Tag: Amy

So much for blue skies, what about the future? – 24th March 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Woke up today with huge indecision about the future. Last night Amy and I discussed what we might do in the future and whether we are happy where we are at this time.

Amy’s reverse culture shock has been getting her down a lot and she is itching to go back to Australia – whether just to visit or to make more long term plans. She says once her parents have passed that she has no compulsion to stay in Thailand.

Combined with news that our school’s budget has been cut and we will have to teach more classes, containing more students, it’s a somewhat depressing look ahead. I would be happy not to work at all. I can ‘be’ in any place or country and the advantage for me here is that I don’t necessarily have to work, whereas in Australia it would be a must just to survive.

The current plan is that Amy goes to Australia for 3 to 6 months once there are less travel restrictions and I carry on teaching (or perhaps stop – to be considered) and then when Amy returns we start doing some sort of business on our land and see how that goes. If that keeps us both happy, then we stay and if not then maybe we have to decide to pack up and think about our options in Australia.

I started this post with these pictures of the summer garden taken a couple of weeks ago, but bigger thoughts have taken over. Let’s see how our garden grows.

Our mulberries have gone mental this year – everyday I can pick a new bowlful.
These tall branches reaching into the sky now have so much fruit that they are bending to touch the ground. I don’t know if this needs to be cut to grow differently or if it’s best to just leave it the way it is.
This Jacaranda currently has more flowers than leaves. Our four Jacarandas all seem to flower at random times throughout the year. I just hope that they can live and survive a lot longer and grow as big as the ones in Australia. Love these trees.
This is a weird bush, plant, tree (?) that reminds me of fractal theory – it looks like each ‘branch’ separates off into two and on and on.

24th Mar 2023 – The plan I discuss above is still in progress. Amy will have been in Australia on and off for almost two years by the end of this year and will come back then and again consider doing some business on our land. Things are a little more normalised after the 2 or 3 years of pandemic restrictions. The mulberries are going crazy again this year too. I wish the sky were as blue today as it is in these pictures. Today’s AQI is 224 (Very unhealthy).

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our wheelbarrow. Yesterday I used it to move a whole heap of rocks to the other side of the garden. Without my wheelbarrow, this would’ve been a real pain. I’m also grateful for our big shovel too. this helped me get all the rocks into the barrow. They are both bright orange – like lots of garden equipment here in Thailand.

The best thing about today was getting a gift from Am and Tee. It’s just a mug but I liked Am’s explanation for choosing it.

I taught Maeve online again tonight and that was really a pleasure – she’s a bright and enthusiastic learner so time went quickly.

I tried to practice guitar after that but somehow my fingers and brain aren’t quite connecting. That happens sometimes. If it’s not coming together after ten minutes, put it down and try again tomorrow.

We got that attitude! – 22nd March 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful that Amy had such a good time at the weekend. She came back very happy and a little drunk. I am grateful to Takky for taking care of her and doing all the driving too.

Well, Dylan didn’t make it on Saturday as he went out the night before. I can recall times when things like that would’ve upset me – especially as I was up and waiting for him at the meeting point. But now, I just brush it off and get on with other things and I spent an enjoyable day around the house and even treated myself to my first beers of the year – for which I paid for on the Sunday – but it was OK to remember what alcohol is like! It was also damn hot during the day and through the night now too. One thing I did notice is that my neck didn’t hurt in the morning like it usually does. Just the rest of my body suffering.

Anyway – the best thing that happened today was that I managed to get a lot of posts on to the blog as there is nothing much to do at school this week. Sadly, this morning George was really rude and abrupt with me, not even trying to be friendly with generic conversation, inviting others out for coffee to a different place than his usual DeLanna and not inviting me along or even looking at me. I can’t pinpoint anything in particular that I have done to upset him but he seems to have some problem with me again.

It’s sad to be posting up blogs from 2019 and how George helped me a lot and now he doesn’t even want to talk to me. I have my suspicions that it is something to do with his relationship with Bee and her friendship with Amy. I haven’t been the friend he wants me to be and that seems a little sad, selfish and egotistical on his behalf.

George likes his little troupe of followers to go along with him and everything he says and if you step out of line you are not allowed back in. Even Bee says he has problems with friends which is so odd because he is friendly and outgoing on the surface. But all that’s superficial.

Anyway, now is a test to see how I handle things because the environment at work is very uncomfortable because of this.

I’ve been reading Zen Mind, Zen Beginner and some of that calms me – but I can’t quite work out how. Other bits of it seem close to nonsense in a realistic world setting. I can understand it without thinking it’s something I should do – like bowing 9 times or something like that.

Anyway, reading, thinking, growing. It’s the same as it ever was.

We got that attitude! – 5th February 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for the eggs and toast Amy made for breakfast this morning. All the work of the farmers to raise their chickens, grow their crops and the bakers, the shopkeepers, delivery drivers. So many people involved just to bring me a small amount of food to give me energy through the day.
I am so happy and grateful for yoga. I always feel good after doing it. Even though my body is not yet flexible I hope over time that it will become more stretchy. Like everything – little by little, bit by bit.

Today I sent a message out to my classes saying Happy Friday. Some of the kids in 1/11, who always look like they really don’t enjoy my class, sent me messages back saying they miss me (they’ve been doing Scouts all week instead of regular lessons). I was surprised and asked them if they preferred studying with me and they said yes! That made me feel pretty good.

I realise I’ve nearly finished reading Notes From Underground – that’s twice in about three weeks I’ve read it. The Underground Man hits very close to home! But it helps me understand that it is ok to be the way I am – even if my world doesn’t always look so good. I’m here in my own mousehole – thinking, breathing, living. It’s ok.

We got that attitude! – 4th February 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful that our car started this morning because Amy said she had a problem with it last night. It’s great to have a reliable car.
I am so happy and grateful for Miche to be Amy’s friend and for her and Amy to go out last night and have some fun. Amy has been enjoying the garden but it’s good for her to get out otherwise she is stuck here all the time. So I’m thankful Miche is her friend.

The best thing about today was talking with Dylan about music. He asked me about the feeling when Kurt Cobain died and I asked him how old he was – but he hadn’t even been born. We talked about the Beatles, Bob Dylan, Gorillaz etc

Sketches for my sweetheart (the drunk) – 5th January 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We had a 4-day holiday over the new year. For 2021 I have made a half-hearted resolution to play more video games! Last year I rarely played anything at all. In fact, I have many things I could, can and will do but I thought it was amusing to make a resolution often seen as negative.

So for much of this 4-day holiday, I gave myself a backache by playing new games on my old Xbox One.

An exception to this was the evening of the 31st December where Amy and I enjoyed a spicy hot pot with the last packet of sauce my friend Ellen delivered from China last year (or the year before….when was it!?). We also sipped on yoghurt-flavoured shoju but Amy gave up around 11pm. We had watched the Sydney Harbour fireworks at 8pm and that is when Amy considers the new year to have actually started for us, her heart still being there. I carried on building cities and shooting monsters and was up again pretty early the following morning.

On the Saturday a few of Amy’s friends and I got together at a cafe on the way to Mae Sai. It was busy there but we all ate our fill and lazed around, Amy knocking back a few Heineken’s and getting a little louder as she likes to do.

We decided to visit her old friend from Sydney who has a cactus farm nearby and he kindly gave us a couple for Amy’s collection.

We had to stop at a shop on the way home so that Amy could grab another beer and she organized herself to head on into the city for more food and alcohol! My sweetheart the drunk!

I left her to it but she came back much earlier than I expected, mentioning about some of her friends who insist that good luck only comes from going to the temple – something that particularly rubs Amy the wrong way. Amy believes in herself and all good and bad comes from within. Thai people are still very superstitious and like to put blame and benefit on things outside their control. Obviously, I agree with Amy’s point of view but I don’t let other people’s ideas like this rub me the wrong way, though I also don’t have to listen to them complain about their lives either!

Before this holiday I thought I’d like to do something artistic again and started off with sketching. I have more ideas for continuing this than I have time currently available – it could be a battle between sketching or video games. I hope to balance this effectively. So, I was quite happy and proud of my first sketch – just looking up from my little floor table where I was working.


Brain dump

Post-yoga workout, meditate. Thoughts focus on relationships at school and people’s personalities. Stop comparing, you are you and you are fine – you don’t have to be like George or Dylan or anyone. Being yourself is fine.

Tigger cries in the morning. My middle back aches, work on core. 10 Burpee’s was tough! Getting up was tough.

Little Kim sleeps next to my butt. So much time – enjoy it – use it. Feel good. Feel strong.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my body to struggle through doing 10 burpees this morning. It was slow going but I made it. I must carry on.

The best thing that happened today was to watch a student’s face look happy when knowing that they had learned and remembered how to say a word correctly. This always makes me happy.