Moving Forward – 17th May 2023

Now living in a generation of hope
This is a world in which to move up
One where all the collected spoils
Can be shared from the same cup
The test of the promises made
Will be seen when face with the burden
Where the whisper will turn to cries
Yet claimed that none ever heard them


Today I’m feeling:

Reasonably upbeat and positive after doing half an ab workout this morning and then coming home early to enjoy the rest of the day. Tigger spent about three hours sleeping next to me on the sofa where Cap usually sleeps. 

Today I’m grateful for:

My old students Porpieng and Baitong telling me about their new school, Tessaban 6. I was pleased to know that they are not allowed phones during the day and also have to do homework. I think they will both benefit from a bit of a tougher atmosphere in school though they are not particularly thrilled about the change right now.  I have high hopes for these two students as they stood out to me in my classes.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling inspired enough to check out some more Thai learning apps and sitting and doing some study and revision. I’ll get back into the habit again so I can try and communicate more.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

This morning I got up as usual and did everything as normal. As I was driving to school I noticed that another school I drive past was closed today. That was weird. Then I noticed that traffic was much better today too. And as I got closer to my school it became obvious that it was a holiday today but no one had told me. There was also nothing in my online calendar about any public holiday either. Well I just tuned right around and drove back straight to Utopia and enjoyed a couple of coffees there. Never mind the wasted petrol, here we are already with a day off after only two days back at school. Take what you can get.

Something I learned today?

I guess I learned (a little too late) that today is the Royal Ploughing Ceremony holiday and that the schools shut because of this.

What impact do I hope to make in the world?

Bereft of youthful idealism I hope that I can encourage some of my students to push themselves to make better futures for themselves. Perhaps this is elderly idealism. At least I still cling to an ideal.

I took this picture because Tig enjoys my book in a different way than me! He came for cuddles and rubs and ended up staying.

Fair-weather Fan – 15th May 2023

Cheering on the cheerleaders
We’re practising our cheer
It’s our team’s turn to rule
We are the leaders clear
Inspiring on to further heights
We’re living our best days
Until complacency at the top
Sees a change of ways
No longer on your side
You’re slipping down the ladder
Only winners get our support
There’s no time for being sadder
Who was that team we knew?
They’ve disappeared somehow
Forgotten heroes of the past
Are left to linger now


Today I’m feeling:

I’m happy and looking forward to teaching again. Meeting my students was fun and brought me happiness but I still feel I’m missing something deep down.

Today I’m grateful for:

All the class homeroom teachers who will take care of my students. I know all of them so I think we can work well together to mould the students to my wishes in class. It gives me a bit more confidence at least.

The best thing about today was:

Hanging out with my students again. A lot of them are disappointed that I’m not teaching them much or at all this semester. That was nice to hear but I know they will adjust quickly. I enjoyed being around them so much that I stayed until 2 pm even though I could’ve just gone home at 9 am if I’d wanted to. I met some of my new students too. They mostly seem shy so far. I’m sure that won’t take long to change though.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got my timetable for the semester which threw a few curveballs. Just one one-hour class on Monday which would be great but it starts at 1.30 pm so I have to go to school at 8 am and then hang around for five hours before teaching. I don’t really mind this. It gives me time to read or write or prepare… I can fill the time, no problem.

Something I learned today?

There are rumours that US NGOs paid voters for pro-democracy candidates in this weekend’s election in an effort to influence Thailand away from China and towards the US.  Whilst I think this is probably likely I would still hope that a new, younger government will be able to improve the situation for the majority of people in Thailand. There still seems to be a feeling of hope for the future. No doubt there will still be some form of finagling for the military-backed establishment to make sure they maintain power so it could all go to shit in a second so we’ll just have to wait and see. Thai people in general seem quite positive and accepting of their lot. Of course, they all wish it was better. It would be nice to get a sense of optimism for the future here though.

What is a book, movie, or song that has deeply affected me?

Too many to mention but off the top of my head Dostoevsky’s The Dream of a Ridiculous Man and Notes From Underground, Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina for books. Movies – movies seem to have a less deep impact though I enjoy many. There is one in particular though that I wish I could forget. That is certainly one that affected me and not in a good way. As for music, I think that is all about nostalgia. There are many songs that give me goosebumps.

I took this picture because Tigger was looking cute and relaxed on the chair under the table but he sat up before I could get the picture I wanted. I got this instead. What a life for a fat cat! Cap and Tig have been through so much and seem as happy as they’ve ever been.

Don’t Let Go – 1st May 2023

We don’t want to let go of our dreams
Those were the best days we ever had
But nothing is quite what it seems
Until we compare the good with the bad
What we need is a switching of scenes
And a reminder of what it’s like to feel sad
Remember that feeling from our teens
When our impulses forever drove us mad?


Today I’m feeling:

A bit tired from late sleep last night and trying to get up early though I kind of failed with that. I got some shopping in this morning that was a bit of a struggle to push myself to do. Getting home at lunchtime meant the day felt like it has gone quickly but I got various bits and pieces done and so don’t feel like I’ve wasted time.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding the small packets of pickled chilli and chilli in fish sauce that most restaurants have, whilst at Makro. They are bulk buys and I don’t need them often but they were only 30 baht for each pack of 100. And they won’t go off either.

The best thing about today was:

Having both Cap and Tig wanting to be around with me in the living room. It’s unusual for Tigger but I think he really enjoys the attention I’ve been giving him with brushing him a lot.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Whilst I was out shopping I thought I might as well go to the bank to get a new bank book but if forgotten that today is another holiday so they were closed. I didn’t get upset despite it being time wasted. Just one of those things.

Something I learned today?

I finally found a solution for my iCloud problem I mentioned the other day. Unfortunately, it was a workaround rather than a fix and the workaround caused me a bunch of extra setting up of other things. At the end of the day though I’m glad I got it working because it was an annoying bug that didn’t make sense and was confusing me a lot!

What do I want to focus on this month?

This month I need to focus back on the classroom. Staying calm under pressure and being the best teacher I can be for my students. It’s been a long and difficult break for me and it takes me a while to get back up to speed. I need to remember the mistakes I made last year and be smart enough to know how to avoid them. Slow and steady. Remind myself that there is no rush.


I took this picture because Tigger hid his face in shame after I discovered he’d peed on the folding mattress again! Fucking fuck! He keeps coming for a complete body brush though and his coat feels fantastic.

Making Tracks – 22nd March 2023

When the road is muddy the air is clear
So follows the only road out of here
And when the road is dust the air is thick
Steps are laboured as the cart is sick
Trails are blazed along dotted lines
Paths that were paved in ancient times
Making tracks towards the next fire
Making monuments that will inspire


Today I’m feeling:
Happy enough despite having to be at school. Utilising the time this morning to glue some flashcards for next semester. Messy and mind-numbing but at least not looking at the phone or watching anime as some other teachers are doing.
Today I’m grateful for:
Strawberry season. I know I did this one recently but I just ate a punnet of juicy rippers from the hill tribe lady and her snotty-nosed kid outside 7-11. Delicious.
The best thing about today was:
Finding out what classes I will teach next semester which also includes a new class for me with M4 students (15/16-year-olds) in the hospitality program. Many of the students haven’t studied in English programs so it’s just like teaching elementary level again. It should be fun and at least something new to try.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I didn’t have any control over where I had to be today which was in the school hall with all the other teachers. In the morning we just heard the directors talking about what we will do but as it was all in Thai there was little for us to do. I had planned for this and brought my components to make flashcards whilst waiting. Not sure what we have to do this afternoon yet but I hope I get more glue time.
Something I learned today?
David laughed when I talked about glue being made from horses (at one time at least) as he didn’t believe me until he looked it up online. He thought he was getting high off the fumes but I didn’t think that they would have glue you could get high on at schools but then, this is Thailand.
What did I learn? I met Indian Paul in the hall and he told me he was upset. He told me how next semester he has been given a co-teacher that he has had problems with before. I laughed and told him this is his reward for being given the teacher of the year award this semester. Sometimes it’s better to keep your head down!
What does contentment mean to me?
Contentment means no stress from difficult people. Stress is ok and people being difficult can be ok too but combined means discontent.

I took this picture because I was watering the jacarandas and turned around to see the dappled sky in the sunset. Home.

The Diplomat’s Anthem – 16th March 2023

My respected enemy, my hated friend
Our love to hate may never end
A battle of wits, a game of pretend
A hold on hope on which we depend


Today I’m feeling:
Happy, content and later, tired. The temperature is perfect at around 7 pm and I feel like going for a walk but there’s nowhere really to go. I could walk just for the sake of it but feel that my house is so comfortable it’s challenging to motivate myself by this time of day. I think about walking to Daytripper but I usually go there with my laptop to either work or write and I don’t want to carry a bag with me all that way. First-world problems in a third-world country for this entitled white boy.
Today I’m grateful for:
My work situation that allows me so much free time that I sometimes struggle to fill it appropriately. I got home before 10am and have been doing all sorts of little things from reading to cleaning to vacuuming and suddenly it is evening already and I wonder where the day has gone, and everything is ok. If I wasn’t doing (what feels like) a whole load of nothing I’d have to be at school usually teaching or on days like these with no classes filling up time with useless activity. I’m so lucky.
The best thing about today was:
Seeing lots of excited happy kids at school for the graduation ceremony. If they weren’t graduating they were preparing to present gifts to their friends and siblings. It’s funny to see some of the ‘bad’ students celebrating in this kind of traditional ceremony and it reminded me that the kids have a cultural understanding of expectations which I will never have and which sometimes brings us to odds. While pushing them with all sorts of possibilities for their futures they understand their realities which I can’t see.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Not much really. A car freshener I ordered online got refunded as it was out of stock and the computer repair shop called me and advised they couldn’t access the data on the old drive which is a minor inconvenience as about 99% of my files are backed up. Nothing too wayward today.
Something I learned today?
Despite wanting to watch less youtube I found an interesting new channel from China by journalist Miao Xiaojuan.
The AFL season starts today and there will be 4 umpires on the field now and the bench will have one sub plus 4 to interchange. Swans play on Saturday and I will watch on Sunday.
What am I looking forward to?
I’m looking forward to going to Australia in October. It’s been five years since I left and I’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been. Australia is what made me though and I am very fond of it there. It will be good to catch up with Hayden and Jochen and to look around my old haunts to see how or if they have changed.

I took this picture because this climbing plant has suddenly found its wheels and trying to overgrow everywhere, reaching out to find new attachments. The remnants of last year’s growth are still stuck up in the tree tops, dead and decaying yet still stuck. I have to fight it back this year.

No Air – 2nd March 2023

When there’s no air to breathe
I must learn to hold my breath
Each precious gasp to push against
The certainty of death
Black lungs are better than black hearts
I just want to breathe
Not in control of my coming time
But now’s too soon to leave


Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed and happy but have a headache from the bad air quality.
Today I’m grateful for:
Fon and her sourdough bread that she dropped at mum’s house for me. This one is not as delicious as last time but still delicious!
The best thing about today was:
An easy day for myself and students both so that everyone was happy. The little bit of work that I asked them to do for me was just right to keep them involved whilst also letting them chill a little.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’d been advised to contact another teacher about grading our students this semester and was hoping, as happened last semester, that I could just hand over my final grades and they would do whatever magic it is that they do in the system. Anyway, I finally saw the teacher today and they said that if I had login access, which I do, then I can enter the information myself. Instead of thinking about the extra work it would mean for me I actually thought that this would be useful for me to learn so at least I have done control over the data before it gets adjusted to make everyone look good. Hopefully the two teachers who know the system can help me and I can get on with doing it next week.
Something I learned today?
A fair percentage of the world’s tomatoes come from Xinjiang, where they only started farming them in the recent past. As some dumb countries sanctioned businesses in Xinjiang they are now facing shortages. The UK is said to have introduced rationing and people can only buy two at a time! Meanwhile the farmers now sell into new markets and their businesses are booming. The whole western narrative around Xinjiang is such unrealistic bullshit.
What are some things that I need to let go of in order to move forward?
The only things I need to let go of are the things I can’t control. Staying attached to them is useless. In general I am letting go of many of these things and feeling better for it.

I took this picture because I was picking up ice cream at LungChom and these flowers were showing off in the parking lot.

Water – 1st March 2023

A feisty fighter frustrating friends
Not caring, not coping, on the go
A teenage tearaway telling tales
Pushing against the urge to grow
Parental problems, proving pain
Mistakes one day surely repeated
Hardened heads hiding hopes
A life from which has been cheated
As water wearies, wild and winding
The ground becomes less stable
Forming floods for fallow fields
Leaving nothing to eat at the table

Inspired by a conversation with a student whose name translates as Water


Today I’m feeling:
Happy and tired again. I feel good when I’m pushed and have to do things but when I get free time I start to feel tired.
Today I’m grateful for:
Arriving at school and then finding out there is an art event and students don’t want to study but also not bothered about the event too! I just gave them a little work and then talked with small groups of students about their futures.
The best thing about today was:
As mentioned above, talking with some of the kids today was interesting. Mangkron said he wants to be a farmer as that is what his family is involved in. I was a little surprised as most kids talk about being doctors, gamers or idols. I was happily surprised about Baipad who has a clear idea of what she would like to do and also having a backup plan. Her and Apple we’re also able to understand and consider options that might not exactly match their wishes but are in the same direction. Ozone shocked me when she started talking about software programming and also design work of some sort. Underneath her quiet exterior she has things happening it seems. A number of kids simply answered ‘well, my parents want me to do this’ to which I had to remind them that I asked the what they wanted to do. And my purpose was to get them thinking about this, which many are already and whilst comforting them that they still have lots of time to decide that if they can’t figure out something to do by themselves then surely someone else will do it for them.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
With only really another full week left of classes, the kids have already switched off. I do want them to come to my class though even though we may do just a little work. I’d like to get them to do more talking as above. Perhaps they will open up a bit more now they are more relaxed. Either way I’m not going to stress too much about their behaviour from now.
Something I learned today?
I’ve been powering through the Kishore Mahbubani videos on US-China relations and liking his even-handed approach to the situation. The videos were made in 2020 when Biden became US president and there was some hope of a less hostile relationship. I’ll find some other videos of his which are more up-to-date after I finish this series. Any kind of possible military encounter between the two countries is going to be a disaster.
What is one goal I have for the next month and how can I work towards achieving it?
Goals are overrated. Just keep doing and being the best I can be. So my goals as such are just to get the things done that I have to such as taking the cats for their annual checks and vaccines. I’ll try to get a couple more tattoos and spend more time reading and writing as well as planning for next semester’s classes.

I took these pictures because today was an art event at school and these student pictures caught my eye.

Back Asswards – 23rd February 2023

Now we are the Nazis
We are ISIS, the terrorists
We accepted hatred
For our motivational bomb schools
Where lessons learned
Were in books burned
As we mistook our enemies
To be the ones fooled
Now we commit genocide
From romantic shelter
Far away from freedom
Forcing refugees at our borders
No ifs, just rifle butts
Force of power, force power cuts
And bodies pile up
Of those that were simply following orders


Today I’m feeling:
Happy and tired
Today I’m grateful for:
The stash of Pocky that Amy left here because she couldn’t fit it in her luggage when going back to Australia. Now I can use them as birthday gifts for my students!
The best thing about today was:
I want to say my students but they were probably also the worst thing about today too! They make me laugh and they make me cry. Goya and Pat gave me friendship bracelets (just pieces of string). Fah and Boty play jokes on me and Bright always enjoys having jokes played on him. And of course, they all try to get away with murder when they think I’m not looking.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The usual group of 1/7 students were late to my class again and I marked them as ‘absent’. I could tell 4 of them were debating whether to just skip class then but decided to stay though they weren’t very happy. They soon cheered themselves up together though and were very happy when I rewarded them by changing their status to ‘late’ instead of ‘absent’. They come up with all sorts of bullshit excuses for being late but realise they don’t fly when all the other students are always on time. The work is so easy too but they don’t put it together that if they just cracked on with it they could finish the class that much sooner. They’ll figure themselves out at some point.
Something I learned today?
I learned that from 1971 until 1989 US-China relations were fairly cooperative except that for the US it was a case of an enemy of my enemy is a friend and the relationship changed again once the Soviet Union fell. It makes me wonder why we have to have enemies?
How can I be more mindful and present in the moment?
I think I need to calm my thoughts a lot more again. My brain is a little overactive recently and I need to stop looking at things like Twitter and YouTube as much as I do. It’s too easy to get wound up by the stupidities of the world when in actuality things are quite sedate around my own life.’Today I’m feeling:
Happy and tired
Today I’m grateful for:
The stash of Pocky that Amy left here because she couldn’t fit in in her luggage when going back to Australia. Now I can use them as birthday gifts for my students!
The best thing about today was:
I want to say my students but they were probably also the worst thing about today too! They make me laugh and they make me cry. Goya and Pat gave me friendship bracelets (just pieces of string). Fah and Boty play jokes on me and Bright always enjoys having jokes played on him. And of course they all try to get away with murder when they think I’m not looking.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The usual group of 1/7 students were late to my class again and I marked them as ‘absent’. I could tell 4 of them were debating whether to just skip class then but decided to stay though they weren’t very happy. They soon cheered themselves up together though and were very happy when I rewarded them by changing their status to ‘late’ instead of absent. They come up with all sorts of bullshit excuses for being late but realise they don’t fly when all the other students are always on time. The work is so easy too but they don’t put it together that if they just cracked on with it they could finish the class that much sooner. They’ll figure themselves out at some point.
Something I learned today?
I learned that from 1971 until 1989 US-China relations were fairly cooperative except that for the US it was a case of an enemy of my enemy is a friend and the relationship changed again once the Soviet Union fell. It makes me wonder why we have to have enemies?
How can I be more mindful and present in the moment?
I think I need to calm my thoughts a lot more again. My brain is a little overactive recently and I need to stop looking at things like Twitter and YouTube as much as I do. It’s too easy to get wound up by the stupidities of the world when in actuality things are quite sedate around my own life.

I took this picture because our jacarandas are blooming and in the misty sunrise the purple looks luscious.

New Maps – 22nd February 2023

I have the sky, you make the borders
I have a foot on the ground to stand
Watching those with their marching orders

I saw the trains roll by a-rattling
And engineers mapping new land
Over which young men were battling

As history changed it still stayed the same
New lines were drawn as planned
To remind us all of a deeper shame

Where you sit now is where you’re at
It was never special or even grand
But tall tales told will make it that


Today I’m feeling:
Happy and mellow
Today I’m grateful for:
Baking soda which seems to have reduced the smell of cat pee in my mattress considerably. I may need another 10 kilos to completely fix it but hopefully, the mattress will start smelling of me and my sweat again soon.
The best thing about today was:
Was talking with a lady I often see at House who usually says hello in English but we never talked beyond that. I could tell she was quite chatty by the way she talks with Gui and today we started talking as we waited for Gui to get out of the shower (as we were technically there before he was open). Her name is Poy and she has pretty good English skills.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My students blatantly copying work and just laughing when I point it out to them. What can I do? I just laughed with them too.
Something I learned today?
The New York Times ran an anti-China piece about how a top Chinese banker has been detained by police in China, trying to show that bad things happen there. However, people from all around the world commented that it’s good to see a country not afraid to detain high-level officials especially if they actually have done something wrong because that rarely happens in so-called free societies as are believed to be in ‘the west’.
How have I experienced wonder or awe lately?
My life and feeling these days is quite steady and stable without the highs and lows that come with awe or negative thoughts. I was quite in awe as I did my bike ride last month as I found myself exploring new hills and valleys secreted away aroundabouts. A little bit of that was enhanced by a hit of acid but still, I was feeling awe and wonder.

I took this picture because the colour of the numerous flowers on this tree forced me to pull over as I was driving by. This is an acceptable drive-by shooting.

One Way To Look At Three Cats – 15th February 2023

Among a single soft bed
Nothing stirs except
The slow rise and fall as the cats breathe

Their three minds
Like closed doors
To the bedroom containing three cats

Awake, stretch, turn and re-settle
These times of little drama

Two cats slumber together
As one
Three cats slumber together
As one

No favouritism at the sight
Each purrs with affection
Soft eyes stare at mine
Before closing again
To mouse dreams

inspired by the first five stanzas of Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird by Wallace Stevens


Today I’m feeling:
Reasonably happy and satisfied.
Today I’m grateful for:
A little breeze this evening that will hopefully blow away some of this smoky polluted air. The forecast is for many days of storms but with a 0% chance of rain! (As I finished writing this with Kim sitting on my lap there was a peal of thunder and the sound of rain on our roof! Hooray! Kim has gone back to sleep under the doona!)
The best thing about today was:
Relaxing a little with my M2 classes. I didn’t push them too much and allowed the class to end early knowing that I can test them on the work on Friday. My afternoon M1 class though was more taxing as they looked at me blankly when I asked them to find the verbs in some sentences, not knowing what a verb was until I gave them the Thai translation for the word ‘verb’! This is another lesson for me to re-evaluate what and how I teach next year. I’m almost fully resigned now to let the students keep their phones, making each lesson very simple, with some element of artistic output so that the result can look good at least and then I will just grade the students on whether they do the work or not. Having said that I hope that next year’s classes are of a similar level of comprehension at least. I feel like I’m at the point of just giving in to the easy way out. To make my life easier.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
This is more a continuation of the above but many of my students today still lack a serious comprehension of (what I generally consider) simple tasks and instructions, or even just making connections throughout what we have already studied this semester. I’m feeling resigned. But I did come home with the knowledge that I need to change my approach. If I have to make life easier for my students, I have to make it easier for myself too.
Something I learned today?
A recent poll found that 56% of Taiwanese people distrust the USA and worry that they could be in the middle of a potential war that they didn’t ask for.
What small task brings me satisfaction?
What is a small task? Exercise? Feeding the cats? Reading? Cutting nails?
Ok, I’m going to say vacuuming my floors and washing my sheets. I can go do a long time without doing either so I do feel satisfied with a clean floor and fresh-smelling sheets.

Aing took this picture last week because I was the only one of us brave/dumb enough to jump into the waterfall. I only just got this picture and was quite shocked at how big the waterfall is and how small I am in comparison.