Tag: Amy

What’s The Point Of Your Third Eye When The First Two Are Blind? – 13th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Standing in the garden at night
Looking up at the brightest star
The darkness blankets me in comfort
I cannot fathom where you are

I’m just beginning my investigation
An infinite universe to explore
I’m not afraid of this vagueness
It’s what every idea is for

It’s a new way of seeing
A view of the world with open eyes
No limits to where I roam
With childlike wonder and surprise

Repressed ideas often leak out
But they no longer make me afraid
I challenge myself for the pleasure
Of this wonderful life I’ve made

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy got up with me this morning to join my abs workout. It was tough for her.

The crappy TV break yesterday was less than crappy. It was perfect.

I watched some YouTube videos and some Trailer Park Boys. I dismissed TPB when it first aired because it wasn’t laugh-out-loud funny, just amusing stereotypes at play. After 15 years, I decided to give it another shot and I’m glad I did. One thing I like about it is the appearance of how much fun they must have had making it. I’m very curious what these people are like in real life but I don’t want to find out yet, that would spoil the illusion for me.

The environment for the setting of the show reminds me so much of when I used to visit Turlin Moor with Justin and, occasionally, Rupert and Jeremy. Looking back, that place was scary. Turlin Moor was an area in Poole where recently released convicts were rehoused. Needless to say, not many had been rehabilitated.

I don’t really remember how often I went there but it was enough to feel somewhat welcome and protected. We hung out at a family house. A mother (Pam) with two kids and then all the other wastrels hanging around. There was usually 10 to 12 people lounging around the living room.

I never went on my own, always with Justin, though I may have stayed there overnight sometimes and Justin went to his home, which was within walking distance.

Friendly though the people there were, they weren’t always the brightest sparks and trouble was never far away. I managed to avoid getting involved and just relished this little family community that accepted anyone.

My other main watch this weekend was on YouTube, where I discovered someone had uploaded the Sensational Swans video. Something I’d been trying to find since its release in late 2005. It was available to buy from the Sydney Swans website but I didn’t want to pay full price for it and hoped it would turn up in the video store and I could just rent it and rip it. I did that with the release of the Grand Final from that year but the Sensational Swans was an hour and a half review of the whole season. In comparison the final was not so excting.

Anyway, watching this on the weekend got me wound up. Remembering names and goals and faces but the best/worst things was feeling the tension watching the little game reviews, even though I already knew the result.

I love watching the AFL and the Swans (when we play well). I’m excited for the coming season already.

My Wife’s Performance Review – 18th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Yesterday I reviewed the dog
Today I review my wife
I feel her performance
Doesn’t meet the standard for my life

She’s got some goals to reach
And I will keep on poking
Look out, here she comes
No honey, I’m joking! I’m joking!

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the adjustable bracket I bought for my iPad so that I can read laying down flat and looking straight up. I hope this helps a little with my sore neck.

Well, turned up today to find only 4 students come to my first class and none to my second! I guess I would’ve done the same after getting a vaccine and being told you may get sick afterwards. I would definitely be sick!

But, I haven’t let the kids off – I sent them the work I had planned. I expect the good ones to do it. It will help them with their work for next week.

It means I have another full day mooching around so at the moment I’m in 22 Grams as I had to come and collect Amy’s vaccine passport. I will apply for one too next week, now that I know where to go and what to do.

Hayden called me yesterday and seemed pretty upbeat. He’s getting involved in some disability care training, which could be really good for him. Doing good things for other people will definitely improve your own self-worth and esteem.

Amy’s student, Nong Na, will come on Saturday and I will teach/talk with her for half an hour or so. I’ve been thinking about what to do and as I’m writing this, the idea has come forth for her to interview me. Sometimes the act of writing provides the inspiration.

I’m waiting for Central to open in 15 minutes (11 am) to go and double-check the price of the MacBook Air. I’d like to buy it before Amy goes away. My laptop is starting to get very slow and finicky, especially the trackpad. As I mentioned before – it still works though. 12 years use for a laptop is pretty good going!

I already prepared all of next week’s work for classes yesterday, so I can start on 2/9’s future classes with the subjects they’ve chosen. I could probably finish that all this afternoon and, who knows, maybe even tomorrow, students will still be ‘sick’. Then next week I can just sit in cafes and read, write, caffeinate.

Here I am again in another job where there’s hardly any work to do. I’ll motivate myself to improve the quality of my work. Put effort into the common good.

(Later) I made a good decision to go and get a massage. I feel great! Now, I’m back at House for afternoon coffee and I’ll go back to school around 3 pm, as I did yesterday, and eat lunch!

Tall Tales Told – 16th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The stories we tell always change
To suit the audience being told
Fake news has been around forever
The preposterous tales of old

Legends live on in our minds
To moralise for the present
Made obvious for the new generation
Who is bad and who is pleasant

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to the two guys who make the You Don’t Know Mojack podcast as they have introduced me to good music that I would maybe never hear otherwise.

I don’t know how many months now that it has been that I have been trying to play Scarborough Fair 100% accurately on guitar. It made me mad and then I got all ‘whatever’, thinking that one day it will come. I’m still waiting for that day. The chord change from Dm to F was/is the main stumbling block and when I do manage it I end up not quite nailing something else. Never give up. I do fucking hate this song now though.

I’m out in my room and can hear Amy screaming inside. I don’t mean screaming scared but just drunkenly emoting loudly on the phone. She does get excited after a couple of wines.

Good classes today. Some testing students but not too bad. I’m pretty calm most of the time now.

I Need A Maid – 15th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Feed the cats, iron the shirts, wash the dishes
My wife has gone with the bestest of my wishes
She did so much and I even paid
But without her, I realise that I need a maid

First-world problems, yes, I understand
Pleasure and housework don’t go hand in hand
Now I’m wishing that my wife had stayed
Cos I don’t want to admit that I need a maid

See yesterday’s poem

4th Jun 2024 – Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Amy’s parents for understanding her and not making any crazy demands of her.

A reasonable Monday with a couple of classes. Felt good, students playful but did their work. Did they learn anything? I’m not so sure! Keep plugging away.

I’ve had lots of thoughts go through my head that I though might be interesting to write down but I failed to capture them at the time and now they’ve left the long winding river, somewhere out of reach. If they’re important enough, I’m sure they will float back sometime.

Gone Away – 14th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

There’s no problem between us
I’d never tell you you have to stay
We are always together at heart
Even after you’ve gone away

Our dreams are sometimes different
And other times they are the same
We push each other to realise them
Cos our love will always remain

With the latest technology
We are merely a whisper apart
It may be a while ’til we meet again
But you always remain in my heart

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for Google Translate. It can help make the parents aware of their children’s work and to push them to complete it.

On Friday afternoon, I started to enjoy a grim feeling. Lethargic, sour thoughts, dizziness. I got home and vegitated with some Netflix but I couldn’t enjoy it.

I woke up feeling good on Saturday but soon this sad feeling appeared again. I was very aware of it. Anything I watched or read compounded it; nothing was contributing anything good to the world.

I slept a little and in the evening read a load of comics and a little bit of Rollins ‘Stay Fanatic’. I thought that perhaps I should understand clearly what Rollins was saying about the power of music and he hides himself in the melodies and nuance of those sounds. Perhaps I should’ve tried the same.

Today, I’m feeling ok again and intend to indulge myself in some music – just listening, nothing else. Something familiar.

I’ve recently been adverse to going to my man cave. Something about it displeases me and I can’t quite figure out what. Could be time for a rearrangement. I want a comfy armchair to relax on. I rarely see comfy armchairs in Thailand.

Is life too easy? – 28th October 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Is life too easy? Why is it so difficult to be bored these days? I need to be bored to be inventive – to break the cycle of boredom. Wandering around looking for something to do. Perhaps a return to England would help me to be bored again?

Actually, by rights, I should be bored here. I don’t speak the language well, we live in the middle of nowhere, no music scene as such – why am I not bored? Not in the way I used to be at least.

I was thinking about what it would feel like going to shows again – perhaps I would be bored with that now? Been there – done that! I get my doses of youthful energy through my students these days – though I feel sorry for them, unsure of their futures – maybe just as I was unsure of mine at their age. Some of them have a fire inside and I don’t want to see that extinguished and hope I can be a minor kindling for them. Do I care too much?

Yesterday was a long day at Amy’s parents. I tried to drink bee but my stomach feeling sore and I couldn’t make it through the second bottle. Having not drunk for so long I felt light-headed with the first bottle. Amy’s parents provided great food which lasted through lunch to dinner!

Takky and Amy drank and drank and sang and sang karaoke with Amy’s parents. I felt surprise at Amy’s dad being 74 and still drinking through a couple of bottle of Regency. That’s some stamina.

I amused myself on my phone and a couple of bike trips to buy more alcohol for them, including a nice sun-setting ride along the new river path that we’d watched being built from De Lanna a couple of years ago.

Every time I have a holiday from school, I don’t want to go back but also want that routine of getting up and doing something.

Amy is talking more about going to the UK or Australia for extended periods and potentially I could stop working. I’m thinking I would stay in our cafe/teaching room and the local uni students could come and hang out and practice their English with me, just on a casual basis. It could be nice or I could just end up lazy too, and watch TV and read books alone.

Well, let’s see. Read back on this in the future and see where life took.

16th Jul 2025 – Since this time, I’ve continued to work and enjoy it more and more, so that even now, if I had the possibility to stop working, I don’t think that I would. Amy went to Australia for around 18 months but is back now, a bit more settled but due more to circumstance, with both Cap and her Dad being sick. Otherwise, I think that she would be off again.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Amy’s parents for preparing their house and food for my birthday yesterday. Everyone had a good time and it was a good feeling.

T.M.I. – 3rd October 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

*So many things to be late for
How can anyone keep up?
Have you heard the latest
Gossip overflows its cup
It’s a big world of T.M.I.
Mindless work is just distraction
Just time for another meeting
To discuss avoiding action

*I read this line somewhere and was immediately taken by it and wrote it in a notebook. Then remembered it again when I was struggling for ideas and came up with this.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to chat with Bruno and Nut at our house. It was a pleasant afternoon with food, alcohol (not me) and coffee and cake. Nut seems pretty down-to-earth and straightforward. Amy and I like that.

Pay Attention – 29th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Are you listening carefully
To the big world around?
Are you looking where you’re walking
Or just staring at the ground?

Notice all the details
Little things easy to miss
Be grateful with all your senses
From which to bring you bliss

Breathe deep the air in thanks
Test everything you touch
Taste each gift of food
With the passion you love so much

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the buttery smell this morning as Amy prepares for a busy day baking cinnamon scrolls.

Today I’ve been feeling a little antsy though I’m not sure why. I think maybe yesterday I spent too long sitting and my lower back and thighs felt sore and then I woke up with a stiff neck again. I wasn’t looking forward to another day of sitting, whether at school or at House.

So, as I was going for coffee I decided to head to 22 Grams and read there for a bit, before heading to House. How lucky I am to be able to go to two cafes before even going to work!

There’s talk that we’ll have no holiday this time and that’s kind of a bummer if it happens, but as Dylan said, it’s not exactly like we work that hard anyway. He and George don’t put in the same sort of effort as I do from what I can see and I don’t mean that as a comparison but as a statement that for them they are very relaxed about their classes and the work the students put in. I can’t help myself being fully invested in helping my students.

Nearing the end of the semester, I’m relaxing too but even though I can sit around doing as I like most of the day, I would rather be able to do that at home. Having said that, I probably wouldn’t get as much done, such as reading, blogging or even writing this!

She’s Back – 27th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

I’ve had a long shower
And I’m snuggled up with a book
I can hear strange noises outside
But can’t be bothered to look

I’m about to fall asleep
The room is dark and black
That’s when the screaming starts
And when I know she’s back

She turns on all the lights
And dances around the room
Jumping up onto the bed
I hope she finishes soon

She makes me laugh and makes me mad
I’ll always love her to bits
But right now I need to sleep
And she’s really giving me the shits

Amy has turned much of our garden into a cactus oasis, not helped much by the long rainy season this year though. It was today I noticed that this delicate cactus was being held up by this tall ants nest, originally a stick in the ground. Ants will rule the world. They are also back in our kitchen building a small nest by the back door again.

Our neighbour’s dog, Tangmo, always enjoys coming to play but tends to go a bit nuts when he sees Kim Chi, who is usually behind a screen door inside her room. Today though, we’d just let her out when he decided to come visit and after a bit of chasing around the situation above occurred.

We worry that Tangmo could easily bite Kim Chi badly as he’s so much bigger and his barking and jumping around make her scared but usually, Kim will be the one chasing him away. Don’t fuck with our cats. Tangmo just seems to want to play but isn’t quite sure of the correct cat etiquette.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for LungChom and their delicious ice cream that I ate two bowls of last night in a state of overindulgence.

Feel good today after forcing myself to do my minimal daily exercise on the weekend (this morning is rest day so I did yoga instead). I also ate two bowls of ice cream last night – which were freaking delicious but perhaps a bit too much!

Oh stayed over last night, though I was in bed by then and didn’t see her this morning either. Amy is giving her a bread-baking tutorial. Amy also did a pre-order for her cinnamon buns and got inundated with requests, so much that she will be baking for three days instead of the planned one.

I listened to day 3 of the gratitude course this morning, which gave me two very important reminders. ‘I dismiss any thoughts that entertain feelings of comparison’ and ‘I embrace my journey because it is uniquely designed just for me.’ I think these constant habits of mine are slowly having the desired positive effect, though I am not particularly challenged these days, or at least I feel as if I’m not, which could also be because of these habits.

The semester is winding down now and I’m feeling pretty relaxed. I hope that students return next semester, as I don’t have anything else planned if we continue online and I also want to start my experiment with 2/9.

Last week I was getting a bit frustrated with my guitar playing but yesterday I got back into the flow, teaching me that it’s ok to relax, take a break if necessary and try again at another time. But it is not acceptable to give up.

I’m also working up the free time and courage to get back into learning the keyboard and music software and thinking about making songs again. I know I can do it but I’m also aware of what a time sink it will be.

Amy is still constantly frustrated with the situation in Thailand and I have to try and deflect or point out our positives so that it doesn’t get her too depressed. I am attempting to deal with the situation here stoically and I am happy to tell Amy that I am ok living anywhere in the world with her.

When she’s drunk, she will chide me with ‘you love it here, you can stay’ and whilst I wouldn’t say I love it here anymore than anywhere else, I am happily aware of how easy my life is compared to the UK and Australia. Even so, I will give it up if it makes Amy happier with herself and her situation.

The Week That Was – 26th August 1979

Writer’s Trick – 25th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Far across galaxies, I was taken
Flying towards the story’s end
A misdirection, a writer’s trick
On which the reader may depend

A cliffhanger chapter break
The reader left wanting more
Another leaf is turned
In this new world to explore

Better than a Netflix series
Read a book and chill instead
I wonder who will survive
And who will end up dead?

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for Amy’s friends who all ordered cinnamon buns from her when she posted online about them. She’s going to be busy.

Woke up this morning to Amy screaming ‘help’ and my name. I thought perhaps one of the cats had brought in a snake but it was just Cap and Tigger fighting each other again, clumps of fur scattered all about the kitchen and dining room. I don’t know why they have never gotten along. They tolerate each other but barely.

It wasn’t even 7 am but I got up and forced myself to do my mini workout for which I feel good for, right now. Must remind myself about this feeling each morning.