“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.” – Andre Gide
I am so happy and grateful that we can listen to Australian radio online. It’s nice to hear familiar English language voices even though it’s mostly vacuous nonsense. I know it makes Amy feel more comforted to listen. I’m thinking that we will end up back in Australia in the next ten years.
I am so happy and grateful for this delicious cinnamon scroll that I am about to eat. Amy made them earlier this week and she nailed it. Better than any store-bought scroll I ever tried.
Everyone was asking me why I wasn’t drawing pictures of Amy, so I thought I’d prepare a little surprise for our 11th wedding anniversary. I started with one of us together and then ones with Amy and one of her friends. I then sent these digitally to her friends and asked them all to send them back to Amy digitally today. It was fun to plan all this and it got me a lot of practice with sketching.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the TV in our hotel room last night. The porter switched it on when bringing in our bags and I thought it was weird to turn on the TV. As I was waiting for Amy I switched channels by total coincidence they had the ABC Channel and the Swans game was being shown live. I managed to watch the first half before we had to go out for dinner.
Woke up today with huge indecision about the future. Last night Amy and I discussed what we might do in the future and whether we are happy where we are at this time.
Amy’s reverse culture shock has been getting her down a lot and she is itching to go back to Australia – whether just to visit or to make more long term plans. She says once her parents have passed that she has no compulsion to stay in Thailand.
Combined with news that our school’s budget has been cut and we will have to teach more classes, containing more students, it’s a somewhat depressing look ahead. I would be happy not to work at all. I can ‘be’ in any place or country and the advantage for me here is that I don’t necessarily have to work, whereas in Australia it would be a must just to survive.
The current plan is that Amy goes to Australia for 3 to 6 months once there are less travel restrictions and I carry on teaching (or perhaps stop – to be considered) and then when Amy returns we start doing some sort of business on our land and see how that goes. If that keeps us both happy, then we stay and if not then maybe we have to decide to pack up and think about our options in Australia.
I started this post with these pictures of the summer garden taken a couple of weeks ago, but bigger thoughts have taken over. Let’s see how our garden grows.
24th Mar 2023 – The plan I discuss above is still in progress. Amy will have been in Australia on and off for almost two years by the end of this year and will come back then and again consider doing some business on our land. Things are a little more normalised after the 2 or 3 years of pandemic restrictions. The mulberries are going crazy again this year too. I wish the sky were as blue today as it is in these pictures. Today’s AQI is 224 (Very unhealthy).
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for our wheelbarrow. Yesterday I used it to move a whole heap of rocks to the other side of the garden. Without my wheelbarrow, this would’ve been a real pain. I’m also grateful for our big shovel too. this helped me get all the rocks into the barrow. They are both bright orange – like lots of garden equipment here in Thailand.
The best thing about today was getting a gift from Am and Tee. It’s just a mug but I liked Am’s explanation for choosing it.
I taught Maeve online again tonight and that was really a pleasure – she’s a bright and enthusiastic learner so time went quickly.
I tried to practice guitar after that but somehow my fingers and brain aren’t quite connecting. That happens sometimes. If it’s not coming together after ten minutes, put it down and try again tomorrow.
I am so happy and grateful that Amy had such a good time at the weekend. She came back very happy and a little drunk. I am grateful to Takky for taking care of her and doing all the driving too.
Well, Dylan didn’t make it on Saturday as he went out the night before. I can recall times when things like that would’ve upset me – especially as I was up and waiting for him at the meeting point. But now, I just brush it off and get on with other things and I spent an enjoyable day around the house and even treated myself to my first beers of the year – for which I paid for on the Sunday – but it was OK to remember what alcohol is like! It was also damn hot during the day and through the night now too. One thing I did notice is that my neck didn’t hurt in the morning like it usually does. Just the rest of my body suffering.
Anyway – the best thing that happened today was that I managed to get a lot of posts on to the blog as there is nothing much to do at school this week. Sadly, this morning George was really rude and abrupt with me, not even trying to be friendly with generic conversation, inviting others out for coffee to a different place than his usual DeLanna and not inviting me along or even looking at me. I can’t pinpoint anything in particular that I have done to upset him but he seems to have some problem with me again.
It’s sad to be posting up blogs from 2019 and how George helped me a lot and now he doesn’t even want to talk to me. I have my suspicions that it is something to do with his relationship with Bee and her friendship with Amy. I haven’t been the friend he wants me to be and that seems a little sad, selfish and egotistical on his behalf.
George likes his little troupe of followers to go along with him and everything he says and if you step out of line you are not allowed back in. Even Bee says he has problems with friends which is so odd because he is friendly and outgoing on the surface. But all that’s superficial.
Anyway, now is a test to see how I handle things because the environment at work is very uncomfortable because of this.
I’ve been reading Zen Mind, Zen Beginner and some of that calms me – but I can’t quite work out how. Other bits of it seem close to nonsense in a realistic world setting. I can understand it without thinking it’s something I should do – like bowing 9 times or something like that.
Anyway, reading, thinking, growing. It’s the same as it ever was.
I am so happy and grateful to Amy’s friends in Australia who will help me with a little anniversary surprise by sending her some of my drawings of their old pictures.
I am so happy and grateful that Amy has friends that she can go drinking with and get herself out of the house. She is stuck at home all day and when I get back from work I just want to stay home. Since I don’t drink much these days I also don’t want to go out and sit around whilst she is partying, so thanks to her friends.
I am so happy and grateful to Amy’s friend Baew who visited Amy yesterday and they took themselves out for entertainment. Baew is a good friend for Amy because they have similar ideas. Both are financially stable, much more than their other friends, so they can think about things on a certain level without getting criticism and envy from their other friends.
I am so happy and grateful for the eggs and toast Amy made for breakfast this morning. All the work of the farmers to raise their chickens, grow their crops and the bakers, the shopkeepers, delivery drivers. So many people involved just to bring me a small amount of food to give me energy through the day.
I am so happy and grateful for yoga. I always feel good after doing it. Even though my body is not yet flexible I hope over time that it will become more stretchy. Like everything – little by little, bit by bit.
Today I sent a message out to my classes saying Happy Friday. Some of the kids in 1/11, who always look like they really don’t enjoy my class, sent me messages back saying they miss me (they’ve been doing Scouts all week instead of regular lessons). I was surprised and asked them if they preferred studying with me and they said yes! That made me feel pretty good.
I realise I’ve nearly finished reading Notes From Underground – that’s twice in about three weeks I’ve read it. The Underground Man hits very close to home! But it helps me understand that it is ok to be the way I am – even if my world doesn’t always look so good. I’m here in my own mousehole – thinking, breathing, living. It’s ok.
I am so happy and grateful that our car started this morning because Amy said she had a problem with it last night. It’s great to have a reliable car.
I am so happy and grateful for Miche to be Amy’s friend and for her and Amy to go out last night and have some fun. Amy has been enjoying the garden but it’s good for her to get out otherwise she is stuck here all the time. So I’m thankful Miche is her friend.
The best thing about today was talking with Dylan about music. He asked me about the feeling when Kurt Cobain died and I asked him how old he was – but he hadn’t even been born. We talked about the Beatles, Bob Dylan, Gorillaz etc
