Standing here amongst the detritus This is certainly a lived-in room The treaties of the past are scattered Across a floor that’s never seen a broom
There’s an unused TV in the corner Hoping the remote will be found one day Tho’ full of dust, it’s fuller with love A satisfying sty in which to laugh and play
inspired by the memory of living in Mick’s house – more detail here
Today I’m feeling:
Tired but relaxed. Amy stayed at her parent’s last night and much of today and after coffee, hanging out washing and shampooing Tigger I slowly watched the day disappear reading, watching TV and not much else.
Today I’m grateful for:
The discounted milk protein drinks at the Lotus store – three for the price of two.
The best thing about today was:
Finishing reading Wuthering Heights, which I enjoyed much more than I expected. I love finishing one book because it means I can start another!
I also started reading China Underground at Utopia, the first two stories of which reminded me a lot of my time meeting people in China and to realise how much the world, and I, have changed since.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
There is some family drama going on that I have absolutely no control over and so the best I can do is to comfort Amy and help her with figuring out the best way forward.
It’s a frustrating situation that goes deep into Thai culture and societal norms that involve blind acceptance of the patriarchy.
Whilst I knew about this, it is uncomfortably close to home this time. It is also making me feel even more for the female students that I teach and wonder what of their future.
Something I learned today?
Our avocado tree is infested with giant hairy worms that are eating their way through the leaves. I have to warn Amy to stay away from there as she will surely be allergic to their hairs.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I fist-bumped the staff at Utopia and the girl customer whom I have seen there a few times before and smiled and acknowledged most everyone else who came in whilst I was there reading and drinking my coffee.
Apart from that I didn’t have much interaction with anyone else today, even online.
I took this picture because these little fucks are difficult to see on the tree. There are five visible here and 100s more out of focus.
A little tired but in a good mood. I’ve been waking up before my alarm quite often which is a little annoying as I know I’m not getting quite enough good sleep. This morning as I was dozing and waiting for my alarm to go off I wondered if it was because I was excited to exercise. That was quite an interesting thought for me.
I moved on to Intermediate leg exercises this morning and got through it pretty easily. I don’t think I can move up to Intermediate arm exercises yet though. I still don’t have the strength in my back, shoulders and arms yet and I’m still waiting for my right shoulder to fully recover before getting back into even the Basic exercises that I normally do.
Today I’m grateful for:
All the drivers that let me cut into their queues so that I could get to work a little quicker this morning (actually every work morning!). Traffic is getting busier and busier along the bypass now and the dumb traffic light systems they have in place frustrate everybody.
Anyway, I will let people in when I am in a similar situation and see other folks being in a hurry.
The best thing about today was:
Getting paid! But now I have to be really careful with the reduced payment again this month.
Can I stick to no more than two coffees a day and nix the third that I have every other day or so? Buy less snacks, no candy for the kids, no meat sticks for the pups….?
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As soon as I got paid I settled my account with Gui at House. That was just over 1000 baht! Gah!
He has offered to let me pay once a week before but I told him I didn’t want to do that because I can fool myself by only paying 130 baht a day, convinced that that amount is acceptable. But seeing 1000 baht a week…..that I can’t rationalise!
Something I learned today?
Today was Baitoey’s birthday. I only taught her a little bit last year and she was quite quiet in class but she is always friendly and playful with me since then. I gave her 5 baht as a gift because that was the only money I had in my wallet! My last 5 baht!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
My old student Noah was complaining about T. David this morning and then in the afternoon, after they had a class together T. David complained about Noah and her attitude. So I thought I would message her and see what the story was.
She said she has given up in his class because he goes too fast and she doesn’t understand. When she told me that other students do understand I encouraged her to ask them for help (though I know she has struggled to make good friends in this class). I told her not to give up and that I will help encourage her as much as I can.
Kru Ning talked to me a little after our classes about some of the grade 7 students we share as they sometimes don’t show up to her class, or do little or nothing whilst there. I confirmed that they were a little difficult to get motivated and gave her my suggestions though I struggle with them too.
It was nice to actually have a Thai teacher ask my opinion, or for my help, with our students. I guess usually they don’t because perhaps they don’t want to admit that they are in that situation or admit that perhaps a foreigner might have another angle or useful idea.
I took this picture because when I got home I found a package from Ryu in Tokyo with his Stacked State CDs and t-shirt plus his solo CDs. I will listen to them tomorrow. A weekend of furious fastcore.
There’s no more debating The words that you’re stating Broke down my defence Pushed me off the fence There’s no more however I’ll live this truth forever No more other hand A line in the sand Fighting the good fight Confirming I am right
Having said that though No! Tell me it ain’t so!
Today I’m feeling:
Positive and happy though also a little saddened at some circumstances that arose last night when Amy’s brother and girlfriend came to visit. Things are happening in the family space that are a little upsetting for Amy and she is quite bothered by them. It feels like another thing to push her away from Thailand unfortunately.
Today I’m grateful for:
Funfai again as this morning she presented me with a big bag of almonds.
One of her quirks tickles me in that when she doesn’t know the answer to a question she says ‘I don’t know’. This may not sound odd when written down but it is sometimes quite difficult to get people here to admit that they don’t know something. Often they will just give some bullshit answer.
I’m glad Funfair happily admits not knowing things though. To me, that shows a desire to learn, or an acceptance that it is ok not to know everything.
The best thing about today was:
Teaching this extra (grade 10) class. I found out in the morning it is a pretty good class including many of my old students so it was good to have some familiar faces there because that made me feel comfortable, which in turn made the other students comfortable too.
I’d put together a quick reading and writing lesson in the morning and wondered if we would have enough time to do it but they pretty much breezed through it and were happy to be corrected on pronunciation. It’s a stark contrast to my grade 7 class in the morning which was like herding cats as usual. I enjoyed both classes in different ways.
I’m quite happy to have taken on this extra class despite it meaning extra work for me.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I still didn’t get paid yet and had to beg money off Amy to put petrol in the car. I’m down to 61 baht in the bank and 40 baht in my wallet. I’m taking this as an opportunity to be frugal and make do with what I already have. Except coffee. That is on credit, thankfully, though I hate doing it.
Something I learned today?
In Switzerland, it’s illegal to own just one guinea pig because they’re social beings and get lonely.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
This morning Paen messaged me asking if she could come and join my class with the grade 7s. The reason being that she is developing a friendship with Praew and wants to see if she will be her girlfriend.
As I didn’t really have much planned for the class except some Quizizz and as I’d like to help Paen make a new friend or girlfriend I allowed her to come and sit and help a little too.
Both Praew and Paen were happy to have this chance to be together. Paen has struggled with friendships with her peers so I’m hopeful that making friends with a younger girl could work out for her.
Are you a doer, a maker or a leader?
Out of these three choices, I reckon I’m a doer. I’ve always been an advocate for doing something, anything and I still follow that line of thinking.
My doing recently involves the challenge of presenting a poem every day. I’m not sure how long I have been doing it now, maybe it’s two years already.
Also, trying to go back and add information to this blog about the past is a monumental and endless task which is the kind of stupid thing I like to get into.
Previously, in the absence of anyone else doing it, I started the record label, organised shows and tours and shared the information to help others to do the doing too.
Part of that crosses over to being a maker, as I made part of the Sydney/Australia/Asia music scene and am still involved in that, though not as relentlessly as before.
As a teacher, I hope that I am helping in making responsible adults and this also crosses over to being a leader.
I don’t play well with adults and have no desire to lead them, to lead a work team or the like but seem to have fallen into being a de facto leader for my students.
I took this picture because Nudee and her friends were trying to make TikTok videos after they’d finished my classwork. I was outside the classroom and this picture was actually taken through a highly tinted window (it’s very difficult to see inside with the naked eye) so I was surprised that the picture even came out so well. Ironically, the girls were all too embarrassed to have their picture taken and I grabbed this shot before they put their hands up in front of the camera. Nudee likes to wear colourful contact lenses which make her eyes look amazing. She also has a lip-piercing which is prohibited by the school rules (hence the mask) but I have seen many kids flouting it recently and I like it.
The future is behind me Invisible to the eye The past keeps coming Towards me until I die
Understanding is backwards Yet life is straight ahead In the end, it’s all done When it’s all been said
Today I’m feeling:
A little edgy due to lack of sleep. I kept waking up whilst having wild and unusual dreams. I forget their story but have kept the feeling as I woke. It’s a little disconcerting. Leg exercise and stomach stretching was good and easy. My shoulders are feeling a little better but not sure that they will be fully ok before next week when I’d like to get back to arm and shoulder exercises again.
Today I’m grateful for:
The teachers who helped me with some little things today, such as finding a stapler and staples in the mess of the teacher’s room and sending the student list so that I could print out the student names for my new class.
I’m also grateful to my past self for downloading lots of useful English workbooks in the past and finding something useful to use for my new class. I already have too many ideas and I haven’t even met them yet or know what their skill levels are. I’ll soon find out though – first class tomorrow.
The best thing about today was:
An interesting comment from Kru Karn when I expressed concern for one of my students that she looks after. She off-handedly said that most teachers don’t care that much about the students, implying that I do. I don’t know if she was congratulating or criticising but I took it as a matter of pride. As an average, untrained English teacher I make it a point to at least care about the students and the job that I’m employed to do.
A late update as I’ve just hopped into bed with delectable-smelling clean sheets and anticipating this, I used the expensive shower gel that smells like glitter and glamour. I’m soft and snug, smelling of champagne!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My grade 7 class was a little out of control, still in holiday mode. I have the feeling it will be like this until the end of the semester with this grade. I didn’t push them too hard today, just prepping them for the real work on Friday.
Something I learned today?
The Ancient Romans used to drop a piece of toast into their wine for good health, which is why we ‘raise a toast’.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
After my grade 10 students had completed their work for me I helped them with a speech that they had to do for another class later today. I recorded the speech myself so that they could copy my pronunciation and I sat with them as they practiced and gave them tips.
If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
Somehow I wonder if I might relax a little knowing this.
Without knowing this, of course, I may die suddenly tomorrow. I should relax now!
Would I keep working? I enjoy what I’m doing right now but with a known time limit what else could I do in the meantime? Would travelling the world feel satisfactory or would it just feel meaningless? Do I even know how to enjoy myself anymore!
I think perhaps I would go travelling but on a nostalgia trip and also to catch up with old friends and have one last conversation.
I don’t think I would just fuck everything off and spend the time decadently. Maybe a little!
I took this picture because this weird little cactus at House appears to have the Christmas spirit.
If you really wanted to do it, you would have done it already; If you’d really thought through it your ship may have sailed steady
Yet here you are with swollen eyes begging help from the lovely skies; You’ve got a blessing in disguise, it should have come as no surprise, the things you really wanted you didn’t want at all.
Today I’m feeling:
A little stiff and aching from the last four days of slovenliness but in a good mood, especially to see my students again. I’ve worked out a fairly easy plan for this week to ease us all back into study gently.
Today I’m grateful for:
Having 196 baht left in the bank so that I could still get out 100 baht from the ATM and buy a 12 baht pack of gum today. I hope to get paid soon because I don’t have enough money for petrol which will run out tomorrow!
The best thing about today was:
Despite getting distracted with making new lessons whilst at House enjoying coffee, I still had time to catch up on some reading and writing and went back to school for afternoon classes feeling good.
Something I learned today?
In the process of my students making cards I checked the messages they were writing just to make sure their English was ok but couldn’t help noticing some of the nice sentiments that they were showing to their friends, family, crushes or partners. It was quite heartwarming and endearing.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I let my classes relax into the new year by making cards and didn’t stress too much about them being late or playing on their phones.
I offered myself to teach an extra class now that Kru Wave has left. I got in quickly before anyone else, both to show willingness and also to be able to choose the time that suited me best.
What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
Nothing is too serious to be joked about depending entirely on the environment and circumstances. No one should ever be upset with anything a comedian says on stage. One can either find it funny or not. Nothing is taboo in this case. But to repeat the same jokes in an inappropriate situation would not be smart.
Gam took this picture because today I had my classes make cards to give to people offering them best wishes and Goya (pictured) and a couple of others made them for me. Goya wanted photographic evidence of presenting it to me so here it is. She’s grimacing because I was poking her in the ribs so that she would smile instead of pulling faces like she was doing before. Her card was funny because she thanked me for teaching her and asked forgiveness for being stubborn and not paying attention in class.
No longer intoxicated Awoken from my dreams Meaning was a delusion A stupid delusion it seems
Yeah, happy new year!
Today I’m feeling:
Happily lazy again. I ate lots and did little over these last 4 days and it’s been a good wind down to the end of the year. Tomorrow it’s back to exercise, work and reality. I plan to just do abs and legs this week to try and get the ache out of my shoulders before working on any upper body exercises again. I’m stiff from sitting and laying down so much recently too!
Today I’m grateful for:
The internet, YouTube, the BBC, John Peel and Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 whose John Peel Session I have just found and listening to as I’m writing this. Excellent!
The best thing about today was:
Finishing the excellent John Cooper Clarke biography. It feels good to finish reading a book on the first day of the year.
Also releasing the SpeechOdd/HighxVoltage album for pre-order through Bandcamp today which got a few folks interested. It feels good to have a record release on the first day of the year.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
There wasn’t much to be done today, lots I could’ve done but decided not to, so there was little to get out of control.
Perhaps I could say that though I was happy to play a little guitar this afternoon I was also really bad at it. Just missing a few days sets me back. And then after watching some Thinking Fellars live footage I marvel at the genius of their guitar interplay and wonder if I could ever become as skilled as they are. It’s half inspiring, half frustrating. What a great band. I fucking hate popular music – what a waste of skill!
Something I learned today?
I came across an interview with a YouTuber I follow called Nathan Rich titled Scientology, Punk Rock and Addiction. Wild! I know him for his investigative journalism opposing the Western anti-China narratives. Life is long and varied and I’m looking forward to watching this and learning more about his past.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I made Amy’s bed for her without being asked.
I cleared as many hairy worms as I could find around the hose and drowned them all in a bucket. All this was in an effort to stop Amy’s allergy to them which makes her itchy and brings her out in a rash. Somehow I’m not affected by them.
A close member of your family has committed murder. Would you keep quiet about it? What might your silence depend upon?
No way. The circumstances of the event may have an effect on my attitude towards them but covering it up would be out of the question.
Write a message to myself to be reviewed one year from today.
Why? Everything I write here is up for review at any point in time. Review that.
Art took this picture a few weeks ago on his trip up to Mae Hong Son. I saw it on his Facebook page and it jumped out at me with its magnificent misty morning glow. No new pictures today.
The year went by again Once around the sun And everything remained the same With the exception of one
In this world of déjà vu Everything has all been done The only difference is you You’re the exception
Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed and lazy. I seem to have fallen right into the holiday mood. After coffee this morning, where Boss made an appearance and I was able to wish him well for his business adventure, I watched football until lunchtime and then after lunch played Fallout 4 until it was time to leave for New Year’s Eve dinner at Amy’s parents.
Today I’m grateful for:
The Mini Big C at the Caltex on the way to dinner, where I ran in, in need of a snack due to dizziness and picked up a sushi triangle, a banana and a Snickers, all reduced in price so it only cost me 34 baht.
The best thing about today was:
Playing Fallout 4 without worrying about wasting time. It’s a very enjoyable distraction that I don’t usually treat myself to. I still have lots of old games from years ago that I haven’t tried to play yet. I figure there might be time…
Something I learned today?
‘Unconfirmed’ reports indicate that lots of weapons found in Gaza are Chinese. Well, how convenient! Twenty-twenty-four, or Twenty-twenty-war? Zoom.
I feel some consolation that fewer people are falling for Western propaganda these days.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Designated driver tonight.
I helped lay the table as others prepared food. Everyone understands my capabilities!
I took this picture because Cap came and sat on my T-shirt whilst I was playing Xbox. We looked everywhere for Tigger this afternoon and he had managed to sneak into the walk-in wardrobe and curl up in a box.
Perhaps I was a president Making difficult decisions A surgeon with a scalpel Making precise incisions Maybe I was a singer Adored by many millions Or a famous architect Designing high pavillions
I used to be somebody And now that I’m not I’m just another nobody That everyone forgot
Today I’m feeling:
Lazy and relaxed today. Still a little numb from the whisky on Thursday but not bothered by the lethargy it has induced today as I was yesterday. I thought that I might read and play guitar today but have managed to do neither.
Today I’m grateful for:
Boss at Utopia for making me my final coffees that he will make for me as this is his last day before he leaves for Lampang to start his own shop.
The best thing about today was:
Enjoying playing games on Xbox and though being aware of it wasting time it felt like a reasonable trade-off today.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
There is some family drama going on that I won’t go into detail about here but it may make our New Year’s Eve at Mum’s a little awkward depending on who is there. A culmination of events and bad timing have brought about this drama which feels to me somewhat typically Thai. Amy and I are both on the same page and we are pretty much just bystanders wondering how things will unfold.
Something I learned today?
Thailand is looking to fast-track the high-speed rail from Laos to Bangkok, as well as the land bridge between the Andaman and Indian oceans. The USA is very unhappy with China’s involvement in these projects and will obviously try to disrupt them through one means or another.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I waited around for a few minutes to wish Boss at Utopia all the best for the future but he was in the toilet for so long that I decided to leave, with the thought that I might return later in the day but unfortunately, I didn’t. Was this a good deed that turned vile?
I took this picture on Wednesday because this kitty, as with all little Thai gingers, reminded me of Kim. This was about as close as I could get though as it was too shy to get closer.
Why is the way the way it is? Blue corner white, red corner black The fighting cocks duke it out With their Gods at their back
All the knowledge the child digests Unquestioned and never put to test Makes the world the way it is And unlikely to ever be at rest
Today I’m feeling:
Lazy and a little uninspired. Last night Amy went to stay at her mum’s and it was cold enough to enjoy a whisky and I ended up finishing off what was left of the two bottles here. I didn’t feel too drunk but also didn’t feel great this morning either. The pleasure wasn’t worth it.
Today I’m grateful for:
The TV and Xbox for keeping my sore brain busy today.
The best thing about today was:
Lard Na for brunch. Healthy and delicious and got rid of my minor hangover.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Last night I went to bed at about 11 and noticed a missed call from Amy. As she had told me that she was staying at her mum’s house I figured she was just calling to say good night so I didn’t call back.
At some point during the night she called again but it was all a bit of a blur though I could remember something about helping her today at 8 am because she had been pulled over at a checkpoint. I immediately got back to sleep and my usual 6 am alarm annoyingly woke me up. Then I noticed Amy in her bed and she said, one more hour, to which I agreed. Even though I was confused at what she was doing here I easily slept again until 7 and the reset alarm.
We both hazily got up without talking much and eventually headed to the police station in the city.
Apparently Amy was out with friends last night and then went to meet Aun at Tawandang and as she was leaving there at around 2am she got pulled over at a police checkpoint and breathalysed. In typical Thai style, they told her that she should check the local websites before driving so that she can avoid checkpoints! And after they told her to come to the station in the morning they just let her drive off again!
Anyway, at the station she signed some papers and was told to come back again at 10 to go to court. As we didn’t know how long all this was going to take, she dropped me back home first.
Something I learned today?
In the court Amy accepted a 5000 baht fine and has to do some kind of community service, also reporting back to an office somewhere three times and if she’s found to have done anything else wrong she could face 7 days in jail!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Taking Amy into the city in the morning, though I’m not sure why I was needed except I was happy to provide moral support.
Fah took this picture yesterday with Jet on the left and Mai on the right. I like these kids and their group of friends (Lin, Noah, Gina, Guitar and Poom). No new pictures today.
Great. Last day before five days off. Pushed through arm and chest exercises this morning that really tested my endurance. My muscles ache and feel good.
Happy to be at school amongst all the happy kids, though many have skipped today after all the excitement of sports day yesterday.
I left pretty quickly to sit and catch up with coffee. Enjoying being here but also want to get back to the party atmosphere. Everything is easy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The lady who served me in the 7/11 this morning. It’s a job, someone has to do it and she did her job. Thank you.
The best thing about today was:
Everything. It’s been a really nice day.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Yesterday I appropriated Fah’s phone whilst she was in the stands and I wandered off taking multiple random photos just to fill up her phone. I gave it back after ten minutes or so and she shook her head at all the pictures now on her phone.
So today, to let her get me back I unlocked my phone and gave it to her whilst I was playing volleyball with her friends. I got it back about 15 minutes later and forgot about it until I got home.
I’ve just spent the last 30 minutes scrolling through 100s of photos, deleting half, considering the rest and wondering what to do with them all. There are some nice shots in there, though many were just of Fah, Jet and Mai messing around pulling faces and not many of me and the ones of me make me look old, which I am (but don’t want to be!).
Phone cameras are so good these days that it’s easy to zoom in and see every line, wrinkle or sag on the skin!
Something I learned today?
Australia is wider than the moon, with a diameter from east to west of almost 4000km! But this is only when considering diameter and not land area. If you flattened the moon out it would actually be wider.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I spent 100 baht (of my last 700 baht in the bank) on some wafer snacks for my students’ Christmas party today. I personally handed them out to everyone and wished them a Merry Christmas.
After getting home I let Amy take a nap and took myself off to my room so that she wasn’t disturbed.
As I was walking around the school I caught up with Baipad, Jan and Apple twice and Baipad was sleeping both times. The second time I dragged her up for a walk and sat down elsewhere to talk with her one-on-one.
She’s a sweet introverted kid who is resisting the responsibilities of growing up. I gave her words of encouragement and sent her back to her friends, and probably more sleep.
How did my relationships change this year?
My relationships this year have been 90% with my students and 10% with anyone else. My relationship with my students evolves over the course of the year.
The kids I taught at the beginning of the year I don’t teach so often now and we have all relaxed into a happy friendly environment in classes.
With the new students I got in May we have all gotten to know each other to varying degrees in that time. These are the relationships I value highly these days.
My relationship with Amy changed slightly again this year as she returned to Chiang Rai from Australia.
In most ways, we are back to what we were before she left. We and our relationship with each other is very familiar. It’s not boring but sometimes predictable. That is somewhat of a comfort for me at this stage in my life.
I think it is also for Amy but she still has the energy to consider going off and doing things and perhaps still looking to the future. It’s not contentious for either of us, just a matter of fact of the different stages of our lives.
1994ever 