As you slide past you touch my side
You float so casually as birds in the sky glide
Eyes meet for the first time, you set my alarm
How can I miss your smiling charm?
Your foot is tapping to the musical beat
I knock back a drink to cool down the heat
The feeling’s strange, you radiate charm
But I feel like I’ve got a needle in my arm
The words are spoken ‘Where shall we go?’
And your charm still sparkles as you say no
That needle pushes deeper into my arm
And I turn off the bell of my charm alarm

7th August 2023 – During my upper school (junior high) years my self-confidence slowly decreased and got even worse after leaving school. I’m not sure what contributed to this beyond my undiagnosed depression. I guess there were many factors and I was also of the feeling that I wanted a girl to like me for who I was, not just because it was part of a chase for sex and consequently, I missed many opportunities. I never initiated anything, always waiting for the girl to make the first move. I felt this was respectful. It was the general consensus at the time though that girls didn’t do the initiating.