Give me the big cup! Double up! Make them big shots Top it off! Drink it slow Then take off! When it’s time to go I got enough! Buzz and howling Flying high! The fear of falling Pushed aside Tomorrow morning Same again! Without a warning Jump my brain!
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for our spare room outside – that we can adapt to be Kim’s new space. She won’t be an outdoor cat anymore which will frustrate her but I’m thankful we have this reasonably sized space that we can give to her.
To put our laws in a palace Or to keep them in our mind How should we punish malice? Is it just natural to be unkind? The many differences between us Don’t need to keep us apart You really should have seen us How we were at the start If we look deep inside We can feel we are all as one Push connections far and wide Let’s walk together – let’s become
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to read about the dog tied to a cart and how struggling against it will cause suffering. This little tail highlights one of my problems – always fighting against the cart instead of going with the flow. I can detach myself from the cart later – when my time comes.
Those trying days are nothing Our ego is satisfied in opposition The clouds become meaningless When you make the right decision New pain is distraction Putting darkness into perspective A re-uniting force for us We realise was already an elective So choose the lighter path To ease life’s journeyed story Balance out the me and us Together we shine in our glory
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my ingenuity to figure out a solution to a problem at work quickly and under pressure. I am also grateful to the vet helping to keep our little Kim alive. I don’t know if her weak body will make it but I’m so happy she came into our lives and home.
The social conscience is a power machine Human instinct drawn to a higher scheme No matter the culture, society or elite It’s the eyes of God on every street
Weight: 77.3kg Resting heart rate: 62
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my own will and determination. To stay happy, calm and focused as much as I can despite the mental inconsistencies running through my brain. I fought through the pressures of preparation yesterday without panic or depression so today, despite all the testing times to come, I have confidence in my abilities.
Kim Chi was sleeping a lot. It’s normal for cats, we know. She still rolled and stretched herself and purred at a tummy rub. Her body felt hot – not so strange for a cat that has been curled up and the outside temperature is close to 40 degrees. But this type of hot, which I cannot ideally name, didn’t feel quite right. To describe it, it is not like a surface heat but a heat radiating from inside, under the fur, skin and meat.
And then she stopped eating. Again, this happens sometimes when it’s too hot – just a loss of appetite. But these signs combined led us to a trip to the vet – again – she was there only three weeks ago for a fighting wound.
Her temperature was high so they ran some blood tests which indicated that she has measles. Our neighbour had recently told us that many cats in the village had died from measles so this news was a little worrying. Then on top of that the tests also showed she has leukaemia…. This will most likely mean a shortened life and complications with any illnesses she may have.
This news is devastating but I also tried to be rational and consider that she was delivered to us in a bucket, on the way to the temple where she most likely would have led a terrible life. We have given her love and a home she may not have received otherwise. I hope her weak little body can fight through this illness. We cherish every day with the love of our cats. As arrogant, yet more loveable than most humans.
You are one crazy cat Delivered to us in a tub Squeaking and all that Climbing out for a rub Covered in dirt you were Until we scrubbed you clean Nothing seemed to deter You from going off unseen You became the princess Even though a boy Fearless curious interest Everything a toy Grown into your own tales Sometimes battered and bleeding You’re one that never fails Giving me the love I’m needing Every day a blessing For the nine lives you abuse Eight and we are stressing This is the last one you can use
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful we decided to take Kim Chi to the vet as we found out she has caught measles and they did more tests and found she also has leukaemia. It’s sad but at least we can try to help her with this knowledge.
30th May 2023 – She struggled and strived, using up her nine lives. You leave the biggest hole in my heart.
I love to watch the mountains in any season but in the breaks of rain, it’s fantastic to watch the clouds drop down into the valleys to give more depth and definition to the peaks on the horizon. It’s lovely to watch the rain out of the window.
The mountains advance from their cover Mad swirling whispers rise and grey Filled to dripping with lumps of water The jungle climbing up trees to sway The streams are full, crabs are caught In plastic buckets and crowded net Paddies complete for more life to rise First came the sun and now the wet
Forcing myself to notice the pictures and decorations on the walls in different places. Strangely, this was a tough one and it made me realise that I don’t go to many different places, especially during these difficult pandemic times. Of course, it may be that I did go to many places but didn’t notice the pictures on the wall!
This was the first picture – taken all the way back on Jan 6th!Finally got to 10 pictures today!
Poems on this day
Field of Observation
Warm damp air clings to us In the middle of our own field Like quantum theory – look away A million fireflies are revealed
Lightning flashes on the horizon Boding well the breeze to come Buzz on about your business There’s space here for everyone
Illusions
The grey is not just in the sky It’s in my head, my half-closed eyes The passions of yesterday are gone The words said cannot be undone
This sick mind exaggerating All my deadly contemplating A coward stuck in sheep’s clothing Just wants an end to my self-loathing
To run away, just run and run To put an end to what’s become We slowly watched things going sour Took the pain and gave it power
We mixed it up, caused confusion Stuck inside this brief illusion I still love you, I will always love you How can I ever love myself?
Rocks and Oils
Artificial lines and boundaries Sought to divide and rule Keep the savages occupied Then pour on extra fuel
Some arbitrary borders Laid down after wars Pay us to keep the peace We’ll be back to settle scores
Killed a man a thousand years ago For this, you’ll one day pay And grab this dirty rock of yours Put down a flag and say
‘Get out and stay out’ You’re not welcome here Our fathers always taught us You are not what you appear
This Is A Test
Some days I ask myself Just what am I doing here? On good days things make sense But others are not so clear
Sensitive to your words Your scathing drunken attack I can’t always shrug it off Unless you take them back
Regularly we cycle Through this vicious routine So here we go again What does it all mean?
I just wanted to take it easy Sit back and relax But then I see you drinking Preparing your attacks
Let’s sit down and fix it Make things for the best Many more years ahead of us This is just a test
Plus Minus
If I keep writing down these negative thoughts Am I throwing them out or reinforcing them? Am I making things worse than they already are Or should I be symbolically divorcing them?
Gratitude Journal
I’m so happy and grateful to be able to stand in our garden at night and watch all the fireflies buzzing around. To feel the warm air surround my skin and to stare at the moon and wonder if I could go there. It seems close enough to touch.
The best thing about today was thinking and writing my way out of a funk. Last night, I was a little cranky, and Amy was drinking again. I was in bed, and she came in to play, but I wasn’t really in the mood. Then she bit my face, and I pushed her off me. She felt insulted and complained that I don’t love her anymore and walked out. I was tired and annoyed, and although I was thinking about these words, I was so tired I fell asleep and didn’t even hear Amy come to bed.
I was woken up during the night, having a dream that Amy was getting too friendly with Ben, another of the teachers we know, and after that, it was difficult to get back to sleep.
I snoozed my alarm, and Amy didn’t bother to get up in the morning, but before I left, I told her that I was worried about her still. She said she was the one who should be worried. I get really upset when she’s drinking and says things like ‘you don’t love me anymore’ just because I’m annoyed with her behaviour at the time.
This morning, I couldn’t feel my way out of this darkness, but eventually, by the afternoon,n I was feeling OK. Not brilliant, but OK. However, Amy was in a short and bad mood when I got home due to an upset stomach and problems with something she was trying to bake.
I thought we could go for a drive tomorrow – it’s a holiday here again. Amy asked ‘Where?” but I just don’t care where – just get out of the house and see what is out there. We both know that there is nothing out there but it’s just a distraction from staying home again.
I got a point five Writing got thinner Point five on this page Surely is a winner
*The .7 was bleeding through the page. The .5 is good for this paper I’m writing on at the moment.
Angels in the Backyard
Down here at the ground floor Snacking on an oily garlic bread Watching skinny mid-riffs floating by Not understanding what they said
Filled with food and a feast for eyes Wipe the dripping from my chin Unmasked for everyone to see Central to absolutely everything
Make a mental note to self Let no opportunity go to waste Sat amongst the spices of life That I may neither touch nor taste
Washed down with refreshing water There was never any doubt Lunch is meant for rooms like this Fill on up and move on out
Reason
I’m proud of you – confessing my allegiance That’s strange and unreasonable Times past, irrelevant and small
As one gets older – one needs reassurances Not always entirely reasonable In order to go at all
*Re-arrangement of text from Ursula LeGuin’s ‘The Dispossessed’
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my pleasant relaxing weekend away from school. For a weekend of many cold showers to cool down and wipe away the sweat. For the delicious strawberry ice cream and tasty pineapple Amy prepared.
Be on guard, the road widens And many of the detours are seductive Talent is its own set of expectations Try to be a no-one, so instructed
Of multiple exposure melodramas Learn to care and not to care This is where you are not who you are Shaped or broken, remain aware
Learn from those who fail This is your body, they want you to know This is the whirlpool, a friend Your torn blue ankle tells you so
Unconscious exercise becomes a way to escape A long waking dream of pure play On the line, you must call it fair A thousand times and every day
*pilfered and inspired by David Foster Wallace’s ‘Infinite Jest’
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for a relaxing Sunday morning with coffee and a book and then a couple of hours watching football. A little cooler today, thankfully, though still hot. The future is looking bright (if you close your eyes to other things!).
