Three Colours Trilogy – 20th September 2025

“Now try coughing,” he repeated.

An unfinished symphony.


The blue of the car’s metal,
twisted and still.

The blue of the swimming pool,
a cold, empty tile.

The blue of the television,
buzzing in a dark room.

This is the blue of a cage
with the door swung wide.

A terrible, hollow liberty.

She wraps herself in a blue crystal necklace,
a weight from the past.
She sleeps in a bare, 

empty blue room.

She wants the blue of silence,

the colour of no pain,
Nothings important.

“Tongues shall be stilled
and knowledge shall come to an end.”

You belong to all of us.

And the world leaks in.
This blue is not quiet.
It is an insistent hum.

The blue of his eyes,
asking for a truth she won’t give.

She tries to give it all away,
but the blue follows. 

It is the colour of the thread
that keeps pulling her back.

The blue of the sheet music,
a song she thought she’d buried.
Music so beautiful it can’t be destroyed.

The liberty is not in the emptiness.
It is in the choosing.

You’ve always gotta hold onto something

“Tongues shall be stilled
and knowledge shall come to an end.”


You belong to all of us.

The white of a wedding dress,
left in a trunk.

The white of a pigeon’s wing,
taking what it’s given.

The white of his own breath, 

ghostly in the Paris cold.
This is a blank space, an erased life,

impotent and powerless.

The white of a passport page,
stamped with a refusal.

The white of a 2 franc coin,
the last one in his pocket,
that will not let go.

He is nothing, a white zero.
A man made empty.

But a white suitcase carries him home.

The white snow of Warsaw
covers the same old streets.

This white is a clean page, 

where everything is possible.

The white thread missing.
The white of a lie, perfectly told.
A white, calculated revenge,

by burying a white Russian in Powązki.

Equality is not in the winning or the losing.

It is in the white of two figures,
perfectly matched in the distance.
The white of a promise,

finally understood.

A red sweater hung on a grey chair.
A red light on a wet street at night.

This is the red of a closed door.
The red of a stopped heart.

Across the street,

a red lamp in a window.
An old man listens to the secrets in the air.

He knows the red of betrayal,

the flush of shame.

Now, wanting nothing.

This is the red of a thread, 

thin and unseen.
It connects a falling book 

to a worried hand.

A red judicial robe fading in a dark closet.

People have a right to their secrets.

A red neon sign buzzes over an empty café.

Another story that you don’t know.

A flare sent up 

from one lonely island to another.
The red of a ferry’s light, 

cutting through the fog.

No longer a stop,
but a start.

The red of a common pulse, 

beating in the chest.
The red of a door, 

finally opening.

Who are you

and what else do you know?

This fraternity is final.

Shared with dVerse MTB – colour and I was immediately reminded of the Three Colours Trilogy. It’s been a long time since I watched these movies and this poem did make use of AI to remind me of the details of the stories, from which I started pulling out and reworking various phrases and ideas. I’m not completely sold on my own formatting above and thought the French flag idea would be fun but this particular image is a little garish. I’ll try and come back to this a little later.

14th Oct 2025 – I have since watched all three movies again and revised this poem and flag image. I recommend these movies very highly. They’ve also got me back into watching the longer form, which is good because I have hundreds of unwatched movies at home!
24th Oct 2025 – Shared with dVerse OLN since this poem has been rewritten.

Narrative Hallucinations – 1st December 2024

Data streams into the dark box
The causes not yet known
A search for the secret locks
That experience has shown

Spittin out its predictions
Before the data confirmed
Holding onto convictions
Of what’s already learned

Narrative hallucinations
Reinforce the box and harden
Exponential calculations
Grows the shadowy garden

Inspired and paraphrased by David Elikwu ‘All In Your Head’


Today I’m feeling:

Good but a little blurry, probably from the gummy yesterday. I still feel like there is a lot that I want to do today but after yesterday, I know that there won’t be enough time!

I couldn’t believe it, that not long (seemingly) after writing the above, it was already 2pm! I feel like I got some things done today, even though it was probably less than yesterday.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

My student Namyen showing me how to make a quick video using CapCut. It was pretty simple in the end, though I think I need to figure out a way to make them generate a bit faster.

It’s fun, but I don’t want to spend too much time on it.

The best thing about today was:

Reading. Comics and books. 2000AD Judge Dredd, Lucifer, Platinum Grit, Totally Wired Post-punk interviews, Up Simba (David Foster Wallace).

Something I learned today?

I learned how to edit my own silly videos to post on Instagram.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I swept the entertainment area.

I took Amy and me to the 7-11 as she wanted something there and I used the opportunity for her to buy me an ice cream!

I took this picture because I felt something in my sandal and thought it was just a stone. I kicked it off and this monster came out! With two legs lost he struggled to run off in a straight line. I’m checking my shoes every time now!

Ninth House – 27th October 2024

Spark-lit dancers under crescent moon
On a hilly heather discotheque
The nighttime gathers the darkened gloom
In the ninth house, strong intuition
Vibrates in sync and to earth attune
A circle storm, a drummers dreaming
Through the night and to the wilds commune
Seen from afar on this pale blue speck
Mother Earth awaits the day’s costume

A 9-syllable Magic 9 shared with dVerse OLN #372 , Poets and Storytellers United – moon and Word of the Day Challenge – costume


The following is a letter from December 28th, 2023, delivered today from the past

Dear FutureMe,

You turn 57 today. This is it, the downhill straight hurtling towards the finish line. Finish with a flurry, why not?

Right now I’m sitting in House, this very familiar spot, looking out into the messy garden here. My body aches from chest and arm exercises but it feels good. Slowly making this machine the way it was supposed to be. A little late….but never too late.

It’s the 28th of December, the kids all had sports day yesterday and it was a blast. So much fun for everyone. Today is a combined Christmas/New Year party day and sure to be fun too. I’ll go back to school soon and stick around for a while before heading home for a five-day break. We talked about going to Chiang Mai which I’d really like to do but being short of cash means we’ll just be at home, spending New Year’s Eve at Mum and Dad’s.

I wonder what life will bring between now and when receiving this letter. I don’t have any definite plans but Amy is planning to go to Turkey and Europe sometime this year and maybe even a quick trip back to Australia.

I’d like to get back to other parts of South East Asia again to meet friends but also need some other motive, like a band tour to tag along with. I also only have April to take a break like that without getting penalised payment at work. Let’s see.

School has been great this year and the connection I feel with my students grows exponentially as I’m introduced to a new batch each year. I really hope I can stay here in this fulfilling role for a good while.

Do something nice for Amy today. And every day.

Let’s go!


Today I’m feeling:

A little bleary, as last night Amy was excited to find a weed and alcohol bar where she had some kind of cannabis cocktail, and I had a cold milk CBD smoothie. It was a very gentle, calming feeling but we were both knocked out and slept til 8 am.

Crisia had to be ready by 6 to go off to an elephant farm and tomorrow, her birthday, she has to be up at 4 am to catch a flight.

Which reminds me. Happy Birthday, Shaun.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Shaman book shop in Chiang Mai for having quite a few books in stock that I am interested in. Before coming here, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to buy more books but the power was too strong and I could’ve bought many more!

I’m also grateful to all my students wishing me a happy birthday and some saying I am the best teacher! I choose to believe that they are sincere!

Also Hayden for video calling me from Germany. He flies back to Australia on Tuesday.

The best thing about today was:

Breakfast next door to the bookshop.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As it’s my birthday, Amy wants to celebrate with me, which means a few bar stops around Chiang Mai and I’m ok with that, but right now we’re at Library and the music is loud and definitely going to aggravate my tinnitus! If I stick my fingers in my ears, I can hear the ringing.

It’s ok. It’s my birthday, our last night in Chiang Mai and no hurry to wake up tomorrow either.

Something I learned today?

Ipswich managed to score three goals yesterday but lost to a last-minute winner by Brentford. Still waiting for our first win of the season.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I’m being a good and patient driver this evening as I taxi Amy, Crisia and Nong May around for food and drinks.

I took this picture because the golden hour felt comforting in this Thai back lane.

Gathering Magic – 13th October 2024

Connections form between young and old
As the tribe gathers at these tables
Every nugget may not be gold
And truths told as if they are fables

The dining room, like a rush-hour train
A gaggle of gossip between gulps of water
The old folks never tire to explain
Love for their new grandson and daughter

Two hands touch to make a familiar bond
Share secrets down the generations
Soft in comfort where love belongs
And meets all expectations

Shared with WDYS #257 picture prompt and also submitted for an assignment at AllPoetry.com as follows:
Write a 12 to 24-line poem in any style that uses simile. Keep the imagery consistent and clear. Make sure that you use two clear examples of simile in your poem using the words ‘as’ or ‘like’ as discussed in the lesson. Try to write in the present tense and incorporate at least one concrete use of the senses in addition to imagery and metaphor, which was covered in the previous assignment.


Today I’m feeling:

Reasonable and positive, fairly relaxed.

I woke up late, allowing myself to get up when I felt ready. I had no real appointments or plans, so it was no big deal.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

The hairdresser today, who paid particular attention to trimming the hair out of my ears.

I think that as she knows that as I always tip her and my cut is quick and easy for her, perhaps she felt that she owed me a little extra. I usually enjoy pulling the hair out of my ears whilst I’m waiting at traffic lights. I’ll have to wait a few weeks for them to grow back again.

The best thing about today was:

Well, it might not be right to say it was the best thing but the main thing that happened today was going to another funeral.

This one was for a friend of a friend who, whilst riding his pushbike, got hit into a ditch by a drunk driver who sped off, but was later tracked down.

If he hadn’t sped off and stayed to help, there was a chance that it might have saved this guy’s life.

Today was his cremation and I drove us there and followed the proceedings, which is something I’ve grown used to here. There were lots of fireworks today, more than I’ve seen before.

There were also lots of people; the guy was a well-liked coffee shop owner and his wife works at the university. He was only 32.

Despite the heat, the three hours there went quickly and I was inspired to write a few related rhymes while there.

Something I learned today?

Stumbling on a video about Junji Ito alerted me to the fact that he has a lot more work out there than I realised. It was an interesting psychological analysis of his work which gave me a better appreciation of his style of horror.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

At the funeral, Amy asked me to fan her to cool her down, to cool us both down. She said that the other aunties there would be jealous because her man was fanning her, something that most Thai men wouldn’t think about doing.

Indeed, one old uncle was curious and came over to try to chat a little but he didn’t stay for long.

I took this picture to remember another funeral. Today it made me think about growing accustomed to and accepting of another culture despite not understanding it.

Good Book – 3rd June 2024

Prepared with a pocketful of prose
The book sprang legs!
Patient and potent, I cannot pull away
The word holds me, the world begs

The porch story-teller
Remembers not to forget
Making metaphors, I’m nostalgic
For something that hasn’t happened
Yet

Innocence gone up in flames
Living mosaics of everyone
And everything ever loved
A good book, once ended
Has begun

Inspired, borrowed and paraphrased from this post at Spinning Visions
20th Sep 2025 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers United #195


Today I’m feeling:

So-so.  Despite thinking that I might get up at my usual time of 6am I slept for another couple of hours.  I feel less tired than yesterday but still not ready for action.

I did feel inspired enough to bring my laptop to Utopia and caught up on some poetry reading and a little writing.  I may do some more lesson planning.  I should, but I also may not!

Today I’m grateful for:

My old friends from When Chimps Attack.  I messaged Tommy recently after he had posted a picture of himself and Aaron at a show in Sydney.

Tommy had been in London for the past ten years or so but he said things were so grim there now that he came back but that he was struggling a little bit on his return too.  I told how I had felt there back in October – pretty similar.

Tommy also passed on Aaron’s email address and I wrote him today and look forward to hearing from him.

I know Jon and Ama live in Sydney again and wondering if Aaron has moved back too?  A Chimps reunion?

The best thing about today was:

Playing guitar after a couple of days break.  I managed to improve a little on last time and I felt good for that.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Around 4pm I went out to my room to catch up on some emails and play guitar.  Amy came out about ten minutes later and propositioned me.

As I had just sat down to do something else I was hardly in the mood, and these days I’m less in the mood a lot of the time.

My libido is definitely dropping off and I have no thoughts of looking elsewhere for satisfaction.  I love Amy and am committed to her but it’s not easy for me to just put myself in the mood these days. This is not helped by Amy usually propositioning when she has been drinking which isn’t very flattering for me.  Are beer goggles needed to look upon me now?

Having said that, when the time is right for both of us I still have the best orgasms that I’ve ever had with her.

Sadly, today she seems to be offended by my rejection and has locked herself in the second bedroom and won’t even communicate anything.  I was frustrated enough to try and kick the door in but gave up, considering that it would make things worse.

What happens next when she comes out?  I will try to just behave as normal and ignore her actions and try to smooth things over when she has calmed down.

Something I learned today?

All the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are set to 4:20.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I gave candy to both Art’s at Utopia this morning.

Whilst I was there Amy called me because I had taken the car as I had planned to do some work at Utopia and wasn’t sure if it would rain or not.  Amy suddenly decided to go for a spa and massage and needed the car immediately, so I drove back home and swapped over to the motorbike to go back to my coffee.

I took this picture because I’m trying to get this plant to grow over the top of the old roof frame. With the rain, it will grow like crazy and I just need to keep going along the beams.

A Seed Of Sympathy – 12th May 2024

Why does the devil drink?
Is he no longer happy
With our eternal suffering?
Has he grown a seed of sympathy?

Why does the devil drink?
Perhaps he suffers alone
We can’t be happy all the time
And that brimstone must irritate the nostrils!

Why does the devil drink?
Because his book didn’t sell that well?
Always seen as the bad guy
When he’s just doing his job

Why does the devil drink?
Does he want to forget past love
That keeps him awake at night
Tossing on his skull pillow?

Why does the devil drink?
Because too much is not enough?
Are hot tempers calmed
After too much banging on the bone drum?

Submitted to No Theme Thursday


Today I’m feeling:

A bit tired again, maybe from mentally preparing to get back into it with the kids again tomorrow.  I’m excited to see everyone again.

Today I’m grateful for:

Twinkl having a free download day for their whole site.  Perfect timing!  I got a stack of role-play and conversation starters that I can go through and see if I can use in my new classes.

The best thing about today was:

Spending time out in my room, clearing out emails, writing and reading, sorting out files on computers and online and probably the top thing was playing guitar with the new strings that I put on yesterday.  Sounds good again!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Our internet connection got fixed but it still seems a little shaky.  I’m struggling to download some of these things from the Twinkl site because it’s so slow.  I’m trying to handle it with patience! Mostly!

Something I learned today?

This morning Noey told me about a nice breakfast cafe in the city which had sourdough toast with avocado and smoked salmon. I’ll try it one day. It’s called In Am’s Kitchen.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I helped Amy with moving a big cactus from a pot to the ground but it was very clumsy and awkward. Hopefully, it doesn’t get blown over whilst waiting to get some deeper roots.

What have I been reading lately? 

I’m two-thirds through Charles Shaar Murray’s Shoots From The Hip, today reading about The Boomtown Rats and Guy Stevens.  It’s a nostalgic read about the wonders of the music business.

I’m halfway through The Decline of the British Empire, which is an amazing read but requires extended periods of concentration that I haven’t been making enough time for recently.

I’m still in the early stages of Goodbye 20th Century, the Sonic Youth biography but I’ve been skipping that and reading plenty of comics instead, 2000AD (still 21 years behind on that!), Judge Dredd Magazine, ALL of the New 52 comics (only up to 630 of 2500 comics so far!), Volume 1 of Shadowman, Heavy Metal (still in the 1978 issues – some of them are hard going) and I want to start Lucifer and 100 Bullets when I’ve finished Shadowman, Stray Bullets too.

I also have 4 books open on my laptop that I’m dipping into every now and then.

I took this picture last weekend at Chatuchak weekend market as there were plenty of tunnels of books to explore. No pictures today.

No Sight – 25th December 2023

The miracles you’ve forgotten
Are still behind those tired eyes
So long now woe begotten
Every day the same grey skies

No longer believing in dreams
Since they all became real
All is exactly as it seems
You no longer know how to feel

Approaching the end of the night
The winter is setting in
And cold hearts start to bite
With no sight of the spring


Today I’m feeling:

A little down on the way to school but better once surrounded by happy smiling Christmas greeting kids.

A little disappointed but happily so that there are no morning classes as kids prepare for the sports parade on Wednesday and there’s a chance there will be no classes in the afternoon or tomorrow too, which is kind of a shame as I had a cruisey time planned for the kids, just making Christmas cards for all my classes this week. 

Still, it means I’m already here back in my spot at House, drinking coffee already.

Today I’m grateful for:

Fui, who I haven’t seen for a few months but as we talked a little whilst he ordered his coffee he paid for my cup as a Christmas gift.  I wish I had some extra money at the moment to be able to do likewise.

My grade 8 students who welcomed onlooker, my grade 7 student Spain, to play football with them.  Spain has some kind of social problem but is a good kid at heart.  He senses safety with me so follows me around a lot and he was watching me play football and the kids kept asking me who he was. 

I went off for a while to see what else was happening around the school and when I returned he was happily joining in with their games with a big smile on his face.

The best thing about today was:

Playing football and volleyball with my students instead of sitting in the classroom with them.  I waited to see if they would come to class but it was apparent that they wouldn’t and no one else appeared to be teaching either so instead of stealing off I decided to stay longer and play with the kids at least.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The change to the classes today was a bit annoying as I had left the Christmas card making activity until this week.  But still, both teacher and students prefer not to be in the classroom as much as possible, so I guess I will convert this into a new years card making activity come next week.

Something I learned today?

From watching a classic books recommendations video I should try to track down Woman In White, Vanity Fair and Nicolas Nickleby.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I gave Jan and Apple the art pads to write in and give to Baipad, who was sick at home again today.

I joined in with many activities through out the day, encouraging everyone, laughing with them and generally showing a good time and attitude.  Even Kwang has forgiven me for the tough time we had last week.

I dropped by the flower market to pick up some lillies for Amy as a gift.

Perhaps a vile deed was requesting credit from Gui at House for my coffee this week as I’m almost out of money now.

If you’re going to win the lottery, would you rather win £10 million, or £100 million?

Why would someone choose $10 million?  Yes, it’s enough but why not choose $100 million and give $90 million away?  It’s an odd question anyway as there’s no choice in a lottery.

As this is such a fantastical question I’m not even going to think about who I might give $90 million away to.

I took this picture because the red team were practising their cheerleading and dance routines in the cool morning air. Soon after I went off for my second coffee of the day.

Nil All Draw – 13th August 2023

Once I’ve met all my desires
I’ll be sure to conjure some more
A constant chase for satisfaction
Always trying to even up the score

I’d like to stop this always running
Trying to look behind every door
I want to exit it altogether
Now I’ve considered what life is for


Today I’m feeling:

Relaxed and positive. A little more awake than the last few days. If I had some kind of flu I think I’m on the other side of it now.

Today I’m grateful for:

The Libgen website that makes finding certain books very easy even though I generally download them and then forget about them. I wish I made more time to read and read and read.

The best thing about today was:

Playing guitar for about four hours as I enjoyed some mental stimulation with some cannabutter and half a trip. The music was sounding very smooth, ringing with a perfect ohm.

Something I learned today?

I read about a bookstore owner turned woodcut artist called Han Lilin who discussed a 19th-century anarcho-feminist called He Yin Zhen and led me to a book that analyses her writing.

Han Lilin’s woodcut prints were very cool but I couldn’t find a place that was selling them.

What is my mood today?

Happily elevated today. From getting up lazily to enjoying my coffees, then watching Sydney beat the Suns in a fairly ordinary match, before getting lost in music and tunes and rhythm and finally settling into some TV watching. I didn’t get much of anything done I guess but enjoyed another day that can be endlessly filled with entertainment.

I took this picture because Noey is back from her holiday and when not making me coffee she likes to play with P’ti.

Last Library Lost – 30th July 2023

High on the dusty fumes
Amongst friends old and new
Above us, a high ceiling looms
And a door beckons us through

There are tiny beautiful things
Collected to devour
High above, a princess sings
With such emotional power

Such candies of peace and war
Looking for old times lost
Not knowing what to look for
Or worrying about the cost

Along creaky floorboards and stairs
The world can be travelled at home
There’s nothing else that compares
To reading in one’s own comfort alone

Cries for love in poetic rhyme
Tears for another’s book burning
Forever backwards travelling time
A whole world ready for learning

17th Jul 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge
25th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – Poetic


Today I’m feeling:

Undecided. Still a little weary and the skies are dull and grey again though at least there is rain to make the pleasure of staying inside more appealing.

After lunch of Amy’s homemade lasagna, it’s difficult to stay awake and I thought I could play guitar but Amy has gone for a lay down so I’m struggling through. It seems to have gotten darker throughout the day somehow, the mountains drenched in dark most, as the farmer backs and forths through the watery paddy.

Today I’m grateful for:

The wind, our fans and the humidity. Despite it raining today and as it was forecast for the whole week I decided to wash my bedsheets, hang them on the terrace and shove the fan on them. Tonight I’m back in the big bedroom with clean sheets and another fan. Amy is out with Nut tonight and if she comes back late and drunk she can possibly not disturb me if I’m already sleeping.

Amy invited Bee to go with them but never got any reply before she left. Bee had commented on a photo that Amy shared of us all out at dinner, ‘miss you so much’ etc. but we know that she won’t be allowed out by herself by George.

Who knows, maybe she did get out in the end. But I doubt it.

The best thing about today was:

Watching Sydney hang on against the Bombers in the AFL. We have a slim shot of making finals still this year though to be honest we probably don’t deserve it.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Just as I’ve been sitting here writing this Cap came in and pissed on Amy’s bed. A big one, FFS! Just as everything was starting to smell nice… 

I took the wet sheets and pillow and dumped them outside on the terrace then soaked up as much pee as I could before throwing a bottle of baby powder over the whole bed.

Something I learned today?

My OG student Momo messaged me today asking me what question to ask someone to find out what kind of person they are? Cute! She’s switched to the Japanese program this year but from what I understand her pertaining to, she is online chatting with an Italian guy using English. 

Quite amazing how far we’ve come from pen pals writing letters every couple of months to just being able to immediately connect with someone face-to-face on the phone.

Momo is a very intelligent and cute girl. She can snag a handsome Italian!

What is my favourite photo of the past month?

Oddly, it’s this one. I took four photos of these flowers which hang on big trees. None of the pictures were good but I zoomed in and cut the picture down to just this and it has something about it. The image has stuck with me.

I took this picture because these pretty dragon fruit flowers only look good for a day but they are big and cake-like fluffy. Still no fruit.

Secret Stairwell Reader – 12th July 2023

A library for escape
Away from toxic adolescence
Give me a book, a cure
Ten-minute convalescence
A silent conversation
With Kurt, Leo or Tim
Sudden shock discovery
Stirs something within
Where I fell in love
Every day, every page turned
Caught like a naughty child
A secret found, unearned
This secret isn’t yours to share
Find your own stairs to sit
Fall in your own love
And be satisfied with it

inspired by the story here on the Spinning Visions blog


Today I’m feeling:

Tired from lack of sleep. Slept well but just not long enough. Hopefully coffee gets me going.

I was having a very nice dream this morning but it was suddenly interrupted by what seemed to be a handsome TV presenter with a gleaming smile. He looked at me sideways and then gave me a wink and a knowing smirk. And my alarm went off!

Did I almost cross over into the Matrix? A glimpse behind the curtain? I actually laughed as I turned my alarm off. It felt like some sort of comfort.

Today I’m grateful for:

Teaching the grade 10 kids first this morning. Even though their English isn’t good, their maturity at least makes them more manageable to teach. They still have concentration issues when it comes to phone management issues. I can’t help but feel that letting them have their phones in class is going to affect them badly in the future unless our societies turn into 5-second functions where they might be ahead of the game. 

I think these kids will be in for a rude awakening or have already accepted their fates.

The best thing about today was:

A big beautiful rainstorm from low black clouds as I was driving home. Our poor rusted guttering couldn’t cope with the deluge and I may need to make another venture up onto the roof to see if there is anything blocking it. If there’s not it just means there’s too much rain too quickly to even take care of.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As a follow-on from yesterday’s annoying class, I spent much of the day chasing up lazy kids, offering them help several times and making myself available, all to little avail. Less than half the students bothered to do anything. When the online quiz deadline passed I advised their homeroom teacher again asking what she could do about it and she just said she’d tell them again. She doesn’t get it either. The work for my class is no longer the issue. My two-hour lesson shouldn’t end up as a twenty-four-hour helpline. I asked again what she is going to do to stop them from wasting everyone’s time. I’m not expecting any answer.

Something I learned today?

Chatting with David, he is also frustrated with his classes and the student’s lack of understanding. I do take it as a challenge for me to find better ways to engage the kids but it is exhausting when they are just not interested in developing themselves at all. I think David will quit soon.

When was the last time I felt at ease?

I feel at ease most of the time if I consider it carefully. Sure I can let my classes wind me up but I’m mostly wound down again the following day even if I’m still thinking about it. By that point, I’m thinking up solutions and not getting emotionally caught up in it anymore. I’m not letting things overwhelm me like might have happened in the past.
It is still a rollercoaster of being totally on during the semester and then totally off during the holiday. That transition does feel weird.

My student, Wipping, took this picture because she asked me to smile but I pretended to be upset that she wasn’t working. This picture captures my internal feelings in class sometimes. 99% of the time it remains internal and I have also never hit anyone with that stick. It is actually my remote control for the projector on the ceiling.