Tag: exercise

What’s The Point Of Your Third Eye When The First Two Are Blind? – 13th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Standing in the garden at night
Looking up at the brightest star
The darkness blankets me in comfort
I cannot fathom where you are

I’m just beginning my investigation
An infinite universe to explore
I’m not afraid of this vagueness
It’s what every idea is for

It’s a new way of seeing
A view of the world with open eyes
No limits to where I roam
With childlike wonder and surprise

Repressed ideas often leak out
But they no longer make me afraid
I challenge myself for the pleasure
Of this wonderful life I’ve made

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy got up with me this morning to join my abs workout. It was tough for her.

The crappy TV break yesterday was less than crappy. It was perfect.

I watched some YouTube videos and some Trailer Park Boys. I dismissed TPB when it first aired because it wasn’t laugh-out-loud funny, just amusing stereotypes at play. After 15 years, I decided to give it another shot and I’m glad I did. One thing I like about it is the appearance of how much fun they must have had making it. I’m very curious what these people are like in real life but I don’t want to find out yet, that would spoil the illusion for me.

The environment for the setting of the show reminds me so much of when I used to visit Turlin Moor with Justin and, occasionally, Rupert and Jeremy. Looking back, that place was scary. Turlin Moor was an area in Poole where recently released convicts were rehoused. Needless to say, not many had been rehabilitated.

I don’t really remember how often I went there but it was enough to feel somewhat welcome and protected. We hung out at a family house. A mother (Pam) with two kids and then all the other wastrels hanging around. There was usually 10 to 12 people lounging around the living room.

I never went on my own, always with Justin, though I may have stayed there overnight sometimes and Justin went to his home, which was within walking distance.

Friendly though the people there were, they weren’t always the brightest sparks and trouble was never far away. I managed to avoid getting involved and just relished this little family community that accepted anyone.

My other main watch this weekend was on YouTube, where I discovered someone had uploaded the Sensational Swans video. Something I’d been trying to find since its release in late 2005. It was available to buy from the Sydney Swans website but I didn’t want to pay full price for it and hoped it would turn up in the video store and I could just rent it and rip it. I did that with the release of the Grand Final from that year but the Sensational Swans was an hour and a half review of the whole season. In comparison the final was not so excting.

Anyway, watching this on the weekend got me wound up. Remembering names and goals and faces but the best/worst things was feeling the tension watching the little game reviews, even though I already knew the result.

I love watching the AFL and the Swans (when we play well). I’m excited for the coming season already.

Puddle – 8th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Hug me gently but without pity
I may fail these tests once more
Explain it all for me yet again
And tell me what I’m doing it for

I wasn’t great at being a teenager
And I’m a pretty flawed adult too
I’m a babbling paralysed 54-year-old toddler
Still figuring out what to do

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy likes to do some traditional things like have a Christmas tree and lights. If I was by myself, I wouldn’t bother and I do appreciate that it looks nice.

Pushed myself to get out of bed this morning and do my killer abs routine. It’s hard and I still don’t have the muscles to do a full sit-up. Maybe one day. A few years ago, Amy would jokingly show me pictures of buff 50-year-old men and I would dismiss them, thinking about chilli and beer! Now I’m 54 and losing fat. Can I be buff? I’d just like to be fitter and have a little more strength to support my aching bones. Getting up at 6.10 am on these cold days is a challenge!

I forgive myself when I fail but I now savour these days of feeling good and remind myself that to feel like this I have to do the work.

I’m learning more about myself every day.

I’m lazy and hardworking.

I’m quiet and loud.

I’m sad and happy.

We are all full of contradictions and realising it, accepting it, is bringing more contentment to my life.

Let’s enjoy it.

We got that attitude! – 3rd December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to have a sleep-in this morning. I could have gotten up but the cold and my tiredness drew me back to my dreams. I’m lucky to be able to afford the time to do that.

I enjoyed my sleep so much last night that it kinda scared me. I was so deep and down in my dreams every time I woke up, I wondered if I had died. The pull was compelling.

I didn’t get up with my alarm because of this and because it was damn cold too. Getting up early during the winter is tough. I’ll have to push on through if I want to maintain my exercise routine. Not helped by the fact that next Monday and Friday are holidays.

Two classes this morning and I relaxed a bit with the students in anticipation of their laziness for next week. I can adjust my lessons accordingly. I have to teach Na again for an hour tomorrow and I’m really not sure what to do with her yet. Maybe some preference questions and philosophical style work that require a little more thought. I’ll figure it out in the morning.

I want to get more writing entered to the blog too, change my room again, listen to more music, watch less TV, do some other exercise while it is cooler.

Terminal Diagnosis – 2nd December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s the one prophecy that never fails
To take the wind out of your sails
Forgotten by distraction, the world it passes by
There’s no escaping that you are gonna die

Every second that’ll never be repeated
This diagnosis cannot be defeated
Today is the day to stop pretending
And live your life because it’s ending

21st Jun 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our washing machine that can fit a doona inside. Needed today as Tigger peed on Amy’s last night.

I was super tired last night and got into bed at about 6.30 pm. I read for a bit and then slept and slept very well, even when Amy woke up and turned the light on as Tigger peed on the doona right next to her head! I don’t know why he pees everywhere at random times. If there is something wrong, he doesn’t show it. He’s really happy most of the time, with us at least.

He fought with Kim Chi a few days ago and was having a go with Cap yesterday, too. Usually, if we see something starting, though, it seems to be Cap that starts it. He’s stupid like that! Tigger is much bigger and stronger.

Two good classes this morning and I will only do a little easy work tomorrow in preparation for a 3-day week next week. Thailand certainly enjoys its public holidays.

I’ve become involved in helping Champ with plans for the students to do a TED Talk video. I’m not sure what it involves just yet but I think it’s good to be asked to be involved. It’s a little bit of a show thing and I would prefer just to be encouraging all students to put in more effort day to day.

I’m feeling ok, though I may flake out again early tonight. I’ve been getting up a little earlier and I realise that my morning exercise has moved up to about 30 minutes from the ten minutes or so when I started doing this. I feel good after exercise and I’m definitely working off the weight but I will need to find a better balance and increase my food intake again.

Apart from breakfast, I generally only eat lunch and then snack on nuts in the evening. I’ve managed to push my lunch until 3 pm, so I have two long periods with no food intake. Just water and coffee between breakfast and late lunch.

The abs routine is getting tougher but I struggle my way through and don’t feel inclined to give up as I may have done in the past.

A Madness Of The Impossible – 1st December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The very essence of my soul betrayed
No knowledge may heal the wound I made
In this fog, there is nowhere to be or go
I just can’t forgive myself I’m afraid

Misery and self-loathing bedevil my days
A madness of the impossible Derrida says
The radical act of self-forgiveness so
Absolve yourself, you must find the ways

Inspired (and butchered) by a reply to a letter to Nick Cave at The Red Hand Files newsletter
and submitted to Thursday Inspiration #246

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that our cats seem to have recovered. Cap from a bad stomach and Kim from wounds after a big fight with Tigger. Tigger has been very well recently though his fur is starting to make him look old.

I was planning to do some preparation and reading and writing this afternoon but Fui brought his teenage son and daughter to House and I ended up talking with all of them for most of the time! Fui’s kids study in Singapore, and have done for many years. I’m not sure why and didn’t ask, but it’s interesting to get their perspective on things especially as English has become their first language.

My one class this morning was with 2/11 and it went well. I got them more involved by helping me to learn the Thai words for all the English vocabulary that I wanted them to remember. So, I’m feeling good.

A rest day from the abs workout. I can feel that there is less fat on my chest and my ribs are becoming more visible. I like this healthier me. As with anything, I should’ve started sooner. I’m still thinking about that time of brushing off Rupert when he started lifting weights at school. I was all about smoking and drinking. I was lucky that my metabolism sustained my skinny body into my late 30s and only the beer started sticking on my hips.

OK – back to it. More free time tomorrow afternoon to finish off this preparation.

Weight: 76.6kg
Resting heart rate: 47

When Karlotta Died – 20th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Gunter IV owned a mansion
Overlooking the Biscayne Bay
Stands to make 30 million
When it goes on sale today

Eight bedrooms to sleep in
Whilst watching the morning fog
It’s ridiculous to consider
That Gunther is a dog

The rich staying rich is so easy
Even a dog could do it
He doesn’t even live there
And somehow I already knew it

Based on this story

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my abs. They hadn’t been used for many years and now I’m making them work. I think they can remember what to do.

I could die right now, sitting at my chair, as I continue to sort through music files to listen to as I have been doing for year after year. Listen, listen, keep or delete, listen later – maybe later never comes, it doesn’t matter. I enjoy the process. It keeps me occupied with something I enjoy, even if it is endless, somewhat mindless, essentially worthless to anyone but me. I dig it. Twenty million hours of music in a digital library. Keeping obscure and weird tunes in the unconscious conscious minds.

I don’t give a shit what you think. I don’t care if you are pretending to be friends with your acquaintances, if that’s what you wanna do. Your judgment, as mine, is irrelevant. I’m with my people. My singers, guitarists, drummers and whatever. I’m at the club of my dreams, surrounded by the people I love, doing what they love.

I upgraded my guitar playing and have also figured out this app, Capo, that gives you the chords for any song file you have, so I’ve been trying to play along to some Crane, Superchunk and Mudhoney. I don’t know what I’m doing but it’s fun.

I talked with Amy’s student, Na, this afternoon as part of her class. We talked so much that we went an hour over time. She was nervous at first but settled in and I could feel she was happy by the end, especially when she said ‘I want to talk!’

Damn! The enthusiastic students make it all worthwhile.

Out Of The Fire – 8th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Brother and sisters
Our differences are an illusion
To overcome our tribalism
Is the one correct conclusion
The madness of our tribe
Forbids us to belong
Our cooperation and spirit
Forge us together as one

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that my body had the strength to make it through my 30-day lose belly fat workout, even though I only did half of the last day as it has been two weeks since I was sick since I did day 29.

Once again, after a week of opening the school, 11 cases of Covid have been discovered in students. This time though, it appears that the school won’t return to fully online. Just the classes with the infected kids will study online for two weeks. That seems OK but I can’t imagine that there are not going to be more cases, identified or not. None of the classes I teach have a problem but both George and Dylan taught students last week who are now infected.

I sent a message to George as soon as I heard but he didn’t even reply. So weird. As Dylan and Amy have said, he must really hate me not to even respond when I show my concern. Whatever. I will just carry on as normal. I can’t control his actions so I’m not going to get upset by them.

This morning I clocked in and pretty much came straight to House to sit and drink coffee. As I have planned for my students to do work this week instead of having classes, I don’t need to worry myself with arrangements. The only thing I have to consider is that my students motivate themselves to do their work so I will probably spend a fair bit of time chasing them up.

So this morning I caught up on a backlog of emails, Thai study app and wrote a couple of poems. I’ll do a bit of reading today too – The Tale Of Alladin, who I only just learned is actually Chinese.

Tomorrow I can start work on preparing more lessons for future 2/9 classes. I just hope that my classes keep coming to school on alternate weeks and not go back to fully online. I can adapt easily enough but I think everyone, students and teachers, prefer face-to-face teaching.

The Week That Was – 28th January 1979

Shadows – 1st November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

Within this oppressive system
The dividing line, it grows
The wealthy control the time
Whilst we’re living in the shadows

Try to climb this shit ladder
But the dividing line always grows
A blind eye turned towards
Those living in the shadows

How did it get to be
That the dividing line, it grows?
And the ninety-nine percent
Remains living in the shadows

There is no vision of caring
As the dividing line, it grows
The underclass just eats itself
Living in the shadows

The one percent destroyed the world
And the dividing line is gone
No one left to remember the names
Of the ones who claimed they’d won

Inspired by a classic late 80s Peter Milligan story ‘Shadows’ originally printed in 2000AD
29th Mar 2024 – Submitted to OLN 359 at dVerse

First day of the new semester and everything is the usual mess but I’m more used to it now and can accept it. Had a good chat with Champ in the afternoon about his beliefs about the future of Thailand. He isn’t happy with the current system but is optimistic about the elections next year. I don’t think it will be much of a change but I also can’t get a feel for the mood of the country.

I moved back into the teacher’s room and sat next to George again. He is still only politely communicating with me and won’t look me in the eye. What I have noticed more about myself is that the things that I read about stoicism and thinking, I’m always framing it into a comparison with me and George. He is good at many things that I would hope to emulate but I’m always classifying it as insincere when it comes from him. I don’t need to be thinking about how what I’m reading relates to him – I need to be concentrating on how it relates to me.

I do feel that I am behaving more as myself these days as opposed to trying to fit in with everyone there, to keep a good vibe. I don’t know how to describe this properly. The vibe is good as I am. I am polite and enquiring and take part in work discussions. I don’t, or no longer, really take part in what I guess could be called bonding exercises. I don’t really feel a need to bond with people on a superficial level. Playing Uno or Kahoot together is ok every now and then and maybe brings a good feeling at that moment but I feel like there’s no depth to it.

Sure, I may not be good at connecting deeply with people myself but I really detest the time wasted on superficial connections. I don’t want to be friends with everyone or care if people I don’t really like don’t like me either, but I will make the effort to make deeper connections with someone I feel great affinity with.

That’s difficult with this group of people due to language issues but I am interested in Champ’s values and thinking as he also seems to be interested in deeper concerns than having time for another round of Uno.

Have I talked myself around? Perhaps not yet. My thinking is something I’m still working on and something I will always need to work on.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the long sleep and pleasant dreams I had last night whilst it rained so hard.

Weight: 76.6kg
Resting heart rate: 52

Feed The World – 17th October 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s time to cut the lawn again
Pull out all the weeds
Time for regeneration
And sowing hardy seeds

Time to reevaluate everything
To see which way succeeds
Time to return to our nature
On which this family feeds

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to push through these last couple of days of sickness with diarrhoea and still be able to do my abs workout in the morning. I feel like I can see a little difference in my belly fat and shape.

Where Were You? – 12th October 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Hello, my old friend, where have we been?
I travelled around the world to see the things I’ve seen
The past is a cloaked memory yet difficult to forget
Here we are again with little time to be upset

All the hopes and dreams we shared, left along the way
Stuck in a nine-to-five, kids and rent to pay
Do we recognise each other with the words we are using?
No longer in need to win if one of us is losing

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the beautiful temperatures in the evening and morning. What a wonder this earth is.

When I got home yesterday, Tangmo slowly made his way over from his house. He looked so sad and we comforted him and petted him as he lay down on his side, not understanding himself what was wrong with him. Occasionally, he would raise a paw, like a request, ‘Please help me’. Amy shed many tears and we can’t help but share his sadness.

Yesterday I felt inspired to start writing about my 1979 diary entries (see link below) but today I feel tired in my brain. Perhaps I should eat some lunch and guzzle another coffee and come back to it.

I’m not even sure why I’m at school at the moment. We have nothing to do and I avoid people as much as possible, scared that they will give me something to do. I sit in my classroom just reading and writing.

My 30 day abs challenge got more difficult but I’m getting through it each time. I think that is tiring me out, though I can say that it also makes me feel good. Can this old body go for another 100 years?

The Week That Was – 7th January 1979