Tag: Hayden

Praise to men who have no king – 6th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Prudence – behaviour that is careful and avoids risks
Courage – the ability to control your fear in a dangerous or difficult situation
Justice – fairness in the way people are dealt with
Temperance – control of your own behaviour

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have enough money in my hand and enough time in my schedule to be able to buy myself a coffee.

From commonplace book

Dreaming is the ability to see something that doesn’t exist yet.

Mel Robbins (?)

To-do list

  • Call Hayden and congratulate him on doing some fundraising. ✅
  • It’s Monday. Classes will be tough. You are mentally prepared! ✅
  • You will deal with any emotional challenges calmly. Do not speak until later. ½
  • Run after work.
  • Prepare files for Jochen. ✅

It’s Monday and the classes were tough! But I was prepared for the feelings of frustration. I dealt with it as best as I could and felt pretty good about all the classes by the end of the day.

I managed to talk with Hayden after a missed call earlier in the day and we chatted for a good half an hour. He seems quite enthused with ideas at the moment and seems to be on a better path to planning his future. I did congratulate him on his fundraising activities. He’s not just thinking about himself during these times of crisis in Australia and has found a good way to apply himself in the circumstances.

No real emotional challenges came my way today but I did catch myself complaining a couple of times. It feels like a very fine line between stating some facts about events and complaining about them. At least I’m catching myself – now I just need to catch myself before saying anything.

I have a bit of a chest cough today and time ran out for us to go running too. I had the will but was still a little exhausted from driving so much yesterday.

So I took the time to prepare mp3s for Jochen, uploaded and emailed. I think the final results could be quite fun. It will be fun to put together anyway.

My self-control was fully tested in my classes today and, although I did well, I can still do better.

Tomorrow will be a test as we have a meeting about something that we haven’t really been told about and are apparently supposed to be prepared for. It is quite a normal situation these days so that is something that I am OK with.

I’m expecting that this thing is supposed to be on a weekend though and already prepared for a discussion about attendance as I have already warned them that I will not work on weekends under any circumstances.

To say the first things on my mind – 5th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Philosophical Meditation

What am I currently upset about?
What am I currently anxious about?
What am I currently curious or excited about?

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to watch the daybreak as I drive over the mountains to Chiang Mai. It was very beautiful.

From commonplace book

How many things that seemed at the time beautiful and inaccessible to me have since become insignificant, and the things I had then are forever unattainable now.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy pg 870

To-do list

  • Wake up at 5 am with a big smile ½
  • Help Dad with driving to and from Chiang Mai ✅
  • Talk with Ting about her life in the UK ½
  • Think about more things you like about Hayden and if there’s time, write them into the questions journal
  • It’s a long and wearisome day for everyone – be conscious not to complain. ✅

I didn’t wake up with a smile but I put one on my face when I read my list in the morning.

So, I ended up driving both to and from Chiang Mai. I was in a bit of a daze but I did manage to ask Ting a little bit about her life back in the U.K.

I didn’t complain today, that I remember, but I think it’s easier to recognise when you are not complaining than when you are.

Despite having six hours of driving and thinking time I didn’t think about Hayden but when I got home I saw that he is doing some fundraising for RFS in Australia. I know he has a good and kind heart. I must call him soon. I’ll put it on my list for tomorrow.

We got that attitude! – 27th December 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to my son who often surprises need with flashes of inspiration. I know he is a good-hearted person and thoughtful about things. I will give him more positive feedback about this fact.

To-do list

  • Stay invigorated – do not complain.
  • Compliment another teacher – as many as you can.
  • Positive messages for all students.
  • Enjoy the company of your friends.

And see how his face glows – 26th December 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Yesterday I was completely lifted by having three good fun lessons which the students and I all enjoyed. Then I went to visit CRPAO again.

The feeling there is still not good (for me, anyway) but my old classes were very happy to see me and I was surprised at Simone’s students who smothered me in hugs and were very affectionate. I made a point to see Funfai – she’s so cute! She said she misses me and it was very lovely. I felt very much appreciated after that.

27th Dec 2023 – I just last week found out that this wasn’t Funfai at all but another student (Funfai and Lydia thought is called) Sugus.

I was still tired when I got home but felt more invigorated. Today is my easy day so everything has come back together nicely. I’m glad I didn’t let that glum feeling get me down at the beginning of the week

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have met the students at CRPAO and was very surprised at the reaction of Simone’s kids, they jumped on me and pulled me to the ground they were so happy to see me.

To-do list

  • No complaints out of your mouth.
  • Finish week 15 lesson – have lots of time.
  • Compliment another teacher.
  • Positive feedback for students.
  • Study next Thai video and more Drops.
  • Think about when can record more TCRAH.
  • Consider what to talk with Hayden and how he is feeling.

Did it list

  • Wrote to-do list in the morning.
  • Deleted all games off phone.
  • Stayed calm all day.
  • Noticed when I complained and stopped myself.
  • Read three chapters of book.
  • Stayed calm when I found out we’d be staying at Rak’s house for dinner even though I had hoped to return home.
  • Even though got home late, went and watched Thai video. Also did Drops today.
  • Rang Hayden and tried to sound positive without being overbearing.
  • Finished week 15 lesson.
  • Told students it was their decision if they want to do homework.

After reading an article I instantly deleted all games off my phone. The article was simple and direct. ‘Don’t play games on your phone. You are an adult.’
I got a message from Bronwyn in the morning saying Hayden was upset by the messages I was sending him, trying to help him and to call for Christmas. This message made me a little mad – why doesn’t he just call me and so what if he’s upset. He should be upset and be motivated to improve his life. I wrote a note to myself to think about later – ‘things I like about Hayden.’ I tried to think about how he was feeling and called him in the afternoon. He sounded fairly upbeat and was talking about becoming a firefighter. I’d like that to happen.

Brown paper packages tied up with strings – 24th December 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Things I like about Hayden:

– kind-hearted
– caring
– talented at drums and music
– artistic
– generous towards his friends
– focused on his favourite hobby
– keeps himself hydrated
– values justice
– charitable

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to the ‘bad’ kids in my classes. The ones who test me, the ones who make it difficult, the ones who push my patience to the limit. They are helping me grow.

To-do list

  • Compliment people.
  • Do not complain!
  • Write week 15 lessons.
  • Write to Pentti – let’s get that dialogue going again.
  • Watch the next Thai video – study Thai.
  • Enjoy dinner with Amy’s family – talk more with Amy’s mum.
  • Play with the kids at lunchtime – it’s good exercise.

Did it list

  • Drops/study Thai
  • Stayed calm but had to leave one class quickly in order to remain calm – they were a real test for me today.
  • Complimented a couple of students on their work and getting questions right.
  • Tried not to complain but that is so hard, bring it into mind more often to succeed.
  • Wrote to Pentti and Lachlan.
  • Talked briefly with Echo – so good to hear her voice again – she is much more confident in English now.
  • Played with the kids at lunchtime.
  • 30 squats, read 4 chapters.

Steady your nerves – 13th December 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Contrasting your perceptions

1. Steady your nerves
– Prepare ourselves for the reality of the situation.
2. Control your emotions
– Domesticate your emotions, don’t pretend they don’t exist.
3. Practice objectivity
– Hold for a moment, let me see what you are and what you represent.
4. Practice contemptuous expressions
– See things for what they are not what you have made them.
5. Alter your perspective
– Limit and expand our perspective to whatever keeps you calmest.
6. Live in the present moment
– Focus on the moment, on what you can control right now.
7. Look for the opportunity
– Does getting upset give you more options?

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I have learnt that sometimes things go wrong on Monday but the same things go right again on Friday. Different class of students, different reactions. I’ve learnt that Monday is a tough day so don’t make judgements on the quality of my work.

Did it lists

  • 2 more lessons planned
  • Peak and Elevate brain training
  • Dealt with sudden change to my day at school where I could no longer teach a lesson I was looking forward to teaching.
  • Successful lesson with class in morning; really made me feel good.
  • Despite being tired I mentally prepared myself for having to be busy in the evening – pretending that I’m having two days in one!
  • Both venues in Kota Kinabalu confirmed already!
  • Kept Kevin up to date with tour plan.
  • Quick email to Hayden – he even replied!
  • Finished Introduction to Stoicism and found links to even more things to learn.
  • Wrote to Lachlan after reading a little of a free ebook called Philosophy of India.
  • Started reading cliff notes to Anna Karenina and realise I missed little bits which makes me think I will need to read it again! But so much to read.

We got that attitude! – 26th September 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Yesterday I showed some resilience. Small things upset me in the morning and everything felt overwhelming again. After school, I went to the dentist. I think sitting under the drill settled me down again. At home, Amy was quite negative about being here in Thailand but I was the one telling her things aren’t that bad. I realised I had some strength and resilience I need to draw on more.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that other people have shown an interest in working with me. It shows me that I am valued for my contributions.

Gratitude Journal

Today I’m looking forward to a job interview with another school. I’m looking forward to Hayden coming to visit in a couple of weeks’ time. My friend, Ellen, will also visit from China with lots of yummy Sichuan sauce. I’m looking forward to getting away from some people in this school where I work. I’m looking forward to time hanging around at home with Amy and our friends. I’m looking forward to the cooler weather of winter. Damn! I’m looking forward to a lot of things.

23rd Feb 2021 – Looking back on this looking forward is interesting. Some of the things I was looking forward to, didn’t necessarily turn out for the best but it was definitely the right way to approach all those things. I know some folks who anticipate the worst of the future and then feel pleasantly surprised when things turn out better than expected. I think I used to be like that but not these days. I’m much more of the thinking that even difficult tasks, events and situations are just occurrences and they will be over after a certain period of time regardless of what my thoughts are about them.

Mr. Right says ‘what is a sin in difficult times?’ – 8th June 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Last entry in this journal was 11th August 2003.

Things change a lot in 16 years. One thing that doesn’t though, is a parent’s concern for their child. Sometimes I wonder how I can be so much more for other children than I can for Hayden. I guess I just wasn’t there enough.

I won’t beat myself up over this though. Not like I might have done in the past. I can’t change the past. I offer myself to Hayden but I think sometimes he’s afraid to ask, doesn’t want to bother me. Same with his mum. We’re both busy for sure but I don’t think there can be a time when I would refuse to help.

His mum and I have different ways to deal with these things. We try the best with what we have. I do wish I could’ve been more involved in raising Hayden, not particularly in formal education but in life education. I think I set him a good example in many aspects and while I worry about where his motivations are coming from, I consider how useless I was at his age and how things have come right for me since then. I needed certain people to push or pull me in the right directions.

We thought we had no future get here we are. I do wonder the future for the next generations though. With the whole world at our fingertips, it feels like the starry-eyed wonderment has dissipated. It’s no surprise the attitude of each generation might feel this way.

It’s not my fault but I try to offer hope and a positive outlook as much as I can.