Tag: poem

Standing In Line With The Dead – 28th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Hangry moon rising, tummy rumble thunder
Blood sugar doldrums, the thought of going under
A credit card expired, what’s there to do?
An angel walks forward coming to the rescue
Crisis averted, silent applause fills mad hearts
Order is restored and the queue soon restarts
Grateful is the world for random kindly acts
When queueing with the dead
– and them’s the facts!

Being a contrarian in the face of bat shit insanity is a good thing.

Caitlin Johnstone

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to see the baby cow dancing and playing in the field opposite.

Planned to sign in and go to 22 Grams but got there and they were closed. Picked up a takeaway at House, which was stellar and did a quick shop at Makro before a second coffee at Utopia where I met Didi, the physio students who also worked at House and Utopia. She told me she took a job in Bangkok and leave on Wednesday.

Back home, vacuumed the house, mopped the bathroom, broke the handle of the mop and did a couple of loads of washing. Freaking tired now but waiting for vegies to roast. Maybe take a snooze this afternoon.

The Hexagrams – 27th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

*Truth, as terrible as death
Yet harder to find*
Is there any proof we exist
Beyond what’s in our mind?
Dark yin and brilliant yang
Blind faith in blind fate
As good as any other man
With enough patience to wait

*from (and inspired by) ‘The Man in The High Castle’ by Philip K Dick

Today, we’re being suffocated by abundance.

Louis Pereira

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to cut the grass in the cooler morning air this morning.

This morning’s wake-up was a struggle but I made it and pushed myself to cut some grass until the petrol ran out. I’m about to go back out again and finish off, now that the sun is on the other side of the sky and due to set in an hour or so.

I didn’t set myself any other tasks and have just been quietly doing this and that, getting things done in the never-ending idea list in my brain.

Amy kept me updated through the night of her Saturday adventures in drinking and dancing, ending up at an Oxford Street gay club and I watched her on video as Runa drove her back to her apartment. And then she is out again today with the girls (May, Muay, and more) and tomorrow again to meet Mam and her kids. Though she isn’t deeply involved with some of these people, I can feel she is happy to meet them in that they have a similar cultural understanding and a concept of the way things are in Sydney. This is something she couldn’t really get with her friends here in Chiang Rai. They don’t understand, or even try to understand, things outside their own cultural context. They want things to be better but don’t know how to work towards it, or are not prepared to put their effort into it.

I’m glad Amy is happy and I hope she stays that way.

I Found What I Was Looking For – 26th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Are you too, still searching
Looking to bring love to you?
All the honey-kissed lips
And healing fingertips
Those dreams never came true

I struggled and questioned
Unsure of each step taken
Then I realised
One day surprised
From my dreams, I am awaken

My search now over
And my advice pro bono
Trust in your yearning
Never stop learning
Until you know what you don’t know

Something put that damn U2 song in my head so I started playing with some of its words, and made one up to fit. The limerick was accidental and appropriate.

The only external reality that matters is the misery of the human condition.

John Calder, The Philosophy of Samuel Beckett

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my younger self for at least keeping some diaries. I was never fastidious about it but it’s amazing to look back at what I was doing and thinking.

Today is moving deliciously slowly. I feel very contented. I forced myself up at seven and after feeding the cats put on my trainers and walked up to and around the back of the uni. 10,000 steps all done by 8.30am and I earned myself a blister and a hole in the sock on my left foot.

A couple of Utopia coffees and a few more pages read, I settled in for a fantastic couple of hours watching Sydney beat Geelong and Buddy getting his 1000th goal. Awesome.

Kim came for cuddles and is now lying close by, muscles twitching in her sleep. Talked with Amy a lot. She is very happy after a night out with her new friend Peter (who wishes he was more than a friend but I think Amy can keep him under control). She’s also getting close to her Brazilian roommate, Claudia, who also has a strong independent streak. So she is meeting good people and having a good time.

I am here and quietly contented too. Looking back at old diary entries, it seems to me that this is what I had been looking for, so no wonder I am happy. Of course, Amy and I miss each other and almost everyone she talks to doesn’t understand how we can be apart the way that we are, but it doesn’t really feel that we are that far apart.

I can see that about twenty years ago I was way too wrapped up inside my head and whilst I can still get like that, I have been able to get it under control with much more success recently.

Greene On Keats – 25th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This constant need for certainty
Is the greatest disease you may face
Creative power comes from negative capability
Mysteries are to endure and even embrace

Paraphrased, but almost word for word, Robert Greene talking about Keats.

The need for certainty is the greatest disease the mind faces.

Robert Greene

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for Art to go book shopping in Chiang Mai for me and get me five music-related books. I’ll keep them at Utopia.

Another groundhog day, back here at 22 Grams, though maybe Dylan will drop by this morning. I got some things done that I wanted to yesterday and figuring out more things for classes next semester. My morning workouts really got my body feeling good but then I seem to be sitting for most of the rest of the time. I think I’ll do some more walking on the weekend.

Walk It – 24th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Go for a walk, clear out the cobwebs
Dust off those shoes, double up on socks
Blow away at the clouds of fog
Surrounding this bridge of your mental blocks

Take in the scene, breathe deep the air
Fill in those lungs with deep gulps of joy
Think about nothing, dream bigger dreams
Walk it all out, oh boy oh boy!

24th Mar 2023 – I seem to remember enjoying going for walks with Bruno, getting all dusty yet invigorated. These polluted days are not the best though. Come on rainy season! Getting Covid in July really set me back with walking and exercise though.

We live on an island surrounded by a sea of ignorance. As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of ignorance.

John Archibald Wheeler

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my old tired body, still growing and learning new things.

Spent a lot of yesterday running around at the hospital, to see if they can do anything to help with the pain in my foot I had low expectations and they were met. It seems if I want to get it sorted again I’ll have to do it in Australia. Still, I gave it a go here and at least they didn’t find anything worse with my X-ray and blood tests. I got in some reading and TV and all in all it was a pleasant day as I’m hoping today will be too.

I’m at 22 Grams and want to get a couple of things done before going back home.

The Week That Was – 13th May 1979

Other World – 23rd March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Grass still green, succoured by recent rain
Sprouting from the dusty clay
Freshly unfurled frangipanis
Bursting brilliant, reflecting sunlight under your chin
The silent hills, jungle-covered green and khaki
Teems with little lives unseen
Sun smothers, bleaching the air white
The living and the inanimate
Thirsting for the next sunset
In the starlit night
Your body wears a shirt of humid air
Breathe deep the day gone
As fireflies pulsating dance
Attracts the eyes of confused dogs

Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalising animal.

Robert Heinlein

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that we finally got some rain overnight. Temperature is better and my garden can enjoy the water.

A Cola – 22nd March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A life born of consumption
My guts bubble in excitement
My body has these nightmares
Of a past now forgotten
Perhaps returned and crushed
Repurposed and reused
When you look inside
I’ll pop bubbles on your nose
Soon my existence will be elsewhere
As another form of recycling
No more thoughts

Inspired by the ‘Everything Is Alive‘ podcast. Won’t someone please think of the cola!?

Unlucky is the man who is born with great expectations and who finds nothing in life quite up to the mark.

John Burroughts

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Amy’s mum who cares and does little bits and pieces around the garden.

Well, yesterday disappeared quickly, was enjoyable though uneventful. I played guitar for a while after two days of skipping it and managed to nail a couple of parts I was struggling with before. I’ve managed to control my upset when I don’t get it right and can go again and again.

I contacted Champ to find out what we’re supposed to be doing these last couple of weeks and he told me the schedule was done for next semester so we can start planning and he also confirmed that I would be staying. A new challenge though, will be more classes with 2/6 and 2/7, both classes with around 35 students. I won’t get to see my smaller classes as much – only 2 hours a week each and I told 3/9 and a couple of them were quite upset that I won’t be teaching them much – which is reaffirming for me. I hope that their new teachers challenge them as much as I did.

Baitoey contacted me, she said that she was sad because now she will have no one to talk to. I reassured her as much as I could and also talked with Boss again a little. They both have problems at home, which is frustrating to see and desperate for them.

Since seeing the schedule I’ve been thinking about what I want to teach. I think the M2 classes I’ll carry on what I started with them in M1, adding in a little more variety. For M3 (grade 9), I’m thinking about doing some lessons about inspiring people/young people. I’ll see what I can find.

Memorial – 21st March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

We remember you in your brief outing
Though not so many kind words were spoke
But your existence did give others context
As we remember the words of this dead joke

Inspired by the story of a stool, Adam, on which sit comedians in a comedy club. The stool ponders the death of a joke onstage. From the fun ‘Everything Is Alive‘ podcast.

If we only wanted to be happy, it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, and that is almost always difficult, since we think them happier than they are.

Baron de Montesquieu

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that the strawberry sellers were still there yesterday. I got two big bags for 40 baht.

I enjoyed a lazy day yesterday and skipped most of the things I normally do. I did start out well, though, and cut all the grass under the trees and stopped when the petrol ran out. Enjoyed a couple of coffees at Utopia and then relaxed until lunch time, watching the Swans first game of the AFL season against GWS, and that was a very enjoyable win.

Sport is a funny thing. I think, as a man, I can admire the players’ skills and energy, wishing it was something that I could actually do in other life circumstances. Playing AFL at school would’ve been cool, though, as with my school soccer career, I don’t think I would have actually been as good as I thought I was. AFL is such a great game though. I can still recall watching it and not understanding it at all and a little of that nostalgic lack has gone now that I can discern the overall picture of the game. I still try to tap that naive feeling when I can, though.

After lunch I kicked back with YouTube and Netflix until the day was gone, feeling somewhat tired and unenthusiastic. I caught up on some email reading this morning and considered one that restated what many email/blogs etc I read discuss. It was about ways to be happy and it occurs to me that whilst these are good reminders from time to time, we might actually be happy already and yet somehow trick ourselves into thinking we can be even happier. When does the realisation come and we can stop trying? Nothing is ever perfect and when it is, we don’t actually want it to be. I don’t think there are many people who are truly contented. But I am trying to tell myself that that is what I am, even though my brain juice decides to fuck me up now and then.

The Week That Was – 6th May 1979

View From The Hammock – 20th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A crazy bird is crying
Looking for a mate
Lizards discuss the rain
Three cats carefully sniff the cactus
Before settling to sleep again
Ant armies on an unknown mission
Disappear into the cracks
Dogs roll around uncontrollably
As if scratching an impossible itch
In the middle of their backs
Midges, gnats, flies, wasps
Bees and hornets too
Doing battle for the tastiest meal
Pollen descends to rest on my stomach
As I swing back and forth
Hoping for a breeze to feel
Slung between two tall trees
I’m hung on this piece of cloth
I am the outsider, here as observer
And today, it’s enough

It’s human; we all put self interest first.

Euripedes

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to watch the AFL games again this year. The sport is still played and technology allows me to watch it.

Curse Of The Critic – 19th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Cursing the stupidity of man—
what good will that do?
Criticising all you can
is purely a criticism of you.

Perhaps if you know you are insane then you are not insane.

Baynes, The Man In The High Castle by Philip K Dick

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful Cap and Kim are both in reasonable health after having blood tests today.

A nice, deep sleep until around 6am, my weekday wake-up time, and Tigger started talking until he threw up a hareball.

Got a little extra sleep in before my alarm at 7:20, but had the weekend lethargy and skipped any workout, which all the cats were happy about.

After Utopia coffees, I packed up Cap and Kim, who both cried all the way to the vet, where they were given clean(ish) bills of health. Cap has to go back in six months, just to check one thing, just in case it becomes a bigger problem.

I met Swiss Kevin at the vet, who was bringing his dog in for a haircut. A lovely, long-haired, husky mix, a big-sized youngster with lots of energy and personality.

Happy just to be puttering about at home the rest of the day, thinking I’ll get up at 7:20 tomorrow, and instead of any workout, I’ll just get to cutting the rest of the grass after feeding the cats, and before it gets too hot.

Then I’ll shower and coffee before coming back to watch the Swans’ first game of the new season, watching on replay, and hoping I can avoid finding out the score before that!