leave them with, to think and talk about.
Something I learned today?
I learned that Monday is a day off and on Wednesday students won’t come to school.
Apparently, there will be a sports event at the stadium for about 10 days which is going to make traffic even worse in the mornings.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I gave Nicha a little pep talk when she was looking down this morning.
After I’d finished teaching I saw my old grade 9 students with Kru David and I checked in with a few of them who were struggling with his work. Earn was all happy with herself because she told me that she had finished and, being a little suspicious, I asked if she had copied someone she shushed me and immediately admitted that she had.
I asked her what program she might do next year and she said the Chef program. I said that’s great and encouraged her to at least get what she could out of being in the English program this year.
As I was leaving I saw Aida sitting by herself and also looking down. I actually didn’t recognise her at first as her head was tilted downwards with her hair covering her face. Her friends said that she was upset and tired today and when I met her at lunchtime she was resting her head on the table but with a quick chat she said that she would be ok to do my work in the afternoon.
I was intent on leaving quickly but seeing her again I stopped and sat with her and also gave her a little pep talk. She didn’t say much until I asked her if everything was ok at home and she opened up that she was having some problems with her mum. We didn’t get into it but I told her that she can talk to me at any time if she needs to.
I get the feeling you are Always impatient to arrive As to why lips are burning shut My space dreams a guttering flame Burning the world After the rain
To learn its secrets, get its power Needs no spotlight, no orchestra The inklings of chaos are cleverly concealed But how do I explain The shriek and howl of party boys In a dark, secluded spot
Good. I was having a crazy dream when my alarm went off but I was so deep in it that I instantly couldn’t remember it. My first thought after turning the alarm off was ‘What was I just dreaming!?’
I forced myself out to my room where I discovered that the exercise app I use can now generate an AI routine targeted at your choice of muscle groups and it was good. It pushed me a little more than normal and I was glad of it.
Hopefully, it is a feature that I can continue using for free as I’ve only ever used the free routines in the app.
Today I’m grateful for:
The random students who told me that they missed me. I don’t even know who they were but I’m assuming that I have taught them recently and am just not familiar with them yet.
The best thing about today was:
My class of grade 10s this afternoon, which also had a whole bunch of new students added that I had to quickly familiarise myself with, who quickly picked up on the activities that I was teaching and got a little competitive with each other.
By the end, it seemed everyone enjoyed it despite some students struggling with English and not really being interested.
Something I learned today?
Kru Tang now works in the high school and has been tasked with putting together the new Integrated Program. She seemed just as frustrated as everyone else with this task.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I walked around the park after classes to see who was hanging where and with who. I found Baipad in her usual place with another girl I didn’t recognise but soon learned that it was Cookie, Butter’s younger sister.
I had meant to ask Baipad to introduce me to her one morning as I knew that she would be starting here this semester but then forgotten all about it.
I’ve met so many new students already this semester that I can’t even bring Cookie’s face to mind again right now.
I gave them both a candy and Baipad asked me why I always had candy. I laughingly said that it is because I am a good person and I jokingly complained to her about why she never gives me anything.
Amy took this picture because we have new housemates staying on our balcony. The plant that they have nested on is a little too close to curious cats so we raised it up on a chair where hopefully our cats decide that they are too lazy to investigate further.
1994ever 