Idle Idol – 27th April 2023

April 27, 2023May 15, 2023 ~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

He’s a girl and she’s a boy
Both of them a producers toy
Under makeup and bright lights
The manufactured product fights
A name that is soon forgotten
A past that’s found to be rotten
Fans are either for or against
It’s impossible to sit on the fence
If there are brains behind the mask
Showing it may be too much to ask
Flooded with undeserved affection
Failing to pass closer inspection
So idols get what they deserve
A fame that is unable to preserve
And so idle under adulation
Until another steps up to the station

Today I’m feeling:

Ok. My neck is super sore from not moving it much for a month. I did a mini warm-up this morning and will try to make it a little longer each day to prepare for my usual wake-up routine. I know this makes me feel better but just can’t motivate myself during the holiday.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding salad today at the walking market. It was pretty good though a little different to the one I usually get. For some reason, I’ve been wanting for salad recently. I think my normal seller may have given up because it’s been so long since I’ve seen them. Business is tough out there and everyone is trying to make their baht.

The best thing about today was:

Cap has spent most of the day with me and I’ve been grooming him and cutting his dreadlocks. His hair feels gorgeous again as does Tig’s, I think because of the special gel that we used to feed Kim to help counter her leukaemia.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I don’t feel there was anything today. If there was something I must have handled it without thinking and accepted it as reality.

Something I learned today?

I came across a video to help getting students to quiet down and concentrate in the classroom. I’m thinking I will try the Simon Says technique where I can bring the whole class back to focus by saying ‘Simon says stand up’ and the kids paying attention will do it and the kids that aren’t will want to know what’s going on. I also need to drill them with this in the first week so they get used to it. I hope I have better control this year. Over myself and the students.

What is my favourite photo of the past month?

With the bad air and the tragic start to this month, my mind focused a lot on pictures of Kim and they still make me sad to look at. But looking through the pictures I can see that there are still some nice ones there. Ones I will appreciate in time.

I took this picture because I took a few detours on the way home from Utopia and fresh growth smells were returning to perfume the air. But this picture shows the devastation across the mountains from fire. I don’t think these would have been burned deliberately but more likely from other small fires getting out of control.

Back Asswards – 23rd February 2023

February 23, 2023April 10, 2023 ~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Now we are the Nazis
We are ISIS, the terrorists
We accepted hatred
For our motivational bomb schools
Where lessons learned
Were in books burned
As we mistook our enemies
To be the ones fooled
Now we commit genocide
From romantic shelter
Far away from freedom
Forcing refugees at our borders
No ifs, just rifle butts
Force of power, force power cuts
And bodies pile up
Of those that were simply following orders

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and tired
Today I’m grateful for:
The stash of Pocky that Amy left here because she couldn’t fit it in her luggage when going back to Australia. Now I can use them as birthday gifts for my students!
The best thing about today was:
I want to say my students but they were probably also the worst thing about today too! They make me laugh and they make me cry. Goya and Pat gave me friendship bracelets (just pieces of string). Fah and Boty play jokes on me and Bright always enjoys having jokes played on him. And of course, they all try to get away with murder when they think I’m not looking.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The usual group of 1/7 students were late to my class again and I marked them as ‘absent’. I could tell 4 of them were debating whether to just skip class then but decided to stay though they weren’t very happy. They soon cheered themselves up together though and were very happy when I rewarded them by changing their status to ‘late’ instead of ‘absent’. They come up with all sorts of bullshit excuses for being late but realise they don’t fly when all the other students are always on time. The work is so easy too but they don’t put it together that if they just cracked on with it they could finish the class that much sooner. They’ll figure themselves out at some point.
Something I learned today?
I learned that from 1971 until 1989 US-China relations were fairly cooperative except that for the US it was a case of an enemy of my enemy is a friend and the relationship changed again once the Soviet Union fell. It makes me wonder why we have to have enemies?
How can I be more mindful and present in the moment?
I think I need to calm my thoughts a lot more again. My brain is a little overactive recently and I need to stop looking at things like Twitter and YouTube as much as I do. It’s too easy to get wound up by the stupidities of the world when in actuality things are quite sedate around my own life.’Today I’m feeling:
Happy and tired
Today I’m grateful for:
The stash of Pocky that Amy left here because she couldn’t fit in in her luggage when going back to Australia. Now I can use them as birthday gifts for my students!
The best thing about today was:
I want to say my students but they were probably also the worst thing about today too! They make me laugh and they make me cry. Goya and Pat gave me friendship bracelets (just pieces of string). Fah and Boty play jokes on me and Bright always enjoys having jokes played on him. And of course they all try to get away with murder when they think I’m not looking.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The usual group of 1/7 students were late to my class again and I marked them as ‘absent’. I could tell 4 of them were debating whether to just skip class then but decided to stay though they weren’t very happy. They soon cheered themselves up together though and were very happy when I rewarded them by changing their status to ‘late’ instead of absent. They come up with all sorts of bullshit excuses for being late but realise they don’t fly when all the other students are always on time. The work is so easy too but they don’t put it together that if they just cracked on with it they could finish the class that much sooner. They’ll figure themselves out at some point.
Something I learned today?
I learned that from 1971 until 1989 US-China relations were fairly cooperative except that for the US it was a case of an enemy of my enemy is a friend and the relationship changed again once the Soviet Union fell. It makes me wonder why we have to have enemies?
How can I be more mindful and present in the moment?
I think I need to calm my thoughts a lot more again. My brain is a little overactive recently and I need to stop looking at things like Twitter and YouTube as much as I do. It’s too easy to get wound up by the stupidities of the world when in actuality things are quite sedate around my own life.

I took this picture because our jacarandas are blooming and in the misty sunrise the purple looks luscious.

Balloon – 3rd February 2023

February 3, 2023April 10, 2023 ~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Let go and let fly
Gathering data from the sky
To understand a stormy why

Unsteered and set adrift
To heavens, the air will lift
Arriving as an unwanted gift

A drama begins to bloom
Gossipped hot air fills the room
Fills and refills the balloon

Tricked and deceived by lies
It comes to no one’s surprise
The balloon contained no spies

Today I’m feeling:
Tired and a little rundown. Reasonably happy though despite some of my annoying students.
Today I’m grateful for:
The lady who I bought the salted fish from as she gave me extra sauce. Not that I could use it today. One pack is sure to be burning my ass tomorrow.
The best thing about today was:
Enjoying my classes and students despite what I mention below. We had a playful time and enjoyed learning and carried on into the playground during lunchtime.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As usual, it was some of my students and their disrespectful attitudes and I handled it by kicking them out of my class. Other students asked if I was angry or upset but I wasn’t. I told them I was happy now that those students were gone. I think they were happy too.
Something I learned today?
I learned not to give Cap and Tig the special treats we have as it’s only for Kim. I found out when Amy watched me feeding them via video call. I thought I’d seen her giving it to them before but I was mistaken.
What word or phrase would I like to give this year?
2023 – The Year of…..

Maybe this question will be better answered at the end of the year.

I took this picture because Tigger just loves the dust and dirt of our garden. I don’t know if it’s ever going to be possible to clean up his skin without keeping him inside, which he would hate.

Tough Haiku – 2nd February 2023

February 2, 2023April 10, 2023 ~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Life is not easy
It is not supposed to be
Build up your wisdom

Today I’m feeling:
Happy but getting a little fatigued, maybe from pushing myself too hard with my morning exercise. But I need to keep pushing if I’m going to lose some belly fat.
Today I’m grateful for:
My tennis racket bug zapper. It’s supremely satisfying to hear the crackle of frying mosquitoes in its mesh as I wave it through the air.
The best thing about today was:
The positive response from the 4 students I sent messages to last night, telling them how well they are doing in class and for a couple of them to try and focus their friends too. Today’s class was much smoother and everyone seemed a little happier.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
If anything was out of my control today it didn’t have any noticeable effect on me.
Something I learned today?
I decided to look at the Guardian to see if there was anything I might learn that was in the news. I found very little. If each article just included facts about events they would be one paragraph long. It’s one of the reasons people only read headlines because there is little of consequence within.
What do you do to be involved in the community?
In general, due to my poor language skills, I don’t do much but I do consider that being a teacher is bring involved in the community. I hope to encourage these students to be the best that they can?

I took this picture because Cap was laying down with his tongue sticking out for some reason! He seems very happy.

When All Else Fails – 1st February 2023

February 1, 2023April 10, 2023 ~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s a new gun in town
Throwing weight around
Scared of the open gate
When all else fails….escalate!
So diplomacy has failed
The ship of peace has sailed
Not gonna sit around and wait
When all else fails….escalate!
There’s a plan in place for winning
A great reset, a new beginning
The hawks will thrive on hate
When all else fails….escalate!

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and content
Today I’m grateful for:
The small teacher’s room that I’m able to use for my students to come and read, practice and discuss things. The room has, at times, been full of equipment, junk and other teachers. It is now quite clear of things so I’ve taken advantage of its availability.
The best thing about today was:
As mentioned yesterday I was frustrated with one class and had an idea for today which involved using the teacher’s room. Instead of standing at the front of the class and instructing I started by asking the students to recall things we’d discussed this week on the topics of hobbies and clothes. I then split them into five groups and asked each group to come into the teacher’s room where we first discussed the activities they enjoyed or found boring and secondly to discuss what they thought about school uniforms which they got more animated about. They used a lot of Thai and I used a couple of the top students to help translate but a few of them were also able to articulate their thoughts in English too. It went well for all five groups and I think everyone enjoyed this approach. I only wish it was possible to carry out classes like this all the time.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Despite my best efforts to keep food and drinks (except water) out of my classroom students still smuggle them in and left a lot of garbage and spilt drinks today. I handled it by cleaning up a little and thinking about how to make it better in future.
Something I learned today?
I watched a documentary about Paulo Coelho and wondered if I would like him in person or not. I’ve only read one of his books so far and enjoyed it a lot but I was thinking if this person was explaining similar things in direct conversation then would I react the same way? Maybe I find it difficult to separate the words from the personality in conversation. I find the spoken word can be overbearing whereas the written I can ruminate on without other influences involved. I know some people in my life have given me their wisdom in conversation and I initially rejected it because of other things about them. It’s all a reminder to find my own way and that even the worst of people can offer useful words sometimes. Take it all in and filter out what I don’t need.
What do you love most about yourself?
I’ve recently been looking at my diary from 1981 and see comments like ‘I am great’, ‘I will win’ etc and it reminded me of the positive attitude had towards myself at that time. That was all well and good but I never learned how to deal with failure properly which was part of my downward spiral in the coming teenage years. I was even conscious of it at the time but didn’t know how to manage it. Anyway, these days I am more confident again, with occasional lapses, and feel pretty good about myself most of the time. I love that I still have the determination to improve myself and not rest on my laurels.

I took this series of pictures because I was trying to capture the beautiful sunrise this morning as it was happening. It never looks as good in a photo but I wish I could’ve sat and watched it for longer but I had to get to work.

It’s Not Football Anymore – 27th January 2023

January 27, 2023March 7, 2023 ~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

No more beers at half time
Or a quick drag on a fag
Now it’s all about advertising
The game has become a drag
No more fat moustaches
Or divots on the pitch
Now it’s all about the money
And seeing who can get rich?

Today I’m feeling:
Tired and dizzy. All the medicine has fought off the pain and cold but now I feel like a chemical cesspool. I just want to sleep until tomorrow and stop taking medicine so that I’ll be recovered by Monday.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to fall back on online games like Kahoot to fill my student’s class time so that I could come home and rest more.
The best thing about today was:
Reading lots of comics in bed as I dipped in and out of sleep this afternoon. I’m catching up on old 2000AD annuals and specials so that I’m in the same time frame as the weeklies where I’m approaching issue 1000. Not even halfway through! Maybe I will finish reading in another ten years.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The one class I did have this morning was poorly attended and the students were in a lively mood, to say the least. I set a writing task about what they did this week and just went around helping them find the right words and grammar. It was interesting to have so few kids in the class for a change and it changed the dynamic a lot but still, a group of 12 and 13-year-olds together are going to be a handful.
Something I learned today?
I watched YouTube videos of Yan (Little Chinese Everywhere) in Turkey and Stamp Fairtex (Thai MMA fighter) in the US and there are so many interesting places in the world that I would like to see. But why does it feel like the world is fragmented and angry?
How can I rest or relax more often this year?
If I rest or relax anymore this year I’ll stop moving. I think I’d like to rest less and be more active.

I took this picture because it’s almost impossible to not take a picture when faced with this scene as I step out in the morning.

Not Fake, Fake – 12th January 2023

January 12, 2023March 7, 2023 ~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A wife beater
A woman hater
A grinning smile
A facade facile
Every inch a man
God his creator
A good woman down
A demonic clown
A greasy spine
A shiny veneer
A bondaged mind
Soon left behind
A final punt
A decade gone
An unbecoming end
Not even a friend

Today I’m feeling:
Tired yet satisfied
Today I’m grateful for:
Pure Bliss Kratom for getting back in touch with me so I can order from them again. I tried to order a couple of weeks ago but they had run out of packaging.
The best thing about today was:
Getting everything together for my work permit and giving it to Nancy. Not as difficult as doing my visa but still used to stress me out. Now it’s become more familiar and feels more comfortable. I was still glad to get this part done though. Next step is to take it to the department of employment and hand over money!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Two students asked to skip my class today to practice more for sports day. Eventually I said yes but knew that other students would then assume it was ok not to come and sure enough that’s what happened – the usual suspects. Again, it made for a quieter class so that was a benefit. I marked those students absent so they will have to figure out why their grades suck at the end of the semester. Talking with David I can feel he is frustrated by the lack of discipline at the school, not just students but with teachers too. He’s not so comfortable with the lack of structure and I get the feeling he might quit soon. I can definitely feel my attitude has changed since I started teaching and also feel I may not be able to teach anywhere else after this. I mean, I’d have to teach properly!
Something I learned today?
Southampton beat Manchester City 2-0 which was a surprise. That will please my old friends back in Southampton.
What are your two favourite places to be?

Home
Anywhere else
It’s here or there.
Do people have favourite places to be? I like to be in the place where I am.
Maybe I could say this:
Inside the body of a lover.
Inside the mind of a lover.
Or
Standing in front of a maelstrom of music that is blissing me out
Lost in the words of a meaningful story.
I guess there have been certain places in the world that hold a special meaning but they are not particularly places I would go out of my way to go to again. Certain places that were special because of a romance can never be visited the same with a new romance.
Maybe I could say
Secondhand book shops and libraries
Secondhand music stores
Yeah, I think that works.

No special picture taken today. This is one of Rich and Steve at Steve’s wedding that Rich posted online in commemoration of Steve’s passing in late December. Baby faces, amazing to see again.

Distracted – 10th January 2023

January 10, 2023March 7, 2023 ~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Distracted by all the screens
Triggering more dreams
Trying just to do
Distracted again by you
An hour as a minute
There’s no way to spin it
Things ain’t gonna get done
When distracted by more fun
Distracted by dumb emotions
And ridiculous devotions
Chasing the sublime, absurd
Distracted by every word
No doctor claimed ADHD
Because the things distracting me
Are distracting everyone
No one’s getting things done
Now normal is distraction
Five seconds of satisfaction
Distracted to even complete

Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed again
Today I’m grateful for:
To the traffic warden waving my offer to pay away as she crossed the road. I think she guessed I wasn’t staying long as I parked across a driveway and a no-parking zone. This is Thailand!
The best thing about today was:
Today has been consistent, maybe average you might say. Nothing stands out yet all the little wins were pushing the way to the positive. I like days like this.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Some students didn’t come to class and I got told that one of them got hit in the eye and probably the others thought they could slouch off and give her comfort. They soon appeared in the playground after class and I contemplated railing on them but decided not to. They got marked absent on the system so I don’t need to care any further. Though I would prefer them to do the right thing, pushing too hard can have a detrimental outcome.
Something I learned today?
I learned about an author I’d not heard of before called Fernando Pessoa and a book he wrote The Book of Disquiet. It sounded very intriguing.
What’s your favourite feature on your smartphone?
I guess the camera as I generally use it more often than other generic smartphone things. I barely use the phone anymore to call people. I suppose FaceTime and iMessage are standard features on this phone and they get used daily to video call and text with Amy.
If it came to apps I would go for Day One journal where I’m writing this and Stitcher for listening to podcasts which I do on my drive each day. LINE is probably my most used app as that is what we use for communications in our classes.

I took this picture because here’s the worst camouflage cat you’ll ever see. I think that’s why he doesn’t go outside much and doesn’t often bring us ‘gifts’

Wide-Eyed Wonder – 5th January 2023

January 5, 2023March 7, 2023 ~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Sophistication overcame impulse
Now I’ve learned too much
Buried beneath all the study
I started losing touch
Days of concentration
Lost in a world surreal
Never more sure of anything
Never scared to feel
Dig down to the core
With the passion of a child
Days of wide-eyed wonder
When I only ever smiled

Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed enough and happy. Still a little tired from lack of sleep but not enough to get me grumpy.
Today I’m grateful for:
My late students who I locked out of class. Without them the room was quieter and more manageable and I could tell the students who were there were happier too. I’m also grateful to Anchan, who seems to have become the head of the class (which she deserves as she is more mature than the others and also more outgoing), when she confirmed to their homeroom teacher that those kids were very late and always disturbed the class.
The best thing about today was:
Not sure if was the best thing but it was funny. AimAem wasn’t in class on Tuesday and today I asked her where she was and she said she was in Bangkok. I gave her an incredulous look and jokingly asked why she didn’t invite me. She talked into her phone to translate but all her friends heard her and burst out laughing. She showed me the translation which said ‘unimportant person’ I cracked up too and pretended to be upset. Everyone was happy.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
About 8 students were late for my afternoon class and when they came I’d already started the class and I told them they were too late and to leave. One of them messaged me later asking if I was upset with them as I told them I wasn’t. I told them it was their choice when to come to my class but if they are late they may miss out and the choice was theirs.
Something I learned today?
In Lithuania people don’t usually say hello to each other. I’m not sure I will ever need this information but it did stand out in a blog post I read. The thing is that they then said that they themselves did usually say hello to people. I think people in general aren’t going to say hello to everyone they pass. Nods of acknowledgement happen over time and can develop into greetings. In general I think Australians have been the friendliest people I’ve met.
What are your family’s top 3 favorite meals?
We really don’t have favourite meals as a family. Beyond Amy and I we rarely eat with the extended family and for us both we often end up eating different dishes. One thing we do like to have together though is Sichuan hotpot. Homemade is best in Chiang Rai but Sydney had many good options and obviously China and Sichuan we’re the absolute peak but I haven’t been there with Amy yet.

I took this picture because these are Amy’s famous cinnamon scrolls. She made three batches for Utopia and each time our house filled with delicious perfume. Finally she made a batch for me and her friends to eat too!

Baited For The Bite – 28th December 2022

December 28, 2022February 7, 2023 ~ tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When the rain pours
Is it angry at man?
The anger addict shouts
At all the clouds he can
Looking for a reason
To again raise his voice
Practice becomes instinct
The anger addicts’ choice
Upset by words written
Baited for the bite
The anger addict screaming
That he is always right
Finally, breath runs out
Wasted time disappeared
No one ever listened
As the anger addict feared
Proved himself correct
With nothing left to say
Quietly, proudly satisfied
Happy in his own way

There is no complete life. There are only fragments. We are born to have nothing, to have it pour through our hands.
James Salter

Today I’m feeling:
Happy
Today I’m grateful for:
Dutchie, JubJib, Sheena and Khet for working hard to organise a fun lesson (scavenger hunt in the park opposite the school) for the last one of the year for their class. They even pushed me along to get going with things today. They all learned a lot about organising and planning and how throwing a bunch of people of students into the mix will likely fuck up those plans!
The best thing about today was:
The happy faces of the class when I told them we’d be doing the rest of the class in the park. They didn’t know what to expect but they were surely not disappointed when I told them to put their books away!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As usual, these will be my classes. I think outside of those there wasn’t anything really exciting that got too wacky. In my 2/7 class Gun became particularly annoying and instead of confronting and escalating further I just tried to ignore him and dobbed him in to his homeroom teacher. I like Gun even though he’s crude, rude and lazy but he stops other students from learning and that’s something I can’t accept.
Something I learned today?
I learned that tomorrow I have to wake up at 5 am. I know that other information entered my brain today but it’s shoved somewhere at the back and right now, getting up early is what’s on my mind as I’m laying here in bed wondering when I might actually fall asleep!
Add a photo that makes you smile every time you see it.
Our first king-size mattress. It would be a while before we got a bed. Either way, Amy made claim on her part of the bed immediately.