This word I give myself I gift to you The label on the package I’ve told as true Has captured the infinite To be contained Now nought but a thought Easily explained
A paraphrasing of this quote
As soon as you believe that a label you’ve put on yourself is true, you’ve limited something that is literally limitless, you’ve limited who you are into nothing but a thought.
The bow is taut, passion tight Get a shot off! Get a shot off! Where will the passion land? A strategic misdirection
Waiting for sweet release All possibilities in existence A strategic misdirection The essence of a passion tight
Before the shot goes off A strategic misdirection Watch your head! Mind your head! Anticipated release
A strategic misdirection Whilst the bow is taut Get a shot off! Watch it fire! Ready your art for war
Spun out from this quote “When the bow is taut it hasn’t been shot yet but the power is there and you can shoot the bow in many different directions, that is the essence of strategy.” which I probably read at The Stoa newsletter.
Like a skimming stone searching for the shore Scared of immersion, drowning in life’s maw Turn and face it, walk towards this escape Where magic is revealed ready to take shape
Attention paid to break the challenge’s grip Unveils the awe-inspiring depth of this trip Suffering settles deeper in a comfy bed Yet rising shapes the world wonderful instead
Based on a quote by psychiatrist and author, Anna Lembke, on facing life’s challenges head-on.
Listening (Homage to Grandfather series) by Daphne Odjig
My heart still speaks kindness after everything my eyes have witnessed, echo this compassion to your generation.
Your blood is in my blood, this same blood lived in the rivers of your ancestors’ hearts. “Grandson remain strong, this life is just a dream.”
Gianni Crow
Grandfather, I will try, yet I can’t help wanting to wake up from this dream, my angry blood washing the coasts.
Shall I pull a kindness spirit from my skin, to kindle a flame for our family to share, after everything my eyes have witnessed?
Grandfather guide me, with the compassion shared through our generations, the pull of the river drags at my feet.
Shall I sheaf the knife of revenge, the blood spilt, a burden for my own family, to break this cycle that is second nature?
Grandfather, with great strength I have listened to the tales too terrible and whispered around the fire of too many ghosts.
Shall I calm the fires of desire, douse the light, whilst holding on to the flames of culture, to consider these words for my children?
Grandfather, now I understand the dream as I beheld the eyes of my grandchildren, newborn at night and the eyes of the celestials looked back
I shall commune with The Great Fisher when summer is born again and pass on your compassion “Grandson remain strong, this life is just a dream.”
I’m mixing Native American ideas in this poem, and I probably show a lack of understanding of different myths and stories. I was initially pulled in by the quoted lines of Gianni Crow.
Then, looking through different myths, I found the story of the titular Great Fisher – Gotchi Odjig and then, looking for related art to accompany this piece, discovered Daphne Odjig’s fascinating work. The attached piece is suitably titled ‘Listening (Homage to Grandfather series)’. Daphne Odjig’s prints are available here at the Bearclaw Gallery.
People will demand freedom of speech as compensation For the freedom of their thought that remains in suspension
Disparity between desire for outward expression And the actual practice of inner contemplation
A little poem based on the Soren Kierkegaard quote “People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.”
Today I’m feeling:
Good again, even waking before my 7.30 alarm despite going to sleep well past midnight.
As I have to take Amy to the airport this afternoon, I know that I won’t succumb to an afternoon nap, which is good.
Amy goes to Pusan with her mum, dad, auntie and friend and she has already been frustrated with organising this trip, which she initially just intended to be her and her mum. I asked her yesterday if she was excited but she is mentally preparing for more frustration!
It did trigger me to investigate the possibility of going to Nanning for a few days in April, so I asked Ellen for some ideas on what to do there. I figure that it might be a way of easing Amy into the idea of travelling more in China.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
For our washing machine and the sunshine today, meaning that tonight I sleep in fresh, clean sheets again. I’ve been waiting for this for a few weeks already!
The best thing about today was:
Getting some more guitar playing in again and slowly making improvements. I go through cycles and at the moment I’m playing more guitar than I am reading, possibly helped by the fact that I’m constantly going to my room to kick off downloads of comics I’m interested in – so I guess there’s still a connection.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I very gently sent a message to Nancy at TLC asking why David and I are still getting all the junior high school classes again this semester. I know the answer but I’m suggesting to her that perhaps it is not quite fairly distributed among the three available teachers.
She replied that she will talk with Kru Tang about it. That made me chuckle a bit, as it seems Kru Tang is unaware of the reason it is not fairly distributed.
I’m stirring things a little bit and would like things to be more fair and it would also make the school happier that they don’t have to cater to one particular teacher’s selfish requirements.
I wonder what will happen next…
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I pointed out a huge cockroach to Safe while I was sitting reading in Utopia. Luckily, no one else was around at the time and the roach gave Safe a good chase and I think even got away, back outside via the door.
*What does it profit a man that he gains The whole world but loses his own soul?* Holding on to the fantasy never explains What happens when he reaches the goal
To the manor born where his shit don’t stink He’s forever drunk on the power *The honey is not as sweet as people think And the milk’s gone fucking sour*
The empire imagined now rank and rotten The cancer manifests within Like everything ever, it’s all soon forgotten Until the next man chooses to begin
Inspired by the two quotes* from Terence Trent D’Arby that I read in Charles Shaar Murray’s Shots From The Hip. I hated D’Arby’s music but it seems he wasn’t a bad guy.
Today I’m feeling:
Fairly reasonable and relaxed. I didn’t drink too much in the end last night, so I don’t have any hangover but I’m also not exactly full of energy either!
Amy is finally up and hopefully we can get some hearty breakfast and decent coffee and prepare for the drive home.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
My own smelly bed again. I love travelling, and I love my home.
The best thing about today was:
Driving back from Chiang Mai, I ate a CBD gummy and while I didn’t really notice any effects, I did really enjoy listening to music on my old iPod while Amy slept a lot of the way.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
After going to a few different bars last night, Nong May wanted to take Amy to a place called Warm Up. Amy was a little reticent as it was the place that she used to go to as a uni student more than 20 years ago, but Nong May said that it had changed a lot.
When we arrived, May’s friend Namfon met us and even though it was midnight on a Sunday, the place was heaving with people, both young and old.
I had had enough by now, though and didn’t feel like drinking anymore, so I left them to it and went back to the hotel. I knew it was going to be trouble when a full bottle of vodka appeared in front of us and Amy was already a few sheets to the wind.
I left the keycard with Amy and asked the hotel staff to give me another but then struggled a bit to get to sleep.
Sometime later, I woke with a start to two loud bangs at the door and there was Amy. Either the keycard didn’t work because there was already one in use in the room or she couldn’t find hers.
Amy stumbled around a bit, getting ready to get into bed but just as she was about to, she fell on the floor in the dark and I heard a thump on the bedside table. I jumped up, scared that she had hit her head on the corner of the table but thankfully, she hadn’t and I got her into bed and finally to sleep.
With all this drama, I was now awake again and checked to make sure Amy was still breathing. It took me a while to get back to sleep again at what must’ve now been about 4 am.
I woke up at 8.30 and when Amy stirred a little, she mumbled, ‘How did I get here?’ not remembering anything from a few hours earlier.
Something I learned today?
Last night, Amy met one of her students whom she taught twenty years ago and who is now a successful restaurateur. He was so happy to see her again and said that part of his success was because of her.
This kind of reaction is what I hope to inspire in my students and that in ten or fifteen years’ time they might say the same things to me.
It was especially poignant after yesterday’s birthday messages from my students, some of whom said I was the best teacher.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I took care of crazy, hungover Amy.
I took this picture in the lobby at the Mercure Hotel because it looked like an interesting design where I was sitting and its intricacies only revealed themselves when I got closer.
I was part of a story that I didn’t understand From glacial mountaintops, the water ran to the sea Among green valleys, men farmed and planned And one day a place was made for me
I saw fun and fire as we flew our kites high We dug at the soil to see what we’d find There was a balance we kept as time went by That ensured the longevity of all animal-kind
We remained assured we knew what we were doing But our values changed that we gave to our space Eventually, realising that there was trouble brewing And we’d no longer be welcome in this place
By the time I understood my part in the story It was too late to make changes of worth But the rocks remain in their lonely glory And all humankind returned to the earth
Today I’m feeling:
A little lazy and relaxed. With nothing much to do this morning, we dozed and lazed until Amy decided she wanted to get out. So we’re off to a cafe for a couple of hours before coming back to get ready for the wedding this afternoon.
Today I’m grateful for:
The old lady staff at the cafe who rode a motorbike a fair few kilometres to get a taxi to come and pick us up. We gave her a bit of extra cash.
The best thing about today was:
The coffee at Little Tree Cafe was awesome, which was a bit of a surprise. Beautiful surroundings, must be a very rich owner, tons of staff and quite a few customers. I guess people want to get away from the city.
We accidentally got dropped off at a house next door to the cafe where the huge room was covered in antique furniture and the lady owner was lounging around listening to jazz. She wasn’t phased that we were looking for the cafe. What a life.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
This cafe we came to is out in the jungle and now no taxi wants to come and pick us up! Waiting
Something I learned today?
Today is Baipad’s sister’s birthday. She’s 9. I think Baipad is a little bothered by how much more affection her sister gets than her.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Was it good or vile that I left Amy with a few of the wedding guests at a bar opposite the venue? Nong Mai dropped me back to the hotel and said she would look after Amy.
Amy wanted to go off somewhere to carry on but Nong Mai convinced her not to, thankfully.
Quote
“Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment. ”
— Robert Benchley
I took this picture because Amy was impressed with the cafe and this room in particular.
Though I am I used to be Never felt strange But do agree
a simple man a different me accepting change that I must be
Today I’m feeling:
Tired but happy and positive. I got another couple of lessons completed this morning and happy with how they turned out. I’d hoped to get to Daytripper to do more but after a quick shop, I got home all sweaty and jumped into the shower and didn’t feel like putting clothes on to venture outside again.
Today I’m grateful for:
The lack of traffic in the morning meant I didn’t need to rush too much to clock in at school.
The best thing about today was:
See the attached picture.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I gave in to nap time though I think it was only for about forty minutes. I listened to the Jazzcore podcast so it was a pretty wild aural assault into my dreams. I woke up drooling.
Something I learned today?
Funfai messaged me to say she saw me at school this morning and when I asked her why she was there she said she was playing tennis again. She said she will go again on Friday so I will pack some clothes and perhaps have a chance to have a hit with her too.
What are my top priorities for the day?
Now I’m at the end of the day but I know the main priority was having organised to meet my old students and treat them to lunch. As they were also Bruno’s old students I thought it would be a nice surprise for all of them to catch up. I wasn’t sure if it was going to be difficult for the kids and if they would flake out but they made it and also in good time.
Quote: Humility cannot exist without love, and love cannot exist without humility – Saint Theresa of Avila
I always subscribed to the notion that you must love yourself before you can let be anyone else (though it took me about 40 years to actually put it into practice). Once you’ve understood how to love yourself you learn to put others first and you no longer need to seek their approval or play any kind of game with them. You can be humble before them.
Nut took this picture because I had planned a surprise for Bruno and our old students, Porpieng, Momo and Baitong to catch up together today. It’s been six months since I saw Popo and BT as they switched schools and I rarely see Momo as she switched to the Japanese program. For Bruno, he hasn’t seen them for more than five years! I’d tried organising them meeting a few times before but it never worked out. I think everyone was happily surprised to see each other again.
Sometimes we play like children Before we remember who we are No more skipping along the road Or taking a joke too far Why blush embarrassed at the fun Of pretending to shoot an imaginary gun?
Now the world is our playground We’ve forgotten exactly how to play Life suddenly got so serious And we let it get in our way We removed ourselves from our dreams Made them into our children’s themes
Positive and energetic with any underlying feeling of tiredness just from exercise. Is it ironic that I’m feeling the best I have felt in a long time whilst Amy’s family is all struggling with their health and the stress that goes along with it?
Today I’m grateful for:
Finding a parking space outside the 7/11 next to the hospital as I had to go and wait with Amy’s dad whilst Amy’s mum went to grab some food and move her car. I bought a protein drink there to keep me going as I’m not sure when I’ll get home. I’m hungry after a long day.
The best thing about today was:
For my last class of the day, I gave the students a difficult listening and spelling test. I sat them apart and told them they couldn’t speak to each other. They had forty words to listen to and then spell. What made me happy was that all the students took it seriously and the ones who hadn’t been paying attention were being found out.
This was the real goal of the lesson. I don’t much care about the results of the test.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I knew that I would have to take Leo (Amy’s dad’s dog) for a walk after work and had built that into my thought schedule for the day, knowing that I would be tired as this is my busiest day of the week. During the morning I got a message from Amy that I was also needed after that at the hospital to relieve Amy’s mum for a while. Whilst not that unexpected it meant readjusting my mindset that now I wasn’t even sure when I might get home and to eat. Again, I submitted myself and got my mind straight about it. No point in being upset.
Something I learned today?
I learned the reason why China had to develop its own GPS system. In the mid-90s the USA declared a Chinese ship was delivering chemical agents for weaponisation to Iran, without any evidence at all. The USA forced the ship to stay at sea and demanded other countries refuse to let the ship dock. The Chinese offered for independent assessors to come and check the ship but the USA refused! Then they switched off GPS for the ship to use so the captain didn’t know where they were going. After 20 days the crew ran out of food and water until finally supplies were sent from one of the Gulf countries and it was allowed to dock. When the contents of the ship were checked it was all harmless as the Chinese had said. The issue of the USA’s ability to turn off GPS and later banning China from using the suddenly ill-named International Space Station pushed China to forge its own path ahead.
What are some of my strengths?
Patience, determination (when I care), perseverance, easy-going attitude.
At least that’s how see myself. I wonder what others might think my strengths are?
How do I find peace?
I think I found it by travelling a long way and forfeiting a lot of the things that previously brought me pleasure in a less peaceful world (big city rat race office job).
Making life a little less complex and being in an environment with fewer choices has made me more peaceful. If I had done this 10 or 20 years ago I think I would have felt more restless but right now it’s perfect.
Quote: Happiness is a virtue, not its reward – Baruch Spinoza
I didn’t understand this on first reading so shoved it into ChatGPT asking it to be explained to a twelve-year-old. Then I could make sense of it.
The point of this statement seems to fall into place with time and practice. I can recall times when I knowingly did good things for some vague notion of brownie points. Maybe by repeatedly doing things like that, I learned the habit of doing good things and in time my reasons for doing them became less contrived. I have become happier over time as I’ve matured.
I don’t believe in karma as such, in that I don’t believe that if I do something good then something good will happen to me, but that if I do something good it just makes me feel better. My karma is internalised rather than hoping for some kind of reciprocal external reward.
I took this picture because this was the result of trying to get excitable Leo onto his leash!
Remember when then was now? You couldn’t wait to get to here And now you’re here, your desire is for then again As the past became more clear
Today I’m feeling:
Less achy than yesterday but also slightly more tired. I did do 100 jumping jacks to try and undo an aching lower back. It kinda worked but need to stretch it some more. Yesterday I didn’t read the book I planned, opting for comics instead. I also didn’t play guitar. Lazy. Today I had planned to go and visit Matt but don’t think I’ll make it. Lazy. My motivational drive is all over the place.
By the time the long lazy day had passed (still too quickly), I got a sudden burst of lesson planning on and now my mind is whirling with ideas for classes when I should be winding down and preparing to sleep.
Today I’m grateful for:
The bananas that Amy’s mum gave me last week. I’ll finish off the last two tomorrow.
The best thing about today was:
Just going at my own pace and waiting for drives to come. It still didn’t come for playing guitar today unfortunately and I think it is because my lower back is sore and sitting and playing guitar compounds it. I’ve also felt a little disillusioned with listening to music but that’s mainly because I want to read and find that difficult when there is music on. Lesson planning I can do at the same time though and when the music started I loved it and wondered why I was holding off. I need to listen to more music more intentionally again.
Something I learned today?
I was looking for something that I watched today to jog my memory about something I learned today. I went back to a classroom management video and from there ended up in the YouTube rabbit hole. I learned about one strategy that may be worth a try with my grade 7 students next semester, though would have been better at the beginning of the year. I had a plan before the start of the year but then forgot all about implementing it!
Quote: Learn to be indifferent to what makes no difference – Marcus Aurelius.
This quote can also tie in with the legacy question today. No matter what you might wish for with what you try to influence, it is out of your control. Trying to keep others in your control is to punish them with your ego.
I am constantly learning about the things in my control and becoming indifferent to what is outside. It is a practice that will never be perfected but must be continued.
This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try to make a difference in the world ourselves but it is up to other people whether they get anything out of it.
What is my legacy?
I think I’m not that egotistical to expect to have any real legacy. I know that I have had some influence over various people’s lives and hopefully inspired others from time to time. Sometimes that was my purpose but mostly I was doing things just for my own pleasure.
After a generation or two, I don’t expect anyone to repeat my name but I’m still satisfied with everything I do and have done.
I took this picture because it sums up the day. Soon after this, a dark storm stuck around for the whole afternoon bringing the night sooner than expected.
1994ever 