Tag: gratitude

A Meta Verse – 27th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Would you volunteer for a fatal addiction
To an electrical pleasure, brain implant
The sum of all pleasure, constant highs
A simple flick of the switch would grant?

Would you sacrifice your suffering
The demons and devils of your daily fight
The needles that give you balance
Just to die tomorrow in orgasmic delight?

We own our own minds – and together, we can take them back from the forces that are stealing them.

Johann Hari

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to watch my garden grow and change over time. It’s amazing.

A contrast of days for the weekend. Saturday was a fantastic day of reading in the hammock, reading in the living room, watching YouTube and Netflix, playing guitar and savouring every minute as they appeared to rush by because it was soon time for bed. What a great day!

And this morning I knew a guy was coming to fix the camera setup around the house. He was due between 9 and 10 and he actually made it on time. Excellent, I thought. Can be done by lunch time and can take Aing and Now off for lunch and furniture shopping that Aing wants for her new shop. Through various mess-ups and requirements, we didn’t get out until 4pm and there was nothing much I could do except to be patient.

I took them into town to a few shops and we were all so tired after an hour or so that we came back and then it was time to bring washing in, do some watering and feed the cats. No reading yet, no guitar, no TV yet, and it’s almost time for bed. Still, it’s good not just to be enjoying every day to the max. Setbacks come from everywhere and it’s a testament to the nevermind attitude of Thai people that often annoys the fuck out of Amy and me but must also be practised often in order not to go crazy. I still enjoyed my day.

The Scarecrow – 26th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

The crows are building
Nests under my hat
I’ve thought long and hard
About this
And I’m no longer scared
To be alone

Based on the titular Khalil Gibran parable. I found almost every one of his parables poetically inspiring. More coming, I’m sure!
8th Feb 2024 – Shared to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge Scary
2nd Nov 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – scarecrow

…a fraction of atoms cohered into the elements necessary to form the complex structures necessary for life…the tiny improbable fraction of a fraction of a fraction with which we have the perishable privilege of contemplating the universe in our poetry…

Maria Popova, paraphrasing Alan Lightman

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have discovered Khalil Gibran’s parables and to be inspired by them.

Where Go You, My Friend? – 25th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 12 Comments

I am not what I seem
I have masks to protect you from me
I stay alone in my house
And it will this way forever be

I am simply understood
Because I am a mirror in my ways
Yet you should not trust my deeds
Or my thoughts that reflect your plays

I hide from you my darkness
My skies of purple shadow
As you ascend yourself to Heaven
It’s down to Hell that I go

Your steps are taken with caution
Whilst my madness removes my care
There’s direction to your movement
But I feel it’s not going anywhere

My friend, you are not my friend
But how shall I make you understand?
My path is not your path
Yet together we walk hand in hand

Inspired by a Khalil Gibran parable, with the last four lines lifted word for word. I found this short parable very affecting and particularly relevant to my thoughts on friendship.

25th Mar 2024 – Submitted to WDYS with the above picture prompt

6th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Reena’s Xploration Challenge #346

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Oasis restaurant for making yummy vegan food in Chiang Rai.

Tired this morning. When I got home yesterday, I brought my washing in, ironed 11 shirts, watered the garden and fed the cats. It was about 7pm by the time I sat down and relaxed. The woes of being a working house-husband! I also somehow got a cactus needle stuck in my foot, which would wake me in the night if rubbed the wrong way on the sheet and further worsened by having music on too loud in the living room, so when I woke up, I would listen and it took a while to nod off again.

Pompam from 2/10 tested positive for Covid yesterday, so hope it hasn’t spread in the classroom – though I want to catch it now – before the holiday.

Choose Your Hurt – 24th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Do you believe you are hurt?
Did your mother rush to your side?
Pause, just for a moment
Just enough time to decide

A scraped knee from a bike fall
Or spiteful words screamed in hate
The response is always a choice
Is it a pain you can bear to take?

The bleeding body is real
But other situations require more thought
Are you just responding this way
Because that is all you were taught?

In my heart I laugh at thy love. Yet I would not have thee see my laughter. I would laugh alone.

Khalil Gibran, Me Friend

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my mobile app trainer who reminds me to be grateful every morning that I work out.

I slept long last night, catching up. I couldn’t even read a page of a comic. I had music playing softly in the other room and occasionally stirred to some weirdness, finding my ears.

Felt good after some ab workout and ready for the day. As it’s the end of the semester in a couple of weeks and with the past two weeks being a write-off, the kids keep asking for free time. Weirdly, I think some of them don’t really want the free time, they just don’t want to think. But when they actually sit and start working, then they are very capable. I feel on a roll with my classes – all planned and primed. The good students understand the method, the bad students fall away, and know to be quiet.

Yesterday, I logged into my teacher’s Facebook account to find a message from Boss in 2/9. He was in the class I taught about sexual abuse but we also discussed emotional abusea and his message certainly indicates that this is happening to him at home. His English is poor so it’s difficult for me to talk to him and try to help him. I’m glad he felt comfortable enough to confide in me but now I’m not sure what to do. I’m talking to Amy and Champ, without giving his name away. I hope he can overcome this lack of care at home. No one deserves that.

Under Cover – 23rd February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Well, what is it? We don’t know
Is it even within our control?
Like electricity, yet without flow
What is this thing we call a soul?

Based on a Ray Charles quote

The slickest way to lie is to tell the right amount of truth – then shut up.

Jubal, Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have 5 minutes each morning to meditate. It’s difficult to control my thoughts but this exercise helps.

Last night I remembered I had weed tincture in the fridge. I’d forgotten all about it. It was a big jar – could probably last 3 or 4 months. And I dropped it on the kitchen floor, smashing the glass and spreading beautiful green oil across the room. It was so surreal – I just stood there. Many high nights disappeared into the soon-to-disappear paper towels. I’m not sure if it was connected but I didn’t go to sleep until late, reading comic after comic. My mind was awake, possibly reeling.

I woke this morning, up and at them, workout, feed cats, shower, muesli and yoghurt, drive to work, sign in, go for coffee. I met Fui, whom I hadn’t seen for a few weeks and he talked about his orchids blooming at his place. I had also noticed my orchids blooming in their pots, though now I’m thinking about moving them into the tree as Fui has them.

Back to school for an easy lesson with 2/11 (grade 8), discovering Natali has moved schools. After almost two years, unable to speak any English, I noticed last week she was able to finally say something coherent to me! And now, she’s gone!

It seems Boss will leave at the end of this semester too. The class will be down to just 15 or 16 students next year! I hope I can teach them. Even with a couple of annoying and lazy students, that number is great! As ever – let’s see.

The kids didn’t want to study but I made them – in a relaxed manner. I let them eat and take their time and maybe a couple learned something. I was going to go to the hospital to get my toe checked out but considering I may be waiting all afternoon, I decided to come home instead. Great!

I finished off moving stuff from my room into the living room and digging it this way right now. Can read a book, email, listen to music, play guitar or watch Netflix – all in this one room again. Amy won’t be happy – haha – but she’s not here!

Mouth Closed – 22nd February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

How arrogant to believe you know it all
The possibility of knowing more has gone
Today is another first step on this journey
Hands, heart, ears, head and mind open

Nothing will deflate your inflated self faster than living in a foreign country. Being an outsider reveals your most fundamental traits – flaws and all.

Shanna Trenholm

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the sounds of crazy music around me every day. It makes me smile.

Last night just disappeared, though I took a couple of nice photos of our trees and the thundery purple skies. No rain came though and hopefully today I can do some washing.

Amy has been away for about three weeks now and seems to be exhausted from travelling around. The thrill of being back in Australia has worn off a little bit now, so we’ll see where things go from here. She’ll possibly start working next week and is still looking for a new place to live.

Whilst in Adelaide, she very much enjoyed being there and got a few ideas for wanting to stay there in the future. Jess will look to buy a house and Amy would live with her. This isn’t likely to happen just yet, though. Maybe next year. I’d be OK in Adelaide again, I think. It’s nice enough there, though last time I could feel that I was only in transit, knowing that I would be leaving. As usual, let’s see what happens from here.

I saw this question posted on Quora and wanted to use it as a prompt. What are five reasons that people should not date you? Someone had answered the question but I didn’t find the answers very satisfying so I’m wondering how I would answer the question, and also assuming that I was single.

Why would this question even be asked? I mean, to yourself? Because the question uses ‘people’, it seems to include everyone but in trying to answer the question, you would really be stating that some people should not date you.

Imagine you wanted a partner or to go on a date, would you lead with, if you are like this or that kind of person, then don’t bother?

Perhaps I’m reducing the question further – what is a date? Have I ever been on a date? What’s the expectation with a date? For a while, I was meeting many different people through a dating agency. Sometimes, the feedback I got was that my tattoos were unacceptable to some people. I told the agent to tell the prospects that I had tattoos. So, perhaps my first answer could be, don’t date me if tattoos are unacceptable.

Meeting those people wasn’t really a date, though. I guess you could call them a coffee date but really, they were just introductions.

Don’t date me if you want children. I’m past that now. So, that could be number two.

Actually, I can’t imagine finding a new person to be with. I’ve sometimes thought that if anything happened with Amy and me, there are a few old female friends I might talk to and approach about a relationship. However, I have no idea what would be in their minds.

Being with Amy has really seen me become the person I want to be. Is that person acceptable to someone else? Is it worth the effort to adapt to a new partner or just easier to remain single? I think I could easily add another three answers along the lines of don’t date me if you want money, if you want an active, clean partner and house, if you don’t like cats and those kinds of things.

Well. This question has inspired more than I expected.

Sylvia’s Door – 20th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The world dies each time I close my eyes
And born again when I open them once more
Yet I treat this miracle with little surprise
As if knowing what lies beyond each door

Over today’s painting I’m filled with pride; it will be equalled by tomorrow’s despair over the very same pictures.

Rockwell Kent

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to see little (fat) Kim Chi running around our house and going crazy, just like a good healthy cat. She’s so happy.

The Stolen Masks – 19th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

I cursed the thieves the night my masks were stolen
Yet I found the freedom of loneliness a blessing
Now I was safe from ever being understood
Those who would enslave, now forever guessing

And so I became a madman as I let go my masks
When the sun kissed my face, I found my belief
*But let me not be too proud of my safety
Even a thief in a jail is safe from another thief

*Inspired and pilfered from Khalil Gibran’s parable ‘The Madman’
17th Apr 2024 – Submitted to WDYS

You cannot define a person on just one thing. You can’t just forget all these wonderful and good things that a person has done because one thing didn’t come off the way you thought it should come off.

Aretha Franklin

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have found my regular breakfast of yoghurt and muesli. My modern version of cornflakes and milk.

Yesterday was such a fantastically relaxing day to savour that I didn’t have the urge to write anything here. I went to school in the morning, half-expecting a repeat of Thursday but it was apparent that the feeling was not the same. Some teachers tried to keep the energy up and there were some performances for anyone interested but in general, the kids were bored and sprawled around the floors, glued to their phones.

I wandered around from basketball to volleyball to football and even the few kids around were saying, ‘come on, let’s go home.’ Time for me to leave too, and as I went back to my car, I found other teachers doing the same. This is my school life? I won’t complain but if I were a parent, I wouldn’t be happy and if I were a studious type, I wouldn’t either. I love teaching with the kids or being at home but I don’t enjoy just wasting time.

I contemplated going back in the afternoon just to show my face but I was so happy at home, I quickly gave up on that idea. Right now I’m sitting in the Nissan dealership expecting to wait a couple of hours whilst they do some work on the car. I came prepared with laptop and books.

The Seven Selves – 18th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I divided myself in seven ways
Separating each part contained within
And so then each in turn displays
A rebellion against the others begin
Baring madness, laughter and pain
Loving, sadness, hunger and labour
All combined to make whole again
In a happy submission to each neighbour

Based on a Khalil Gibran parable of the same title.

Better to be tempted and resist, than be disappointed.

Jubal, Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the fun I had yesterday at Sports Day. It was very pleasant and the time went quickly.

Go Deeper – 17th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Stepping into traffic is a foolish test
There are too many variables to control
A longer vision would be for the best
And more satisfying for the soul

Instant reward carries too much risk
All can be lost on a second spin
Life is a long time to exist
And goodness lies deep within

We receive three educations, one from our parents, one from our school masters and one from the world. The third contradicts all that the first two teach us.

Baron De Montesquieu

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I have no classes for the next two days and should be able to find some free time for myself.

The first of two sports days today and this morning was really enjoyable, mostly hanging out with my students as they too wandered around not really knowing what to do. I sat and watched the green team play football and win the game on penalties, with my old student Sila being the hero of the day.

Watching the kids play soccer made me remember my own time of doing it every weekend for my old school team. I’m sure we were as bad as the teams I watched this morning but we were all having great competitive fun.

I’ll pop back in after having coffee but probably leave early and go shopping and then home!

I’ve had to do some revision on unwanted thoughts. Over the last six months or so, I feel like a lot of my thoughts are comparing myself with George, thinking about his actions and my actions. Aware that they are both similar but wishing to side with myself to satisfy my ego. I am hyper aware of faults, my own and others. But this is not productive for me. I don’t need to constantly compare myself with someone else to make myself feel better. I know what my good points are (and know there are things that I could improve should I wish to). I’m not out to win any popularity contest. For me, it implies mediocrity and too much insincerity. I understand that others may not feel this way.

Anyway, I know I am hard-working for the things I believe in and ambivalent about things that don’t currently hold any interest for me. I know that some of those things may catch my interest later. I never thought I would enjoy learning about Macbeth for instance, yet that is what happened.

I am thoughtful. I like to think about things. I enjoy the process. It’s my method to achieve a deeper understanding. I am quite introverted and I am super content in my own world. I love people yet don’t want to be so close to them. I am connected with people in my tribe, though that tribe seems to be shrinking as we grow older.

I am kind and helpful to the people I like. I am polite to the average people who don’t interest me and whilst I try to avoid the people I don’t like, I try to maintain politeness as much as I can.

I am English and have a deep-seated connection to that upbringing, despite my trying to counter it for much of the last three decades. Yes, I’m sarcastic but I try to keep that within the sphere of people who understand and appreciate that ie. with other British people. It’s how Dylan and I can communicate on a level that is not appreciated by some other English speakers. Aussies don’t get it much so I had twenty years adjusting myself. And most Aussies don’t udnerstand it all. That’s fine, so long as I can control myself. There are times, I know, that I can’t identify it, though.

What I’m saying is that I’m fine with me, the way I am.

I’m a father, trying my best. Sometimes it’s not good enough but it will never change the fact of what I am. I can still improve everything in my life but I also accept that I am doing very well right now and that must give me some comfort.

Never forget how good you are.