Poems on this day – 19th September 1988

Noisy Bastard Car

Twin carburettor, chocking fumes
Leather seats and furry wheel
Noisy bastard car consumes
More than you can see or feel
Jeez, I’m exhausted
Where’s my money gone?
Now my go-faster stripes
Have come undone

I Had A Feeling

I had a feeling I was on fire
I had a feeling I was burning alive
I wanted someone to put me out
To have a feeling I could survive

Harold Is A Wanker

Harold Bishop is a wanker
Herman Munster is a dick
Bergerac just isn’t funny
Blue Peter just makes me sick
Harold Bishop, we blame you
Cos we know you’ll take the blame
Why bother to watch another episode
When it really is just the same.

Poems on this day – 18th September 1988

Baby Imitation Doll

Baby’s imitation call
On the electoral roll
Sign on the dotted line
Buy me Newcastle-Upon-Tyne
Intimate imitation
Double sister trouble
Imitate automation
Single silver bubble

One Thing Leads To A Mother

Pleasant evening in the company of a friend
Something’s going to start and it may not end
Because when you lay me on the bed
One thing just enters into my head
And mother told me
One thing leads to another
And daddy told you
Be careful with your lover

Ice Cream Mind

Vanilla manilla
Banana Dalai Lama
Artificial insemination
Ice cream mind invasion
My brains have turned into mint choc chip
In a sea of Rum and Raison I sail my ship

Bank Raid

Bank raid air shelter
Johnny said Beta Delta
Gamma ray lucky number
Odds-on could be longer
Flying start car crash
Should be going splish splash
Chances are it can’t be made
Chances are it can’t be made
Chances are it can’t be made
Bank raid

Don’t Watch Your TV Tonight

Tonight there’s a monster on your TV
Ready to jump through the screen
Spewing forth language so obscene
So don’t watch your TV tonight
They said it was reality
But it looked like insanity
A monstrous thing it had become
I wouldn’t want my daughter to marry one

Clever Rob

Clever Rob was well to do
Had been to all the right schools
Should be wed to the best
Cos he was better than the rest
Picked a girl so sweet
Picked her up off her feet
Picked on cos she was weak
Clever Rob doesn’t have to cheat

Poems on this day – 8th August 1988

The Waitress

The waitress, the one who doesn’t know her cheeses
Just does everything as she pleases
Serves the tea at half past three
Talks to you for the company
Got no friends cos she spilt the tray
Says she doesn’t need the money

Load Of Old

It’s like a jungle
In my mind
It’s a jumble
Hard to find
Talk, don’t mumble
Speaking blind
Just like my uncle
Don’t be unkind
It’s such a muddle

Poems on this day – 4th August 1988

Nurse In Hospital Corridor

Try to ignore the patient’s screams
Try to ignore the patient’s screams
Try to ignore the patient’s screams
Just get on with your job
Just get on with your job
Just get on with your job

Pig’s Liver

Even if it meant I would die
I wouldn’t put a pig’s liver in my body
That’s just Frankenstein
Cos a pig must die for me to stay alive – just ain’t right
Now, what’s for tea tonight?

Dumbfucks

Thursday night – 7pm
Top of the Pops is on again
Number one is sixteen years old
Too stupid to be jealous
Watch the dumbfucks
Singin’
Like A Virgin
Presenters 20 years too late
But it’s OK cos the show is great
After all this thing still sells
And there’s still plenty of people willing to buy
Watch the dumbfucks
Waitin’
For a flash of Kylie’s knickers

Wrestling Maids

Get ahead, get a job
Get off your butt you lazy slob
Plenty of people wrestling maids
Got no job nut got ahead
Lazy slob stays in bed
Plenty of people wrestling maids

Poems on this day – 28th July 1988

Sandcastles

Watch the seas roll and fall
Ancient mariner’s screaming call
Something built that falls apart
Ending something which didn’t start
Today’s sandcastles, tomorrow’s memories

Hooded Justice

Can you compete against crime
Without turning into a criminal?
Can you stand by, all the time
Watching others destroy it all?
Who watches the watchmen?

Turquoise

Colours of your holiday paradise
Beautiful seas that fall and rise
See something that looks real nice
Have it for half the price
Buy it as your Turkish Delight
You know it’s gotta be right
Give someone a nice surprise
You know these Turks are wise

Coincidence

Picked up a bible the other day
Someone just told me a story
Just seemed the same
Had a friend who went away
Said I’ve heard it before
Just another game

Difference

Sometimes the lines are drawn
Between dusk and dawm
Between reality and fantasy
Between truth and lies
Between earth and skies
The difference is
No one cares
And someone cares