Tag: poem

Round Holes – 30th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 9 Comments

Often bewildered
A cultural disconnect
I don’t belong here
I don’t belong anywhere
A choice I made long ago

Another planet
Aliens walk among us
A sideways side-eye
Weird welcomes may be hiding
Daggers and fists held in check

Heads down and bum up
The square pegs will never fit
Scared of the unknown
A slow assimilation
Under cover of the night

Who am I to say?
I’m not one but the other
Out in the wide-open
Searching for a hole to hide
Keep quiet, wait for my moment

It’s us versus them
Until accommodated
Compelled to fit in
Or stay along the margins
Til my tribe reveals itself

Often bewildered
Aliens walk among us
Scared of the unknown
Searching for a hole to hide
Til my tribe reveals itself

A garland tanka shared with the Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – Otherness

Today I’m feeling:

Mellow and relaxed. After Amy left this morning and I got back from Utopia, I lazily read books and comics and watched some videos. I found an appropriate dose of a gummy to get me into things without taking me down the paranoia highway.

Around 3 pm, I hopped into bed and read more comics before a pleasant nap, which I got from at around 5 pm.

I forced myself out into my room, where I searched and researched Savage Dragon and Usagi Yojimbo comics before crashing around with the guitar, which sounded good today, though perhaps it was just from the CBD in the gummy.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s friends who are taking care of each other at Wan’s place near Chiang Khong.

The best thing about today was:

Reading a few issues of the current Love and Rockets series again. Such a rich and wonderful read and told with great skill.

I love that I’ve been able to watch the characters develop over all these years. It’s so well written that sometimes little is said but the reader fills in the gaps to move the story along.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The worst thing about the gummy experience is that time just disappears. I want to read more, listen to more music, write etc but somehow it’s time to go to bed already.

Something I learned today?

Art at Utopia is renting the shop next door to him to do more roasting. He’s doing well with his brand.

Amy sent me this picture while I was at Utopia. She had a big two-litre bottle of red wine ready to go to Wan’s birthday party this evening. She was just about to leave when….

Life Is Pain – 29th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 8 Comments

With my demons, I wrestle
While probing fingers point
Storm clouds gather undecided
In search of a swollen joint

Tickled tortures beyond pain
With needles under nails
Washed away on the tides
Of one-too-many fails

Without you, I would no longer exist

Shared with dVerse Quadrille #213 – with

Today I’m feeling:

Good once I got going. I woke up stiff but tried my best with some tough ab exercises (tough for me!).

Lin told me this morning that my tummy was smaller today but I think she was teasing me!

I continued with my grade 8 classes in the same style as yesterday and that all went well (for me at least!)

Finishing off with just half of the students in my grade 11 class – the HAP students, as last week I only taught the J-Biz students and I knew the J-Biz kids could go and do preparation work for the Japan Day next month.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Gui at House contacting me saying that he will open again but he’s starting again at a new location in the city, which is a shame as it will be too far for me to go each day.

It was nice of him to contact me, though and let me know what he’s up to. I think I will try and get out on Tuesdays when I have a four-hour gap between classes. I will go to his new shop and also try a couple of others to see if I can find a nice spot again.

The best thing about today was:

Today was another one of those all-around good days with nothing in particular standing out as better than anything else. I like days like this.

I also think that going back to a full tablet of sertraline has had an immediate effect on my mood. I’m told that it’s such a low dose that it’s not even likely to be doing anything and it’s supposed to take a couple of weeks to take effect and perhaps it’s the placebo effect and all but either way, after just two days back at 50mg, I don’t have any bad feelings or thoughts.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It was a little annoying to me to watch George just sitting in a classroom looking at his phone whilst his class were just playing games, doing make-up or messing around. I teach those students too, so I took the opportunity to help a couple of them whose work I didn’t have time to check during my class with them.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

David was getting frustrated with trying to print out his monthly report today and he asked me to help. I ribbed him about using a Windows laptop and even me trying to help didn’t fix the problem.

I asked him to send me the file so I could try it and, of course, it printed properly on the first try.

With my little windfall yesterday, I sent Anchan a little more money to support her.

I’m also trying to encourage Baipad to get back into drawing more, especially as it is something she shares in common with a boy she likes.

When I was coming back in from the cafe, some of my old grade 9 students were kicking a ball around, so I joined them. Next to us was another group of students also kicking a ball around.

Kru Ell was navigating her way between the two groups when the other group’s ball accidentally hit her on the head and hands, knocking her glasses off and spilling her drink to the ground.

The boys were super apologetic and I got the one boy who had kicked the ball to quickly go back into the cafe and get her another drink. Kru Ell’s glasses were ok and she was more shocked than anything – she didn’t blame the kids.

Toey took this picture of Baipad because they met after school tonight. I think she sent it to me to show how happy she was to meet him! Young romance.

Screaming Seagulls – 28th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 17 Comments

I lost my mother
When the screaming seagulls fell
Our house now a mausoleum

–

Rebuilding a life
A family of my own
Will be my only revenge

This mondo shared with #TankaTuesday Poetry Challenge: Silver Linings. Image found at Palestine Will Be Free Substack
6th Dec 2025 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers United #206 – everybody scream

Today I’m feeling:

Surprisingly good. I slept ok until my dream, which was disembarking from an airplane and then searching for a bathroom and never managing to find one.

I was approaching consciousness and wondering what time it was and whether to get up to pee. I decided to look at my phone and it was only 4 minutes until my alarm, so I got up and took advantage of the extra few minutes with my exercise and hanging.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

An unexpected windfall.

Last year, sick of my student Kwang never having a working phone when I was constantly having students utilise their phones in class, I brought in my old Samsung for her to use. To be honest, I never really expected it to come back, knowing what Kwang is like.

At the end of last semester, I kept asking her to bring the phone back but she always had some excuse about it. I asked Kru Karn to ask her parents and grandparents about it too, but all to no avail.

Due to her poor performance in school, Kwang was due to switch schools for this semester but needed all the paperwork sorted at our school first. Kru Karn used my phone as a hold over her being able to go to a new school, asking her to either return the phone or pay for it. I have no idea how much it was worth and just came up with 6000 baht off the top of my head.

Kwang’s mum asked for a discount to 5000 baht, to which I readily agreed, still not expecting anything to come of it, but this morning suddenly, I was 5000 baht richer!

I have no idea what ever happened to the phone, my guess is that either Kwang or her mum sold it already, maybe for more than I was asking. I don’t care, it doesn’t matter.

I liked Kwang, though she was obviously fucked up by her family situation. She has chosen a path that I tried to steer her away from but I hope that one day she will be mature enough to figure her way back, as she is smart, too.

As I told Kru Karn, I tried my best for her.

The best thing about today was:

Coming across a great lesson for my grade 8 classes today. It started with writing out a simple text with some highlighted words and those words they had to translate. This is usually the first two parts of a reading class that I will do, usually followed by asking them to read for me and answer some comprehension questions.

As this was a very simple text and they had seen it before with Kru NumNim last semester, I thought to try something different.

They had 11 highlighted words or phrases, which they could understand because they had already translated them. Then I asked them to write a sentence for each word but, the first sentence must be three words long, the second sentence four words long and so on.

This task got everyone settled down into figuring out proper sentences with this restriction. I advised them that they could use Google Translate (or ChatGPT) to help but some had a go at it by themselves.

As a follow-up to this, I will take their phones from them tomorrow and ask them to do the task again.

These two classes are usually stressful for me but this lesson really worked well. These kinds of lessons come along every now and then and I think I have to utilise the idea a few more times in the semester.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I strained my lower back a little bit today but it was my own fault. In my morning exercise, I did Swimmer-Superman, which engages the lower back and the strain feels nice.

In the afternoon, I wandered into monkey Sarah’s class and she came and played with me. To playfully punish her, I picked her up around the waist and turned her upside down. She screamed and laughed and I let her down again.

A few minutes later, I felt a twinge in my lower back. I asked her how much she weighed, as she is pretty skinny and probably not even 5 feet tall. She said that she was 48kg, which is more than some of her friends who are taller than her.

Anyway, I will be more careful about who I pick up and play with next time!

Something I learned today?

(See above!)

In Opposition – 27th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

Defined by dualities
A refusal to conform
There’s no moral dilemma
Opposition being born

What sacrifices are made
Challenging the status quo
Protest against injustice
Opposing the mainstream show

Countering counterculture
The margins are underground
Narrative struggles remain
Where opposition is found

The conflict of one’s desire
Families beggar belief
Carving out personal faith
Opposition brings relief

Shared with Poets and Storytellers United – opposite concepts

Today I’m feeling:

Not so bad, though my stomach still feels a bit weird but I think I have it in my control again!

I didn’t sleep particularly well as I was hot throughout the night. It seems that winter is taking its time arriving properly this year and I still put the aircon on for a few hours but considering keeping it on all night if it helps me stay asleep.

I skipped exercise this morning, mostly due to fear of an accident when squatting or doing a sit-up etc.

I took a full sertraline again today and will see if I settle back down with my thoughts again.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Getting my monthly report finished during the 50-minute break between classes. At least, assuming that it doesn’t need revision. It’s another task that is a waste of time but someone somewhere has decided it is necessary, probably because someone else, somewhere else, has been abusing the system. Never let a good solution get in the way of doing extra work!

The best thing about today was:

Both my classes today were excellent, with students getting involved in doing the work I asked of them. Easy, as they were grade 12 and grade 10.

Maybe I should be demanding that I only teach the high school kids like George does. I would like the easy life too!

Tomorrow is two classes of grade 8s. Ugh! Haha. They are all my favourite kids, but not my favourite students.

Something I learned today?

When the power was out yesterday, Amy went across to the auntie’s, whose house was also out, the one where Tangmo lives. We haven’t seen him for a few days and Amy asked if he was ok. The auntie there said that in the evenings, he likes to go off to the market and hang around there, where he can find food and probably cuddles and more adventure.

Amy said she would be worried about him having to cross the highway to get there, but auntie said that they have seen him waiting for the light to turn red before crossing!

Still, if he were my pup, I would be making sure he had enough love and comforts to want to stay around home and not wander off so far for the evenings!

The Modal Headline – 25th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Learning what to ignore
Can lead to learning more
Is this really news?
It may be just for views

Does the banner fright me?
Is it true? It might be!
You must stand up to defend
Cos this could be the end

Any should or would
Could be understood
What it means to kill
It will, it will!

Any headline and byline using modal verbs can safely be ignored as news.

Today I’m feeling:

A bit anxious and overexcited for some reason. I woke up, did exercise and everything, all feeling good but then something compelled me to drive fast to work when it really wasn’t that necessary.

Once at school, I relaxed and enjoyed chatting with the students and my first class was fine. The second, though (grade 8s), was very frustrating with kids playing dumb, sleeping or distracting others.

I gave up and set them a small task and waited for them to complete it so they could go. The kids playing up didn’t bother and rather than getting frustrated, I just let them do what they want.

I shouldn’t stress myself over it.

Health:

Physical: 8
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

One of the ladies in the office where the photocopier is. I didn’t bring any paper with me and it soon ran out in the machine. I went into the office and asked if they had more, but the first two replies were negative.

I kinda shrugged ‘ok’ and went back in to get my bag, but another lady followed me and pulled out a fresh slab of A4 from a box (so they obviously knew that they had some but didn’t want to supply it). I was grateful for her help.

We are a school that wastes tons of paper printing nonsense every day, yet isn’t keen on its teachers printing out worksheets!

The best thing about today was:

My frustrating morning class made me take some time to write up some new lessons this afternoon in the teacher’s room.

From there, I could see George teaching in the room opposite and I was surprised when the students started leaving, almost 40 minutes early.

I’m not sure whether to be bothered by him not teaching his full-length classes (he always arrives late to class too) or to figure that I should relax myself more in my own classes. I know I should give myself the opportunity to chill about it but also feel an obligation to do my best for my students.

Anyway, the day provided me with some inspiration as I put together some slides and did some printing.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My mood was a bit up and down again today and I’m thinking to go back to my full dose of sertraline again. It’s not worth feeling like this just to try and stop taking it, really, with the only purpose to see if I can.

I have a half tomorrow and then will go back to a full pill again on Wednesday.

Something I learned today?

As I was going to my first class in the morning, I found Baipad talking with Cake. I didn’t know that they knew each other but they met during the last time they had scout week.

I told Baipad why I thought Cake was the smartest student I’ve had the pleasure of teaching and advised to stay around with her if and when she can.

I took this picture because Cap has secured a new spot, for a while, at least. Could he be a bookshop cat? I don’t think so.

Peripheral Vision – 24th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It was only a moment ago
the skies spoke to you the possibilities
wider and deeper than a young mind could conceive

Then, as if to ruin the show
came the treadmill of responsibilities
now a raging river to erode all that you did believe

Do you see it standing there?
A black doorway in peripheral vision
a slow beckoning of danger, awesome and ajar!

Will it lead to a new life somewhere
and are you ready for this decision?
Where else to go once you’ve already come this far?

Inspired by a part of this article in The London Review of Books called Gloves on by Anne Carson, discussing dealing with Parkinson’s.

Today I’m feeling:

Awake but blurry. I woke aching before my alarm went off and got up and read a little before coming out for coffee. My eyes are tired and blurry, though, having trouble focusing.

Still, it’s a nice, refreshing day and I was thinking I might take Baipad and Namhom up to the stupa as they told me that they’d never been there before, which is weird to me.

By the age of 15, I, and all the other kids in the village had explored all our countryside for miles around.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s dad for making vegetable stew for us. Amy brought it back last night. She said that her dad is getting quite grumpy these days and I wondered if it has anything to do with the fact that he’s feeling better after dealing with his cancer but still not able to get back to drinking yet.

The best thing about today was:

Doing as planned and taking Baipad and Namhom up the hill where they’d not been before. Namhom seemed particularly impressed with seeing new things with her nine-year-old, curious eyes.

They both were quite chatty and I think they were happy to get out of their home, even if it was only for half an hour.

Baipad’s mum said she will invite me to go to their tribal village next time there is an event there.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

YouTube’s ads are getting so annoying that I’m just not bothering to watch as much as before. Good. Thanks, YouTube!

Something I learned today?

I got served an ad for briskteaching.com that uses AI to help teachers. I read some reviews, some positive, others not so, so I bookmarked it to check out later.

My Good News – 23rd November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

The word is a reckoning
So roll up your sleeves
Bring order to the turmoil
Your monologue believes

Codify your weary soul
Give fire to your blues
Step up towards your God
Confront him with your news

Inspired and paraphrased (as ever) from the Red Hand Files #297
10th Sep 2025 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers United – something good

Today I’m feeling:

Happy though a little out of it (I realised as I got off the bike at Utopia). Brain has not kicked in yet!

My body is a little stiff from a good still sleep and a couple of weird dreams, one of which had me kicking rugby balls through jumper goalposts until they landed in a lake and curiously sank.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

The person sharing all the Rebirth comics on Soulseek that I may possibly get around to reading in about 20 years time. It’s been fun getting them and then filling in the gaps and making new files. Part of my cataloguing obsession is satisfied (even if they are only digital files these days).

The best thing about today was:

Sitting in the hammock reading David Foster Wallace’s review of the Tracey Austin autobiography. He knows how to eviscerate wordily!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After telling Amy that I didn’t want to succumb to sleep this afternoon, the pull was too strong and despite the strong morning coffees giving me lucid dreaming for longer than normal, I managed to find a deeper sleep for a good while, spending about three hours in bed.

Still, I was up and into the man cave, feeling a little refreshed and I played guitar for an hour or more, which was good. I’m glad I didn’t sleep through until it was dark again and hope I can get to sleep tonight. I think I should be all right.

I’m still wondering about the reduction in Sertraline and how it is affecting my mood. I still don’t feel quite right.

Something I learned today?

Tracey Austin’s tennis career was pretty much over by the time she was 21, her body already suffering from the punishment of overtraining.

I took this picture yesterday because we had a random visitor wander in and lie down at the front of class. These are all the naughty kids in my class, taking the opportunity to avoid doing my work.

Dark Sunset – 22nd November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

When did the heart harden?
Turned to stone, dark and rough
Too tough to beg pardon
Too much no longer enough

The buzzing bees have built
Wide walls to the castle
No more red wine spilt
The parts no longer a parcel

And so the keep is locked
The key swallowed by a raven
Flown far from the flocked
To maintain the inner haven

Today I’m feeling:

Ok but not wow. Thinking that my drop in mood yesterday may be because of my reducing my sertraline. It was definitely the feeling I used to have when I couldn’t shake off minor slights.

I slept before 9pm last night and slept well but still not quite up to snuff yet. Let’s see how coffee does for me.

In classes and whilst occupied, I was feeling ok. Now that it is time to slow down, I can feel myself fading fast already.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

My grade 12 student, Men, who gave me information about doing translation for mobile games, which I passed on to Baipad.

The best thing about today was:

The fact that it takes me ages to walk around school these days, as everywhere I go, students stop me to talk to me. Finally, I feel accepted when I’m at school.

Why wasn’t it like this forty-five years ago? I obviously know the answer to this but, well, here we are.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There were a few disruptions around the building that I was teaching in this afternoon and I had to quickly find a free classroom to move to for my final class. It was a close thing to keep the momentum going for them to study, because if it took too long, we all would’ve been frustrated and just given up for the afternoon!

As it was, we found one, though the projector didn’t work, so I made it a pretty simple and easy grammar lesson and we still managed to get out early.

Manow took this picture because I was replicating a picture that Fahmai painted of me.

Leaving Here – 21st November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 20 Comments

Silhouettes
In purpled passion
Freedom calls
Life’s tangle
Left far behind, flown away
Branches now laid bare

Shared with Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – Tangle and Tanka Tuesday – Shadorma

Today I’m feeling:

Tired but ok. It was a struggle to get up but not too bad once done.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 6

Today I’m grateful for:

Plenty of parking spaces at the airport this evening. I even managed to park next to the other car here tonight for the family.

The best thing about today was:

In my second class I played along with my naughty students instead of getting upset with them. We were just doing quizzes, so it was quite fun. I wasn’t in the mood for serious work either.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After a fun first class, I was sitting in the cafe and saw a message from Amy saying that she tried calling two times but the phone hung up on her. I never heard anything so I called her back and she seemed annoyed and distracted with her parents buzzing around in the background.

She asked me questions and then didn’t listen to my answers and so she asked them again.

Anyway, I will meet them at the airport in the early evening.

Then I got messages from Nut asking about Namsai’s phone, which I had taken from her in class and she swore badly at me. Nut’s messages were rude and direct (though I can forgive her, as it may just be her poor English).

These two things together, along with a sudden feeling of exhaustion, put me in a bad mood, though. I’m trying to think myself out of it now.

I got out of it by the time of my second class but when I got home, the tiredness overwhelmed me a little more and then problems with playing guitar made me grumpy again.

Now I just want to sleep and then hope to wake up tomorrow in a better state of mind.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I messaged Baipad last night about painting rocks and giving them away and this morning we looked around for some and she took three with her. A little later, she sent me photos of her painted rocks and who she gave them to.

I took this picture of my naughty students lazily doing my quizzes because I was going to use it to threaten them that I would show their homeroom teacher. BB, Namfon, Tulip and Baibua behind the chair. Khawhom jumped out of the way when she saw what I was doing. Ironically, they all blame me for being in trouble because their SchoolBright scores are so low but they have no answer when I ask them why I’m always reducing their scores! They do crack me up most of the time, though.

Canon – 20th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 13 Comments

I have the words within my pages
My knowledge forms your future texts
Amassed wisdom sung from many sages
Collected comforts to which all connects

This power I pass for you to share
The lessons lived easily explain
To conquer chaos and choose to care
To shrink in size or grow to gain

Your personal action accumulates
Eyes sparkle like dancing diamonds
Mixing the messes of made mistakes
Form the future from many islands

Shared with What Do You See #263 and submitted to an AllPoetry assignment about alliteration.

Today I’m feeling:

OK, once I got going. I slept pretty well and my alarm was a bit of a shock. Exercise and a cold shower jazzed me up all right and once at school, it was fun to back around the students, which gave me some positive vibes.

It was a pretty easy day with one grade 12 class (who were more rowdy than usual but still did my work) and a quick grade 10 class that was excellent. I really like that class, but there are 47 of them, and it’s difficult to take time with some individuals that need help more than others.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Deciding to go to Oasis to pick up some dinner. I think I haven’t been there for more than six months now and the food is as delicious as ever.

The best thing about today was:

Being so happy and relaxed after my last class that I was still chatting with students around the school an hour later.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Something I learned today?

I figured out what I was trying to remember yesterday! It was when I was in the bathroom, drying myself off after a shower. Just recently, I noticed that my right nipple is lower than my left! Maybe it’s always been like this – I’m not sure.

Anyway, I was wondering if it might be connected to the pain I have in my right shoulder. Maybe some muscles in there are not quite working properly.

I have a desire for symmetry!

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I made Baipad and Q get up and walk this morning – just for a couple of minutes. I talked to Q but he couldn’t understand any English but Baipad translated everything quickly and easily. I told her that she should think about getting into translation work.

Later, in my grade 12 class, Men told me that he does translation for mobile games. Maybe a good contact for Baipad for the future.

When crazy Sarah steals my phone!