Tag: love

*Have a good sleep? – 10th June 1998

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Email with TLJ

T: hey, i’m soo tired

S: Don’t fall asleep! You can sleep at my place tonight…

T: everything is shit.

S: Everything? Hopefully not.

T: can’t wait to see you

S: Me too sweetlips

T: i’m so fuckin shitty man – how about you

S: Not too bad, pretty tired too but I got a Pentium 100 chip for nothing today – just need a motherboard now. I burnt my fingers this morning…

T: your emails will cheer me up though.

S: Why did the turtle cross the road?
To go to the Shell garage.

T: come see me!!!

S: When? Where? I’ll do anything for you!!!

T: i’m gonna miss you when you’re gone.

S: Me too, but it won’t be for long I promise.

T: love you honey!!!!!!!!

S: Love you too sweety – see you later alligator

*Edumacation – 2nd June 1998

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Email with TLJ

S: TLJ
Hey, thanks for the education last night in Dial-Up Networking and Telnet – you’re a Unix Queen! I did some more mucking around last night changing the prompt and setting up aliases. They only keep the setting for that session though. I want them as default – I know they’ll be a setting somewhere – do you know where it is – could be in the /usr/passwd file maybe. Anyway, enough of that techo talk. thanks for a wonderful night last night and I’m glad you din’t get too upset at yr thrashings at gin rummy! i was very sporting in my loss at Spit I thought.
I had a dream last night that I had a big toenail – just on the left foot.

catch ya honey. hope you’re having a great day, Shaun went all the way, with tlj!!!!!!!!!

I like this – can we do it again?
Again?
Again?
Again….
Shaun

T: alright sweety, here’s how i think you can do it. vi or pico your .cshrc file and set up aliases in there – for example, an entry could be
alias dir ‘ls-la’, or
alias exit ‘bye’ or something like that. if this doesn’t work, i don’t know what will – is this what you wanted to know?

i hope this email has been informative and helpful. now i gotta print some stuff off.

speak to you later, love tlj

S: TLJ
Another quick Q then. What is your .cshrc file? Also how do I do a list of .cshrc files from the root searching all subdirectories (so I can find where this file is stored?) Yes, what you wrote below is what I want to do
you are a legend – very informative and helpful – thank you baby
Yes, please speak to me later.
Shaun

T: the file is stored in my /student/tl** directory. it is a hidden file, thus you have to do a dir or ls-la on it as ‘-a’ shows all hidden files. does this answer part of your question? oh – you mean on your machine????? umm try ls-al anyway, and i’ll get back to you if this doesn’t work ok?
glad to be able to help in any way.
love tlj

T: sorry i mean alias bye exit as is the one in my .cshrc file.

S: Does this mean you can type bye at the command prompt and it will execute exit?

T: if you want you can pico my .cshrc file but don’t fuck with anything ok? punk…….

S: Only with you sweety – I don’t wanna pico yr files anyway – not after my telling off last night!

T: was pretty jovial this morning and wanted to jump up and down and see you

S: Ahh, wish you coulda…

T: but just feeling very sleepy now.

S: Me too….zzzzzz

T: have a great time tonight, TLJ

S: I’m debating whether to go or not….maybe find out how much it costs first…YOU have a great time tonight too – whatever you are doing
Shauny

T: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you’re getting the hang of it – so am I actually. i thought i’d only learnt to email at uni…
tlj

S: TLJ
Decided not to go tonight – I’m too tired and should save some cash (I can watch DC instead!). I want to go next Tuesday to the Iron Duke (perhaps you can go to that one?). Hope yr having a good day and hope you get yr SM finished today.
Shaun

T: i think tonight sounds even better – aren’t all those noise bands you love so much playing??? i think you’d really have fun. anyway, i’m sorry you’re not going…….i wish i could go.
love tlj
ps – any more luck with .cshrc thing????

T: wanted to come see you, but was busy printing

S: What kind of piss-poor excuse is this???? So you’d rather be printing than coming to see me. I hope it was double-sided colour and not some cheap B+W you picked up on the corner.

T: and now it’s 1:30 and I’ve got to get home to do sm before josh comes.

S: Read that last sentence back (with a perverted mind)….I really don’t wanna think about it.

T: hope i can see you tomorrow

S: YOU BETTER

T: love ya sweety, tlj – ring ya from home (and bed)

S: You did – thank you!

*Hell-o – 18th February 1998

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Email with TLJ

S: TLJ
Hey, my dearest. Come see me and I’ll write you poems you’ll never forget. Come fall in the bliss. come watch my TV. come logon to my virtual console and welcome to the love-in.
Your hunny
Shaun

T: hun, how you going?????

what you up to babe – ee? i’m coming to see you – i hope, after kickboxing. but only if i can have a sleep, a cold beer out of your new fridge, and watch the footy on you new baby (the tv) and then some real crap like independence day on your new video player.

i’ve been trying to get josh to sit down and do sm with me all day, but he keeps fucking off and eating – after lectures and then after tute, so I’m fucking fed up – and i’m not waiting around for him later. i’m coming to see you! i just figured out that i can hand sm in on thursday anyway.

catch ya honey. hope you’re having a great day, Shaun went all the way, with tlj!!!!!!!!!

*You’ve changed your place in this world – 2nd February 1998

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Email to TLJ

Well – it has been a little while since writing in here. We had a great time on Saturday looking at tattoos – I love doing stuff like that with you – hope we can do it more in the future. And on Sunday of course everything changed upside down (for which you must not blame yourself). I don’t know what is going to happen now. I am waiting for your call.

*Back and forth, between the good and the bad – 28th January 1998

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Email to TLJ

My head is going crazy. I have a bad headache this morning. The thing I fear most is losing you. You are very special to me – I love everything we do and know we can work it out. I think about all the things we could do together and I want that more and more. I know people may be against us but I still think things can work. I wonder if you feel the same way though – if you have doubts about your lasting love and the c-word everyone else says you are afraid of – commitment. I don’t ask anything of you in that way – I know you are young and free and my love may choke you. I know you may not stay even after I may leave my wife. My decision on that part is not something I am taking lightly. There are many more factors involved than just those involving you and I. I really would like you to be around if my decision was to leave her – I would definitely need your help and love – I know you do not want to be involved in my decision and I understand that but you have to be involved in some part if that is what I decide. In reality, the decision does not involve you because I know you cannot give me any guarantees (remember I ask for none). It is between myself and her. Please please don’t leave me now. I want to share times with you at the beach, in the city, with your friends, with mine (if I still have any), at uni, with work and study, everywhere (but only when you want it!).

Dead thoughts
Ban the bomb
Or bring it on
I hope they drop one
On London
Time is running out
You’ve heard it before
About the threat
Of nuclear war
I hope they drop
A bomb on my head
It’ll be an advantage
Being dead

You came to see me this afternoon – man it was hot! I’m glad you got home OK afterwards – I hate watching you walk off into the distance! I was already missing you. I know I have said it before but you are the best! I had fun exploring today and hope we can go do it again next week – I really like to find my way around new places like that. I used to go explore my local suburb and find all the hidden paths next to houses and stuff like that – can be an advantage sometimes when you have to run away from the police or something! Sweet angel TLJ – you make my heart race and my head spin – all the poetry within me is for you. Hold me.

*Could I hold on, should I hold on to you – 27th January 1998

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Email to TLJ

Honey. These past few days have been a terrible trial for me. All seems about to change. I feel a big wave coming towards me and I expect it to crash. I’m frustrated with having to hide you, to sneak out to call you, to plan carefully our movements and stories. I want to be able to call you and see you whenever we feel like it. Every day seems bleaker to me at home. I can’t stand to hear future plans knowing what I know, I can’t stand to touch or kiss – I’m sinking into a pit. You are there, I know you will hold my hand but how long will you stay around. I need to talk to you about this. I need to discuss my future. Baby, know that I love you deeply and want to have the right relationship with you that you so desire.

What’s going on?
Have you ever felt like you don’t know what’s going on?
Do people ever look at you like you’re doing something wrong?
Do people ever look at you and don’t like your face?
Have you ever felt really out of place?
Will some people not accept you for the things you do?
Will some people not understand ‘cos you are simply you?
Do you ever feel like crying ‘cos of what other people do?
If you’ve ever felt this way then I’m just like you

Paranoia? Persecuted? Listening to the jazz show now – things are getting better. I’m at work and will be able to talk to you soon – always cheers me up.

Swimming in a sea of content
No lifebelt here
No rescuers near
One by one dropping into the sea
A sea of perfect harmony
No crashing waves come to kill
No serpents to bid you ill
No need to save the fool
Cos I’m swimming in a swimming pool

Wish everything was this easy. Things didn’t go too well this morning – I understand everything you are saying. I know I’m a pain in the butt (no pun intended!) – I don’t want to lose you (not as a lover) – I know it’s hard to deal with and things may get scary. I need to know that you will stay with me – I don’t want anything else from you – have no expectations for anything else. So hard to write this all down, so hard to know what the future holds. “Could I hold on, should I hold on to you..”

*…do all the things that lovers do! – 23rd January 1998

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Email to TLJ

Thank you very much for meeting me in the city yesterday. Your face is so beautiful I want to wake up next to it – kiss gently on the forehead and rise and make you breakfast while you slumber longer…we talked about fantasies..mine are no longer physical (ok I could think of some if you really wanted!) I want to be with you, baby.

I Feel
I feel rejected
I must be obsessed
Must be you
I want the best
I feel heartbroken
I must be annoyed
Must be you
I’m feeling paranoid
I feel in my head
I must be true
In my arms
I feel you

You’ll be in the mountains by now I guess. I wish you’d ring me – I want to talk with you for hours into the night, watch the moon rise and fall and do all the things that lovers do! Don’t want to go home tonight – I don’t like it there. I just found out I can’t go out tomorrow cos she doesn’t want me to – she thinks St Peters is a rough area (which it may be but who cares). Of course, I could say fuck it and go anyway and I know sooner or later it will come to that and one day I will go and I won’t come back. Jeez, I’m pissed off (maybe unfairly – but I can’t help the way I feel). Anyway, I’m thinking of you as always and wishing we were together (and wanting it more each day and the more I think about it the more it seems possible to me). Did you like the last poem?

Me and you – 10th March 1995

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

For us both, this room was all that existed. The only things outside were the stars and the soft night air that twitched the golden curtains soundlessly.

Our whole world was here and in those slumbering hours before daylight, the world outside had no meaning.

The candle flickered gently, pulsing shadows to the ceiling and door. My half-opened eye registered the few drips of wax that ran the candle’s length to rest in a hardened pool on the cupboard. It felt like much time had passed though it seemed not to be passing at all. The candle flickered again.

The sweet smell of her hair caught my nose and my love appeared to me as a ghost suddenly there. Until that moment we were as one – I had not moved to feel her presence – perhaps she did not exist for those moments. And now I felt her with my whole body and soul. I felt my long arm wrapped around her, across her chest, our hands joined gently by her face. Her long smooth back rigid against my chest and stomach.

I softly kissed her neck, not with passion or haste – the tender kiss an angel deserves while resting in my wrap. Our legs parallel down the length of the bed, her feet resting on mine. I push my toe into the arch of her foot – every touch to her skin a thrill to my heart.

Ella is still singing out quietly from the speakers and I doze back to sleep to those luscious tones.

Later, minutes, maybe hours, I see the candle again – not much melted – time is not in our new world. My love stirs and moonlight catches her cheek, pale and phosphorous – the dim air explodes with stars. She turns to me and comfy’s herself to my body. Her warmth and glowing rising from her legs, through her torso, into our chest to share ’til the end of time. I kiss her forehead with the force of a feather resting on the breeze. My lips buzz spectacularly.

One of these days it’ll all settle down – 30th December 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We ring England to speak to Chrissie to find out if she’s ok and we find them in the middle of a party, just like we remember and we can’t really hear much of what’s being said with all the noise going on in the background but everyone was fine and in good health by the sounds of it.

It cheers us up each time we get to speak to people back in England despite pulling at our heartstrings to be back there with them.

At last, a day to settle into our home and sort things out and drive to the shops to pick up groceries and small household items and clothes for Broni’s new job which will be strange after the last four months or so hanging out together virtually every minute of every day, now she’ll be away and I’ll be playing house husband, it’s been a real test of our relationship and one that we’ve completed easily, easier than we expected. To be with each other all that time shows our devotion and love and willingness to learn and understand each other, to adapt to our changes, so today with a few more weeks ’til we get married, we love each other as much as when we first met and travelled England those couple of years ago when the future was uncertain because I knew she wanted to come back home to Australia.

It’s good to be back in a car and one with a stereo and we fall in love with Camper Van Beethoven whose music suits the surroundings with it’s lazy quirkiness and lyrics to match, “everything seems to be up in the air at this time, one of these days it’ll all settle down, but everything seems to be up in the air at this time” and “just get high while the radio’s on, adjust the lights and sing a song, drive your car up on the lawn, let me play your guitar!”