Are you irresponsible in the darkness?
Shaded in soft golden neon
Does rebellion foment on tarmac curbs?
A target found to all agree on
Hidden in plain view
The many meld into the cosmic one
Mysterious brothers and sisters
Measured in memories soon undone
In dream parties revisited
Eyes locked for a second brief
Know, not knowing
Moments of ecstasy or grief
Soft smiles acknowledged
A metaphorical tip of the hat
Strangers to each other
There's nothing better than that
You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn’t.
David Foster Wallace
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I can watch the Swans game later today.
I should get out in the garden and get on top of the weeds in the hedge. Do it like the grass, just a little at a time. Do it properly like the gardeners did the first time we hired them, sure to impress, and then they never did it again.
Waiting for rain. First it was forecast all weekend, then just today, and now just during the night. Maybe it won’t rain at all, though the sky looks like it wants to.
Not only do I realise I am like my mother in that I’m happy to be alone, just as I saw my mother alone for all my growing life, and I can also see that Bronwyn consumes herself in her work and happily keeps herself alone (as far as I can see); I should not worry about Hayden being alone or having few friends. I don’t know who are his close friends, his real friends and I don’t know his interactions with them. But it’s in his blood anyway. When I see myself on video calls, I see a carbon copy of my mother’s face and mannerisms. I don’t know why I don’t like it. Maybe it’s a failed rebellion.
Up at 7 with no place to be, a weekend day made special by it not being the weekend. I have another 30 or so days like this ahead. After cat feeding and some shoulder mobility exercises, I walked to Utopia, enjoyed two coffees and the company of the shop cat Piti as well as a visiting neighbour’s kitten. They tumbled, rolled, chased and darted around, forcing me to look up from the Amy Winehouse biography I’m reading.
After walking back and showering, I settled into the hammock to watch the Swans be outclassed by the Western Bulldogs and after the high of last week’s win, consider the disappointment of this week’s loss. The Swans never look like they are going to win; even when they were Premiers, every game felt like it could all fall apart at any moment of inspired opposition play.
Have since been fiddling around with playing guitar, reading and eating lunch and wondering how I will occupy the evening. I’m down to my last 400 baht and may not have money in the bank for another three days. I think I will drink a beer when I have that balance back in favour.
