Tag: gratitude journal

Bury Me High – 8th April 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Racing to the rooftops
Why is it colder closer to the sun?
All around there’s silence
As if this day had never begun

Shattered constructions bleached
Ghosts tread lightly long forgotten
Every wheel that’s turned
Cycles from beautiful to rotten

All the dragons sleeping
And here the lady forever lies
Buried high on the earth
Reaching toward the skies

That something is difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it.

Rainer Maria Rilke

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for today’s hangover. Reminding me not to waste any more time with alcohol. I didn’t drink a lot and it just put me to sleep and not a good sleep either.

I ended up going to Makro and Big C yesterday and felt in the mood to drink some beer but I just couldn’t decide what while I was there. Everything felt like a waste of money. So I actually just picked up a couple of Snowys at 7/11 on the way home.

I’d filled up at breakfast, so just ate some snacks while drinking the two beers with whiskey chasers and started playing Fallout 4. But the alcohol knocked me about so much that I fell asleep maybe at around 4.30 pm, only waking up when Amy talked to me through the camera and I was surrounded by the cats wanting to eat. This was at 7 pm.

I staggered to the kitchen, video-chatting with Amy and felt like shit, really dizzy and tired. I sat and ate some pomelo, but went to bed about 30 minutes later. I woke up at some point in the night and struggled to get back to sleep but eventually did, with the cats and my alarm waking me after 11 and a half hours of sleep. Kim got to stay out all night and was happily chasing Cap this morning.

My morning was a write-off, and even writing this down is an effort. What a stupid waste of time! I hope to be back on form tomorrow, when I hope to be out most of the day on a long bike ride.

Amy received my flowers today at her work to celebrate our 12-year anniversary tomorrow.

One Day – 6th April 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

Always on the path of most resistance
Never giving up, refusing to play the game
No unexpected award during your existence
Perhaps in death, others will speak your name

28th Apr 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – One Day

Few people sincerely want the truth about the world.

Caitlin Johnstone

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Dutch Mill for making delicious yoghurt milk drinks.

Back at House this morning as I want to go to Central to check on a couple of things. Also need to shop at Makro and Big C on the way home later. The last two days have been great, just jinking around at home. Feels good to be on holiday, though I’ve managed to get Nong Na and Momo doing some writing tasks and also always thinking about next semester classes.

Doing things and gettings done.

Personal Hells – 5th April 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Eyes agog at AMOLED screens of trusting fakes
Ears alert to every chime, bell and whistle
*They spit weird dilatory rants and pithy takes
Or burp up half-digested chunks of newsfeed gristle*

*from That Guy From The Internet’s ‘This is a newsletter’ newsletter. Love these two phrases.

Reason must lead the way no matter what good fortune comes along.

Ryan Holiday, Daily Stoic

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I have managed to survive the last eight days on very little money and especially to Art for allowing me to have daily coffee on credit!

The Last Word – 2nd April 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Power exists in concentrated forms
A small group will always control the norms
The real directors behind the curtain
Your loyalty demanded true and certain

You must serve your master with the purse
Even though this way things turn out worse
Diplomacy gives your masters the glory
Your name erased from the final story

Inspired/paraphrased – Robert Greene
19th Jun 2024 – submitted to Writer’s Workshop Prompts

I don’t have to have an opinion about this. I can just let it be, I can ignore it, I can realise it doesn’t pertain to me, or I can just see it as it is… It doesn’t need me projecting my thoughts or beliefs or perceptions on it.

Ryan Holiday

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to receive my pay cheque yesterday and get to the bank in time. I hope the money clears quickly.

It’s hard to tell what time it is today. The sky, a dull mixture of greys. Woke up ok after only six and a half hours and not feeling like it was 7am. It was cold, or just cool that feels cold to me now. An overnight rain had stopped but left its torpor on the morning.

After cat feeding and readying myself to walk to Utopia, the rain returned, so I grabbed an umbrella and walked off the cold, still in t-shirt and shorts. The rain is cold, constant but not heavy, descending from the high mountain air. Too cold to be pleasurable, not like beach rain or Aussie rain; reminds me of Blighty but this rain lacks the bitterness of English precipitation.
The colour of today is ideal to find the Death and Resurrection Show documentary about Killing Joke, and I watch it in full with an appropriate and enjoyable two-hour nap break, breaking it up. But it leaves me joyless and, as mentioned, unsure of the time and wondering what to do next and I just feel like sleeping more. It feels like this day doesn’t deserve honouring.

These are days to waste watching sport. It’s a perfect evening for drinking whisky but it’s just weird to think about putting it into my body. I need a beer to kick it off but I would also need some more food around to soak up the alcohol and I don’t have the baht, and any enthusiasm is now fading.

Strangers – 1st April 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment 
Are you irresponsible in the darkness?
Shaded in soft golden neon
Does rebellion foment on tarmac curbs?
A target found to all agree on

Hidden in plain view
The many meld into the cosmic one
Mysterious brothers and sisters
Measured in memories soon undone

In dream parties revisited
Eyes locked for a second brief
Know, not knowing
Moments of ecstasy or grief

Soft smiles acknowledged
A metaphorical tip of the hat
Strangers to each other
There's nothing better than that

You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn’t.

David Foster Wallace

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I can watch the Swans game later today.

I should get out in the garden and get on top of the weeds in the hedge. Do it like the grass, just a little at a time. Do it properly like the gardeners did the first time we hired them, sure to impress, and then they never did it again.

Waiting for rain. First it was forecast all weekend, then just today, and now just during the night. Maybe it won’t rain at all, though the sky looks like it wants to.

Not only do I realise I am like my mother in that I’m happy to be alone, just as I saw my mother alone for all my growing life, and I can also see that Bronwyn consumes herself in her work and happily keeps herself alone (as far as I can see); I should not worry about Hayden being alone or having few friends. I don’t know who are his close friends, his real friends and I don’t know his interactions with them. But it’s in his blood anyway. When I see myself on video calls, I see a carbon copy of my mother’s face and mannerisms. I don’t know why I don’t like it. Maybe it’s a failed rebellion.

Up at 7 with no place to be, a weekend day made special by it not being the weekend. I have another 30 or so days like this ahead. After cat feeding and some shoulder mobility exercises, I walked to Utopia, enjoyed two coffees and the company of the shop cat Piti as well as a visiting neighbour’s kitten. They tumbled, rolled, chased and darted around, forcing me to look up from the Amy Winehouse biography I’m reading.

After walking back and showering, I settled into the hammock to watch the Swans be outclassed by the Western Bulldogs and after the high of last week’s win, consider the disappointment of this week’s loss. The Swans never look like they are going to win; even when they were Premiers, every game felt like it could all fall apart at any moment of inspired opposition play.

Have since been fiddling around with playing guitar, reading and eating lunch and wondering how I will occupy the evening. I’m down to my last 400 baht and may not have money in the bank for another three days. I think I will drink a beer when I have that balance back in favour.

I Don’t Care About You – 31st March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The biggest news story in the world
Feels like a stunt for clicks and views
A cynical celebrity advertisement
Where all concerned stand to lose

A slap heard around the world
Is irrelevant to anything we do
Don’t waste time on whats and whys
When all you hear can’t be true

Your lives are as meaningless as mine
We are all just blood and bones
Our status is an illusion we live
Our eternity all spent under stones

My opinions as meaningless as yours
Why bother to waste this breath?
Of many a lesson ever learned
We win no awards with our death

6th Apr 2024 – Submitted to RagTag Daily Prompt

If you are lonely when you are alone, you are in bad company.

Jean Paul Sartre

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Cap comes and gives me head rubs throughout the day. He’s not a lap cat at all so I’ll take what I can get.

A strange mood today but quite contented at least. Have some struggle with memory and concentration as reading inspires thoughts in many directions, though all leading back to the one place. Me. Concerned I may lose the ability to converse, to communicate. As calm, quiet days wash over me, I have little to report. Will I get lost in my mind? Do we all just thrive on being entertained?

It’s with some relief that today is the last day I have to go to school just to sign in. It is a rigid task that imposes its habit on me and I realise I’m grateful. So, without that stimulus, I must find another focus. 7 am, every day. Get up, exercise, meditate. I must do it for my own health. I should walk too, get out. I will fulfil the desire for a long ride but only once I’m paid.

Struggling through the last dwindling baht of this month’s pay. May not be able until next week, as we suffer the lack of technology, being paid by cheque and receiving clearance on the whim of a bank. Some places we win, others we lose.

I’ve rediscovered, as we do each day, that I’m a country boy. Sure, I love the excitement of the city but I feel absorbed into the peace of nature. Soon (this year, 5 years, 10 years?), I must decide what’s next. Time apart from Amy is manageable but I don’t want it to be forever, at least whilst forever may be avoided. She is still in her honeymoon period and hasn’t had to face any test of her resolve. We form new dreams and make new plans accordingly. She is my other half, my better half.

Sit Quietly – 30th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Hold still, slow down all thoughts
Soften eyes and ears
A mind racing around all sports
Bends on one’s fears

Sit quietly, letting contentment in
Soften ears and eyes
Craziness begone, deep breathing begin
Hear the word of the wise

Don’t be a coward. Have the courage to be afraid.

Günter Anders

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have some smart students who make me laugh a lot and bring me great joy when they want to learn.

Getting out of sync with my habits as I’m trying to push out every spare minute of time in the day but pay in the morning by having to sleep a little more. Annoyed this morning that I was in the middle of an awesome (forgotten) dream which I couldn’t get back to. I did force myself to do a little exercise though and feel better for it. Really have to force myself because it’s too easy to do too much sitting, reading and watching TV.

The Sacrificed Citizens – 29th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Once there were rules to the war games
A gentleman’s game of death and glory
Now our principles attend more barbaric aims
And the winners may rewrite the story

No matter what you’ve done up to this point, you better still be a student. If you’re not still learning, you’re already dying.

from Farnam Street blog

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the weird tree/plant that was growing next to our garage. It blew down in the storm last night. It should regrow but will take a couple of years to get as big again.

Another day quickly disappeared. Last night there was a slightly unexpected storm and I discovered this morning it blew down our weird tree thing growing by the garage. It snapped off near the base, so it will probably grow again. I’ll tie it up next time.

The storm left a dampish English grey over today and some temperature relief, though still humid. It feels like the sun never appeared today; a nuclear winter would be torturous for sure. My eyes feel like they are stoned, half open and unable to focus. As I write, the sun glows orange through a gap in the clouds on the horizon, with a few more minutes until it truly disappears. See you tomorrow, buddy. I hope.

Standing In Line With The Dead – 28th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Hangry moon rising, tummy rumble thunder
Blood sugar doldrums, the thought of going under
A credit card expired, what’s there to do?
An angel walks forward coming to the rescue
Crisis averted, silent applause fills mad hearts
Order is restored and the queue soon restarts
Grateful is the world for random kindly acts
When queueing with the dead
– and them’s the facts!

Being a contrarian in the face of bat shit insanity is a good thing.

Caitlin Johnstone

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to see the baby cow dancing and playing in the field opposite.

Planned to sign in and go to 22 Grams but got there and they were closed. Picked up a takeaway at House, which was stellar and did a quick shop at Makro before a second coffee at Utopia where I met Didi, the physio students who also worked at House and Utopia. She told me she took a job in Bangkok and leave on Wednesday.

Back home, vacuumed the house, mopped the bathroom, broke the handle of the mop and did a couple of loads of washing. Freaking tired now but waiting for vegies to roast. Maybe take a snooze this afternoon.

The Hexagrams – 27th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

*Truth, as terrible as death
Yet harder to find*
Is there any proof we exist
Beyond what’s in our mind?
Dark yin and brilliant yang
Blind faith in blind fate
As good as any other man
With enough patience to wait

*from (and inspired by) ‘The Man in The High Castle’ by Philip K Dick

Today, we’re being suffocated by abundance.

Louis Pereira

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to cut the grass in the cooler morning air this morning.

This morning’s wake-up was a struggle but I made it and pushed myself to cut some grass until the petrol ran out. I’m about to go back out again and finish off, now that the sun is on the other side of the sky and due to set in an hour or so.

I didn’t set myself any other tasks and have just been quietly doing this and that, getting things done in the never-ending idea list in my brain.

Amy kept me updated through the night of her Saturday adventures in drinking and dancing, ending up at an Oxford Street gay club and I watched her on video as Runa drove her back to her apartment. And then she is out again today with the girls (May, Muay, and more) and tomorrow again to meet Mam and her kids. Though she isn’t deeply involved with some of these people, I can feel she is happy to meet them in that they have a similar cultural understanding and a concept of the way things are in Sydney. This is something she couldn’t really get with her friends here in Chiang Rai. They don’t understand, or even try to understand, things outside their own cultural context. They want things to be better but don’t know how to work towards it, or are not prepared to put their effort into it.

I’m glad Amy is happy and I hope she stays that way.