Did the time come to be wasted?
Why do tomorrow what can be done today?
Failure comes along quickly tasted
Do it now and get it out of the way
Don’t waste time wishing when the end comes
Do you really think you’ll live forever
Wondering why you cannot square the sums
No one’s time is ever made to measure
Lemon Twist – 23rd May 2023
You can bitch about your bad luck
For that, it’s not your mistake
But don’t tell me about your problems
From the choices that you make
When you know the path to choose
But opt to follow all the glitter
Don’t be surprised your friends are gone
Leaving you twisted and bitter
Isolation – 22nd May 2023
Trapped within these walls
There are no words to share
Bare functions, dirty nails
Life lived less there
Rats outside running scared
The snakes all need to eat
From sundown to rise again
A dead circle again complete
The echo chamber of the heart
Energy gone to waste
Dreams quietly smashed apart
With only bitterness to taste
The many paths that led here
Beyond the now closed door
Content in isolation
Left alone forever more
Run For Your Life – 21st May 2023
Every second that passes is paid for with your life
Even the smallest moments await your attention
You’re not getting back the time you waste each day
Are you living for the photo or living with intention?
Hey Coach – 20th May 2023
Everyone’s a life coach these days
Selling dopamine for the bucks
Hiding behind their plastic smiles
Of a thousand nips and tucks
No one is living by their words
But knows the right things to say
Stuck forever in the idea of living
Instead of just living that way
Today I’m feeling:
A little weak and tired from lack of sleep but I got a little motivation after talking with Amy. Sometimes I just need a kick-along and be given a task or a deadline. She’s very good at giving me tasks. I’ve gotten very lazy since she’s been overseas.
Today I’m grateful for:
Inspiration found in different places. Sometimes I struggle to find things to write a poem about but if I’m noticing enough and paying attention to the small things then ideas can be transformed into words in my head and then to paper.
The best thing about today was:
Feeling satisfied with just instant noodles, a little chopped onion and an egg for lunch. Some days it’s enough.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy inspired me to take a look at the back door and try and make it usable again and I soon realized I’d need the electric drill to get out the screws her dad had put in. I found it again and was reminded of the fact that our drill is useless. It works for two seconds and then stops and will maybe start again with a jiggle of the battery or fully removing it and slamming back in again.
I remembered that this seemed to be the case even after charging the batteries up but I had no choice and will have to try again tomorrow in the hope the batteries are improved after an overnight charge.
It’s frustrating because I remember when we first moved here that Amy didn’t trust me to buy a drill and said her dad knew more about these things. I didn’t want a cordless drill figuring we have power outlets all over the place. The drill we ended up with is a pain in the ass and I was getting so frustrated with it this evening that I almost threw it in the field and wanted to drive to the store to get a decent drill instead.
Hopefully, I can have the door sorted tomorrow.
Something I learned today?
I learned a bit more Thai after downloading a new app DuoCards. I’ll try and keep some momentum going with studying again.
How did this past week go?
This week has been pleasant. I could go to school and hang out with my students again and come home and chill for most of each day. My new timetable only has me teaching for one hour on Mondays so it’s almost like a three-day weekend
A Bigger Prison – 19th May 2023
Once the walls are escaped
And feet touch on new ground
A new reality ignites to show
That nothing new is found
The banging drum is heard afar
But the beat remains the same
On the horizon new walls to scale
In between remains the game
Today I’m feeling:
Positive, almost sincerely happy.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy’s dad who came to fix the back door. Unfortunately, his definition of fixing didn’t quite match ours and he just nailed two bits of wood not just across the door but across the frame too making it unusable. His reasoning was to leave it like that until Amy gets back to find a replacement door. I still need to use the door though! But I’m still grateful he came and tried to help.
The best thing about today was:
Hanging out with all the English program students in the morning and having fun with them.
At one point Kru Mai introduced all the teachers around the room and when it came to me there was a big cheer around the room from my students which made me feel really good.
I also talked a little with the ‘weird’ teacher Ren that I mentioned yesterday and he seems really cool.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I didn’t go to sleep until late last night and also woke up during the night so I ended up snoozing my alarm and skipping any workout. That’s ok. I’m still working my way into my daily workday routine and don’t want to push it.
Food Fight – 18th May 2023
A starving cycle, a luxury trap
The fight for food for generations
These are anxious times to live
Constantly making preparations
Adapted gut, adopted aches
Too late to repair our mistakes
Today I’m feeling:
Fairly positive and upbeat. I enjoyed being around the students this morning though still left at 10am as there was nothing specific for me to do. But everyone is in a fairly good and relaxed mood, teachers and students both.
Today I’m grateful for:
The second 20 baht shop I went to that had some cheap nasty leather gloves that I want to use to pull up the grass around the cactuses as the gardeners will just smash all the little hidden ones with the cutter. I don’t feel comfortable asking them to pull out the grass first even though that’s kinda what I’m paying them for. It’s a little annoying task I can do to help the cactuses grow and make me feel good. The gloves are badly made and uncomfortable on the pinky finger but they’ll stop me from getting spiked I hope!
The best thing about today was:
Pretty much everything was enjoyable today. I feel quite happy. I’m still a little guarded when I write that as I still feel that I have no right to be happy.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In our teacher’s room today we were introduced to Ren, a new university student teacher on placement. Kru Mai said he likes to cross-dress and cosplay. George started saying why do we get these strange or ugly student teachers and why not get some hotties instead and then Kru Mai talked about another one (female) starting this week that was cute. I bit my tongue and left.
I know it’s just gossipy shit talk but George is often saying things like that. I used to play along and I’m not averse to working with attractive people but it’s usually the weird and unattractive ones who have the best personalities and are more enjoyable to work with.
It’s not nice to complain about the lack of beauty in our co-workers and if it’s not sincere then it’s a bad joke.
Something I learned today?
I watched a short documentary about kids speed-cubing, solving Rubic cubes as quickly as possible. Not life-changing but a little interesting. I’m still more impressed by the young Chinese boy who solved 3 cubes whilst juggling them, in under six minutes. When I see crazy feats like that I wonder what more meaningful achievements lie ahead for people like that, or if they expended all their brain power on this inconsequential feat.
What is a decision I need to make?
I can’t decide what to write. Right now, it’s a decision about whether to read a little or just go to sleep.
Moving Forward – 17th May 2023
Now living in a generation of hope
This is a world in which to move up
One where all the collected spoils
Can be shared from the same cup
The test of the promises made
Will be seen when face with the burden
Where the whisper will turn to cries
Yet claimed that none ever heard them
Today I’m feeling:
Reasonably upbeat and positive after doing half an ab workout this morning and then coming home early to enjoy the rest of the day. Tigger spent about three hours sleeping next to me on the sofa where Cap usually sleeps.
Today I’m grateful for:
My old students Porpieng and Baitong telling me about their new school, Tessaban 6. I was pleased to know that they are not allowed phones during the day and also have to do homework. I think they will both benefit from a bit of a tougher atmosphere in school though they are not particularly thrilled about the change right now. I have high hopes for these two students as they stood out to me in my classes.
The best thing about today was:
Feeling inspired enough to check out some more Thai learning apps and sitting and doing some study and revision. I’ll get back into the habit again so I can try and communicate more.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
This morning I got up as usual and did everything as normal. As I was driving to school I noticed that another school I drive past was closed today. That was weird. Then I noticed that traffic was much better today too. And as I got closer to my school it became obvious that it was a holiday today but no one had told me. There was also nothing in my online calendar about any public holiday either. Well I just tuned right around and drove back straight to Utopia and enjoyed a couple of coffees there. Never mind the wasted petrol, here we are already with a day off after only two days back at school. Take what you can get.
Something I learned today?
I guess I learned (a little too late) that today is the Royal Ploughing Ceremony holiday and that the schools shut because of this.
What impact do I hope to make in the world?
Bereft of youthful idealism I hope that I can encourage some of my students to push themselves to make better futures for themselves. Perhaps this is elderly idealism. At least I still cling to an ideal.
Hands Cave – 16th May 2023
Can you say hello for ten thousand years?
Can you see these words in twelve thousand and twenty-three?
What does it mean when the writing is on the wall?
Leaving one’s mark for the whole world to see
Were your dreams as big as mine today?
Staring at a sky only minutely adjusted
It’s a blink of an eye for those held on high
And in whose words were once trusted
Today I’m feeling:
A little dizzy and unsure which way things will go. So I’ll push myself in the direction of happiness as best I can.
Today I’m grateful for:
The two bloggers who click on the like button to almost every single thing I post. I’m reminded about this today as I had a quick look at their posts too and liked a few back.
The best thing about today was:
Getting home before midday after going to school, hanging around, having coffees and going grocery shopping. Taking advantage of this chill week before getting into the classroom.
Also seeing Mee, Yok and Petch at school again as they didn’t come yesterday. We were all happy to see each other again.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Nothing except minor inconveniences that were acceptable to my current state of mind.
Something I learned today?
I saw a nice story about Taiwanese and HKers travelling to a mainland Chinese city to celebrate a local south china festival of which I forget the details but the point is that despite all the supposed tensions between these places the average people in the street just want to get on with their lives.
Fair-weather Fan – 15th May 2023
Cheering on the cheerleaders
We’re practising our cheer
It’s our team’s turn to rule
We are the leaders clear
Inspiring on to further heights
We’re living our best days
Until complacency at the top
Sees a change of ways
No longer on your side
You’re slipping down the ladder
Only winners get our support
There’s no time for being sadder
Who was that team we knew?
They’ve disappeared somehow
Forgotten heroes of the past
Are left to linger now
Today I’m feeling:
I’m happy and looking forward to teaching again. Meeting my students was fun and brought me happiness but I still feel I’m missing something deep down.
Today I’m grateful for:
All the class homeroom teachers who will take care of my students. I know all of them so I think we can work well together to mould the students to my wishes in class. It gives me a bit more confidence at least.
The best thing about today was:
Hanging out with my students again. A lot of them are disappointed that I’m not teaching them much or at all this semester. That was nice to hear but I know they will adjust quickly. I enjoyed being around them so much that I stayed until 2 pm even though I could’ve just gone home at 9 am if I’d wanted to. I met some of my new students too. They mostly seem shy so far. I’m sure that won’t take long to change though.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got my timetable for the semester which threw a few curveballs. Just one one-hour class on Monday which would be great but it starts at 1.30 pm so I have to go to school at 8 am and then hang around for five hours before teaching. I don’t really mind this. It gives me time to read or write or prepare… I can fill the time, no problem.
Something I learned today?
There are rumours that US NGOs paid voters for pro-democracy candidates in this weekend’s election in an effort to influence Thailand away from China and towards the US. Whilst I think this is probably likely I would still hope that a new, younger government will be able to improve the situation for the majority of people in Thailand. There still seems to be a feeling of hope for the future. No doubt there will still be some form of finagling for the military-backed establishment to make sure they maintain power so it could all go to shit in a second so we’ll just have to wait and see. Thai people in general seem quite positive and accepting of their lot. Of course, they all wish it was better. It would be nice to get a sense of optimism for the future here though.
What is a book, movie, or song that has deeply affected me?
Too many to mention but off the top of my head Dostoevsky’s The Dream of a Ridiculous Man and Notes From Underground, Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina for books. Movies – movies seem to have a less deep impact though I enjoy many. There is one in particular though that I wish I could forget. That is certainly one that affected me and not in a good way. As for music, I think that is all about nostalgia. There are many songs that give me goosebumps.
1994ever 