You really are a pain
Someone removed your brain
You live in the pits
Of the world and it’s
A pain in the arse of the pits of the world
Black Squares – 19th October 1984
Walking across the tiled floor
Multi-coloured tiles lay out my track
I can choose three different routes
But why do I always choose the black?
Black squares – under my feet
Black squares – look so neat
Black squares – lay out my track
Square square square
Black black black
21st Jan 1998 – This is about where I had my first job which had black and white check tiles much like our kitchen had before we had it recovered. Funny how something so trivial could spark a poem out of me in those days – now I write much more emotional style pomes.
Cancerous Growth – 18th October 1984
Malignantly stunted
The scalpel blade is blunted
You swore under oath
To remove that cancerous growth
It was growing unheard
Developing with every word
Unfelt but for a twitch now and again
That cancerous growth was your brain
Patient Patient – 17th October 1984
We are harmonious
We are discordant
We are waiting
We are patient
For the patient
We are the patients
Running out of patience
21st Jan 1998 – I think I have become a very patient person over the last few years. I never used to have patience with people, especially ‘stupid’ people (or ‘normal’ people maybe – not even sure what I mean here myself!) People who didn’t understand me I didn’t have much time for. I learn from people like yourself that sometimes it is worth the effort to get to know people better and I am making the effort a bit more these days – I’m actually enjoying working here at the moment – there was a certain atmosphere of a team spirit over Christmas which was enjoyable although one or two people seem to be in it for themselves, digging away at people and things that they don’t understand – I guess a sign of immaturity (much as I was immature in my behaviour before when I was younger).
The Dog Bites Back – 16th October 1984
Woof woof woof
Aaarrrggghhh
(Healed well)
6th July 2023 – I don’t have any memory of ever being bitten by a dog.
The Carpenter’s Go-fer – 15th October 1984
Sawing and chopping
Planing then stopping – and saying
Go-fer the tape, go-fer the screws
Go-fer the coffee, that’s what I could use
Having a rest, drinking his coffee
Just enough time to bite on a toffee
Before
Planing and chopping
Sawing then stopping
And saying
Go-fer the wood, go-fer the square
Go-fer the nails, go on – over there
I went for the rope
And put it round his throat
And pulled it as tight as I could
You know I think he wood –
Go-fer
6th July 2023 – I did a couple of days of work with a builder who was a friend of someone in the family in some way. I only remember moving bricks and sand around in a wheelbarrow but it’s probable that this experience inspired this verse. I guess I also did a pretty shit job as I was never asked to come back again.
To be honest, I felt pretty useless. I didn’t really understand how things worked at all. Common sense was still a way off for me. I was a late learner in some things. When Hayden shows signs of this too, I have to remind myself about how I was even up until my thirties.
When I consider how Thai students are coddled through school here and learn some of the stories of behaviour once they leave it’s a wonder that many can even dress themselves.
*The Week That Was – 15th October 1984
Record of the week: Cult Maniax – Cold Love LP
15th October 1984
Stayed in. Went to Ferndown Industrial Estate.
17th October 1984
Went to Holtwood Youth Club. It’s quite good.
18th October 1984
Stayed in. Finished reading The Funhouse – good. Reading Delta Star – fucking funny book.
19th October 1984
Went to Hinton Martell. Applied for Youth Club leader. ‘They’ll let me know.’ Sure
20th October 1984
Doing fireworks – down track. Jasper’s a fuckin’ selfish wanker. OH WELL – THAT’S LIFE.
R ‘n’ R Groupie – 14th October 1984
Why do they always look like hippies?
Or boring old tarts
Rock ‘n’ Roll groupie
Don’t wanna know me
Cos I’m not in the charts
6th July 1984 – I was definitely projecting a little at this point though the correlation is with all the pretty girls at school being attracted to all the trendy normies and not the misfits.
Bravo – 13th October 1984
You look so hard
You marked my card
I’m down to die
But I wanna know why
Bravo
6th July 1984 – As an awkward and different teenager, purposefully outside normal society, I was always a target for the normies. At the time I couldn’t understand it. No matter how I looked or acted I was still a human being just like everyone else. I would be kicked and punched and called names just for being different, for being a punk. Whatever hatred and misunderstanding they had of me they passed along and I returned the favour though never took anything to violent extremes. I could let people be if they could do the same.
Rising Free – 12th October 1984
Broken boredom ecstatic relief
I have fallen for their false belief
They got me rising so high
My head is in the clouds
Right where it was before
But with a different level of crowds
Broken boredom always on your toes
I have to wear their uniform clothes
Was so high, now I’m tired
I rose to the summit
My body was exhausted
I had to submit
I rose free wearing their chains
No code to decipher what’s in my brains
1994ever 