Tag: Amy

We got that attitude! – 21st May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for opportunities and choices. Last night Takky asked again if I would be interested in teaching with him and Alan at Tessaban 6. It’s good to have options.

To-do list

  • Enjoy the day again – not much for me ✅
  • Meditate and exercise – get up early ✅
  • Can you do morning pages? The quiet voice?
  • Drink more water ½

I got up early and did some weights and stretching, as well as a quick meditation. I felt pretty good but was a bit down and subdued when I got to work. I was still thinking about last night and my worry about Amy drinking too much sometimes.

I was a bit snappy with George too. He has been so helpful for me and Dylan and introducing us to the school. Today I got a bit annoyed at him telling us the best way to do something and felt like I wanted to assert myself a little so I can show a little independence. That was all well and good but I’m not as good a subtle craftsman with words and expression as he is and I worry that I upset him a little.

I still struggle to think carefully about how my words come out and how they might be received. I’m not yet quick enough to work out a better way of expressing my assertions.

I also think that my grumpiness is caused by the discussion last night about the possibility of working with Takky and Alan. They make a good option for doing meaningful work in their school but it would mean working a lot harder than I do right now and my preference is to work less and less! It is nice to receive praise from them but I also still doubt my own abilities.

Ellen has also been talking about teaching online through students she finds for me and she talked about how competitive it is now. She asked me what my main skills were and I really wasn’t sure what to say! I don’t really know what they are!

I often feel like I can’t really do anything until I’m actually doing it and even then when I get praise, it’s still not enough to give me confidence.

I met Kru Tang this morning and she mentioned that Kru Boe missed me a lot and Tang said Boe cried about what happened with me at the school last year. One thing that has come out of that is that things seem to have improved there quite a lot and it seems to be a result of my efforts and sacrifice there.

I did feel good about that but it’s not the kind of situation I want to find myself in again and the offer to work with Takky and Alan could prove to end up the same (or is that just my anxiety speaking?).

George says I like to play mind games, implying that I think too much about some things. I don’t know. I guess I’ll think about that too.

Tomorrow I’ll try to think how to be assertive in a more gentle manner – and listen first, in full, before deciding what action I want to take.

We got that attitude! – 15th April 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful that my hair hasn’t completely disappeared off my head yet! I can just about look like I have a full head of hair. I am grateful that I can cheaply dye my hair too so I don’t look like the old man I feel.

If beautiful art does not express moral ideas, ideas which unite people, then it is not art, but only entertainment. People need to be entertained in order to distance themselves from disappointment in their lives.

Immanuel Kant

To-do list

  • More 1994ever ✅
  • Another drawing ½
  • Another lesson (finish?) ✅
  • More CD sorting ✅

Friday (as of writing). Wednesday and today I didn’t bother to go to my room but on Thursday I got a bunch of things done.

I heard from TLC that I need to go to school on May 7th to work out how we are going to teach online. I’m guessing I will have to make a few adjustments to my plans, so I’m not too worried about writing more plans at the moment.

Amy and I went for a long bike ride again yesterday. I really enjoy just riding around and seeing how the land changes over time.

We got that attitude! – 30th March 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for my books and my newfound pleasure in reading.

Everybody now has at least two cars, two television sets and a haunted look in their eyes. In short – we are happy.

Albert Umber

To-do list

  • Finish going through book list ✅
  • Start Logic course
  • Carry on – clear emails, close tabs, sort CDs ½

Thursday now – we took the cats to the vet in the city for vaccines. It was good to be out if only very briefly and directly – no dilly-dally.

There’s talk of having to teach our classes online in the new semester – not sure how well that will work and not sure how enjoyable it might be. A challenge – but is it a challenge I want to take? I suppose I would still like to be doing something – let’s see.

Amy has been even more vocal about not wanting to stay here anymore and I think she will go to Oz as soon as it’s feasible again and we’ll get our heads around moving back there. We can’t really do it until Cap and Tigger have gone though – taking them back isn’t really possible.

We got that attitude! – 19th March 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for the fantastic books I’m reading.

The haunting fear that other people are having a wonderful time.

The School of Life

To-do list

  • Finish topics overview for Champ
  • AirAsia and Agoda refunds
  • Picture for Fern ½
  • Talk with Bruce about cutting back
  • Finish more Pocket articles

Feeling a little unmotivated at the moment. I think may be due to the uncertainty of the future because of the virus.

The air quality is also putting me off from even going to work in my room – just want to sit in the one room with the air purifier and watch TV or read books. So tired and lazy, I fell asleep at around 10pm. I should be doing the things listed above but I don’t feel the urgency.

Amy is also talking more about her inability to live in Thailand anymore so our longer-term plans may involved a big move back to Australia. I feel a little disappointed with this but don’t want to keep Amy here if she can’t be happy. Her positive attitude has been slowly dissolved by her experience here over the last two years – not just with society in general but also with her parents and family.

As I’m feeling older and less inclined to be working, Thailand, despite its faults, feels like a better option to me. Amy is younger and still has the energy to work hard but our finances will be back to survival levels in Australia. I can live anywhere though so it’s not as important for me.

Has the world gone mad or is it me? – 18th March 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I can remain calm today despite the stupidity surrounding me. I have been asked to control myself emotionally and not get too worked up.

For everyone is pained by the thought of disappearing, unheard and unseen, into an indifferent universe, and because of that everyone wants, while there is still time, to turn himself into a universe of words.

Milan Kundera, The Book of Laughter and Forgetting

To-do list

  • Pictures for Fern and Chinese teacher
  • AirAsia refunds and Agoda
  • Fill out topic overview for Champ
  • Read some Pocket articles ✅
  • Just Dance!

What an interesting and fun day today was in the end. So, after thinking I had completed everything yesterday I went to school to clock in and Amy and I went around the city doing some shopping. At about 10 am I started getting messages that I am supposed to be at school even though there is nothing to do. So I head back and apparently, there were things that needed to be fixed in the grading files – even though I had followed all their instructions and they OK’d it the day before.

So, while I’m helping them fix these I get a message from TLC saying I won’t be getting paid. I was quite proud of my fairly calm reaction and luckily kept my mouth shut long enough, and to talk with Amy. We thought it best to offer TLC that I finish with the school and forget about the money. I found the whole stupid situation quite amusing and a sad reflection on these poor people.

I helped Kru Noon and did everything she asked of me. I like her – she has been very sympathetic and she lamented and apologised for what she knows is a terrible school. She’s stuck there so I consider myself quite lucky. I came home and forgot about my tasks and challenges today as I felt like I had lost my focus due to these events. Not to worry. I’ll get back onto it tomorrow, though do feel like I am on holiday now.

We got that attitude! – 8th March 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to have so many options available to keep me entertained.

What we believe means nothing. How we act is what it’s all about.

Eckhart Tolle

To-do list

  • Just Dance in the morning ✅
  • More CD sorting
  • Record another TCRAH ✅
  • Meditate ✅
  • Think before writing and speaking ✅

Well, doing Just Dance in the morning definitely had a positive effect, made Amy laugh and gave us some exercise. It was a good start to the day. We’ll do it again tomorrow.

I spent most of the day in my room whilst Amy was happily drinking inside – she got the dancing mood later in the evening but then got a little teary as she was thinking about our cats, 2 of whom are approaching the end of their lives. We really love them and it will be sad when they go. But we can go at any time.

I’m feeling more in control of my emotions currently, perhaps because I’m not surrounded by the gossip and chatter at school. It’s very tempting just to quit doing it but I feel I should just keep pushing myself and improve myself. I can’t keep making the same mistakes and expect things to change.