Tag: poem

Here And Now – 10th December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

Quiet
contemplation;
“Home is where the heart is,”
yet, I am far away
overlooking
sunsets

Poetry Form :- Badger Hexastich ( 2/4/6/6/4/2 syllables) (thanks kittyverses) – shared with Reena’s Xploration Challenge #359 and What’s Going On – homecoming

Today I’m feeling:

A little slow to go after sleeping well. Waiting for the coffee to kick in.

We have a funeral ceremony to attend in Mae Chan this morning. Baew’s dad’s friend was in a car accident on Sunday and died tragically.

A short trip between their houses, he thought it didn’t require a seat belt, which sadly, may have saved him. It is a reminder to all of us.

A headache came on during the morning, probably from sleeping in a weird position, as my neck is constantly cracking.

At the funeral, I was hungry, tired and dizzy, wondering how many of these are ahead before my own.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

The new Android device that Amy paid to put into Mum’s old car and which does seem to successfully do mostly what I would like it to do.

The best thing about today was:

Fiddling around in the old car, setting up the audio and discovering other things that can be done, along with making it smell nice.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I had to lie down for a while and have a bit of a sleep after the funeral. My headache was pretty annoying but thankfully had gone after waking up again.

Something I learned today?

After the funeral today, Amy told me that the wife of the uncle who died felt sure that he crashed his car on purpose after an argument with his spoiled, drug-addicted 40-year-old son.

Crazy if true, but it does explain how it could have happened because camera evidence and the site of the crash didn’t seem to indicate anything untoward.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

At the cafe in the morning, I took back the plates and cups I had used to the counter. I think the staff were a bit surprised.

I dropped a book of mazes to Baipad and Namhom today. Neither of them seemed that impressed, Namhom in particular, as she was glued to an exciting game on her phone.

Screenshot

The Baddies – 9th December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

Are we the baddies? You’d better believe it
We’ve been found out even by our friends
They finally saw through the lies we told
As we manipulated them for our own ends

Are we the baddies? But we were told
The world only wants what we can give
And our freedom and democracy
Is what they all needed to live

Are we the baddies? Oh we surely are
Slowly our friends left our sinking ship
Despite a desperate clinging on to hope
We’ve slowly been losing our grip

Inspired by this Second Thought video

2024-12-09

Today I’m feeling:

Good, especially knowing that tomorrow is another day off again.

I was expecting fewer students at school today but all my classes were reasonably full. That’s fine, though. I found some random lesson to teach, as the one that I really want to do, I want to start in a week when there are no holidays (which may actually be difficult!)

Health:

Physical: 8
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s mum for giving us her old car. We don’t expect or ask anything much from the family, so it was a nice surprise.

The best thing about today was:

I enjoyed two of my classes today, where we talked about kindness. Two of the last questions raised much discussion as I asked what Random Acts of Kindness they had done recently and then what one they could do in the next 24 hours.

Many students just thought that helping their parents clean the house was sufficient but I had to impress on them that it must be random, not something that they normally do and so usually with someone that they don’t know.

I asked them to commit to doing what they wrote and to send me a picture or video. I doubt I will get anything from them but I will probably revisit this later with them.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy got mum’s old car today and took it to a place to change the stereo. I needed Bluetooth, USB for power and audio input but from the picture Amy sent I can’t send any audio input for my iPod.

I’m hoping I can find a solution if that is the case.

When I got home, Amy was still in the city and there had been a typical Thai-style non-communication, which ended up with us not getting the car back and Amy driving mum’s brand new car back instead.

As to mum’s new car – that’s another drama but I’ll leave that for another time.

Something I learned today?

After really enjoying reading the Lucifer comics and a few years ago seeing that the TV show was quite highly rated, I thought that I would give it a try.

Sadly, it is US trash TV – enjoyable but vapid. I wasn’t expecting it to be like the comics but I was also disappointed with its lack of depth and reduction of characters to caricatures.

I really don’t enjoy this style of TV anymore – even though it is quite similar to comic book schlock. I want my comic book schlock only in my comic books.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I talked with a few teachers about options for Anchan and they all suggested talking with Teacher Em and that there are possibilities for her to get loan money from the government.

Via translation, I talked with Anchan about this. She didn’t seem so keen on talking with Teacher Em at this stage and is already thinking of applying for the loan next semester (she’s not eligible yet).

She also told me that she has been talking with an Auntie who she can live with later this month and that she is helping with money.

At the end of the day, I told her that she will need to go through these channels in future and that she won’t be able to come to me to ask for money. I don’t want to believe the worst about her but it is possible that she is just using me. Right now, on a personal level, I don’t care about that but going forward, she will have to pursue these avenues first.

Held Back – 8th December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The wise sage, somewhat cynical
Knows what to say and when
The optimist, still straight and clinical
Is in trouble with words again

Yet when the time came to inspire
The sage’s words fell short
Because one’s dreams also require
Revision to what has been taught

Maybe the fire inside was unseen
So the sage had to be let go
Not understanding what it would mean
To be held back by what one would know

Inspired by a newsletter from Daivd Elikwu about the dangers of role models and my own experience I am currently revisiting from 2020 with my then role model, George.

2024-12-08

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and happy, though a little tired.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Hangie successfully getting Amy home at 2.30 am this morning after a night out in the city.

The best thing about today was:

I got out to my room to play guitar at three different times today and I can see a little improvement. I also fiddled a little with Ableton, trying and failing to get it to do what I wanted. Need to find some tutorials.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As I’m helping Baipad save up some money to go for a health check, I wanted her to come with me to the hospital to get the information on exactly what she needs, and at the same time, the information I need, as I want to do the same thing too.

This afternoon, I dropped by and though she was reluctant to come because she hates interaction with strangers, I convinced her after she asked if Namhom could come too.

We went around the back way to avoid the highway and they both seemed fairly chirpy.

When we got there, I asked Baipad to ask the security guard for information, but unfortunately, he told us that they are only open Monday to Friday (which surprised me a little).

Oh well, never mind. When we got back, I asked Baipad to find the information online and she duly did.

Even though this was just a little thing today, it is the kind of thing that will boost her confidence in the future.

We were both happy to discover that the price is not as high as we were expecting.

Something I learned today?

I started reading Persepolis this morning and immediately wanted to learn more about the history of Iran.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I rescued Piti when he dashed out of Utopua this morning.

Noey took this picture because this is her last day working at Utopia. She has exams next weekend before heading off to her internship but I will likely see her on those mornings as she’ll pick up coffee first.

The Copses – 7th December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments
Pic by Clare Westbrook

I
recall
the forests
walked in winters
Kings Copse and Queens Copse
Muddied paws, misty views
Foreboding darkness within
Fresh pine beds for love’s liaisons
Illicit affairs away from spies
Let’s hope no one else is walking their dogs
Wet nose
Surprise!

Shared with dVerse MTB: An Etheree Tree and inspired my explorations in my youth where I would often walk our dog or just go exploring for fun. Sometimes, with my first girlfriend and hidden deep within the dark confines of the forest, we would lay down on the soft pine needle bed.
Queen’s Copse is a pine forest and King’s Copse is an oak forest.
There are not many pictures from this area and the one above doesn’t really show just how dark it was inside, just a few feet away from the track. No light was getting in there.

2024-12-07

Today I’m feeling:

Good after a nice sleep. I woke up before my alarm again and, surprisingly, was feeling hungry. I ate a lot for dinner last night, a slab of lasagna plus a bowl of salad, which contained four eggs. I also woke up with guitar songs in my head and look forward to playing today.

After lunch (more lasagna), I napped again (it seems I can no longer fight it) and then enjoyed some time reading in the hammock.

I say I enjoyed it, that was the book, but the constant irritation of flies and the humidity soon had me back indoors and into aircon, where, ironically, Amy was so cold that she got herself a blanket.

Where’s our winter?

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s lasagna has kept me fed for another day. One more piece left.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling inspired to set up Ableton Live on my computer again and to dust off the keyboard. I fiddled around a little bit with it to try and familiarise myself again.

I’m not sure that I will be inspired enough to keep going with it yet, though.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I talked a little more with Anchan, trying to convince her to open up more with her friends and to talk more with the teachers and counsellor at school.

I fixed some more of our sliding window mossie protecter handles today.

The Ineffable – 6th December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

A varied melancholy, pulsating darkness
Even though full and flourished
Despite outward appearance and circumstances
Darkness wills to be nourished

Untended beds, fallow of seed
Indisposition of the spirit
The lack of meaning we all need
Only if willing to hear it

Acknowledge the ineffable, under cover
Unmeasurable, outside the rational
Keep the devils at bay, from taking over
Connect the universal truths eternal

Inspired and paraphrased from The Red Hand Files #295

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good and relaxed. I still have the education system in my mind and sometimes the frustration overwhelms my thoughts. At times when I woke up last night, I had these thoughts, but thankfully I was able to get back to sleep okay.

I’ve been waking up before my alarm for a couple of weeks now, though I can’t tell how long before. It’s probably only five or ten minutes, maybe thirty at the most.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Mai for giving me some information to try to help Anchan.

The best thing about today was:

My final class of the day had just four students, so I just let it go, but I took the opportunity to chat with Milk, who really needs to practice speaking more English.

Also with Toon, who was enthusiastic to try and talk about the future with me and the differences between Thai culture and Western culture when it comes to teenage kids.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I stayed until 4.30 pm today as I was being a good little boy and clocking out when I’m supposed to but I was struggling a bit as I was pretty hungry, hot and tired.

Traffic sucked on the way home, too. I’m wondering if it’s worth losing some money each month so that I can leave early!

Something I learned today?

Amy’s mum will buy a new car next week and pass her old one on to us. Amy has it earmarked for me but I told her it must have a new stereo first so that I can listen to podcasts. The car itself is fine; I don’t really care about what car I drive. I kinda like old junk cars better than new ones.

Yesterday, they also made a plan for us all to take a trip to Japan in April. Ok then!

I was shocked to see George in his morning class on time today. I’m guessing that my little chat with Kru Tang had got back to him in one way or another.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Anchan is struggling again. I’m trying to help her but I really don’t know what more I can do. I got some helpful information from Jee and Kru Mai.

Another of my struggling students, Praew, has finally quit our school and will start somewhere else. I hope she has a better time there but I’m guessing she will still have problems there at some point. She’s a lovely kid but it seems that something is misfiring in her brain. She would treat me as a father but still behave like a primary student.

A Splendid Winter Wood – 5th December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 12 Comments

It’s a splendid winter wood
– On a chilly December morning
– – The crunchy road straight
– – Towards the gnarly wooden gate
– Unhinged a snowy warning
Where splendid walls once stood

It’s a splendid moss a-growing
– To shade this dewy frost
– – Ray’s barely breaking through
– – Another turn remained true
– At a further year’s cost
Awaiting the splendid summer’s glowing

Shared with Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – splendid and WDYS #265 picture prompt

Today I’m feeling:

Ok, after a pretty good sleep. We had the aircon on again for a while last night and that seemed to improve both our sleep.

Today is Father’s Day, and so that means a holiday, though Amy has invited her family over for lunch, so she’s busy this morning. I will come back and vacuum after coffee.

No exercise this morning and an extra hour in bed. Not thinking about doing much today except reading.

Health:

Physical: 6
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Having a spare hard drive so that I can back up all my comic book files to it. There had been some power outages last week and the drive the files are on took a few days to re-index itself, so I got a little worried if I suddenly lost them all.

The best thing about today was:

Almost two hours of guitar playing. Although it was frustrating at times, I can feel myself slowly improving – so long as I don’t take too many days off between playing.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I felt ok in the morning, ready for family lunch but after eating, I just became overwhelmed with exhaustion.

Whilst everyone was chatting, I came into the living room and read for a few minutes before turning onto my side to sleep. The morning coffees kept my mind active for a little while but soon enough I was out for the count, perhaps for almost two hours.

Even on waking up, I felt like my brain wasn’t working yet. Amy came in and looked at me and asked if I was awake (despite the fact that I was reading) and I shook my head. She could see that I wasn’t quite with it.

Now it’s evening I feel quite good again and just hope that I can sleep ok tonight.

Something I learned today?

Out of 113 countries, Thailand ranks 101 for its general English language ability.

Being in the education system here, I can understand this position. I feel helpless and so sorry for all these lovely kids being so let down.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

After waking up in the afternoon and talking a little with Amy, she said that it was her friend’s birthday and she wanted to go and see her. She asked me if I would take her there and though I was still lethargic, I figured it would be good to get her out of the house so I could chill at home.

I got my haircut today and as usual, I gave the lady 100 baht even though she only charges 60.

I also took some watermelon to Baipad, which I bought at Kotchapol whilst looking for some food for myself. I bought some fresh buttered corn on the cob and pomelo – enough to keep me going without having another full meal.

Amy took this picture for Father’s Day lunch.

To Wake Up Before The Long Sleep – 4th December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Were you true to yourself? Did you honour your dreams?
Did the choices you made mean what it means?
Did your daily bread fulfil all your desires?
Do you have time left to enjoy what inspires?

Did you suppress your thoughts to keep the peace?
Are you bitter withholding, without any release?
Is there anyone left now to hold your hand?
Were friendships gone what you had planned?

Now you’ve concluded happiness is a choice
But it’s too late now for your youth to rejoice
Your life had possibility, as good as it gets
Your heart is aching with these dying regrets

Today I’m feeling:

OK on waking but I struggled with exercise this morning. Just not enough energy in my bones!

Lots of students skipped school today and with a holiday tomorrow, I can imagine Friday will be sparse too. And I just found out that next Tuesday is a holiday too! Easy.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Tang for fighting with me (see below). We had quite a noisy too and fro in front of some students but at the end of the day, neither of us was upset with each other, just with the situation.

The best thing about today was:

My first class today only had 7 students and 3 of those wanted to go off to do some work to improve their SchoolBright scores.

I let them go off, chatted with the four remaining students and then with Kru David, and our students Dutchie and Boty.

My second class, only about half of them turned up so we just did some vocabulary study and a quiz to fill up the time.

It’s fun to be around the students when it’s relaxed.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The school deducted 1000 baht from my salary last month because I never sign out after 4.30 pm. I knew this was coming but it was still annoying. Especially as I invest so much of my time and energy in the students.

However, it doesn’t seem that that is what the school really cares about but just that everyone follows the rules.

I argued my point with Kru Tang but there was nothing she could really do.

So I will make some adjustments to my effort and involvement whilst still doing what is required. I’ll try and look at it positively in that it will give me more time to catch up on reading and writing, though it will probably cut down my guitar playing.

Something I learned today?

I used the Brisk Teaching AI to make presentations and quizzes for me and after checking the results, they are really good. I will use it a lot more in future. This is a good practical use for AI.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I still feel slightly aggrieved about losing 1000 baht today. I guess I’ll have to take a day off sometime so that I can make up for it. I know it shouldn’t bother me that much and it’s just me feeling underappreciated. I know that hard work is its own reward.

More pictures from yesterday’s parade.

This Is Not Disneyland – 3rd December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

One person’s Thanksgiving
Is often another’s mourning
We cannot turn back time
To present ourselves a warning

A promise to be kept
And treaties not to be broken
Communities of peace
Only words of love are spoken

Thank and pray to your gods
Whether the land or in the air
The family together
Brings their humanity to bear

Would we turn back the time
To share the freedom with others?
Give up some pumpkin pie
For all our sisters and brothers?

Shared with Reena’s Xploration Challenge #358 – How would you like to celebrate Thanksgiving?

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good, though I got a bit tired after walking around a lot for the parade in the morning and then around the sports field later when it became stinky hot and everyone was complaining and wanted to go home.

It was fun though but I left at one pm ready to relax at home!

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Gina and Lin. I lent them my umbrella as they were getting hot standing around in the sun. I figured that I would catch up with them again before they started moving the parade.

Unfortunately, by the time I got to the end of the line they were already arriving in the stadium. When I caught up with them they told me that Kru Tan had taken the umbrella but now we didn’t know where she was.

I looked around for a while but then told Gina and Lin that I would be in the cafe and they could call me when they had it again.

A little later, they called me and said they were outside the cafe with the umbrella and I thanked them for returning it for me, though they now had to walk back to the stadium again without it!

The best thing about today was:

Taking photos of all my students as they waited in the parade. Later, I enjoyed sending the photos out to all of them.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After getting home, I went to my room to play guitar but suddenly felt a drop in energy, so I stopped after about ten minutes. I came back inside and, after a while, felt like perhaps I had mild sunstroke.

I even closed my eyes for a little while and was about to drop into a deep sleep when Amy shouted me awake as I hadn’t eaten yet. I felt like I could just go to bed and sleep until tomorrow but I’m glad I didn’t in the end.

Hopefully, I will sleep well tonight.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Augus told me that there was a handsome boy sitting under the trees, so I went over and got his Instagram for her! She was happily shocked at this. Later, though, she sent me pictures from his Instagram of the boy and his girlfriend.

I tried to help students stay cool in the shade of my umbrella when I had it or just in the shade of my body otherwise. Even though it’s winter, the sun is still intense when you stand out in the open.

I took these pictures because it’s sports day.

The Word Catcher – 2nd December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The attentive ear
Hairs bristle at the wind’s whistle
Heard loud and clear

A meaning applied
Lines repeat a new thought complete
Tested and tried

A processor’s mind
Catches a thought as if a sport
The word redefined

The poet’s aim
Not to abuse but yet re-use
Again and again

Today I’m feeling:

Good, maybe great! I was stirring before my alarm, feeling uncomfortable in my shoulders again so when my alarm went off, I got up easily, stretched myself out and did a little exercise and hanging as usual.

There was a brilliant orange-red sunrise as I clung onto the rings with the big bees buzzing around me, ever-searching for more pollen. The cats watched bemused, waiting to be fed.

At school today, it’s just rehearsals for the sports day event tomorrow. Kids are happy not to be in the classroom but unhappy to be out in the middle of the stadium field, as even the winter sun here sets to scorch by about 9 am.

I enjoyed watching everyone walking by and chatting with everyone I knew (and some that I didn’t). Some of these kids will be at school at 1am tomorrow, preparing their make-up for the real parade. Crazy!

Health:

Physical: 8
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

The lady at the finance office, who struggled with her poor English to tell me why things were different this month and that we would be getting paid today (which was the most important part of what she was telling me!)

The best thing about today was:

Everything at school was fun today and I got a couple of hours in at the cafe, catching up on reading and a little bit of writing.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I was thinking to go to Matt’s to check all his guitar gear that he is selling so that he can afford to build his new restaurant but today I saw that he posted them on Facebook and I saw the prices. I realised that there was no way I could afford any of it. Or, actually, I could afford the things but I can’t afford the time to fuck around with them and figure them out.

Narrative Hallucinations – 1st December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Data streams into the dark box
The causes not yet known
A search for the secret locks
That experience has shown

Spittin out its predictions
Before the data confirmed
Holding onto convictions
Of what’s already learned

Narrative hallucinations
Reinforce the box and harden
Exponential calculations
Grows the shadowy garden

Inspired and paraphrased by David Elikwu ‘All In Your Head’

Today I’m feeling:

Good but a little blurry, probably from the gummy yesterday. I still feel like there is a lot that I want to do today but after yesterday, I know that there won’t be enough time!

I couldn’t believe it, that not long (seemingly) after writing the above, it was already 2pm! I feel like I got some things done today, even though it was probably less than yesterday.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

My student Namyen showing me how to make a quick video using CapCut. It was pretty simple in the end, though I think I need to figure out a way to make them generate a bit faster.

It’s fun, but I don’t want to spend too much time on it.

The best thing about today was:

Reading. Comics and books. 2000AD Judge Dredd, Lucifer, Platinum Grit, Totally Wired Post-punk interviews, Up Simba (David Foster Wallace).

Something I learned today?

I learned how to edit my own silly videos to post on Instagram.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I swept the entertainment area.

I took Amy and me to the 7-11 as she wanted something there and I used the opportunity for her to buy me an ice cream!

I took this picture because I felt something in my sandal and thought it was just a stone. I kicked it off and this monster came out! With two legs lost he struggled to run off in a straight line. I’m checking my shoes every time now!