*Yes – 7th September 1998

Email with TLJ

S: You know Yes is my favouritist word. I think I got da bug – I got running things out my behind and I think I have go to the toilet now and my big fat tum aches inside. I know the cure so come rub me better. Thinking, dreaming of you always and what you are and who you be and what it means to me. Angel like, that’s you

T: in a rush, gotta go, just writing to let you know how much i like you. i like you very much – love even, well maybe.

T: well, di wants to go shoppng instead of working,

S: She’s such a girl

T: so i’m gonna exchange my dad’s shoes

S: and she’s conned you into going shopping too right

T: and then probably go home (or to your place) to do some work.

S: Yes,yes,yaasss

T: I’m really worried about marketing now, cause we actually have to do 9 chapters!!!!!

S: Don’t worry – you’ll be cool -I’ll leave you alone OK.

T: anyway, tu split up the chapters between us, so i only have to do chapter 8. but i still won’t feel comfortable not having summarised all the chapters myself!

S: Yeah, I agree – well read it all and you will explain it to me.

T: how did the ultrasound go? hope you’re ok babe.

S: I’m OK aren’t I?

T: love tlj

S: I want your love

*Operations – 6th September 1998

Email with TLJ

T: how’s your day been so far? hope it’s going well. apparently, sheera’s real name is princess adora – hah! pat wrote and told us all. anyway, sorry for keeping you up last night. still want to hear everything you did last night. real tired, only had about 5 hours sleep – how about you. anyway, how come you haven’t emailed me yet?
just doing sdd stuff. got a timesheet to do. email me babe.

S: Only just got here sweety. Remember I went to the doctors this morning. I have to have an ultrasound and may need surgery! Not sure if the Workers Comp will cover that and worried they might want all the money back. I’m real tired too. I wish you were here.
Missing you. Need coffee.
I mean REALLY missing you. Not the normal every day missing you that I day but a long heart aching miss of your breath on my cheek…..

T: i’m sorry you have so many things wrong with you (though i think you’re perfect!).
anyway, had the weirdest dream….I was supposed to meet my SDD group at 11am, and mel (from my sdd group) had sent invitations for this dinner/party at her house, that started at 1, and she didn’t want anyone turning up later than 1. anyway, in actuality, i don’t know what mel thinks of me, cause when we were doing sdd, we weren’t really on the same wavelength in understanding each other – but we were the two that knew and understood the most about it, but i left it to her to compile our documentation together – so the fact she invited me was weird – and i was really eager to see what her husband looked like – (just curious, because she talks about him sometimes).
anyway, when i got to uni whilst waiting for the sdd meeting, i went to see this performance, and they were giving out free magnums (the iceblocks – the food had to come in somewhere) and I saw eric and told him i couldn’t sell his friend my SM textbook. he said it was ok.
then i realised it was 2pm, and i had missed the sdd meeting AND mel’s party – but was still keen to go to mel’s.
also, i didn’t have anything to take to mel’s and thought she’d resent me even more if I didn’t take anything along – so i went to shop for wine, and met some other people on this grassy hill (kathleen was there for some of my dream).
anyway, that’s not the wierd part. i was phoning you from outside your office – like at csc when you ring from the phone just outside the door, but our lines crossed and i started talking to your boss jacqui and you.
anyway, she sounded like a real bitch and really sarcastic, so I decided to muck around with her a bit – being a real smartarse. and she was sarcastically asking for paper for the printer or something, and i was feeling pretty smug saying shit back to her.
then she hung up, and i got a scare because she burst out the door and grabbed hold of me and told me i was never going to work at csc ever!!!!!!!!!
i think it was a premonition. anyway, sorry to bore you with my dream, but it was so vivid, and funny that i dreamed it. i even remember what jacqui looked like and was wearing!
anyway, please explain it to me. i couldn’t write anything raunchy last email cause i was talking to the first year who thinks i am a militant lesbian, and well, i couldn’t ruin the fantasy for him!!!!!!

S: Not sure I can explain but it’s funny as fuck! Lucky you not having to ever work at CSC!! Not sure I like you being someone else’s fantasy. I think you should be just mine – actually I guess you are my reality (as you help me with my fantasies). Anyway – don’t want them thinking funny things about you. Tell them you have a mean mother of a boyfriend who’ll come beat him up. You never bore me sweety. Oh yeah – I’m still missing you.
Lots to say but too little time and also brain is on go slow due to tiredness. Mail me all day though!!

S: Ahh, yr the sweetest little thing

T: i remember after she came and yelled at me though, that i’d blown my chances and i’d never be able to work at CSC – and i was real disappointed. do you think jacqui would do that to me?

S: Anything to get things the way she wants them – watch out babe this is the real world and prepare to be crushed.

T: will keep emailing you. hearing from you is fun. missing you too babe.

S: I love the ding of new mail

T: just physio tonight?

S: Yes. and sleep at last.

T: i think our family is living on the edge and perhaps going indian tonight – cause nat’s bored with chinese.

S: Well, that’s what i was thinking last night while I was talking to Dharmini!!!! ONLY JOKING – DON’T HIT ME – well not til I’m ready.

T: we didn’t get mum anything so i feel bad, but i hope the party we throw her will cheer her up.

S: Is she unhappy – how can you tell.

T: anyway, i’ll keep looking. dad made croissants this morning, and kath got her chocolates and dried apricots or something (though mum made it pretty clear to her she didn’t want chocolates or flowers this year!) but dad
doesn’t seem to get the message – how could anyone not want chocolates and flowers i ask you? or kitchen appliances for that matter – or irons………..

S: Someone to iron too hey

T: real tired as well, though my fingers aren’t keeping up with the brain so well (what’s new) – and there’s so much i’d like to tell ya. notice the length of my mails to yours – mine’s longer – but what’s new? – ha!

S: I’m sorry but I’m happy. Thanks for your beautiful time

T: i’m full of energy babe, full of you, tlj

S: I’m full of you and I’ll be full of energy too if you come right here and sit on my lap.
Soon, sooner, soonest

T: that dharmini comment’s the funniest thing i’ve heard all week – can’t stop laughing – i look like a git. man that was such a good call…….you bastard!

S: I’ll take that as a compliment!

T: love the name. also love ari for a girl.

S: The singer in the Slits was called Ari Up.

T: anyway, if you’re that bored with chinese, try something else.

S: Well, I’m not, so there!

T: now you tell me, what’s irish and spanish cuisine like? heard an awful lot about the tapas and paellas – fiery!

S: Jeez, man you the one who watches all the cooking progs on TV. Din’t you see Iain Hewitson (or whatever his fat name is) do his tour of European cuisine. Only remember Italy actually but sure they went to Spain too. As for Irish they just eat anything and potatoes and you have to drink ten pints of Guiness at lunch time then it doesn’t matter what the food tastes like.

T: love to try them all one day, won’t stop til i’ve tasted all the nations – i’m very multicultural.

S: Watch out for Pauline. Yes – we’ll try them together – you go the meat I’ll go the veggies (cos I’m cool and yr not)

T: quick thinking – i thought you were tired, but you’re just crude.

S: Don’t understand this comment

T: i hate that in a man, and in english food – getting fucking tired of just plain old bangers and mash!

S: What the fick are talking bout sweety. PLEASE EXPLAIN!

T: better keep me satisfied babe, tlj.

S: Well, howm ah doing?

T: ps – HA!

S: PS HA2! Loving ya sexy

T: well, you vague little thing – you say you’re getting bored with Chinese, so I’m a gonna get bored with english. get it? you were talking bout girls (I was talking about food)

S: Ah, well now I understand you see cos you are always thinking bout food and I’m always thunking bout girls and in particular one little cute girl on the end of these mails, namely you , you understand.

T: so know i’m talking about both – men and food (bangers and mash and you). still don’t get it? i’ve gotta go.

S: Yr gone.

T: have fun, love tlj. ps – you’ve kept me entertained this morning. thanks babe.

S: The same!

*Unix – 5th September 1998

Email with TLJ

S: Where you bin? I bin calling you no answer me. Snubber? Like friday mon – you snub me.
Snub me no more lady I no like it.
Sexy

T: well, i was just out having lunch with two older gentlemen – who paid for me! and it was yum-cha!

S: Damn it babe you make me so jealous. Who are these old guys – I’ll kill em!

T: so i couldn’t answer the phone. anyway, you still meeting me babe? what time, where? are you going straight to the harbourside brasserie – cause if you are you should meet me at uni, and i’ll see if i can go out from there.

S: I guess I can meet you at uni but I probably won’t get there til about 7. If you want you can come meet me in Chatswood or just wait at the bar for me – let me know.

T: anyway, i know you’ll be at the physio, so reply with a time to meet and a place, and if i can’t make it, i’ll leave a message on your answering machine.

S: Well, meet me at the bar at around 7. Otherwise meet me in Chatswood – I’ll drop you home if you have to go home or we can amble down into the city stopping for a coffee or something on the way. How does that sound?

T: feeling a bit sick though.

S: I have a cure for that.

T: better go, classes start in 10 mins. had a great time looking at books in the co-op shop. there’s so much stuff I just gotta read!

S: You know what I’m gonna say don’t you?

T: ok, be at the bar around 7 but be there quick – or i’ll get pissed…………………………off, and i’ll leave.

S: I’ll be there soon as I can sweetheart – you betcha oh yes dolly babe

T: by the way, don’t you dare kill those GENTLEmen – i think they’re pretty rich and handsome. they can drive too, and they’re of very high breeding – very good bloodline so i’ve heard.

S: Inbred? Seriously – any friend of yours is a friend of mine (if they wanna be of course (and most of them don’t (oh well)))

T: see ya babe, tlj.

S: You will and you better believe this monkey’s coming at ya full force dynamo baby shock baby boo

*Kodak – 4th September 1998

Emails to TLJ

When you lay with your head gentle on my lap last night your beauty rose up to my eyes and I wanted to capture that moment, hold it in my memory forever and lose myself. This is where I want to be, always.


I hope that you don’t need to worry unnecessarily about what your friends think of you, me, us…. You can just tell them you went to the music festival with me and that’s why I was there. They know how much I am into music and how interested you were in that aspect. Hope you have a good day at uni today and sure wish to be seeing you soon.


There’s a part in On The Road where Sal goes to sit on the banks of ‘his beloved” Mississippi leaving Dean and MaryLou at Bull Lee’s place. When he gets there he finds the river fenced off and says ‘When they separate the rivers from the people…then what is the world coming to”. All those years ago JK stood at the Mississippi and then recently JB stood there, where there was no fence and chose to take a fatal dip. Both our revolutionary heroes now gone.

Was wonderful to doze together on Saturday. Come be in my arms again sweet angel. You are the best.

*Notes – 3rd September 1998

Email with TLJ

S: Hey. Hope yr having a fine day. I’m still lost and gone in last night. Hope you can come along tonight after Patti Smith. Daevid Allen is tomorrow night. Me, I’m every night! (For you)
Shaunus the Menace

T: thanks for last night babe.

S: Anytime – you got it!

T: still lost with ya.

S: YYYYEEEEEAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

T: i still don’t know what my plans are for tonight, i may have to skip what is music and go tomorrow night instead,

S: OK – you take care getting home tonight though.

T: though i was still pretty keen to see Jad Fair and Daevid Allen.

S: Yeah, I think Jad Fair should be interesting but all the others will be good. Looking forward to Sportsbra who is Nick from Phlegm (I think).

T: Hum’s address is 81 oxford st. paddington,

S: I’ll meet you there although I’ll probably be late and may not be able to get in. I’ll meet you outside after it’s finished. If YOU can’t get in then I’ll meet you outside and maybe we’ll go get some dinner somewhere (cheap). Actually I could probably give you a lift to a station somewhere when you need to go home. WIM starts at 8(ish).

T: and ph 9331 xxxx for enquiries. I’m hoping to get there early. what time do you reckon you’ll leave what is music? tonight?

S: If you go whenever you want – if you don’t go then whenever I want! Probably late -just depends on how tired I am but I’ll try and see it all.

T: i was thinking i might get the new patti smith cd to see if i can get it signed. – but it’ll probably be too busy.

S: Good idea – tell her to say hello to Bob from me! (Have you heard the new Patti Smith though?) Toe to Toe covered Rock N Roll Nigger as an encore to their show at the Iron Duke recently. Great song.

T: write me what you’re doing buddy babe, tlj

S: Falling deeper and deeper in love!

*Work – 2nd September 1998

Email with TLJ

T: still at uni. mail me babe, need ya.
what are you doing this evening – more sitting on your balcony.

S: Not sure what time you sent this – I just got back from lunch (just went for a walk). Hope yr day is good. I guess I’ll be on the balcony – will probably clean the other two chairs and sweep up the bird seed (will have to get a feeder on the weekend I think) put away the clothes move the carpet and maybe organise it all a bit more feng shui. Care to join me? You are welcome anytime – what’s mine is yours OK! Was thinking I’d like to go back to Market City on the weekend – get some sago pudding maybe…can you make it – maybe go to What Is Music afterwards? What you think my love?

T: well, can’t get through to di’s mobile, and her home phone is busy, so may be able to see you tonight. only one prob – eric messed up my hair so it looks shit, and i took my wax out of my bag just this morning, so I’m really upset. i lost my spikes! maybe i can get some wax – and a massage at your place babe.
going to the library now, will be back soon and hopefully i can meet you in chatswood. give me a time and a place babe. or are you doing anything else tonight?

S: I’ll be here for you sweetheart. My machine is having a spazz at the moment so I may not be able to mail you again. I’ll fix your hair and give you a massage – no worries. Call me when you can. Love to you angel

*All right – 1st September 1998

Email with TLJ

S: Hey sweety I’m missing you and wanna make things good with you. Wanna know you’re all right with everything. Want you to know that I think you’re great, happy and full of life. (We all have our bad days – me particularly)
Love to you

T: you know what? whatever.
No only kidding – just knew that would piss you off.

S: Hang on – I’ve put my sense of humour down here somewhere….

T: Planning on going shopping with sue, di, and tu in about 1/2 an hour.

S: Window shopping I hope. Or a present for me of course.

T: josh asked if that guy on friday night was anything special,

S: Tell me the truth – is he?

T: and made a reference to Jack (whom he has heard a bit about from nat) – i think I said something bitchy though to cover up. anyway, he’s moving out with jay and joe to Newtown tomorrow. sue, di and tu asked if i wanted to go white water rafting in october – i’ll think about it, though it’s 90 dollars + you have to find transport (can get a lift with sue and di, or you wanna drop me? i think it’s at Shoalhaven or something).

S: You know I can drop you – can I come too – or is that a girl thing too (or a uni thing). I think I’d like to be in a dingy with three beautiful teenage girls (hang on I’m just going to the toilet).

T: Shaun also offered to pay for josh’s skydiving ticket!

S: OK – will he pay for me too? (and I’ll promise to be his friend)

T: no, things are good with me, i only wanted to spend the night together and really have fun – no worries or anything.

S: We’ll have a long hot bath – I’ll massage you and you can fall asleep in my arms.

T: di can’t make tomorrow girlie thing, so i may be able to see you.

S: Oh, but I’m seeing Di…oops! No no that would be cool. I look forward to it.

T: As well, i may try dropping around to marty’s party, or maybe even newtown to see triple J’s (get it) new house.

S: I can always drop you there too sweety.

T: Sunday’s out though, cause i may be getting together with di to work on IS & OD. and monday night, we may be having our girlie night (if mum lets me).

S: Oh well. If you can you can if you can’t you can’t – no sweat. You know I’ll be waiting for you.

T: anyway, what are your plans?

S: I might try and get a swim in this weekend actually – otherwise more work on the equipment and some noise plus comic reading and taking it easy.

T: love tlj
ps – i’m wearing his pants for her………….

S: Can I wear your pants…
Hope you get this – our mail server is fucked today

T: ok, so we didn’t get to go shopping but i’ll be going after the marketing lecture til 5, and then i’ll come see you at about 6pm at the physio.
we were talking instead and boy have i got some juicy goss to tell you! the best!
catch ya babe

*I hope – 31st August 1998

Email with TLJ

T: we can see each other tonight and that would make us both feel better.
had an awful dream last night. They’re still looking for people to lab assist comp prac – or a subject similar to it. They want 9-1 on fri morning’s. If i could move my marketing principles tute, i could make it 2 hours, although i will miss out 1/2 hour of IS &OD either way! DAMN! and i’m in marketing principles with all my friends and we’re doing the group assignments together (sue, tu, di, me and jeff!)

S: Hey – I feel good anyway. Don’t you? I can make you feel better (I think!). Anyway – I hope I can see you too. Meet me at the physio as soon as you can – maybe we can go get a coffee somewhere? Sorry about your dream (Can I make it better?)
Cheer up Miss Blue – I’ll be here for you (no expectations no demands plenty of rope)

*Burning Lotus- 30th August 1998

Email with TLJ

S: My heart aches for you
My heart yearns for you
My heart waits for you
My heart burns for you
My love
You have it all
My love
We have it all.

S: I feel like Albinocino at Milsons Point – let’s do it one day this week. Don’t forget Weds is Patti Smith.
Love to you

S: Was a beautiful night last night. Dropped the video back to Macquarie – the air was sharp and perfumed with warmth. Was great to be alive and despite the lateness of the evening, I was revitalised. Wished to share it with you. When I got home I sat on my balcony and read some and looked out into the darkness and felt safe, warm and happy. Thanks for being part of that (part of me).

T: K said “cool” when i gave her the jellybabies – they’re from Jack. she says thanks, and i’ve got a kiss to give you from her! she was really pleased with the jellybabies – didn’t even care she’s already got the sticker from the last pack.
anyway, how come you snubbed me by sending the What Is Music program to Notlih – behind my back? you guys do everything together now.
anyway, just had a shit time – i can’t find a partner for Distributed D/B and this guy i don’t think i could work with asked me to work with him. But i really don’t want to work with him – don’t think i’m being a bitch, but sue, di, and tu would say exactly the same thing – and the rest of BIT as well – but i really don’t think i could find another partner. so i’d
be really upset – i know you think i’m being a bitch, so i won’t say anymore.
anyway, got in early – so read a bit more of Fear and Loathing. had a real boring morning, cheer me up please baby.
had fun last night – thanks for everything. couldn’t have fun without you!
love ya babe, tlj

S: Hey babe. Just bin for a walk – not feeling 100% today. I saw Di was online last night but didn’t talk to her – hope she thinks you’re still OK. Do you think she was crying because of her and Trin (i hope it wasn’t because I knew). I hope you guys go OK today anyway.
I’m waiting for that kiss from K. I’ll send the program later – not sure if I still have a copy (did ANdrew forward it to you anyway?) I don’t think you’re being a bitch – why not just ask Chris – he’d drop any other partner to work with you I’m sure! Hope your morning is improving (din’t my mails cheer you up some?). Gotta get a bird feeder soon – i wanna clean up my balcony cos it was just beautiful out there last night.
Speak to me soon – I had the best time last night too – let’s do it again.

*Sorry baby – 28th August 1998

Email to TLJ

I’m sorry things didn’t go as you planned this lunchtime. It sure was great to see you though. You know I just thought that I can read the rest of my diary into the computer with that speech recog program. Will take a while though – may be able to write some other stuff this way too…

Just had the coconut drink I bought a while back – it was awesome. A taste sensation! Can’t get over how beautiful you are. You shine like a diamond for me sweety. All my love