With the brightest smiles and feined sincerity that serves you so well As the bee flits from candied purple to butterfly blue You’re on your way keeping all that honey as stored ammunition
It’s Me
The facade crumbled the honey on my lips enlightened by my taste Poison to my senses the comfort of your nest no longer warms I’m on my way I’ll make space for the next fool you find
Can we grow? Help each other know The best is ahead; let’s just start with better It’s the knowing when to come and go Through thick and thin together
Twenty years with no exchange When we didn’t need each other Resumes without feeling strange Wherever you are, I’m your brother
Written for an AllPoetry assignment analysing friendship
Today I’m feeling:
Reasonable. I reluctantly got up with my alarm as my neck was sore but opted out of any exercise and after a shower went out for coffee. I wanted to be productive today so didn’t dilly-dally too much and when I got home I went to my room and caught up on some emails and a little bit of writing.
After lunch though I couldn’t help having a little nap but when I woke up I forced myself back out again to play some guitar.
The rest of the afternoon and evening have disappeared with some YT videos and helping some students with reading.
Today I’m grateful for:
Rain! Finally. Though it didn’t last much longer than 30 minutes and afterwards the humidity set right back in.
The best thing about today was:
Finishing my first erasure poem. The words came out well but the overall look is a bit messy. I need to study what others have done and get ideas from them.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I wanted to read more of my book today but watching videos won out.
Something I learned today?
There was a cosplay event at Central today. Baipad told me that she was going to check it out. She was a little disappointed that it wasn’t bigger but Chiang Rai is still a small city compared with Chiang Mai or Bangkok.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I took some of Amy’s cookies to Utopia for them to try. I didn’t think much of it at the time but when I stepped back in home Amy had already received a message from Art wanting to order some! Amy was convinced that I did it just to try and get her busy at home but I laughed and she was being good-humoured too.
Later in the afternoon, she started working out how much they cost to make and what she could sell them for.
I took this picture because our neighbours were chilling this morning.
In the maze presented ahead each day Unable to navigate true It is possible to get completely lost But there is always someone who Will find you and take you by the hand And guide you back to your bed A breadcrumb trail in the form of a friend Keeping you one step ahead
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed. Enjoyed a lazy sleep-in listening to the light rain outside this morning.
After coffee, I did some work and catching up on emails and then in the afternoon got sucked into watching music reaction videos.
Today I’m grateful for:
Quiet (as such). No one else around, nothing specifically to do, nowhere to be.
The best thing about today was:
I picked up my book to start reading at midday but then started watching videos and did a little weeding and tidying up in the garden (maybe 20 minutes max!) and it was about 6pm when I actually got to read!
I finished the chapter about Africa up until about the start of the Second World War and the rise of the anti-colonialist movements there.
Something I learned today?
Nicha sent me a heart message this morning. I’m assuming that means she’s doing ok.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent a follow-up message to Aida though don’t expect her to answer as she doesn’t usually respond on the weekends. I will try and talk some more with her next week though.
I also encouraged the students who did reading for me and that I listened to this morning. I love to see the kids improve their reading skills but it is definitely a chore to listen to the same text over and over!
Where can I hide from you? Your red and blue words cut Angel face, honest and true Harder to crack than a nut Where can I hide from me? My blue and red words cut My cave mind unfair, unfree Always stuck in my own nut All that glitters is not gold Our stories best left untold
Today I’m feeling:
Very relaxed feeling today so far. I feel like I got an unexpected holiday gifted to me.
Today I’m grateful for:
My curtains all around the house. Since Amy went back to Australia I keep most of the curtains drawn all day to try and stop the sunlight and heat getting in. I think in our next house we have to think more carefully about design to allow better airflow and insulation to keep heat out. If there ever is a next house.
The best thing about today was:
Enjoying all the things I was reading from Substack articles about events in China, Dave Simspson’s book The Fallen about ex-members of the Fall and Michael Parkinson’s biography about his interviews with Muhammad Ali.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I called Hayden today and he was feeling down about things. He complained about his friends and how he feels they are treating him and also that he was feeling lonely. I was a little stuck with what to say and ended up saying that me and mum were far from good examples on how to make and maintain friendships and I felt a bit apologetic towards him. I tried to generalize things a bit and tell him that we often don’t have any idea what other people are dealing with so we have to forgive them and at the same time, we also have to be kinder to ourselves. I’m still trying to understand these things so he shouldn’t beat himself up about not knowing the best thing to do. Although I couldn’t really help him at least he knows he has someone he can talk to.
Something I learned today?
I think I accidentally saw the result from today’s Swans match whilst looking around Youtube. I didn’t see a score but the picture and title were definitely pointing to a defeat. Oh well. I will still watch the match replay tomorrow morning and try and enjoy it!
What is my idea of fun?
These days I feel like I have no idea about fun. I’m happy and content but fun doesn’t play much of a part in my life right now. Perhaps the closest I get to the feeling is going on crazy bike rides or being with my students. I would love to be involved in concert organisation again but there’s just no chance of doing it locally and I’m slowly losing touch with what’s going on around southeast Asia too.
I took this picture as a follow-up to yesterday’s. It seems these flowers don’t burst open into bloom, they just wilt like this. They look like they are tired and gave up.
My body is a time machine My brain, it’s brain, it’s enemy Fighting against itself Today is another step in time A footprint in the snow Disappeared in its melt Yesterday, or nineteen seventy-nine A heartbeat never remembered A breath never recalled The curse of conscious man
A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions – as attempts to find out something. Success and failure are for him answers above all.
Friedrich Nietzsche
A pleasant day with coffee, cats, some weeding, some reading. I was pleasantly surprised to get a couple of hundred dollars from Bandcamp sales and now thinking about what to spend that on!
I talked with Hayden for 45 minutes about this, that and the other. He sounded pretty good, considering he has Covid. Just a little throaty cough.
I finished watching Trailer Park Boys and feel a little disconsolate that there’s no more. It’s easy to like the, somewhat detestable characters because they have a never-give-up attitude and always display their love for each other, through thick and thin. It’s interesting to consider their virtues/values hold them together, whilst others, of a supposed higher morality, often act quite the opposite, despite the words that come out of their mouths.
Amy was happy to be around her friends there today, comparing their positive attitudes with her childhood friends here. She feels much more connected in Australia. Her friends don’t do much to help themselves, in constant struggle and believing in prayers, temples and fortune will arrive if they just do nothing a little harder! We sigh.
I am not what I seem I have masks to protect you from me I stay alone in my house And it will this way forever be
I am simply understood Because I am a mirror in my ways Yet you should not trust my deeds Or my thoughts that reflect your plays
I hide from you my darkness My skies of purple shadow As you ascend yourself to Heaven It’s down to Hell that I go
Your steps are taken with caution Whilst my madness removes my care There’s direction to your movement But I feel it’s not going anywhere
My friend, you are not my friend But how shall I make you understand? My path is not your path Yet together we walk hand in hand
Inspired by a Khalil Gibran parable, with the last four lines lifted word for word. I found this short parable very affecting and particularly relevant to my thoughts on friendship.
25th Mar 2024 – Submitted to WDYS with the above picture prompt
I am so happy and grateful to Oasis restaurant for making yummy vegan food in Chiang Rai.
Tired this morning. When I got home yesterday, I brought my washing in, ironed 11 shirts, watered the garden and fed the cats. It was about 7pm by the time I sat down and relaxed. The woes of being a working house-husband! I also somehow got a cactus needle stuck in my foot, which would wake me in the night if rubbed the wrong way on the sheet and further worsened by having music on too loud in the living room, so when I woke up, I would listen and it took a while to nod off again.
Pompam from 2/10 tested positive for Covid yesterday, so hope it hasn’t spread in the classroom – though I want to catch it now – before the holiday.
Throw the ball into the air See what can go wrong Now we’ve got ourselves a game Make it up as you go along
That one doesn’t work Let’s think of a better one 10 points for creativity Even if it doesn’t last long
Experimentation makes the rules Cultures develop this way No one is better than another And who am I to say?
What a journey this life is! Dependent entirely, on things unseen.
James Baldwin
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be friends with Nong Art, who helped me order kratom online this morning, accidentally finding a cheaper option!
Chilled out yesterday, as the car service got delayed until next week and the so-called storm just produced clouds and a light cool rain for most of the afternoon and evening. Lovely just to hang with the cats, reading and watching TV.
I also roasted some veggies for a decent hit of carbs. I munched on the mushrooms and felt good, listening to Cardiacs at full volume but didn’t cross over into psychedelia. Never mind.
I feel great this morning, after a long, deep sleep. I think today will be more of the same relaxing.
Heartbreak is an old friend Let the constant struggle kill you Advice you don’t want to hear Will make your life’s meaning clear
This is a process, not an event Never gain what you wish for Make it clear in your mind There’s no thing for you to find
The poverty that I should be concerned and is the hardest for me, is that of giving up my own plans, ideas, opinions and dreams.
Vivian Warren
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to find the catch for my wallet. It was in the pocket of my purple pants.
We changed our beds around last night – another attempt to try and sleep without fucking up our necks. We flipped the mattresses to the hard side and my neck is pretty good but I woke up often having to switch sides as my down side armlost feeling. I switched a lot, though slept deeply in between.
Got up quickly and worked my legs – which was a little tougher than expected. Felt good afterwards though and threw in a quick meditation which I want to try and do every day again (school days anyway) but may mean getting up at 6 am and not 6.10 am.
Drove to school feeling good and grabbed coffee, listening to the No Means Nothing podcast where hosts analyse Nomeansno songs and it made me realise that they haven’t released an album in almost 20 years and that makes me consider what great music they have made as I still listen to it very often. I can feel more now that they don’t make me as depressed and negative as they used to, so perhaps it was the attitude that I was bringing to it. It made me think about how I have changed.
When I got back to school, George was by himself and I said good morning, to which he mumbled a reply. So I asked him why he doesn’t say good morning to me that set him off. Finally, he’s spat out his feelings, that he wasted his time with a friendship with me and that he has no need to be polite and communicate with me in anyway. He thinks I should be old enough to understand that no one likes me here and I should behave differently. He said he will not be polite with me as it would be fake and he is not fake. I almost choked when I heard that!
To be honest, I mostly just let him talk and just asked him to be polite to me but he continued to refuse. I said he can be polite with everyone else, so why not me? He believes that other teachers’ ‘good morning’s are somehow completely genuine with him. I can see his point of view but I won’t be rude to people, even if I don’t like them – that’s just disrespect.
He is arrogant (towards me at least) and I can feel that it wouldn’t take much for others to get on his wrong side. He’s not happy when people don’t do what he wants. It’s a conditional friendship in his favour, always. It really just confirms what his girlfriend, Bee, told us about him, and how he treated other people before too.
I’m thinking to move up to the Chinese teacher’s room if I’m welcome there – maybe no one likes me there too?
It was pretty exciting at the time all this happened but I didn’t feel upset and went off and had two great classes. Now, I’m in House, drinking coffee and just wanted to get this down. The dreaded Friday afternoon class with 2/10 looms – not sure what I will do with them today, yet. Hooray for the weekend!
I am so happy and grateful to Amy’s friend Baew who visited Amy yesterday and they took themselves out for entertainment. Baew is a good friend for Amy because they have similar ideas. Both are financially stable, much more than their other friends, so they can think about things on a certain level without getting criticism and envy from their other friends.
1994ever 