Tag: time

One Thing – 5th December 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s all you have, there’s nothing else
All you held are old dusty dreams
It’s the time you are alive, this one thing
The only possession that is what it seems

Every moment wasted on the dramas of others subtracts from your strength.

Robert Greene

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and carefree despite still having to organise things for my students for tomorrow’s classes.
Today I’m grateful for:
The rental car company and for being able to drive around Phuket at leisure and without worry.
The best thing about today was:
Today has been steadily great. Right now we’re in the Hilton restaurant at the beach with free-flow alcohol. Good for Amy! This morning we had delicious brunch at another beach, along with Aing, after dropping Fern and Harper at the airport. Everything went super smoothly timing-wise and Amy and I drove back by the scenic beaches route with a quick circuit of Patong just as a reminder of being there 10 years ago. The lovely hotel we stayed at that time has been abandoned since, probably due to the pandemic, but there were lots of new ones and many foreign tourists around as expected. After dropping Amy back at Pim’s I went off book shopping and picked up one book I was looking for and another three by Studs Turkel, who I’ve never heard of, but was fascinated by the name and an approval from Kurt Vonnegot on the back cover of one. Awesome, even with the heavy rain.
Something I learned today?
According to surveys, Chiang Rai is the drunkest province in Thailand. Not sure how this was measured and it must be pretty serious as everywhere in Thailand loves a drink.
What are some of the challenges you face?
My biggest challenges at the moment probably revolve around health. I need to lose a little weight again and build up some stamina but seem to be suffering a little from what may be long covid. I get breathless and exhausted easily. I have aching hips and a painful neck, weak arms with painful elbows. I should focus a little bit of extra effort on maintenance in the next few months.

I took this picture because it was good timing for us to be dropping Fern to the airport near where Aing lives and Aing has a day off today so we could treat her to lunch. The food was great and the beach was good too.

Yard – 12th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

In between the cobblestones, dark and damp
Cities raise armies in dirty power games
Unseen except for curious men in the clouds
And relocated along with the rains

The world turns slow when not watched
No one pursues the moon across the sky
A violent vicious circle magnified
Inconsequential as it passes on by

The years teach much which the days never know.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and tired.

Today I’m grateful for:

The lady at Sensi Weed who explained about all the different types of weed and associated goods her shop had for sale. I bought a tea bag, a chocolate, 4 gummies and a gram of some weed. I ate a gummy tonight and feel a little lightheaded. Maybe try the tea tomorrow.

The best thing about today was:

Getting a backlog of things out of the way whilst drinking a couple of coffees at 22 Grams. I felt very relaxed and had a lot of patience whilst waiting for my students to perform at Central.

Do you eat red meat?

I haven’t eaten red meat for the last 40 years.

I took this picture because this is my student’s (Aum) dance group performing at Central in a competition. They struggled with nine people onstage. It was much easier for the groups of five. Sunwa also performed singing and dancing solo.

Youthful Idealism – 10th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Where’s my youthful idealism?
I fucking want it back
Now I’m old and tired
I’d rather just hit the sack
Why am I not shouting?
Thinking to make change
Wanting the best for everyone
Surely is not so strange
When did I give up?
Did I just get distracted?
Now I’ve got what I want
And I’m no longer impacted
Where’s your youthful idealism?
Why aren’t you complaining?
My life is almost over
But yours is still remaining

How to stop time: kiss.
How to travel in time: read.
How to escape time: music.
How to feel time: write.

Matt Haig, Reasons To Stay Alive

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and on holiday
Today I’m grateful for:
The men who cleaned my bike. I know I could have done it myself but I wouldn’t have been so thorough.
The best thing about today was:
Getting some more blog stuff done whilst listening to music. Also finishing another book. I still look at my bookshelf with joyful anticipation for future reading.

Do you owe someone money? Does someone owe you?
I don’t owe money to anyone or any institutions. I am debt free.

I guess some people do owe my money but it’s in the past and doesn’t amount to much in the scheme of things.

I generally live by the rule that if you lend someone twenty dollars and never see them again then it was probably worth it.

Of course, I loaned out much more substantial amounts to bands in the past and mostly managed to chase down outstanding amounts.

If I loan or lend anyone money now, which is rare, I don’t expect to see it again but happy if it does get repaid. This is only because I am now financially secure. Let’s hope it stays that way.

I took this picture because this is the cleanest I have seen my bike since buying it. It was worth the 45 baht expense!

Losing Time – 23rd August 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

We’re losing time at every turn
Flowers fading, friendships burn
Ten years gone away decayed
Misremembered memories made
These stretched-out days are gone
No more excitements come along
Familiarity, habits and tradition
Time warped by their repetition

Knowledge is a dialogue and your idea and mine can refine each other towards the truth.

from Existential Comics

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our big washing machine that can easily clean our doonas.

The Week That Was – 28th October 1979

If I – 30th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

If I was guarding the prisoner
I’d loosen their chains
If I was lost in a dark wood
I’d look where light remains
If I was walking home late
I’d shortcut through the park
If I found your magic idol
I’d goof around in the dark
If I could be young again
I’d test myself further still
If I found the point of no return
I’d climb the nearest hill
If I was caught in this rip
I’d flail against the tide
If I found all the answers
I’d find somewhere safe to hide
If I saw all the warning signs
I’d still struggle to react
If I heard you telling lies
I’d tell you what is fact
Me, you and everyone else
Like cats fighting over a fish
Me, you and everyone else
We’ll fight for what we wish

My poetry is, or should be, useful to me for one reason. It is the record of my struggle from darkness toward some measure of light.

Dylan Thomas

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to listen to music in my house whilst doing housework-type things.

Slept a lot last night and had good dreams but also kept waking up, what felt like all the time. Weird and nice not to have Amy here and somehow I felt more responsible and happy to feel that way.

Sorted the cats with breakfast, noticing Tangmo was already waiting for me at the gate. Cute.

I’m reading a Jim Morrison biography with my weekend coffees at Utopia and it’s well written and interesting to learn more about this guy. Never really enjoyed the Doors much but a well-written book put some music in better perspective and I may give them a go again at some point though I’m not short of things I want to listen to, having watched a Black Sabbath documentary the other day and hearing Pink Floyd at Utopia.

When I got back I still felt like I had many things to be responsible for, so I figured out what food to order later online, testing my Thai reading ability, watered the garden before it got too hot and as it was still, I decided to clean the leaves off the roofs of the teaching room and spare rooms, getting myself covered in dust and water. I did all this whilst listening to 400 Blows on the outdoor stereo.

Currently blasting random tunes on the kitchen stereo whilst I’m here in the living room and feel like all this strange music is my constant companion. I think I would go mad without music.

Showered and then marvelled at the speed and efficiency of the Grab Food order and delivery service, eating while watching The Twilight Zone, an episode from 1987. It’s odd to think that I was alive at the time – already 20 years old. The clothes, acting, and styles all feel like they were from an era before I was alive.

Passive Acceptance – 14th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Injustices were done by the highest power
Judgements given at the midnight hour
No stories heard except for prosecution
A night of grace before execution

The following day punishments exacted
Grievers told their stories reenacted
Tears were shed, sighs resolved in pain
Prayers sent to a god that can’t explain

Based on a Khalil Gibran short story

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy filled the petrol in the car on the weekend which saves me 1000 baht this month.

Yesterday, I read a simple mindfulness tip to practice. Every time you open a door or sit down, take a second to consider the reality around. Become aware of everything around you. Possibilities and realities. Brace yourself (when opening the door to a classroom!).

I liked this idea and thought I should try it but so far, I have not remembered even one single time! I think my brain is constantly engaged with thoughts about what is going to happen and what I am doing, planning or even just nonsense thinking – my brain is too busy and I just don’t think about it. I’ll keep trying though. Gotta bring it to the front of my brain.

This morning I finished my second lot of 30-day abs exercises. It’s still difficult but I can feel it getting slightly easier. I have to do the next set before Amy leaves because I’m not sure how much time I’ll have in the mornings, with having to feed the cats, unless I get up even earlier each day. I can do that but it will be harder to push myself. I will also have less time during the day as I will need to find food for myself too.

Damn, I will miss Amy’s cooking so much!

Ok – back to it – one more class on this busy day.

Picture Perfect – 9th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

On the brightest sunshine day
An egg was cracked on her stomach
Sparks shot off the white
As the yolk glistened in the light
A photograph was taken
To recall this perfect sight

Inspired by Mona Arshi

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the tests of when things go wrong or not as you plan. Living in Thailand has taught me even more about patience and acceptance.

I’ve had a bunch of ideas float in and out and away this morning. I powered through my abs workout knowing that tomorrow is a rest day. I feel good and warmer this morning, despite the cool air.

Yesterday I drove over to Matt’s but couldn’t muster him whilst at the gate despite calling on Messenger and ringing the two bells. Later, he told me I could honk the horn but it’s so peaceful out in the countryside that it feels offensive to my ears to do such a thing. He also gave me his phone number – something so unusual these days that I wondered why! The only person I ever call on a normal phone is Amy.

Telling this story to Fui this morning, we both confirmed that we could remember phone numbers from our childhood still. 001144202881404! Crazy.

I didn’t hang around at Matt’s cos I had to do some printing at school but when I got back, the printer didn’t work and I couldn’t figure out why. It was only later that I realised that the power was off in the whole area! First rule of tech support! Got power?

I went home soon after cos I couldn’t heat up my lunch in the microwave.

After looking at these off white lined pages, my eyes struggle to readjust to the computer screen. I should take a break. Stretch. Go for a walk. Will I? Maybe not.

I have a couple more hours to plough through my backlog of reading. So many things interest and inspire me these days. There are so many fascinating stories.

I was struck by this Seneca quote today, “No person hands out their money to passersby, but to how many do each of us hand out our lives!? We’re tight-fisted with property and money, yet think too little of wasting time, the one thing about which we should all be the toughest misers.” I think this thinking could be a little why I don’t have or need many friends.

Of course, I still waste some of my time, or reconsider my definition. Everyone will have a different definition but no one, me included, should criticise another for what they may consider a waste of time. Disagree, for sure, but follow your way, not that of others.

Time, time, time to escape – 30th July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Since Kim came back from the vet she has been fairly content to be stuck in her one-room paradise. The room is bigger than my own! We take her out on a leash each day but she doesn’t like it and just sits sniffing the air. She is getting more keen to dash out whenever we open the sliding screen door and occasionally I will let her roam close by and try not to let her run off.

This time I failed! She quickly jumped up the wall and onto the roof for a look around the trees, where she used to pull little birds out of their nests. I ran around the other side to the step ladder and poked my head up. Luckily she was curious enough to see my head in such an odd place and crept out from the cover of the leaves (can’t really camouflage orange!) and came to investigate whereupon I quickly scooped her up and back into the safety of her room.

It’s sad that she can’t be allowed outside but as she is still a rebellious fighting teenager cat we can’t risk her hurting herself with her weak and compromised body. We are trying a special medicine that has helped some cats fight back against leukaemia but there’s no real guarantee that it will work.

And as always, we get all 3 cats home for a few weeks before another gets sick and has to go and stay with the vet for a while. This time it’s Tigger, who has suffered kidney problems over the last few years. He was looking uncomfortable and stopped eating and the vet found he had high counts of something or other in his blood. He’s on a saline drip until that stabilises again.

We do love our cats.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to sit in our dining room and over the last three years watch our trees grow higher and higher. It’s the slow passing of time compared to the feeling of time accelerating.

Could I borrow your lawnmower? – 28th January 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

If I had a dream book what would I write today? As I work out sometimes my dream will pop back up but sitting here thinking about it – I got nothing. Let’s see.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the connection I can make with some animals. Sometimes I look at them and think how strange it is that we live with an animal in our house.

Time felt strange today. I finished some things well ahead of when I expected, got everything done that I needed and classes disappeared very quickly. I spent most of the day wondering what I had forgotten.

The best part of the day was realising that some students just want to talk with me – about everything. I hope I can continue to give them that feeling of openness and that they will not shy away from trying to speak with others in the future. It’s a long shot but I must live in hope.

We got that attitude! – 12th January 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to be reminded how lucky my life is now and how much I owe to my mother for all her hard work. I will try not to complain about anything.

I have not managed to achieve much of the 4 goals I had this week though achieved other things instead. Those goals have been on my mind and I have got some ideas but time sort of ran out over the weekend. I didn’t even play much Xbox.

The best thing that happened today was enjoying reading Dostoevsky quietly in the office before I had to teach. After that, I had photocopied documents for my work permit, and then I still had time to go for a blood test and get new photos in the afternoon.

My work environment is very enjoyable at the moment. I’m going to stick with the same goals as last time and hope to start on drawing soon.