Tag: George

We got that attitude! – 21st December 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for the wind. Hopefully, it can blow away the smoky air. It’s cold. It’s refreshing. It’s unusual.

It’s been a while since writing and it is something I’ve been trying to prompt myself to get back into. I’ve been a bit lost recently – having some negative thoughts that took me into myself.

A lot of this centred around George and while I know he is a nice friendly person and can be a good friend, something’s happened in my head that questions all that. Some of this was based on things that he said and things that I’d heard.

I knew that I shouldn’t judge on some of these things but it became a downward spiral due to such close proximity all the time. I withdrew into myself where I was actually quite happy.

I’m really enjoying working at the moment and the challenge the students give me every day. I feel more comfortable around them and less around George’s alpha-male-ness. Like I said – he’s not a bad alpha male, not a bad person or anything. I just have an aversion to alpha male behaviour. It’s not his problem at all, but mine. Anyway, I apologised to him for being a bit off (which also affected the way he was treating me) and things are more even again now.

13th Dec 2024 – Not long after this, George’s true colours became more apparent and the things that had bothered me had turned out to be good intuition. I do still think though that in some ways, I made it my problem and I should have just let him get on with it.

I’m keeping myself a bit more occupied with learning Thai and staying out a little less for coffee in the morning. I actually prefer to help the other teachers if I can.

Apart from that, I feel OK, though a little flat as we approach the end of this strange year. A lot has changed for the better for me, whilst I can see it has worsened for a lot of others. I need to completely tune out from the news and find some focus on other things I’d like to try.

I want to read more, and try drawing. Learn more guitar, Thai and how to play a keyboard. All these things seem possible.

One week goals

  • Draw something from my room ✅
  • Finish TCRAH ✅
  • Clear guitar stage 4 on Yousician ½
  • Complete more music learning ½

Well, it’s a futuristic modern world – 2nd September 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Wake a little early again but enjoyed snoozing. Seven-minute classic exercise coming up – not looking forward to doing but looking forward to the feeling afterwards. First, a good stretch.

Scribble dribble – what’s in my head. Students, class, study, water, cats, coffee – damn, coffee I can taste it already – preparing my taste buds for that first hit. Am I addicted? No coffee after midday today, okay?

Cracking bones in my body – is it too late to repair my body? Let’s see, let’s try. Smelled alcohol last night and made me nauseous – weird to have such a reaction. Haven’t drunk for about a month, I think.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to take a photo by the river with our barista this morning. Manow is very poor at English but somehow we can communicate our needs.

1st Nov 2022 – I saw this picture recently but can’t find it now. Maybe got deleted whilst trying to figure out how the hell iCloud works across multiple devices and then deleting things off my phone. If you are reading this in 100 years I hope you laugh at how old and dumb this technology was.

To-do list

  • Savour something ½
  • Compliments and awards ½
  • No coffee after midday
  • 7-minute morning workout and squats ✅

As I was sat drinking coffee this morning, sat next to the river, nice temperature, I tried to put myself into a savouring state but somehow I just couldn’t manage it. I think it was because I was thinking too much about what to do with my class when I got back. I even checked my heartrate which was unusually high for me and the fitness app told me that I was stressed! I didn’t really feel stressed – just had that class on my mind.

I tried not to drink coffee after midday but broke down at 1.30 and caved in! It’s ok. I’ll try again tomorrow. Maybe get three coffees in before midday – that worked yesterday.

In general, I enjoyed school today and I’m still really happy. I do think about complimenting people but except for people’s appearance, I’m finding it a little difficult to find some things to compliment on. I do compliment the students a lot though. I don’t really count that though as that feels to me like it’s just a part of the job.

I did spend an hour or so talking with George about Lebanon and religion. I enjoyed that and thinking back to it now, there were moments when I was savouring that conversation.

I still need to practice more listening than speaking and also pushing the conversations to new and interesting places. I don’t really need to share my opinion – is it really important that other people know what I think? It’s still possible to drive a deep and meaningful conversation without committing to absolute belief.

We got that attitude! – 5th August 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful that I have more energy these days. It helps me make better decisions.

To-do list

  • Awards – why is this hard? ½
  • Compliment two people ✅
  • Remember that thing about listening ½
  • Clear some emails ½
  • IELTS and TOEFL check ½

An enjoyable day as I only had to teach for 2 hours and it was with 1/9 who are the best students. I felt more grounded today and I was looking for opportunities to do the things on my list but often they came to my mind at times when it was too late to action. I want to keep on trying to form the habits of the first 3 things on my list – I feel like they are important.

Kru Fluke helped me with some printing today so I gave her an award of my favourite teacher of the day but after that, I forgot about any other awards. As I was writing this I also remembered that I told Dylan he was a good guy for helping me with something too – so that’s my two compliments.

I helped Dylan a little in his class too so I’m going to cross off my Random Act of Kindness achievement for today. I’m actually finding it difficult to stay out of other classes because I just enjoy being around the students and helping out.

With nothing much else to do for preparation for work I could spend all day reading or listening to podcasts or watching vides but helping out is making me feel happy. I’m really enjoying working here and I have to thanks George a lot for that.

Then came the dawn and you were gone – 31st July 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Too much to dream last night – Electric Prunes. Cannot remember dream now but I do know I didn’t sleep long enough. Woke up knowing I need to try a bit harder today (in my thinking) – be positive, stay positive – say positive.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I forgot my passport and that I had to go to immigration this morning. It meant some extra running around but also meant I got to try a new coffee shop which has great coffee. It was delicious.

To-do list

  • More blog posts – need to do at least 1! ½
  • Compliments and kindness ½
  • Listen!…….speak.
  • Awards ½

Somewhat have achieved these things. I noticed that in the last few days, I get annoyed at the way George presents himself sometimes. The things he says are usually good advice but I hear it with a hint of arrogance and belief that he feels he is right. I’m cautious about this feeling because it is coming from me and not from him. I want to understand this feeling more and I won’t make any judgment on the person.

I feel like George is always setting a great test for me (not on purpose, of course) – it makes me consider my thoughts, feelings and actions. For that, I am grateful.

Because of this though, it can be tiring to be around him.

We got that attitude! – 30th July 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for the heavy curtains in my room. They help keep the room cool during the day. It’s still super hot but imagine what it would be like without them.

To-do list

  • More blog posts – try to get well ahead
  • Awards awards – all the time ½
  • Compliments and kindness ½

A sort of difficult day today. I felt a little off – not unhappy but not quite content, a little bit thoughtless perhaps.

I felt myself get upset with George when he questioned why I was doing something and I took offence at being questioned about my methods. I understand his reasons for saying what he did but I still feel like he say things in a way that is suggesting that his way is the best. I don’t need to bite at this – I especially shouldn’t react verbally or even emotionally.

I can see instances when he does the same but can turn a comment around into a positive. I need to be more aware of that. As usual – listen (really listen) first, think, evaluate – last resort is to speak!

After school, Ellen had lined up a potential client for online teaching. I was thinking that this would have to be a totally different method for teaching. At school I should adopt the George attitude – don’t stress too much, make it fun for the kids, just make the ones who struggle feel good ie I shouldn’t care so much.

But for Chinese students online, paying a premium I do have to be well organised and know what I’m doing and talking about. I’m still learning – still trying.

We got that attitude! – 26th July 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for all the lovely plants we have growing in our house. Plants help make a house into a home and I feel like this is home.

To-do list

  • Awards awards awards ½
  • Push yourself to workout on weekends
  • Compliment everything
  • A random act of kindness
  • Draw something again in the next few days

Well, that was not very successful with this list. After a picnic and party with George, Bee and Dylan (and Amy, of course) on Monday, I was too hungover on Tuesday to do anything that required much thinking. So I’m back on it today (Wednesday).

I realise how much drinking takes it out of me – interrupts my plans. It’s fun to be drunk sometimes but I’m finding it worth less and less. I prefer the happy high of life and living. I’m still pushing myself but finding myself more focused now.

I spent a good 6-8 months reading and researching many different ideas about thinking and being. I’ve trimmed this down a lot now – having understood much of the content and advice. Now I’m doing less thinking about thinking and slowly turning this into action and habit. Still working towards a better life for myself.

We found that attitude! – 14th July 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Quick today – teaching today finally. Brain in gear? Brain in gear – ready to go. Stay with it. Make it fun for the kids.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be in the classroom again. It gives me some confidence, I know I can do a good job.

To-do list

  • Compliment everyone you can ½
  • Mantra and blessing ½
  • Keep students happy – teaching is second ✅
  • Smile, laugh, listen first ½

I was very happy today. Possibly a little too exuberant but I couldn’t help myself. I should try to reign it in a little bit though as sometimes I get too comfortable and forget about how I make other people feel.

I only ended up teaching one lesson this morning – and then made a video. Being with the students again made me happy.

Later, as we discussed the schedule I offered to take 2 lessons each from George and Dylan as they are the subject I’m supposed to be teaching anyway. This meant less work for them and more for me but I felt good about that because it means I can monitor the progress of the students easily. I’m also happy to be working in the class more.

Even the bad news that we now have to arrive before 8 am couldn’t get me down today. We’ve had it easy for a long time really – we’ve been very lucky.

It’s nice… it’s my mind that’s off guard – 1st July 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Kids come back to school. See how it goes.

Tigger sprays on the floor. No tissue to clean.

Good five-minute warmup workout better than yesterday. Happy – feeling happy a little tired and sleepy but awake if not alert. Some aches from drilling on the weekend. Hurt hurt. Yawn. Did things and doing things – keep going – want to do more. Have things to do at school. No problem.

Enjoying life – reading, music, TV – looking at the stars – the rain – not so much the heat! I can’t stay happy. Amy is happy most of the time. We have our world – we only let the right people in.

Weight: 79.3kg
Resting heart rate: 44

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I don’t have to do any work this morning even though the kids are back at school. I offered to do something but was told it was ok.

To-do list

  • Compliment – savour – positive wishes ✅
  • Post more TCRAH to blog ✅
  • Finish and audio and video ✅
  • Record more blog entries to catch up ✅

It was weird to have students around the school again but it was good to see some of my old students and they seemed happy to see me again. Lots of students showed their love for George and were very happy.

We ended up not doing anything again today and George thought we could get out for coffee if we really wanted to but I didn’t think that was such a good idea. I also offered myself to help with Teacher Champ but he said not to worry.

Anyway – I managed to cross off all my tasks today – reminding myself about complimenting people – JJ and Sheena.

I savoured my lunch as usual – but I put more effort into it. I also offered private best wishes to everyone though I could have thought to do that whilst stuck in traffic trying to get out of school. It took me an hour to get home today whereas it normally takes 20 minutes.

So, first day is done and we can relax into whatever it is that we end up doing. It’s good that there doesn’t seem to be much pressure on us even when we will have to teach. The environment here is very good so far.

I have been doing very short workouts in the morning, along with meditating, writing and language learning – all before going to work. It feels good to have achieved those things early in the day and it seems like they are having a beneficial effect on my thoughts.

Bronwyn told me that Hayden isn’t doing too well today. I didn’t have chance to call him during the day and he didn’t pick up when I tried when I got home. I hope he’s ok and pulls through all this.

Tomorrow, I have to renew my visa and not expecting any problems this time. It should be another simple enough day and anyway, I think I’m prepared for anything else that comes my way.

Turning a new leaf, yet I am free – 24th June 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Slept for more than a day – day off school – sleep sleep sleep. Last night – couldn’t sleep. Now tired but have to get things sorted for visa.

Also now have work to do at school – feels much better. George goes overboard in happiness sometimes – it feels like he’s not sincere but that is he is doing it on purpose to make himself and everyone else happy – so what’s wrong with that? I guess it’s the lack of sincerity but so what? Maybe he’s doing it just to show me that this reaction is the best way. Actually, during the time I felt this from George, I didn’t really feel negative about the request (of having to do work) from school anyway. Even the lack of clarity didn’t bother me too much, though I did start to feel annoyed with the lack of communication due to the language barrier – re: they couldn’t accurately explain what it was they wanted. But anyway – I think we got there in the end and I got to work which was good

G.I. – Beyond/Public Stage – hard to turn off my mental jukebox. Cool, refreshing temperature this morning. Starting to get humid now – creatures creating noise in our garden – what is it? Investigate.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I am well-organised and can get everything done that needs to be done.

To-do list

  • Enjoy lesson preparation ✅
  • Update bank passbook ✅
  • ‘Thank you’ mantra ½
  • Project silent wishes – smile – compliment ✅
  • Remember those meditation exercises ½

Pretty good day today. Lots of running around to get everything for my visa application – which it turned out that I couldn’t do because my money hasn’t been in the bank for two months yet. Have to go back next week. I joked before about how many times I will have to go back. Should all be good next time though.

I enjoyed putting together some video and audio for our future lessons and got some good ideas for role plays and hope that tomorrow we can do a little filming in the canteen read for an idea I have. I can plan some of those other ideas during the day too. I’m keen to put a bit more effort into these videos this time, especially as we don’t really need to teach.

Feeling good and reasonably confident at the moment. Double meds, no alcohol, no painkillers. Still have a headache though.

There’s a big sky out tonight and it’s never been this big before – 18th June 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The mountains at the back of our house run in valleys, sometimes into the distance or in parallel ridges. In this picture, a valley running off towards the west, and its surrounding mountains were bathed in sunshine, the bright greens bouncing into the sky.

Scanning to the left, the air turns thicker and a battle is brewing for territorial dominance. The clouds are too heavy to keep their water and it drops onto the leafy jungle, turning into wisps of mist. Dark rolls around the skies, dragging the clouds down from above, stirring a big soup with deep rumbles and sudden flashes.

This one will deliver.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be surrounded by caring people that can help need realise my potential.

Brain dump

Drain pipe fell out – who will fix? I can try but I think needs glue – we don’t have.

Social Distortion on mental jukebox for no reason other than it matched my rhythm of lifting weights. What else can I get out of my head this morning? Noisy frogs – but none outside our entertainment area now – have snakes gone – maybe?

Sore butt sitting here yesterday for too long – back – a little ache lower left – arm feel well used.

Now! Now! Now! Not the before, not five minutes – breakfast, school, videos – but now?! Surrounded by things I love – even snakes and frogs. Beautiful grey sky! Rain rain rain – not like UK. Beeping from UPS – what happened – who knows? Okay – Thai and meditation because I don’t know what’s in my head at the moment really.

To-do list

  • Compliment – silent wishes – smile ½
  • Laugh and enjoy making videos again ✅
  • Squats/exercise/stretch ✅
  • Remind yourself about listening ½
  • Keep up with learning Thai ✅

A bit more activity at school today as we did the video in the morning and that was fun compared with the past week or so of just sitting around and reading.

George was, to my mind, quite overbearing this morning, when he said he thought I should exercise more and that he was only saying these things because he cares about me so much. He sounded sincere in his words but I felt a little negative about it. George feels like a father figure and he speaks with authority but sometimes it has the opposite effect – as he has experienced with Bee too – and it can make people just want to be stubborn and do the opposite – or just to think ‘Stop telling me what to do’.

But I recognised these thoughts and feelings and wondered why I was so negative towards them. Just thinking about this for a while actually took away the negativity. George can be right in what he is saying and it is still ok for me to not accept his advice about it.

I also think it wasn’t completely justified as I feel quite fit and healthy these days and don’t feel the need to be really pushing myself too hard with lifting weights and working out in such a determined manner as he does.

Anyway I was proud of myself to not let it effect the rest of my day at all and was curious about my feelings.