In Two Minds – 13th June 1984

He’s the king of his problems
He’s on top of it all
But for a man so high
The chances are he’ll fall
Coming home from his work
To a refreshing cup of tea
He’s drifting into deep sleep
From which he’ll wake to a new reality

In two minds – in your home
With two minds – you’re never alone
In two minds – you’re annoyed
With two minds – you’re a schizoid

Wiping the grime from his eyes
He’s sure not himself
he stands on his two new feet
And realises he’s someone else
He’s become hyperactive
And starts to act like a child
Now he’s scared of all around
Like the prey of a hungry animal wild

The doctor has been called
On the electronic phone
And the trap is neatly sprung
To entice him to his home
And as the doctor inspects
The change in his patient’s head
A knife is raised
With which to strike the doctor dead

And so to the courtroom
How do you plead? ‘Madness’
And so he gets away
With his acts of badness
But his lawyer is dead
The jury are too
And he’s in two minds
About what to do

Handbag Murder – 2nd June 1984

There’s a new terror sweeping the streets
Grannies with handbags looking for beats
And people wonder what brought this on
Whatever they think they’re always wrong
Handbag murderers are waging their war
On all the muggers who were before
Now is a lesson to be learnt
Don’t mess with granny if you don’t wanna get burnt
Morals? – Morals, the papers say
These vigilantes shouldn’t be put away
But a life’s a life – as seen by your master
Morals – morals?

9th June 2023 – Is violence ever acceptable? 100% inspired by Monty Python’s Hell’s Grannies.

Danger Ranger – 1st June 1984

Forget Superman and Spiderman too
When in trouble he’ll always help you – who?
Danger Ranger
Comic book heroes are really a bore
No one reads them anymore – they read
Danger Ranger

Danger Ranger ain’t no stranger
To the high life
Danger Ranger ain’t no stranger
To fucking your wife
Danger Ranger ain’t no stranger
To alcohol and drugs
Danger Ranger ain’t no stranger
To beating up thugs

Danger Ranger is full of shit
He helps to give you a false impression
Then he fucks with your life
To make sure you learn your lesson
Danger Ranger